New Daycare Mom Needs Advice!!!

[happymom]

I want to chime in because I have been in a spot similar to this before where I absolutely loved a provider and had been with her over 3 years.

My provider had to make a choice and basically chose another family over mine---I was having a second child whom she told me would have a spot in her daycare, but then she went back and changed her mind because she didn't want a young infant. I ended up changing care providers for both kids-- and she replaced my 3 year old with a 4 month old infant! It just didn't make sense.

It was hurtful to me, as we had all developed such a tight relationship over the years. I'm tearing up as I write this because we truly miss her so much, she was a huge part of our lives and now we don't see her often.

I wish I could say it was for the best, but if she would have my family back I would go back in a heartbeat! I wish now that I would have kept my 3 year old with her and found different care for the baby temporarily, because I know she will never have two spots open at once. It's really hard, it was one of the biggest decisions I ever made and I try not to take it personally. I really regret leaving though. Good child care is hard to find.

[happymom]

And honestly, when it comes down to it, contracts shouldn't matter.

This is about a very personal relationship. While it's easy to say "what this provider has done is unfair" and -- and while it may be unfair, and it hurts, and I get it, but give it thought. Don't be too quick to walk out just because it hurts. Your provider probably wishes she wasn't in this position -- maybe you end up loving the temporary care you find and you end up staying. But maybe you don't and you want to come back. Ultimately, you need to hold the cards. If you end up deciding not to come back to her, that's okay. But if you love her, try to keep that door open, try to find a way to make it work. I wish I had.

[Unregistered]

Just wanted to update you all on what's going on. I did talk to my daycare provider and she was very understanding when I said I was unable to have someone else watch my daughter. She said she was going to have to figure something else out. I agree that you have to have open communication on both sides. I want to thank all of you for your advice. I really appreciated it.

[Mad_Pistachio]

Without talking to the provider?

No, I'd talk, but if her idea was to have us temporarily relocated, I would pull. She is trying to balance her business, I get that. In this case, I have my child's best interest in mind, and dragging her from provider to provider to accomodate someone else's convenience is not in her best intetest.
We have this thing in my language when we label a person based on a profession or lifestyle. Some mothers, being a little too carried away with commitment to their children, are named "cuzuhmamom" (causr I'm a mom). Cuzuhmamom in me is getting up against messing with my child's routine and attachment. Cuzuhmamom, ya know?

Glad to see that it was all resolved in a civil manner.

I worked in a family that switched nannies every 4-6 months so kids won't get used to one. Well, at least they have each other (there were 8 last time I saw them).

[Blackcat31]

No, I'd talk, but if her idea was to have us temporarily relocated, I would pull. She is trying to balance her business, I get that. In this case, I have my child's best interest in mind, and dragging her from provider to provider to accomodate someone else's convenience is not in her best intetest.
We have this thing in my language when we label a person based on a profession or lifestyle. Some mothers, being a little too carried away with commitment to their children, are named "cuzuhmamom" (causr I'm a mom). Cuzuhmamom in me is getting up against messing with my child's routine and attachment. Cuzuhmamom, ya know?

Glad to see that it was all resolved in a civil manner.

I worked in a family that switched nannies every 4-6 months so kids won't get used to one. Well, at least they have each other (there were 8 last time I saw them).

I see what your saying. I was and in some ways still similar but I deeply believe continuity of care (thanks to open honest communication ) trumps a mom's instintive need to play Mama Bear.

ETA: OP I too am happy to hear you were able to successfully talk with your provider. happyface

[Mad_Pistachio]

I see what your saying. I was and in some ways still similar but I deeply believe continuity of care (thanks to open honest communication ) trumps a mom's instintive need to play Mama Bear.

the key word here is continuity, and, as I said, if the verdict upon an open conversation was temporarily relocation for me, this relocation would be permanent. because continuity, yeah. cuzuhmamom ain't draggin' her kid from person to person in the name of another person's convenience or to save someone else's business. (mind you, it's her job to run her business, and she can do that all she wants... without me. with a bunny (c) - old Russian cartoon.)

about 99 times out of 100, I would be on the side of the provider: we, parents, can be SUCH a pain in the rear end, it's ridiculous. this is that one time when my reaction was, "what? no. bye." again, cuzuhmamom.

[Blackcat31]

the key word here is continuity, and, as I said, if the verdict upon an open conversation was temporarily relocation for me, this relocation would be permanent. because continuity, yeah. cuzuhmamom ain't draggin' her kid from person to person in the name of another person's convenience or to save someone else's business. (mind you, it's her job to run her business, and she can do that all she wants... without me. with a bunny (c) - old Russian cartoon.)

about 99 times out of 100, I would be on the side of the provider: we, parents, can be SUCH a pain in the rear end, it's ridiculous. this is that one time when my reaction was, "what? no. bye." again, cuzuhmamom.

To each their own.

As a provider, the whole "MY child" line of thinking is THE number one reason parents are tough to work with.

[rosieteddy]

I agree with madpistachio on this.This is exactly why I chose to retire last year.When I had the heart attack all the children were cared for by a nanny at a parents home.This was a short term solution.After my hospital stay and treatments there were to many Dr.appointments at first.The parents needed to find back up care for at least 1 month. I thought that was a long time for the children to get used to new provider ,new children and not be together. I think its harder for children than some think.They miss their old situation and just settle down in a new one then back to original provider and group.Thats a lot for anyone. If provider asks you to find other care then I would find a permanent new childcare.

[Mad_Pistachio]

As a provider, the whole "MY child" line of thinking is THE number one reason parents are tough to work with.

I fully realize that "my child" philosophy can go too far. I also realize that the "I know better" on the side of the provider can go too far. this transfer situation is, for me, going too far on the side of the provider who knows better.
I know the provider has probably more experience and a better expertise that I do (if I take my nanny experience out of equation, I only know one child - mine - and the DCP knows... well, probably close to a thousand different ones). which is why it is surprising that she may not understand that jumping from one provider to another is not good for a child. any child, not just mine.

I lost count how many times I've seen the "term on the spot" written here on this forum (I read, I rarely answer cause I am not qualified to for most of the stuff). this is the very first time when I did the same, only on the side of the parent, and voila: I get grief about it. oops.

[Blackcat31]

I fully realize that "my child" philosophy can go too far. I also realize that the "I know better" on the side of the provider can go too far. this transfer situation is, for me, going too far on the side of the provider who knows better.
I know the provider has probably more experience and a better expertise that I do (if I take my nanny experience out of equation, I only know one child - mine - and the DCP knows... well, probably close to a thousand different ones). which is why it is surprising that she may not understand that jumping from one provider to another is not good for a child. any child, not just mine.

I lost count how many times I've seen the "term on the spot" written here on this forum (I read, I rarely answer cause I am not qualified to for most of the stuff). this is the very first time when I did the same, only on the side of the parent, and voila: I get grief about it. oops.

:confused:

My comments were directed towards OP and based on OP's situation and the details she provided and omitted while relaying her specific story.

I wasn't commenting on any one else's beliefs, situations or personal experiences. I replied to you only when you shared a personal experience. If that somehow offended you, my apologies as that was not my intent. Again, my replies in this thread were based on the original post which was apparently easily solved with a simple conversation similar to what I advised in the first place.

I never once mentioned anything such "term" or "pull your child" so not sure where that comes into play.

[Mad_Pistachio]

I replied to you only when you shared a personal experience. If that somehow offended you, my apologies as that was not my intent.

I never once mentioned anything such "term" or "pull your child" so not sure where that comes into play.

and if I made you feel attacked or belittled by what I wrote, I apologize as well. that was not the intention.
the whole situation OP found herself in rubbed me deeply against the fur (no pun intended), and not many things can.

as for the "term," this is just something I seem to read a lot here on the forum in general. never wanted to argue with those because, as I already said, I am not qualified for most of the conversations happening. well, not yet, anyway

[Thriftylady]

and if I made you feel attacked or belittled by what I wrote, I apologize as well. that was not the intention.
the whole situation OP found herself in rubbed me deeply against the fur (no pun intended), and not many things can.

as for the "term," this is just something I seem to read a lot here on the forum in general. never wanted to argue with those because, as I already said, I am not qualified for most of the conversations happening. well, not yet, anyway

Not to hijack the thread, but many times we have to term. How would you feel if your child was being bitten or hit on a daily basis? You would want me to term that child NOW. Same goes for non-payment really. If a parent doesn't pay on time it takes from the funds I have to spend on all children (including yours) for food and supplies. Often times we have not choice but to term right away for the good of the group. It is group care, not nanny care when only one families children is affected.

[Blackcat31]

and if I made you feel attacked or belittled by what I wrote, I apologize as well. that was not the intention.
the whole situation OP found herself in rubbed me deeply against the fur (no pun intended), and not many things can.

as for the "term," this is just something I seem to read a lot here on the forum in general. never wanted to argue with those because, as I already said, I am not qualified for most of the conversations happening. well, not yet, anyway

No harm, no foul.

I did not feel attacked at all, just felt as though the topic was getting really broad and as if my thoughts were being mis-interpreted so I wanted to clarify that my responses were based on the specific issue in the original post and that I was not trying to relay those thoughts feelings into other (your) situations.

Text is difficult to read. It lacks ALL of those things I believe are vital for proper communication.

On a side note, please don't ever feel you aren't "qualified" to give a response..... I think this forum is FULL of different perspectives and last time I checked, there were no required trainings or qualifications to have a perspective.

Different perspectives, opinions and thoughts are truly educational for everyone NO MATTER how long you've been in this business and NO MATTER what role you play in this field.

[Mad_Pistachio]

Not to hijack the thread, but many times we have to term. How would you feel if your child was being bitten or hit on a daily basis? You would want me to term that child NOW. Same goes for non-payment really. If a parent doesn't pay on time it takes from the funds I have to spend on all children (including yours) for food and supplies. Often times we have not choice but to term right away for the good of the group. It is group care, not nanny care when only one families children is affected.

*waves her hand*
oh, I get that, trust me. some things I read make me wonder how a provider lasted that long (I also wonder why, but this is an easy one: because she cares for the child and tried to work it all out until the last drop). you are right: it is group care, and some things may have to happen that normally would not at home or with a nanny.

my daughter's group has a special needs boy who likes to hit (communication issues, I guess: trying to say something with his hands). for the most part, kids already know that Jimmy will be Jimmy, and what are you going to do... she cried when I picked her up on Monday because he hit her. I just shrugged: hey, kids hit. if I'm told she doesn't, I won't believe it. it's a rough world we sent you out to, and we all have to deal with it. report him to the authorities (i.e. tell Ms. Moosy on him), rinse and repeat.
it doesn't happen at home cause we don't have a Jimmy, but it's inevitable at a daycare or school. shake off, move on. may Jimmy be your biggest problem.