Playing Doctor

[melissa ann]

We have a doctor kit. IT contains a thermonater, stethoscope, tweezers, scissors. Keep in mind, these are toys all plastic and can not hurt anyone. The kids love to play doctor. They take each other's temps, listen to their heartbeats over their shirts and pretend to take out splinter. the kids range in almost 5 yrs -almost 3 yrs. No one has ever tried to see other kids private parts. Now my daughter is almost 5 and has helped w/brother's diaper changes and baths. So it's nothing new to her. Same as the dc kids. The girl who is almost 3 helps w/her 6 month old brothers diaper changes and stuff at home.
They also like to play hair dresser, restaurant and handymen(girls)

[seashell]

Playing doctor is ok. Asking other children to expose themselves is not. I wouldn't be suprised if your provider asked you to leave. You are essentially asking her to open the door to allowing your daughter to assult other children, thus ruining her business and reputation. Cear boundries need to be set with this kind of play.

You claim your daughter is respectful. I find nothing respectful about asking someone to show their privates. How would you feel if someone asked you to pull down your pants so they could see your privates?

As far as calling your daughter a brat? Maybe it happened as she said, and maybe it didn't. Children often misunderstand or relay the wrong information. It's completely "developmentally appropriate" to do so. But imagine how another parent would feel if their child reported that your child had touched their privates while playing doctor? Maybe it happened, maybe it didn't. Maybe the parents will bring charges against the daycare and your family will be investigated by DCF. Maybe they won't. The best way to handle the situation is to make sure it doesn't happen. Your provider did the right thing!

She is most likely very angry with you for insisting that a behavior that could spark a rumor that could ruin her life is ok. And giving her literature? Down right insulting! If I were your provider, I would dismiss you immediately and stick that literature where the sun don't shine!

[Carole's Daycare]

Playing Doctor

This is a sensitive subject for daycare providers. While as a parent you have a specific philosophy for how you handle her curiosity, the situation is quite different in a daycare. Here in my area we had the opportunity to take a training specifically on what is and isn't normal "play" regarding this subject, and how parents and providers should react to minimize shame, but still maintain boundaries of acceptible behavior. Unfortunately, some sex offenders ARE CHILDREN who molest younger, weaker children. No one wants to discuss or acknowledge it. Not implying at all that this is the case with your child. However, your child has no business invading another childs privacy in any way, and touching others in normally clothed areas is innappropriate in a group setting. Self exploration is normal and expected, but she needs to learn it is PRIVATE. If she is not expected to maintain that boundary by YOU and the provider, you have given her permission to violate someone else's personal space and comfort zone by saying the provider is unreasonable. Also not having some sense of boundaries and privacy makes the child more vulnerable to sexual abuse, because she may have a "friend" who is older who will indulge her curiosity and take advantage. The child then will be afraid to say anything because she may feel she instigated or invited the contact, or she will not know or believe that it was inappropriate. Additionally of course other parents are appalled and concerned, and the provider has to worry about accusations. If the behavior continues you wont have to give notice, because the provider probably will. I suggest looking up STOP IT NOW training for providers, which has very good information on what is and is not developmentally appropriate sexual behavior in children, and how to appropriately address it to minimize shame and the complications that come from that, while maintaining standards of appropriate behavior in a group setting.

[Janet]

My 2 cents on "playing doctor"

It's really important to be delicate when addressing sitautions like that, You wouldn't want to cause any child any shame, because children are just naturally curious about each others genitals. I know that when I was a kid, I was blown away that boys had a penis and I didn't get to have one and things like that. On the other hand, it does need to be addressed immediately with any children involved, their parents and their teachers just assure that it doesn't happen again. Those are the kind of incidents that can leave scars on a child emotionally and reallly affect their self image and sense of self worth for a long time. It doesn't need to be broadcast to any other parents or teachers or kids, just addressed with the people involved and with as little emotion or blame as possible.

[misol]

This is a sensitive subject for daycare providers. While as a parent you have a specific philosophy for how you handle her curiosity, the situation is quite different in a daycare. Here in my area we had the opportunity to take a training specifically on what is and isn't normal "play" regarding this subject, and how parents and providers should react to minimize shame, but still maintain boundaries of acceptible behavior. Unfortunately, some sex offenders ARE CHILDREN who molest younger, weaker children. No one wants to discuss or acknowledge it. Not implying at all that this is the case with your child. However, your child has no business invading another childs privacy in any way, and touching others in normally clothed areas is innappropriate in a group setting. Self exploration is normal and expected, but she needs to learn it is PRIVATE. If she is not expected to maintain that boundary by YOU and the provider, you have given her permission to violate someone else's personal space and comfort zone by saying the provider is unreasonable. Also not having some sense of boundaries and privacy makes the child more vulnerable to sexual abuse, because she may have a "friend" who is older who will indulge her curiosity and take advantage. The child then will be afraid to say anything because she may feel she instigated or invited the contact, or she will not know or believe that it was inappropriate. Additionally of course other parents are appalled and concerned, and the provider has to worry about accusations. If the behavior continues you wont have to give notice, because the provider probably will. I suggest looking up STOP IT NOW training for providers, which has very good information on what is and is not developmentally appropriate sexual behavior in children, and how to appropriately address it to minimize shame and the complications that come from that, while maintaining standards of appropriate behavior in a group setting.

Excellent response!