Teacher In Need Of Advice

[Bookworm]

Boy's mom has said to me the second and third time that this was brought to her, " Why do you keep telling me this"? I replied that she needed to know because I would like her to talk to boy about inappropriate touching. She just rolled her eyes and walk away to pickup Boy from classroom. I am not showing favoritism towards Girl's family but they are the family trying to work with us and have acknowledged her part in all this and that she is just as guilty as Boy.

I am very happy to see that everyone agrees that this is not normal curiosity. This seems like a lose-lose situation for everyone. Girl for being exposed so early to this and Boy, because of his Mom's attitude, might not get whatever help he needs.

[godiva83]

I agree, sometimes it is hard to get your point across via text, or ppl misread things. I agree with you, the centre can not 'solve' this child's issue single handily they need the cooperation of the parents and outside resources to come to their aid for situations of this nature. And as always, safety of all children is mandatory... I just feel that 'terming' is sometimes used as a first resort and a bandaid solution

[Unregistered]

Boy's mom has said to me the second and third time that this was brought to her, " Why do you keep telling me this"? I replied that she needed to know because I would like her to talk to boy about inappropriate touching. She just rolled her eyes and walk away to pickup Boy from classroom. I am not showing favoritism towards Girl's family but they are the family trying to work with us and have acknowledged her part in all this and that she is just as guilty as Boy.

I am very happy to see that everyone agrees that this is not normal curiosity. This seems like a lose-lose situation for everyone. Girl for being exposed so early to this and Boy, because of his Mom's attitude, might not get whatever help he needs.

Bookworm: I'm the unregistered whose been posting here. Thank you for clarifying exactly how the boy's mother was reacting. I agree that something isn't right with the boy's mom and thus, that red flags me that something is wrong. As a mother, I would never react in such a dimissive manner. I'm floored that the boy's mother didn't discuss this any further or have any other input or any other concerns other than not wanting you to tell her these things.

Godiva: Just to clarify, if you read the OP original post, she said that 3 out of the 7 weeks were incident free - so it'd been going on a total of 4 weeks. I wonder what was different in those 3 weeks that were incident free - either at daycare or at home? Something was different and they need to find out what changed that there were no incidents and things started happening again.

Meek: It's not nearly that dramatic and watch your words! You're making quiet a jump there. And again, the OP said that 3 out of the 7 weeks were incident free - they need to find out what changed in those 3 weeks. We don't know all of the details - the OP is giving us what she can at this point. Regardless, legally, they can't jump to conclusions and both parents should be consulting medical professionals at this point to find out what's going on. An investigation should be preformed if the professionals think so. But it's important to remain calm and to not blow things up for the sake of drama, because you don't know and neither does the daycare. It's not nice to hear that childhod curiousity and childhood masterbation, etc are normal - it's icky to hear, but it's true, none the less. No need to make assumptions about people's character's or personalities or assume I view one way or the other.

[Unregistered]

I'm the unregistered whose been posting here. This topic strikes such a hot button with me and I figured out why. I come from a legal background profession-wise, so in our legal system, parties are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. That's important to remember, because "witch hunting" has dated back to the beginning of time, always looking for reasons why children behave badly, must be the parents. While that's true in many cases, there are also many cases where the child just wasn't right mentally and really was born a sociopath, pedofile, etc. There are also cases where the grandparents or teacher were molesting the children or the child was hanging out the wrong group of kids and subject to peer pressure. Our area has had a lot of those cases where teachers were found guilty of molesting kids. You only hear in the media the cases that sell newspapers and magazines but you never hear about all of the cases.

Here's the other side of some of the stories. Have any of you ever followed your local news stories on child sexual abuse? What about those that are featured on programs like dateline or 20/20? How many cases have you really followed where the abuse was unsubstaniated and later the children admitted it just simply wasn't true - that the investigators put words into their mouths during the interviews and used hypothetical situations as admissions by the children, etc, etc. I've watched many of these cases over the past 20 years and it's heartbreaking for the entire family. Parents were jailed for decades until the children retracted their statements when they were adults and were old enough to say they lied and made it up! The reporters followed up with those families and there were death threats and the families were ruined - even though the parents were 100% innocent the entire time, the public wouldn't change their view of them - and all because of people jumping to conclusions. And that's why I say to tread lightly. You want to help this child, but you don't want to ruin an entire family's life if your wrong. Just imagine if it was you in those families places - you should treat them how you'd want to be treated - with dignity, privacy and respect - without bias or prejudice. Everyone, including the jerks who ask why are you telling me this when their kid is being more than curious, are innocent until proven guilty and are entitled to a fair trial with an impartial jury, including courts, CPS and daycare. Sorry that my opinions may not be popular with the daycare crowd. I think what's changed from years ago to now is this: years ago there wasn't enough done to protect abusive acts and now there's so much over sensitivity that it borderlines on "witch hunting". I don't see that the "system" has ever found a good enough balance to address all the issues well enough.

[nannyde]

I'm the unregistered whose been posting here. This topic strikes such a hot button with me and I figured out why. I come from a legal background profession-wise, so in our legal system, parties are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. That's important to remember, because "witch hunting" has dated back to the beginning of time, always looking for reasons why children behave badly, must be the parents. While that's true in many cases, there are also many cases where the child just wasn't right mentally and really was born a sociopath, pedofile, etc. There are also cases where the grandparents or teacher were molesting the children or the child was hanging out the wrong group of kids and subject to peer pressure. Our area has had a lot of those cases where teachers were found guilty of molesting kids. You only hear in the media the cases that sell newspapers and magazines but you never hear about all of the cases.

Here's the other side of some of the stories. Have any of you ever followed your local news stories on child sexual abuse? What about those that are featured on programs like dateline or 20/20? How many cases have you really followed where the abuse was unsubstaniated and later the children admitted it just simply wasn't true - that the investigators put words into their mouths during the interviews and used hypothetical situations as admissions by the children, etc, etc. I've watched many of these cases over the past 20 years and it's heartbreaking for the entire family. Parents were jailed for decades until the children retracted their statements when they were adults and were old enough to say they lied and made it up! The reporters followed up with those families and there were death threats and the families were ruined - even though the parents were 100% innocent the entire time, the public wouldn't change their view of them - and all because of people jumping to conclusions. And that's why I say to tread lightly. You want to help this child, but you don't want to ruin an entire family's life if your wrong. Just imagine if it was you in those families places - you should treat them how you'd want to be treated - with dignity, privacy and respect - without bias or prejudice. Everyone, including the jerks who ask why are you telling me this when their kid is being more than curious, are innocent until proven guilty and are entitled to a fair trial with an impartial jury, including courts, CPS and daycare. Sorry that my opinions may not be popular with the daycare crowd. I think what's changed from years ago to now is this: years ago there wasn't enough done to protect abusive acts and now there's so much over sensitivity that it borderlines on "witch hunting". I don't see that the "system" has ever found a good enough balance to address all the issues well enough.

It doesn't matter that your opinion is unpopular or not. What matters is that it is legally incorrect.

It's not the job of the provider to decide whether or not abuse is occuring. It's not their job to decide whether the parent is guilty of contributing to it or ignoring it.

It's the job of the provider to turn the case over to the ones who do decide. Child protective services. Child protective does innocent until proven guilty within the law.

This child has been acting out sexually. The behavior of these kids specifically are genital touching, tounge kissing, and exposing their genitals. This behavior has continued despite at least three parent conferences and supervision that has been exact and supervision that has not.

The center either can or can not physically separate them or provide an adult for one to one supervision.

The mother of the boy has been informed and her direction to the staff is that she does not want to disuss it.

THAT is what the provider needs to supply to the child protective services. They need to investigate it and assist the center in evaluating whether or not they are capable of providing one to one services within their setting for a child that does not qualify under the disability act and a child who payment received is just regular tuition.

It's not about witch hunting... guilty... innocent... normal.. abnormal...

It's about being a mandatory reporter and reporting the FACTS of this and letting the paid proffessionals take it from there.

There is a REALLY good chance that the Director is not reporting this because she wants the money of the tuition. If that is the case... this worker needs to be encouraged that SHE is responsible for turning this in. It's not up to the Director. It's up to the mandatory reporter to decide if there is a SUSPICION of any kind of neglect or abuse. The Mom saying "why are you telling me about this" is the ONLY thing she needs to have a suspicion of neglect. It's the Moms responsibiity to care for her child. If she is neglecting the child by not addressing outward inappropriate sexual acting out... there is a SUSPICION that she is neglecting her kid.

It's not about the parents. If the center is wrong and the Mom is handling it beautifully and following the law then she will have one meeting with the CPS and be done. It's worth one meeting for this to be under the bridge for her. Then she can proudly walk in the center and say what you say "it's normal".