Working Moms...

[justgettingstarted]

You CAN be a stay at home mom if you and your spouse choose. You (just like our mothers and grandmothers before us) just need to make sacrifices to make it happen. You might not have a dishwasher, or great clothes, or lattes, or fancy cars, or trips. If you choose to work to have those things then feel blessed that you CAN work to live and enjoy your life. I choose to work so I can afford my lifestyle.

I find this EXTREMELY annoying. Why does everyone think that if you are working outside the home you wear expensive clothes and drink lattes? I don't have/do any of the things you listed, I sacrifice a lot and there is still absolutely no way possible for us to live on just my husbands salary. He is college educated and has a good job but its just not enough. I hate this assumption and this lecture (which I have heard MANY times).

[jessrlee]

You CAN be a stay at home mom if you and your spouse choose. You (just like our mothers and grandmothers before us) just need to make sacrifices to make it happen. You might not have a dishwasher, or great clothes, or lattes, or fancy cars, or trips. If you choose to work to have those things then feel blessed that you CAN work to live and enjoy your life. I choose to work so I can afford my lifestyle.

I find this EXTREMELY annoying. Why does everyone think that if you are working outside the home you wear expensive clothes and drink lattes? I don't have/do any of the things you listed, I sacrifice a lot and there is still absolutely no way possible for us to live on just my husbands salary. He is college educated and has a good job but its just not enough. I hate this assumption and this lecture (which I have heard MANY times).

I agree, it was heavy handed of me. My point is that the things we want most in life are the things we work the hardest and sacrifice the most for. I do however belive that if what you want most is to be a SAHM there is a way. In many cases it could take a lot more sacrificing than someone would want. My grandmother raised 4 kids in a two bedroom house with no dishwasher or microwave and they had to eat from a large garden and eat fish grandpa caught. It is possible, it just might be bare bones. I don't know what you wear/ drink/ do. I do belive with every fiber of my being that we have a lot more "necessities" than previous generations. I'm sorry that I offended you.

[Kaddidle Care]

I find this EXTREMELY annoying. Why does everyone think that if you are working outside the home you wear expensive clothes and drink lattes? I don't have/do any of the things you listed, I sacrifice a lot and there is still absolutely no way possible for us to live on just my husbands salary. He is college educated and has a good job but its just not enough. I hate this assumption and this lecture (which I have heard MANY times).

I wear bleached stained clothes and oooh! My Boss treated me to a cuppa Dunkin Donuts Coffee yesterday! :: I think it was my 2nd one this YEAR. Latte? Every day? Mmm I don't think so.

I stayed home when my kids were little and it COST me about $10,000.00 per year to do it. (I'm still paying for it but I think it was worth it.)

My Mother stayed home and never worked. Nor did she drive so we were a 1 car household which in itself saves oodles of money. It WAS a very different time then and cost of living was much lower. We also didn't have as much STUFF as we do nowadays.

If you can stay home and watch a few children while you're at it. Great!

5:30 AM to 11:30 PM? No way! Not here! You're not getting enough sleep dear and it's going to burn you out. I wouldn't work those hours for triple digits.

[iheartkids]

I stress about this every day! Daycare is HARD WORK! Even my youngest one who is in my daycare does not get enough "face time" from me. I actually think that she ends up with the least attention. What kills me the most is that NO ONE realizes that but me. The parents and even my husband don't see it as it really is..... Just like the original post.

I have not read the Face time original thread yet.... but i am heading to that one now!

Would it be wrong to show the parents something like the this original post so they could understand that just because your doing "home" daycare doesn't mean that you are "home" for your children ?

I almost wrote a post about his exact same thing! I am trying so HARD to give my DS that extra added attention because I feel like I messed up with my DD. But is it wrong to give your child extra attention in front of the other kids? When my DD was young I worked in a center where I went above and beyond making sure she was treated equally and not favoratized. Not so much for the kids but so I wouldn't hear the whispers from the other staff like they often did with the "teacher's kids". Now I regret that! I regret not showing my EXTRA love to her during work hours and I feel she was penalized for this. So I want to be different with my young DS as I do home daycare. I will still show the other kids love and affection, but I promised I will give him just a tad extra!

And I agree with the OP, my kids don't get my undivided attention at night. But when I do have time to give where is my DD? Usually outside playing with the neighbor kids and she gets angry every time I pull her away to have family time. And when I do cook dinner it is like pulling teeth to get them to sit at the table. When they do it is like shoveling the food in their mouths so they can jump up and go back to what they were doing leaving me usually finishing by myself and cleaning up.
And now with technology the way it is everyone is fighting over the computer. Me=facebook, DH=car forums, DD=games/music. About the only time the laptop is not open is when we are all sitting watching the same show on tv. So I guess that is modern family time? :confused:

There are not enough hours in the day to get the housework done I would LIKE to get done, be able to having "teaching time" with my kids, run errands and have fun family time (plus baths and bedtime routines) before 8:00 at night. I don't care what kind of job you have.

[MommyMuffin]

Been there! And time goes by so fast. so far the home daycare has been the "best" solution in most ways. And, that feeling is the reason I don't mind going the extra mile for my families here and there.

I completely agree. I have this picture in my mind of how I wanted my life to be spent. I wanted to raise my own children, spend quality time with them. Go to bible studies during the week, attend open gym and teach her to kick a ball, visit museums, paint, spend lazy days, but most of that cannot happen unless it is crammed into the weekend.

But daycare is the next best thing to what I wanted. I suppose it is God's will that I do this because I have been praying to be a SAHM since i found out I was pregnant the first time.

I dont mean to talk bad about SAHMs who dont do daycare but I really dont understand what they have to complain about.

[melskids]

Blessedmess8 posted the following statement in the thread about ‘face time’ and it inspired me to start a debate on this subject.

I'll take this a step further and say I don't even believe women should have to work outside the home! I think it is unnatural for MOST women to have to divide ourselves between caring for our families and working. But, we do what we have to do, right?
Let’s think about this for a minute…

I get up at 6:30am every morning Monday through Friday. I spent an hour between 6:30am – 7:30am getting my home and myself ready for the daycare day. Right before 7:30am I get my 6-year-old son up for the day. From 7:30am – 8:30am I have all of my drops offs (normally 8 kids/day). In between answering the door and getting the children settled in I ask my son the following questions;

Can you please get dressed?
Can you please make your lunch?
Did you tidy your room?
Can you grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit and yogurt for breakfast quick before the bus gets here?
Can you put on your backpack, jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf, etc and stand at the door and wait for me to tell you, you can go to your bus stop?

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

My son typically gets home at 3:45pm. At which time I ask him to put all of his stuff away and have an afternoon snack. By the time he gets back into the daycare it is 4:30pm and he is helping me clean things up for the day and playing with the kids while I answer the door. In no way is he getting my undivided attention and even though I try to ask him how his day was, what he did, etc… I rarely get a full sentence answer from him before I have to jump up and attend to a child or answer the door again.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

When my door closes at 5:15pm for the day I am typically asking my son to please get on your jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf etc… because now we have to go run errands. We spend the next hour or two in Wal-Mart (daycare supplies), Safeway (groceries), home depot (renovation needs) or at the gym where my husband and I have a 12-month membership. We normally grab something to eat on the way to run or errands or when we are done.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

Normally we get home between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and we typically have shopping supplies to still put away. This gives my son enough time to have a bath, for me to read him a book and then he gets tucked into bed.

MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF QUALITY FACE TIME?

On the flip side…

If my son was under the age of 5 and still in my daycare on a regular basis I would be able to offer him divided face time and he would accumulate more quality face time with me in one day.

If I was a SAHM…

I could spend the first hour of my son’s day with him helping him get ready and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention.

I could get all my house errands, chores, etc… done during the day while my son was at work.

I could spend the 1.5 hours after school with my son talking about his day and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention until my husband got home.

My whole family could have a family meal almost every night.

I would have at least 2 extra hours (after supper time) to spend quality face time with my son and my husband.

With two parents working outside and even inside the home it is virtually impossible to give children the amount of ‘face time’ that they should typically be getting each day. Running a daycare and a having a school-aged child puts me in the same parenting category as a mother who works outside the home. The added downfall…I have home errands, daycare errands, daycare paperwork and daycare prep to do almost every night.

Do you agree that a mother working out of the home or in my case working in the home while raising a school aged child is unnatural. What are your thoughts, opinion, and experiences with this subject?

Thanks.

i'm not into the whole work or no work debate. but i can tell you what works for me.....

personally, i dont like to call it "face time" but rather, being IN THE MOMENT.

whether we work, or stay home, there are always things we have to do, no matter how hectic or not our schedules are. its called life.

i sacrifice some sleep and get up at 5 every morning.

i make sure i'm ready and the DC is ready before my kids get up (i usually prep dinner now as well)

quite honestly....any early drop offs free play before my kids go to school. yes i "watch" them, and make sure they are safe, but my mornings are spent getting my kiddos ready for school. sure, i'm nagging my younger one to brush his teeth and get his bookbag, but i am just being with him in the moment. be glad its still YOU telling him to get ready, and not a provider somewhere else.

i spend the day with my DC kids, offer a full day of activities and curriculum, and manage to multi-task most chores so they are done when the last kid leaves for the night.

when my kids first come home, again, i'm here for them. they could be getting off the bus at another daycare, or worse, coming home to an empty house. sure, they have to share me with other kids, but i make it a point to talk to them, to really listen, and to be in the moment with them. 5 minutes of undivided attention is better then a whole day of only half heartedly paying attention. I schedule free play during this time as well. the DC kids will survive without me entertaining them every moment of the day.

when the last DC kiddo goes home, we do homework and eat a home cooked meal. i feel this IS face time with my kids. homework and eating is a part of life, and we do it together. we are in the moment together as a family. some of my best memories as a child are helping my mom get dinner ready. no one ever said "face time" meant playing what your kids want to play with every moment you are with them.

we dont do alot of extra curricular activities during the week. each of my boys in only in one activitiy at a time. talking to my boys while driving to these activities IS FACE TIME. there are no cell phones or ipods for distractions. we are in the moment.we have lovely conversations in the car, they tell me about their day, things they want to do, exciting news that has happened, etc.


i get up at 5 on saturdays too. sure i'd like to sleep in, but cleaning and errands are done before my kids even wake up. in the event that i do have to drag my kids on errands, again, we spend time TOGETHER doing them. i see nothing wrong with taking your child to the grocery store and spending FACE TIME with them while youre there. teach them to find the best deals and nicest produce. teach them about money and how to budget. talk about recipes you want to cook together while you shop.


i know moms who work full time and manage to spend alot of "face time" with their kids.

i also know alot of SAHM's who always seem to be "too busy" to pay attention to their kids and miss alot of opportunities to be in the moment with them.

my mom was a SAHM with me, and 10 years later when my sister came along, she was a full time working mom. neither my sister or i are better off from one another. same mom, always in the moment, with different ways of getting in her "face time" with each of us.

[blessedmess8]

I don't think the OP's point was to say that being an in home child care provider is bad. I think the point she was making is that even though she is at home, she is still working! And illustrating the point that it is hard to be a working mom and feel like you are giving everything you should to your own kids. I feel like home daycare is a huge blessing! I have relished getting to be at home with my youngest from birth, being here when my older kids get off the bus, not having to find Summer/holiday care for them. We are making sacrifices for me to do this. I have a college degree and could probably make more $ elsewhere, but this is the best thing for our family, aside from me staying at home and us living in a van down by the river! I love what I do, actually, but there is always a give and take! I do feel like I miss more with my SA kids. I TRY to get all the chores done during the day so I have nights/weekends for MY family. Sometimes I hit the mark, sometimes I don't. We all do what we can do and make the best of our situations. I think her point was to say: Man. Being a working mom isn't ideal, is it??

[MyAngels]

i'm not into the whole work or no work debate. but i can tell you what works for me.....

personally, i dont like to call it "face time" but rather, being IN THE MOMENT.

whether we work, or stay home, there are always things we have to do, no matter how hectic or not our schedules are. its called life.

i sacrifice some sleep and get up at 5 every morning.

i make sure i'm ready and the DC is ready before my kids get up (i usually prep dinner now as well)

quite honestly....any early drop offs free play before my kids go to school. yes i "watch" them, and make sure they are safe, but my mornings are spent getting my kiddos ready for school. sure, i'm nagging my younger one to brush his teeth and get his bookbag, but i am just being with him in the moment. be glad its still YOU telling him to get ready, and not a provider somewhere else.

i spend the day with my DC kids, offer a full day of activities and curriculum, and manage to multi-task most chores so they are done when the last kid leaves for the night.

when my kids first come home, again, i'm here for them. they could be getting off the bus at another daycare, or worse, coming home to an empty house. sure, they have to share me with other kids, but i make it a point to talk to them, to really listen, and to be in the moment with them. 5 minutes of undivided attention is better then a whole day of only half heartedly paying attention. I schedule free play during this time as well. the DC kids will survive without me entertaining them every moment of the day.

when the last DC kiddo goes home, we do homework and eat a home cooked meal. i feel this IS face time with my kids. homework and eating is a part of life, and we do it together. we are in the moment together as a family. some of my best memories as a child are helping my mom get dinner ready. no one ever said "face time" meant playing what your kids want to play with every moment you are with them.

we dont do alot of extra curricular activities during the week. each of my boys in only in one activitiy at a time. talking to my boys while driving to these activities IS FACE TIME. there are no cell phones or ipods for distractions. we are in the moment.we have lovely conversations in the car, they tell me about their day, things they want to do, exciting news that has happened, etc.


i get up at 5 on saturdays too. sure i'd like to sleep in, but cleaning and errands are done before my kids even wake up. in the event that i do have to drag my kids on errands, again, we spend time TOGETHER doing them. i see nothing wrong with taking your child to the grocery store and spending FACE TIME with them while youre there. teach them to find the best deals and nicest produce. teach them about money and how to budget. talk about recipes you want to cook together while you shop.


i know moms who work full time and manage to spend alot of "face time" with their kids.

i also know alot of SAHM's who always seem to be "too busy" to pay attention to their kids and miss alot of opportunities to be in the moment with them.

my mom was a SAHM with me, and 10 years later when my sister came along, she was a full time working mom. neither my sister or i are better off from one another. same mom, always in the moment, with different ways of getting in her "face time" with each of us.

I'm pressing the Like button, very well said!

[Angelwings36]

I had to and am going to break this one apart. I commented in bold.
I read an awful lot here that is CHOICE. You can choose to budget your time however you like. If you really are shopping every night, you might want to make a list and run errands on the weekend.

If this were at all possible I absolutely would. However, in my world right now it’s just not a possibility. We are currently in the processes of renovating our whole basement due to the fact that it took on water this spring. This means at least 2-3 times a week we have to run to home depot to pick up something needed for the basement. It really doesn’t matter how much I try to grab on the weekend when we go there is always something more that is needed that we didn’t think of. Right now this is reality for me! I also have to run to the grocery store at least once a week, again, regardless of how organized I am we do run out of things sometimes faster than expected, milk especially. Daycare supplies are bought as needed (ex. If my printer runs out of ink and I need to print something by tomorrow we will be going for ink tonight. A playpen gets a hole, we grab one tonight). We only have one vehicle and I don’t drive so my husband and I run our errands together.

If you are eating on the run every night, you may want to cook at home and save money, have good quality family time, and plenty of face time around the table.

We eat on the run so we can eat at a decent time every night and so that we can get our ‘to do list’ done at a good time and still have some resting time left over. We have face time around whichever table we are at that evening; it doesn’t matter if we are at our own table or someone else’s table we still get to discuss our days and enjoy each other’s company.

Daycare paperwork and prep work could be juggled to naptime, free play, or early morning.

I run a full daycare (8 children/day), but currently have 13 contracts on file as I take in fulltime, part time and casual clients. Last week the daycare was exposed to the Coxsackie virus, which meant I had to write out notification letters, call/text/email clients and then do follow up calls with two clients that took their little ones to the doctor. I also updated my illness policy, which needs to be printed and handed to families to sign and then re-filed this week. I honestly could not cram something like that into my naptime and being that my naptime is my only break I do not think that it’s fair to my over all health to be working 10 plus hours straight with no down time. Although, I sometimes try to do half hour or so of paperwork during naptime, I do not always get it done and in my personal experience if I push myself to do it all and have no break I feel burnt out the whole rest of the day. I also need to be alert during free playtime, not concentrating heavily on paperwork. I also would not get up earlier than I had to, to do paper work as that would mean I would have to go to bed earlier and would miss even more awake time with my family.

Does your son join you in gym time? If not could he have quality time with Dad when you go? Could you do family walks, bike rides, sports instead?

My husband and I have a 12-month membership at the gym. We are each other’s work out partners. My son goes to the in gym childcare centre while we are doing our work out, normally lasting an hour or so at a time. Although I am not having quality face time with my son at this time I think we are teaching him a very good ‘health’ lesson that he will remember for life and hopeful learn from when he is older. Where we live we have winter for 8 months out of year so taking family walks, bike rides and doing sports would not be a year round option for us.

I feel like the "well life would be perfect if I could be a stay at home mom" deal is annoying. You CAN be a stay at home mom if you and your spouse choose. You (just like our mothers and grandmothers before us) just need to make sacrifices to make it happen. You might not have a dishwasher, or great clothes, or lattes, or fancy cars, or trips. If you choose to work to have those things then feel blessed that you CAN work to live and enjoy your life. I choose to work so I can afford my lifestyle.

In all honesty I find your comment ignorant and annoying as well. No, life would not be perfect as a SAHM but I would have far less to take care of in one day. I would only have to focus on my family and my house, instead of my family, my house, 13 other families and a daycare business.

On another note, my husband is a mechanical engineer technician and we could not survive as a family unit on his income alone. Our mortgage is a whopping $310,000.00 and guess what, that’s cheap for the area of the world that I am in. That also means that half of my husbands wage would go just towards the mortgage. Then there’s energy, power, water, phone, cable, Internet, truck insurance, life insurance, groceries, school supplies, clothes, housing necessities and so on and so forth. The only way that we could afford to live on my husband’s income alone is if we lived in the ghetto and honestly who would ever choose that life?

I have made every effort and sacrifice to make sure my daughters have as much mom time as they want. That mom time is usually a group thing. My daughters have been taught the patience they need to be able to wait, AND my littles know they might need to be patient too.

Here is my daily schedule, maybe it will help you?

5am- wake shower dress
530am- first dk kid arrives and lies down ( I make my breakie, check and return email, do FB, do MB, play farmville, start and fold a couple of loads of laundry, Put dinner in the crock pot on tues and thurs etc.)

I spend an extra 1.5 hours every morning sleeping, my body needs the sleep. I wake up at 6:30am. You also open your doors 2 hours earlier than I do.

7am I wake DD DH and the 6 dck sleeping, DD gets ready for school, makes her lunch, and has everything ready for me to check. ( I am feeding everyone breakie, and doing hair, greeting the rest of the arrivals)
7:45am DD and school agers to school
8:20am Pre-k kids to school
11:30 I start lunch during free play, get anything chopped for dinner that I need, take out meat to thaw on mon and wed
12:30 NAPTIME Finish and laundry that needs doing, chill out, paperwork, tidy up the daycare for the night
2:30-3 wake up, diapers, get shoes on and go outside, my assistant arrives

You have an assistant in to help you.

3:15 school agers home DD sits beside me and we go through her backpack together, I sign her planner, we go over homework and her day while everyone else plays. DD has snack with us and then does her homework at the outdoor table.
4-5:30 kids are picked up. DD plays with the school ages, finishes her homework, or goes inside to watch tv and chill

My daycare kids are all gone by 5:15pm, you literally have no choice but to be at home as you still have 4 daycare kids left in the evening.

5:30 I finish supper, DD sets table and gets drinks, we sit down with the remaining 4 dck

If you are eating on the run every night, you may want to cook at home and save money, have good quality family time, and plenty of face time around the table. Eating supper with 4 other daycare kids and my family does not seem like good quality family time, infact my husband and son would get VERY sick of this VERY fast!

6:30 DD does the dishes, we chat while I put away leftovers and then she does her 30-60 min daily reading. (Tues she has violin so this is the time she does homework)
8pm DCK in jammies and sleeping, DD is usually watching tv or playing
8:30pm DD in bed, Hubs and I watch a movie together or he plays on the computer while I read, scrapbook, or putter around the house.

I am in bed by 9:00pm on most nights that’s 2.5 hours before you are crawling into bed. I am a much more pleasant person to be around when I get a good nights sleep.

11:30pm dck's are picked up. We head to bed.

You run an 18-hour daycare day! I run a 9 hour, 45 minute daycare day. Your children literally spend all their ‘awake’ time during the week sharing you with the daycare children, my child gets almost 4 hours every evening a week where he is the ONLY child I have to attend to. In one week my child gets 20 more hours than your children do where he doesn’t have to share me with the daycare business. Although I spend part of this time on the run with my husband and my son I am still 100% available to my family and my family alone.

The day that I win the lottery I will become a SAHM and then I will be able to focus 100% of my energy on my family, my home and I will even have some time left over for myself. You cannot retire on debt and I highly doubt very many moms would choose to raise a family in the ghetto just so they could be a SAHM.

[Blackcat31]

Angelwings

I just have to comment that you asked for this thread to be a debate and now it seems as though you are angry that a poster who responded isn't agreeing with you. :confused:

I really don't want to get into this debate but I can say that I disagree with a couple of your comments and am kind of offended by one of your comments.

I also live where it is winter 2/3 of the year. We are outside anyways as a family. We snowmobile, ice skate, walk, snow shoe, go sledding, go for walks, etc. I have never belonged to a gym in my life. I have also done my workouts at home too, so I disagree that the gym time is a necessity. It is a choice. Yours to make and that is a-okay but it is a choice.

I also run a full time daycare. I have 12 full time kids and do ALL my paperwork during the 10 hours I am open. I am also a full time college student.

I make ONE run to the stores (grocery and big box) each week. I make a list and preplan. If my playpen gets a hole, it is temporarily repaired until I make my one run to the store. If I think I may ever run out of ink, I stock up in case I run out before that one run to the store. I buy more of things (just in case) so that extra trips are not necessary.

I am not currently doing a renovation, but I just completed building an entire home. My DH and I and our two children built our home from the ground up by ourselves. (We poured the concrete on October 1st and moved in on Easter Sunday.) We hired no contractors and did all the work ourselves in the evenings (very late sometimes) and on the weekends. (even during that crazy time, we still only went to the store once per week.)

We lived in a mobile home for 15 years while raising our children and saving every penny we could so that when we built our house we could do it on our own. I do NOT have a mortgage at all. We borrowed against our land and took out a home equity loan to build our home. It will be paid for in full in 10 years. It has been tax assessed at more than $300,000 and yet our payments are an amount that would make most of you gasp! (FTR, they are less than $500 per month). It is NOT located in the ghetto or in a seedy part of the community. I hated living in a mobile home and wished I had a bigger nicer home but it wasn't necessary to raise my kids or to make them feel that I loved them any less or more than I do now. It simply was what it was; a way to save money so we weren't in debt up to our eyeballs later. It was a choice.

You mentioned cable and internet in your list of bills. I have them too, but those are choices not necessities. We have no credit cards and do not buy anything without cash. We sacrificed so we did not have debt.

My husband and I are both self employed and by no means are we rich or even living comfortable at times. FWIW, my husband never even graduated high school so...

I get what you are trying to say but you have to be prepared for comments from people who disagree 100% with you when you start a debate about what is right or wrong about being (or not being) a SAHM. With that said I am not saying you are right or anyone else is either. I am saying we all make choices and we all prioritize what we feel is most important in our lives.

It seems the grass is always greener on the other side but in reality we all do what we feel is right for us. I agree with many of the statements jessrlee made as well as many of the statements that you and others posted. I disagree with just as many. The reason being that there is no one right way that fits everyone. We all do what works for us. Plain and simple. Just like being able to run our childcares the way we want we can parent our children the way we want. "Face time" has many definitions and it means different things to different people.

None of us lives the same lives with the same circumstances so for any of us to even argue about how we are or aren't doing it right is just plain silly.

[Angelwings36]

I did open this thread up as a debate.

I was simply defending my "lifestyle" and why I do things the way I do and that is why I responding to the one posters remarks about myself. I used my lifestyle as an example of how being a working mother either inside or outside your home is not easy and does take alot from the family unit. I realized at some point someone was going to pick me apart for it and I do have every right to explain why I do things the way I do.

Yes having a gym membership is a choice and it is the best choice for my husband and I if we are going to stay in shape and healthy. I get no motivation from working out at home and I would quit far before any home work out would show it's benefits. My family is also not an 'winter outdoor' type. We hate the cold, hate the snow and although you may enjoy those outdoor winter activities we do not.

That being said, I do not stock pile items like you do, I buy as I need.

As I mentioned the bulk of my after hour shopping right now is due to the home renovations and that should slow down some what within the next couple of months.

I was not upset with the poster for disagreeing in my theory I was upset that she picked my lifestyle apart and judged me without knowing any of the reasonings behind why I do what I do.

[jessrlee]

The only difference I see is that my family and I are happy with the choices I am making. I do work an amazingly long day, I work this long day to reach my goals in a timely manner. I have worked this schedule for 5 years and through 2 year long deployments where I had to do everything myself including the outdoor chores and the errands on weekends. I guess I'm just blessed with an amazing family that is willing to include the other kiddos in order to meet our financial goals, pay for college, have our nice house and new van, and so the kids can do their activities. They know that having a problem with my job will cost them all of the extras in life. I feel that learning to share time is an excellent lesson. We have all weekend for that very important one on one time.

I hope after your renovation things calm down a bit and you have more free time.

[Blackcat31]

Thank you ladies (jessrlee and angelwings ) I knew we could all be friends.

It is all about choices. We all make what choices we do to make our own lives what we want them to be. There is no "one size fits all" way of doing it. Each of us does what works for us and no one else.

FWIW~ I just want everyone to be happy in everything they do! We only get one life and I do not intend to leave mine with any regrets. I wish the same for everyone!

[sahm2three]

Blessedmess8 posted the following statement in the thread about ‘face time’ and it inspired me to start a debate on this subject.

I'll take this a step further and say I don't even believe women should have to work outside the home! I think it is unnatural for MOST women to have to divide ourselves between caring for our families and working. But, we do what we have to do, right?
Let’s think about this for a minute…

I get up at 6:30am every morning Monday through Friday. I spent an hour between 6:30am – 7:30am getting my home and myself ready for the daycare day. Right before 7:30am I get my 6-year-old son up for the day. From 7:30am – 8:30am I have all of my drops offs (normally 8 kids/day). In between answering the door and getting the children settled in I ask my son the following questions;

Can you please get dressed?
Can you please make your lunch?
Did you tidy your room?
Can you grab a bowl of cereal or some fruit and yogurt for breakfast quick before the bus gets here?
Can you put on your backpack, jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf, etc and stand at the door and wait for me to tell you, you can go to your bus stop?

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

My son typically gets home at 3:45pm. At which time I ask him to put all of his stuff away and have an afternoon snack. By the time he gets back into the daycare it is 4:30pm and he is helping me clean things up for the day and playing with the kids while I answer the door. In no way is he getting my undivided attention and even though I try to ask him how his day was, what he did, etc… I rarely get a full sentence answer from him before I have to jump up and attend to a child or answer the door again.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

When my door closes at 5:15pm for the day I am typically asking my son to please get on your jacket, shoes, mitts, hat, scarf etc… because now we have to go run errands. We spend the next hour or two in Wal-Mart (daycare supplies), Safeway (groceries), home depot (renovation needs) or at the gym where my husband and I have a 12-month membership. We normally grab something to eat on the way to run or errands or when we are done.

I DO NOT SEE THIS AS QUALITY FACE TIME!

Normally we get home between 7:30pm and 8:00pm and we typically have shopping supplies to still put away. This gives my son enough time to have a bath, for me to read him a book and then he gets tucked into bed.

MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF QUALITY FACE TIME?

On the flip side…

If my son was under the age of 5 and still in my daycare on a regular basis I would be able to offer him divided face time and he would accumulate more quality face time with me in one day.

If I was a SAHM…

I could spend the first hour of my son’s day with him helping him get ready and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention.

I could get all my house errands, chores, etc… done during the day while my son was at work.

I could spend the 1.5 hours after school with my son talking about his day and visiting with him. He would have my undivided attention until my husband got home.

My whole family could have a family meal almost every night.

I would have at least 2 extra hours (after supper time) to spend quality face time with my son and my husband.

With two parents working outside and even inside the home it is virtually impossible to give children the amount of ‘face time’ that they should typically be getting each day. Running a daycare and a having a school-aged child puts me in the same parenting category as a mother who works outside the home. The added downfall…I have home errands, daycare errands, daycare paperwork and daycare prep to do almost every night.

Do you agree that a mother working out of the home or in my case working in the home while raising a school aged child is unnatural. What are your thoughts, opinion, and experiences with this subject?

Thanks.

I have been a sahm for the last 12 years. A couple years ago I decided to do "something". I had done daycare in my home before my first child was born and for a while until I had my second. So I had experience in it, and wanted to still be home so I decided this was what I should do for now. I am busy. My days are long. But I suck up every moment I can to make it "face time" with my kids. My 5 year old is an early riser, comes in to the bathroom with me while I get ready and we talk. Then, if I am done getting myself ready, and the lights are all on and my log in book out, then we climb back into my bed together and snuggle until the first knock on the door. I wake my older kids up and have them start getting ready. As I am making breakfast, my 10 year old hangs with me in the kitchen and we practice his spelling words. I make up funny sentences for each word, and we laugh. My 12 year old had me help her with her hair, we talk about boys, homework, how cool her outfit is and how awesome it is that she see's how to put clothes together that I could think of. During nap time I hang out with my 5 year old and we snuggle, play games, and talk (in between me having to re-lay someone down, or reminding him to ignore the baby screaming. ugh). I pick up my older kids from school and I always start off by asking about their days. We go home, I get a snack for them and daycare kids and then we usually all play with the kids that are still here. Then the last daycare kid leaves and they do homework at the kitchen table while I make dinner. We either go outside so they can ride bikes or we do some activity in the house. I don't watch any tv until after they have gone to bed, so that isn't an issue. Then we do baths/showers, and I read with all of my kids. My daughter reads to me, my older son reads to me, and then I read to my 5 year old. Kisses, hugs, I love you more than anythings, and to sleep they go. Every night. Then I proceed with my nightly cleaning. Face time takes a LOT of work. By the time my head hits the pillow I am exhausted, but it is all worth it.

[Angelwings36]

The only difference I see is that my family and I are happy with the choices I am making. I do work an amazingly long day, I work this long day to reach my goals in a timely manner. I have worked this schedule for 5 years and through 2 year long deployments where I had to do everything myself including the outdoor chores and the errands on weekends. I guess I'm just blessed with an amazing family that is willing to include the other kiddos in order to meet our financial goals, pay for college, have our nice house and new van, and so the kids can do their activities. They know that having a problem with my job will cost them all of the extras in life. I feel that learning to share time is an excellent lesson. We have all weekend for that very important one on one time.

I hope after your renovation things calm down a bit and you have more free time.

That is great that your family is so understanding that at this time you have to work the long hours you do. I 'get' that everyone is different and not everyone is going to agree with someone else and that's ok. You seem like a very hard working mother and I bet at times it is not that easy to keep going the way you do.

My family would HATE, HATE, HATE if I worked the long hours you do and would HATE having to share our evening home with other people. It has been a struggle right now sharing our upstairs area with the dck's as up until this point the daycare was run out of my basement. My daycare is only open when my husband leaves for work and I close literally within 15 minutes of him coming home in the evening and 45 minutes earlier on fridays.

I do fall into 'burn out' zone quite easily and for me the shorter hours keep me happy along with my husband and my son.

On another note, it is not easy for me juggling a daycare, a whole house, a yard, home renovations (in and out, we just did our shingles as well), and a being the MOM I have always hoped to be. I am a perfectionist and do expect myself to live up to certain potentials and I think in the long run this is what puts me into 'burn out' zone so much easier.