I am posting here because I am at my wit's end. I am looking for advice about how to proceed with an issue at our child care center. My heart is literally broken, and all my "mommy senses" and sirens are going off. First let me explain the whole story. My DD is 2 and has been at our daycare all her life. The owner's child is her age and they are good friends. We were one of the first families to enroll when they opened, I am a teacher and I was very picky about where you placed our child. We have never had a problem, and I have defended the owner in some weird situations with parents, been to her home for birthday parties, etc. One of the selling points has always been the video monitoring system in the state of the art facility. It is not accessed from the internet, but we have always been told- offered even- that we just have to ask and we can watch any tape we want if we are curious about her day. I love this daycare so much I recommended the college age daughter of a fellow teacher for a job there. (We'll call her Betsy.) All was well, my child is blossoming and learning and loving going to "school" as she calls it. Until.... my daughter revolting one morning when I tried to hand her off to the teacher whose room is across from hers (we'll call her Susie). They commonly combine groups and work together. My daughter would not go to this woman- she was terrified. So I was watchful but did nothing- just assumed it was the everchanging whim of a 2 year old. Then Betsy came to babysit one evening. She was grief stricken, but felt she needed to "confess" to me some things that were going on with my child. This Susie teacher had given lots of kids nicknames- and not flattering ones. My daughter was "the devil" and another was "Hitler". I was shocked- and suddenly recalled my child telling me "I de debil, Mommy". I shooshed her and assumed it was something she heard in Sunday School, but I suddenly realized that she had heard someone CALL HER the devil. It got worse from there. My child has an unusual gait, her walk is a bit funny looking but her pediatrician says that is normal. Apparently during nap time the teachers sat around chatting. Susie and another teacher were making fun of my child's walk and mimicking her- saying she looked like "The Creeper" from that viral video that went around. So they began calling her "the Creeper'. The worst part is my daughter was AWAKE- and listening. She KNOWS that Susie doesnt like her and I ignored her signs of trying to tell me.
So after a sleepless night of sobbing and worrying, I went to the daycare. I spoke to the owner and asked to see the tapes. The owner was horrified and told me she would look into the issue immediately, and then told me what a troublemaker and undependable employee Betsy was. In hindsight- I should have DEMANDED to see the tapes right then. But I trusted her. I still do, I think. I don't know!!! Anyway, later that day the owner called me. She reviewed the tapes, and said that Susie did have unflattering nicknames for the kids, and she would be reprimanded. She also said the "creeper" thing didn't happen the way Betsy said it did. She fired Betsy for breaking their confidentiality agreement by telling me these things. I asked that my child not be in contact with Susie anymore, and all was settled. I felt terrible about Betsy losing her job, but believed that she was a college girl who embellished the story for shock value, not knowing how strong maternal instincts to protect our young are. My husband gets tired of hearing this whole story and asks the owner and her husband if he can see the tapes and settle the whole darn thing. The husband tells him they have to download them, and they will do that and have them ready for us Monday morning. (this was Friday) on Monday, the husband apologizes and says the tapes were accidentally recorded over- the system is "like a DVR and only has so much space" he says. If it's a DVR then why did they have to download it? We were suspect of this, but AGAIN we trust these people with our child and swallowed our doubt.
Cut to a month later. All is peaceful at daycare. The owner is heavily pregnant and I am about to go back to work for the school year. A form comes home to sign and return regarding a "change in the attendance policy". Along with current shot records, payment in full, etc. NOW to attend we have to sign a revised "Camera Policy". This is a lot of legal jargon, which basically says that going forward from today, for the privacy of students no parent will be allowed to view the tapes at any time for any reason. WHAT? This was a selling point for this center. In two years we asked ONCE and for "technical" reasons didn't get to see it.
I called the center and was told that the owner left on maternity leave and will not be contacted about daycare business for one month. The directors there are available during specifc hours, and of course they were already gone for the day. Another sleepless night and I go to the center this morning- my first day back at work this year. What excellent timing this all seems to be?!?!?! Maternity leave so we can't speak to the owner and teachers going back to work with no time to seek other care options. The director tells me that their attorney advised them that they needed to change this policy for the protection of the privacy of the children. I remind her of our issue, and she says she understands that this seems very FISHY to me, but it is all merely coincidence. Says they did not change this policy as a response to a parent asking to see a tape that they apparently KNEW held something very bad on it. My mind is going in circles- WHAT in the world was on that tape that they didn't want me to see? Every ounce of trust I gave them, the benefit of the doubt, all of that seems like a slap in the face now. The director said that this is a "New thing coming down from the state" (TN) that all centers will have to abide by, and that their competitor who has internet access to live stream videos will even have to stop doing that. I called a friend who heads up a large church childcare in our town and she has heard NOTHING about such a thing coming down from the state. She even called her state auditor and was told no such "thing" is in the works.
This all seems like a HUGE coverup and we are worried sick. I know that if we don't sign that form they are going to ask us to leave and find other childcare. My daughter loves that place- and we have not EVER had a problem until this one thing happened. I am not a complainer, I have been a huge supporter and fellow Mom with this owner. I understand her not wanting to be disturbed on maternity leave, but for the sake of her patrons I would think she (OR her husband for that matter) could pick up the phone and call. It just seems too suspicious, and every "spidey sense" I have is telling me something is very very wrong here. I feel guilty for having trusted her, I feel guilty for NOT trusting her, I feel awful for my child who loves her friends and teachers and fear how the stress of moving (if it has to come to that) will affect her. Right now we are just sitting back, waiting to see if the other director or the teacher mentions the form to us. I am stalling on signing it, because somehow it feels wrong- like I'm signing away my parental rights. If my child is being taped I should have the RIGHT to see the recordings. If I can't see them then what is their purpose? How do I know they aren't posting them on some messed up websites- if I can't see them how do I know??? I'm not sure if they receive state or federal money, but if they do they are bound by HIPPA and FERPA regulations to allow parental access to ALL student record (in any format)- just like public schools are. I am just at such a loss. My only concern is for my daughter- and now I am wondering if she is in a safe and loving environment or if they have been faking it for 2 years.
Any advice or professional opinions are welcome. I am floundering here- trying to figure out what to do. Don't think our current state of "stall until we can talk to the owner" is going to be allowed for long....
So after a sleepless night of sobbing and worrying, I went to the daycare. I spoke to the owner and asked to see the tapes. The owner was horrified and told me she would look into the issue immediately, and then told me what a troublemaker and undependable employee Betsy was. In hindsight- I should have DEMANDED to see the tapes right then. But I trusted her. I still do, I think. I don't know!!! Anyway, later that day the owner called me. She reviewed the tapes, and said that Susie did have unflattering nicknames for the kids, and she would be reprimanded. She also said the "creeper" thing didn't happen the way Betsy said it did. She fired Betsy for breaking their confidentiality agreement by telling me these things. I asked that my child not be in contact with Susie anymore, and all was settled. I felt terrible about Betsy losing her job, but believed that she was a college girl who embellished the story for shock value, not knowing how strong maternal instincts to protect our young are. My husband gets tired of hearing this whole story and asks the owner and her husband if he can see the tapes and settle the whole darn thing. The husband tells him they have to download them, and they will do that and have them ready for us Monday morning. (this was Friday) on Monday, the husband apologizes and says the tapes were accidentally recorded over- the system is "like a DVR and only has so much space" he says. If it's a DVR then why did they have to download it? We were suspect of this, but AGAIN we trust these people with our child and swallowed our doubt.
Cut to a month later. All is peaceful at daycare. The owner is heavily pregnant and I am about to go back to work for the school year. A form comes home to sign and return regarding a "change in the attendance policy". Along with current shot records, payment in full, etc. NOW to attend we have to sign a revised "Camera Policy". This is a lot of legal jargon, which basically says that going forward from today, for the privacy of students no parent will be allowed to view the tapes at any time for any reason. WHAT? This was a selling point for this center. In two years we asked ONCE and for "technical" reasons didn't get to see it.
I called the center and was told that the owner left on maternity leave and will not be contacted about daycare business for one month. The directors there are available during specifc hours, and of course they were already gone for the day. Another sleepless night and I go to the center this morning- my first day back at work this year. What excellent timing this all seems to be?!?!?! Maternity leave so we can't speak to the owner and teachers going back to work with no time to seek other care options. The director tells me that their attorney advised them that they needed to change this policy for the protection of the privacy of the children. I remind her of our issue, and she says she understands that this seems very FISHY to me, but it is all merely coincidence. Says they did not change this policy as a response to a parent asking to see a tape that they apparently KNEW held something very bad on it. My mind is going in circles- WHAT in the world was on that tape that they didn't want me to see? Every ounce of trust I gave them, the benefit of the doubt, all of that seems like a slap in the face now. The director said that this is a "New thing coming down from the state" (TN) that all centers will have to abide by, and that their competitor who has internet access to live stream videos will even have to stop doing that. I called a friend who heads up a large church childcare in our town and she has heard NOTHING about such a thing coming down from the state. She even called her state auditor and was told no such "thing" is in the works.
This all seems like a HUGE coverup and we are worried sick. I know that if we don't sign that form they are going to ask us to leave and find other childcare. My daughter loves that place- and we have not EVER had a problem until this one thing happened. I am not a complainer, I have been a huge supporter and fellow Mom with this owner. I understand her not wanting to be disturbed on maternity leave, but for the sake of her patrons I would think she (OR her husband for that matter) could pick up the phone and call. It just seems too suspicious, and every "spidey sense" I have is telling me something is very very wrong here. I feel guilty for having trusted her, I feel guilty for NOT trusting her, I feel awful for my child who loves her friends and teachers and fear how the stress of moving (if it has to come to that) will affect her. Right now we are just sitting back, waiting to see if the other director or the teacher mentions the form to us. I am stalling on signing it, because somehow it feels wrong- like I'm signing away my parental rights. If my child is being taped I should have the RIGHT to see the recordings. If I can't see them then what is their purpose? How do I know they aren't posting them on some messed up websites- if I can't see them how do I know??? I'm not sure if they receive state or federal money, but if they do they are bound by HIPPA and FERPA regulations to allow parental access to ALL student record (in any format)- just like public schools are. I am just at such a loss. My only concern is for my daughter- and now I am wondering if she is in a safe and loving environment or if they have been faking it for 2 years.
Any advice or professional opinions are welcome. I am floundering here- trying to figure out what to do. Don't think our current state of "stall until we can talk to the owner" is going to be allowed for long....
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