Working Moms...

[Angelwings36]

Blessedmess8 posted the following statement in the thread about ‘face time’ and it inspired me to start a debate on this subject.

I'll take this a step further and say I don't even believe women should have to work outside the home! I think it is unnatural for MOST women to have to divide ourselves between caring for our families and working. But, we do what we have to do, right?
Let’s think about this for a minute…

I get up at 6:30am every morning Monday through Friday. I spent an hour between 6:30am – 7:30am getting my home and myself ready for the daycare day. Right before 7:30am I get my 6-year-old son up for the day. From 7:30am – 8:30am I have all of my drops offs (normally 8 kids/day). In between answering the door and getting the children settled in I ask my son the following questions;

Can you please get dressed?
Can you please make your lunch?
Did you tidy your room?
Can you grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit and yogurt for breakfast quick before the bus gets here?
Can you put on your backpack, jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf, etc and stand at the door and wait for me to tell you, you can go to your bus stop?

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

My son typically gets home at 3:45pm. At which time I ask him to put all of his stuff away and have an afternoon snack. By the time he gets back into the daycare it is 4:30pm and he is helping me clean things up for the day and playing with the kids while I answer the door. In no way is he getting my undivided attention and even though I try to ask him how his day was, what he did, etc… I rarely get a full sentence answer from him before I have to jump up and attend to a child or answer the door again.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

When my door closes at 5:15pm for the day I am typically asking my son to please get on your jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf etc… because now we have to go run errands. We spend the next hour or two in Wal-Mart (daycare supplies), Safeway (groceries), home depot (renovation needs) or at the gym where my husband and I have a 12-month membership. We normally grab something to eat on the way to run or errands or when we are done.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

Normally we get home between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and we typically have shopping supplies to still put away. This gives my son enough time to have a bath, for me to read him a book and then he gets tucked into bed.

MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF QUALITY FACE TIME?

On the flip side…

If my son was under the age of 5 and still in my daycare on a regular basis I would be able to offer him divided face time and he would accumulate more quality face time with me in one day.

If I was a SAHM…

I could spend the first hour of my son’s day with him helping him get ready and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention.

I could get all my house errands, chores, etc… done during the day while my son was at work.

I could spend the 1.5 hours after school with my son talking about his day and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention until my husband got home.

My whole family could have a family meal almost every night.

I would have at least 2 extra hours (after supper time) to spend quality face time with my son and my husband.

With two parents working outside and even inside the home it is virtually impossible to give children the amount of ‘face time’ that they should typically be getting each day. Running a daycare and a having a school-aged child puts me in the same parenting category as a mother who works outside the home. The added downfall…I have home errands, daycare errands, daycare paperwork and daycare prep to do almost every night.

Do you agree that a mother working out of the home or in my case working in the home while raising a school aged child is unnatural. What are your thoughts, opinion, and experiences with this subject?

Thanks.

[blessedmess8]

(That was actually my quote.) So, I agree. Whew! Bout to open a can of worms here!! I didn't mean a woman SHOULDN'T work. I guess my point is this: Like it or not, politically correct or not, we women are, the majority of the time, the nurturers. So, if we are trying to make a living plus be the glue for our family, it is just HARD! Now that my oldest two are school age and in sports, it is even harder to juggle it all. It is a lot of pressure. But, we can't survive on my husband's income, alone. My hubby is a lot of help, but I still feel like SO much rests on my shoulders and like there just is never enough of me!

[Angelwings36]

(That was actually my quote.) So, I agree. Whew! Bout to open a can of worms here!! I didn't mean a woman SHOULDN'T work. I guess my point is this: Like it or not, politically correct or not, we women are, the majority of the time, the nurturers. So, if we are trying to make a living plus be the glue for our family, it is just HARD! Now that my oldest two are school age and in sports, it is even harder to juggle it all. It is a lot of pressure. But, we can't survive on my husband's income, alone. My hubby is a lot of help, but I still feel like SO much rests on my shoulders and like there just is never enough of me!

Oh geeze I'm so sorry I edited!

[MyAngels]

I think in an ideal world, women could do what they want to do, rather than what they have to do in order to survive.

Some women really want to work and have a career. I respect that, and I think that it can work. I have had daycare moms over the years that have proved it.

Some women really would rather be stay at home moms and wives. I respect that, too, and wish it were a feasible alternative for every woman who really wants to do it.

I was caught in the middle - I wanted to be the stay at home mom, but could not afford to do it in those early years.

I tried to be available to my kids as much as possible through the years, and owning my home daycare allowed that. I needed to be super organized to do it, but I managed it.

It's a tough world out there for families right now, and I sympathize with every mother or father who are not able to make the "right" choice for themselves and their families.

[daycare]

(That was actually my quote.) So, I agree. Whew! Bout to open a can of worms here!! I didn't mean a woman SHOULDN'T work. I guess my point is this: Like it or not, politically correct or not, we women are, the majority of the time, the nurturers. So, if we are trying to make a living plus be the glue for our family, it is just HARD! Now that my oldest two are school age and in sports, it is even harder to juggle it all. It is a lot of pressure. But, we can't survive on my husband's income, alone. My hubby is a lot of help, but I still feel like SO much rests on my shoulders and like there just is never enough of me!

I cried this weekend for this very reason.
I feel there's not enough of me.

[blessedmess8]

I cried this weekend for this very reason.
I feel there's not enough of me.

Been there! And time goes by so fast. so far the home daycare has been the "best" solution in most ways. And, that feeling is the reason I don't mind going the extra mile for my families here and there.

[boysx5]

I know I don't spend enough time with my kids and when I can its either I'm driving them somewhere. I feel like no matter what job you have there is never enough hours in the day to be the perfect parent

[DaycareMama]

I stress about this every day! Daycare is HARD WORK! Even my youngest one who is in my daycare does not get enough "face time" from me. I actually think that she ends up with the least attention. What kills me the most is that NO ONE realizes that but me. The parents and even my husband don't see it as it really is..... Just like the original post.

I have not read the Face time original thread yet.... but i am heading to that one now!

Would it be wrong to show the parents something like the this original post so they could understand that just because your doing "home" daycare doesn't mean that you are "home" for your children ?

[sharlan]

Ladies, face it, we don't live in an ideal world, but we do live in the real world. As wives, mothers, we do what we have to do in order to take care of our families.

I would love to go back and do some things differently with my daughters, 32 & 34, but I can't. I have to do the best that I can do today, let whatever go overnight, and start anew tomorrow and do the best I can do.

[DBug]

I'll be completely honest here and just say it: I think "face" time is overrated. There, I said it .

The way I see it, having daycare kids around is just like having extra children of my own. My boys can't have "face" time when I'm giving my daughter a bath. They need to learn to wait (or I multi-task ). It's the same with the daycare kids around. I can't really initiate conversation with my own 3 after school because I have to watch the dc kids outside while pick-up is going on. But today my son came out and sat on the step beside me and told me all about his day while I kept an eye on the kids. Our kids and husbands have to learn at some point that they can't have us all to themselves ALL the time. They have to share with each other .

But here's the thing: as dc providers, we're present all the time in case something really important does come up.

Taking your son to run errands is part of life, and he's living it with you. No, you're not maintaining constant eye contact and hanging on every word you say, but you're still living life together. You're probably talking most of the time you're out, and if he really has something he needs or wants to tell you, you're there to hear it.

What I would be more worried about is the parent that runs all of their errands alone, picks up their child, plunks him in front of a tv with food, then tucks him into bed with very little to no actual interaction . THAT's the mom that should feel guilty.

[Cat Herder]

IDK, My family gets up at 5 has breakfast together stress free, get's ready for the day, then one of us drives them to school by 7:50 (unless they choose to catch the bus at 7 to chat with/tutor a friend).

Then the kids have from 4-6 for homework and chores while I finish getting the littles out the door. 6pm is family dinner followed by homework checks, making lunches together and cleaning up the kitchen together.

Occasionally there are concerts, recitals, etc.... I can attend them all . Sometimes we go for walks, leaf looking, yard ball etc. until showers and bedtime at 9pm. (right now they are gluing family tree collages for school in the playroom)

I homeschooled them until junior high very easily and they transitioned into advanced placement classes seamlessly. I honestly have not missed anything. THEY wanted to go to school so they could do clubs and social events. It is not mandatory so they LOVE it.

Home daycare has been the absolute BEST fit for us. Every job has it's benefits and disadvantages. It is about making the best of it.

[mom2many]

My children are 25, 22 and 20 and I started doing daycare when my oldest was just 6 wks old. I remember all too well the struggles of juggling a family and a daycare career.

I would have loved to have the luxury at times to concentrate 100% on my own kids, but I feel my job truly benefited them in many respects. They had to learn responsibility and independence (I couldn't do everything for them and I know I would have tried!) There were crazy mornings getting them dressed and fed, while welcoming families in the morning and then making sure they got off to school on time! They learned quickly to get ready and cooperate!

The afternoons were also busy making sure homework was completed and providing snacks, while caring for others too. All 3 of kids were involved in sports or dance, so they knew they needed to get their homework done in order to go to these activities. Consequences played a part in making sure they got it done.

My saving grace during this time was that I was only licensed for 6 and I had to include my 3 in this number until they turned 10, so I wasn't caring for a bunch of other kids too...usually only 2 or 3 others.

This income helped supplement our family when my husband was out of work and in between jobs and made a huge difference. It was a sacrifice at times, but overall it was a blessing and my kids learned a great deal from the experience.

The dcks were always considered part of our extended family and my kids formed wonderful friendships with many of them, that they still have today.

I think it would be AWESOME for all kids to be home with a parent, but for those that cannot do this, I try to my best to offer the kind of daycare, that I would have wanted my own children to have.

[Kaddidle Care]

This is why I work at a Center and only when my son is at School. Several days a week I get out early and can get whatever shopping done before he gets home.

I don't make much money - it's our fun money - our pizza money. But every little bit helps.

Prior to my children reaching SA I did do some Childcare. I never sought it, I was approached by a neighbor who's child was in another home childcare situation and the Caregiver's child was a wild one and their child was getting rather beat up over it.

I've never watched more than 2 children in my home besides my own children. The FT child had Teacher Parents and the other was only a couple of hours before Kindergarten.

You have to do what works for you and sometimes it takes a bit to find the right match.

If I started a Home Daycare in order to stay home with my child and realized that because of it I had no time with my child, I'd be pretty upset too.

[cheerfuldom]

This is just reality for most people. There is no realistic ideal that can be reached. you just get as close to it as possible and pray for everything to turn out. there are plenty of times that i doubt my current choices (including home daycare) but it is what it is. I hope I am making the right choices and that my kids turn out okay. there would be just as many dilemmas if i worked outside the home or even if i was a SAHM.

[jessrlee]

Blessedmess8 posted the following statement in the thread about ‘face time’ and it inspired me to start a debate on this subject.

I'll take this a step further and say I don't even believe women should have to work outside the home! I think it is unnatural for MOST women to have to divide ourselves between caring for our families and working. But, we do what we have to do, right?
Let’s think about this for a minute…

I get up at 6:30am every morning Monday through Friday. I spent an hour between 6:30am – 7:30am getting my home and myself ready for the daycare day. Right before 7:30am I get my 6-year-old son up for the day. From 7:30am – 8:30am I have all of my drops offs (normally 8 kids/day). In between answering the door and getting the children settled in I ask my son the following questions;

Can you please get dressed?
Can you please make your lunch?
Did you tidy your room?
Can you grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit and yogurt for breakfast quick before the bus gets here?
Can you put on your backpack, jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf, etc and stand at the door and wait for me to tell you, you can go to your bus stop?

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

My son typically gets home at 3:45pm. At which time I ask him to put all of his stuff away and have an afternoon snack. By the time he gets back into the daycare it is 4:30pm and he is helping me clean things up for the day and playing with the kids while I answer the door. In no way is he getting my undivided attention and even though I try to ask him how his day was, what he did, etc… I rarely get a full sentence answer from him before I have to jump up and attend to a child or answer the door again.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

When my door closes at 5:15pm for the day I am typically asking my son to please get on your jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf etc… because now we have to go run errands. We spend the next hour or two in Wal-Mart (daycare supplies), Safeway (groceries), home depot (renovation needs) or at the gym where my husband and I have a 12-month membership. We normally grab something to eat on the way to run or errands or when we are done.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

Normally we get home between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and we typically have shopping supplies to still put away. This gives my son enough time to have a bath, for me to read him a book and then he gets tucked into bed.

MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF QUALITY FACE TIME?

On the flip side…

If my son was under the age of 5 and still in my daycare on a regular basis I would be able to offer him divided face time and he would accumulate more quality face time with me in one day.

If I was a SAHM…

I could spend the first hour of my son’s day with him helping him get ready and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention.

I could get all my house errands, chores, etc… done during the day while my son was at work.

I could spend the 1.5 hours after school with my son talking about his day and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention until my husband got home.

My whole family could have a family meal almost every night.

I would have at least 2 extra hours (after supper time) to spend quality face time with my son and my husband.

With two parents working outside and even inside the home it is virtually impossible to give children the amount of ‘face time’ that they should typically be getting each day. Running a daycare and a having a school-aged child puts me in the same parenting category as a mother who works outside the home. The added downfall…I have home errands, daycare errands, daycare paperwork and daycare prep to do almost every night.

Do you agree that a mother working out of the home or in my case working in the home while raising a school aged child is unnatural. What are your thoughts, opinion, and experiences with this subject?

Thanks.

I disagree...

I read an awful lot here that is CHOICE. You can choose to budget your time however you like. If you really are shopping every night, you might want to make a list and run errands on the weekend. If you are eating on the run every night, you may want to cook at home and save money, have good quality family time, and plenty of face time around the table. Daycare paperwork and prep work could be juggled to naptime, free play, or early morning. Does your son join you in gym time? If not could he have quality time with Dad when you go? Could you do family walks, bike rides, sports instead?

I feel like the "well life would be perfect if I could be a stay at home mom" deal is annoying. You CAN be a stay at home mom if you and your spouse choose. You (just like our mothers and grandmothers before us) just need to make sacrifices to make it happen. You might not have a dishwasher, or great clothes, or lattes, or fancy cars, or trips. If you choose to work to have those things then feel blessed that you CAN work to live and enjoy your life. I choose to work so I can afford my lifestyle.

I have made every effort and sacrifice to make sure my daughters have as much mom time as they want. That mom time is usually a group thing. My daughters have been taught the patience they need to be able to wait, AND my littles know they might need to be patient too.

Here is my daily schedule, maybe it will help you?

5am- wake shower dress
530am- first dk kid arrives and lies down ( I make my breakie, check and return email, do FB, do MB, play farmville, start and fold a couple of loads of laundry, Put dinner in the crock pot on tues and thurs etc.)
7am I wake DD DH and the 6 dck sleeping, DD gets ready for school, makes her lunch, and has everything ready for me to check. ( I am feeding everyone breakie, and doing hair, greeting the rest of the arrivals)
7:45am DD and school agers to school
8:20am Pre-k kids to school
11:30 I start lunch during free play, get anything chopped for dinner that I need, take out meat to thaw on mon and wed
12:30 NAPTIME Finish and laundry that needs doing, chill out, paperwork, tidy up the daycare for the night
2:30-3 wake up, diapers, get shoes on and go outside, my assistant arrives
3:15 school agers home DD sits beside me and we go through her backpack together, I sign her planner, we go over homework and her day while everyone else plays. DD has snack with us and then does her homework at the outdoor table.
4-5:30 kids are picked up. DD plays with the school ages, finishes her homework, or goes inside to watch tv and chill
5:30 I finish supper, DD sets table and gets drinks, we sit down with the remaining 4 dck
6:30 DD does the dishes, we chat while I put away leftovers and then she does her 30-60 min daily reading. (Tues she has violin so this is the time she does homework)
8pm DCK in jammies and sleeping, DD is usually watching tv or playing
8:30pm DD in bed, Hubs and I watch a movie together or he plays on the computer while I read, scrapbook, or putter around the house.
11:30pm dck's are picked up. We head to bed.

Saturdays we do errands as a family with lunch after (If we have plans DH does errands THurs or Fri evening sometimes with DD) Sunday is church and then we go on social visits. We do see friends or the grandparents and have lunch. Sunday evening is figure out your own dinner night, and entertain youself night. Sometimes we go bowling or to the movies.

I think our kids get way more than enough parent time, and remember if you are busy or need a break DH is just as much a parent as you are. He can supervise homework or showers while you chill, or do the errands while you finish cleaning and supper. My relationship with Dh is great when I lean on him a little and ask him to join in. Friday night is Dh cooking night. Sometimes we get takeout, sometimes frozen pizza, sometimes he really goes all out and makes amazing meals. It doesn't matter. It is the best night of the week for me, he has to do all of the planning and figuring it out. (At first supper was late because he would forget so we would have to order pizza. I had a great attitude about it, and now he really tries to do awesome on his night )