Calmness

[Cat Herder]

I have talked to Nan on the phone at different times of the day, once a week, for almost a year and still have not heard crying or her breaking up a fight. I did hear laughter (and barking/whining from her pup) on many occasions.

I don't have fighting here either. I sense/witness escalation behaviors and stop them before they happen.

If it is a particular toy causing as issue, I remove it or pick up multiples of it.

If they are tired of sharing space or I have a "clingon situation" (little bro attached to big Sis's leg); I seperate them into individual play areas with a sensory bin for a while. ETC.

I know that is what Nan does too, stops the escalation, because we have talked about it on many occassions. It is entirely credible and much easier than breaking up fights.

Ironically I use the same technique for family gatherings with adults...::::

[Blackcat31]

With a group of infants to 5 yo.... huh???? :confused:::confused:Everyone gets along, there is no crying, screaming, everyone shares, etc. Sounds like the "Stepford Daycare"....after 25 years in this business, this is simply NOT credible!

I can go weeks at a time with out a single kid crying or being upset. It is simply a combination of really knowing each child in your care and being able to anticipate and meet their needs. I do not take a "group" of infants or toddlers, but rather take only one toddler at a time (no infants) and spend a good deal of time integrating that one child into the group. We do not make many changes and we are VERY routine. This provides a very calm and well oiled operation.

I stress respect and empathy for all children in my care and have an absolutly non negotiable policy in regards to aggression and fighting so the kids learn conflict managment at a very young age and help teach and support this for the new kids coming into the mix.

It is really all just a combination of really being careful about who you take into your program and having parents that truely support and trust me to do what is best for their child while they are under my watch. It really isn't rocket science.

[nannyde]

Nan, Are these kids you have had since infants?

Yes raised by me by hand

[wdmmom]

The children in my group now are amazing! They all play well, communicate and have a great time while they are here.

With the exception of 3 yo DCB (he gets a lil antsy sometimes) and the 1 year old, it's almost always a great day!

If there is crying, it's usually related to them being overtired. We go weeks without fighting or crying.

[boysx5]

I personally don't think it has anything to do with knowing your personal limit. I think it has to do with the dynamics/drama mode/individual personality of each child of the group. I would much rather have a group of 6 well behaved kids than a group of 3 not well behaved kids.

so very true

[nannyde]

So Nan, how do you get that environment? I'm seriously curious!

I focus on BASIC care:

The BEST nutritious home made food
Deep sleep
Excellent exercise ... good cardio workout every day possible and floor based play.
Close proximal supervision at ALL times they are up playing
1 adult for 4 kids max
BIG toy collection of the best pieces and excellent quality
STRICT rules of play

Get em when they are newborns and raise them up your way.

[nannyde]

I agree mom2many. I only know my experience. I have only be doing this for a going on 5 years but I do know quite a few daycare providers and I really do think that what the OP is saying is something 99% of us can relate to. We also have to remember that everyone has a different tolerance level for certain behaviors and not all of us have the luxury of turning away kids that really are not the right fit. I have two criers right now that can be quite disruptive but we make it work. the amount of daycares in my area is unbelievable and while I am fairly strict on my policies, I can't afford to do numerous interviews or terminations and such that I think helps keep some of the disruptions at bay. I really like a lot of what nanny has to say and think she has a lot to share with other providers (I know she has helped me out on several occasions!) but I personally do not believe that a group of kids has no fighting or crying at all times. So don't worry OP, most of us here do understand what you are going thru!

Cheer

It's not a luxury to turn away kids that aren't the right fit. I have a kid to raise too. I have to make a living like everyone else does. It's not something that happens TO me... it's something I do.

When I have a slot open and I can't fill it with a family that fits I just do without. I always plan for that to happen.

The three interviews I do ARE my time. I have to give up my time to do it. It's not free to me.

The help I give you is random help. I don't know what you are going to ask of me beforehand but when you or the others that seek out my help ask... and get winning workable solutions... then you MUST believe that if I'm able to manage that (what you need at the time) then I MUST be able to do that here too... for years and years... on multiple areas of child care and mutli-level age group kids.

I couldn't fake that with you on the few things you have asked for help on. Why do you doubt that I can accomplish the same success in every other aspect of the child care I do?

Do you see what I'm saying?

You CAN have a child care where the kids don't hit, fight, bite, or be mean to each other. You can have a life where the crying is need crying not behavioral crying.

It just takes TIME and a lot of WORK to hone down each area of growth and development and the business end of this. I am able to do it because I've devoted my life to it. I've spent THOUSANDS of hours researching. I get help when I need help. If I don't know what to do I make that call myself... and I learn.... year after year.

Doubting that what I'm doing isn't true or possible is a pretty hard knock. It means that we don't intrinsically believe that kids CAN be wonderfully behaved the VAST majority... meaning 99 percent of the time.. every day. They can.

I think you are VERY far along for being four years into it. Imagine if for every year you have done it... I have done EIGHT.

I should be great at this... I've done it for 32 years this month. I've done home child care for 18 years this week.

[mom2many]

Stepford Daycare
or
Robot Daycare

::::::::

I'm going to talk about behavior crying NOT getting physically hurt crying:

I have a three year old here that I haven't heard cry once since he was 18 months old. I have a 4.5 year old who my staff assistant has cared for for 2.5 years and has NEVER heard her cry. I have a 3.75 year old who I don't even remember the last time he cried. He was either a baby or a young toddler.

My kids don't cry after the age of about 2 to 2.25. It pretty much stops by then. The time between 18 months to 2.25 we will have very little crying but now and then someone will. The easy going ones will stop around 18 months. The froggier ones around 2-2.25

Right now I only have one under 2.25. He cries right before nap at noon. That's about it.

No crying at nap. Everyone goes to bed wide awake and puts themselves to sleep.

No crying at drop off or pick up.

My kids do NOT fight with each other. Not a single one of them here has ever hit or been hit. They love each other and are very sweet to each other. The older kids care for the younger ones. We don't have competition or selfishness.

I know how to raise kids and have the crying they do do actually BE over something wrong. If they fall down they may cry. If they hit their head they may cry. They do not do "behavior" crying here once they get a bit past two.

If one of the older kids (over 2) cry it actually startles us. It makes my heart race and my adrenalin pump. I get to them really quickly because I KNOW something is wrong. I'm also very sensitive to their mood. If they get even a little despair or frustration... I try to intercede at that level so it doesn't escalate. If they even start to squoooze out a little tear... it hurts my heart. I don't want them to be upset. I trust their feelings so I know if it gets to the point where they could start crying that something is NOT right.

I'm just doing it right for these kids in my environment. It works for US. That's all there is too it.

I feel proud that I've been able to do a system that is CALM and doesn't have crying kids. It's a HUGE selling point of my child care.

Okay I get this! However, when you responded to the OP that....
" Everyone gets along, there is NO crying, screaming, everyone shares, etc. That is my day care ", I found this to not only be very unhelpful, but it also came across and sounded as if you were superior as well. I have been doing this way too long to find it plausible that there is NEVER any crying ever. Period! Kids will get upset and crying is a result of this...especially when you have a child under 2. Now that you explained and "redefined" what you meant, it is not so implausible. I still question that You have "all" of the answers though and think it is unnecessary to respond when you are only putting others down who are merely seeking help. Sharing ideas and uplifting others should be the goal of this forum. The way in which you responded initially to the OP was a far cry from this!

I agree with Blackcat and have the same scenario in my home daycare setting. It is indeed NOT "rocket science"...teaching young children respect and empathy is huge! One year olds live in a world of it being "all about them" and it is a process of teaching them to share and get along with their friends. Last year, I had 2 one year olds that truly loved each other and would hug when they'd see each other and hug when they would be leaving...However, that did NOT stop them from trying to take a toy away or have issues getting along from time to time. That is the crucial part I played, intervening and teaching them positive ways to get along.

I have had days, when there is an abundance of energy and children are having a difficult time getting along...whether from lack of sleep or they are coming down with something, but are not actively showing any ailments. In my daycare home, one would find children having fun, laughing, playing and getting along, 99% of the time. I DO NOT have on going issues with children crying, fighting, biting or not getting along. But children are human and it is not a "perfect" world! Life happens and NEVER is a word that I am okay with using!

[Crystal]

Grabbing, taking, hitting, CRYING, are very rare here but I do not believe that it NEVER happens in ANY child care setting. These behaviors are all a part of normal early childhood development and how children learn to get along, negotiate and be a part of a social group....if they don't learn it early, it's gonna be hell teaching them when they are older.

That being said, to the OP, yes. Some times, just having one or two children out changes the pace of the day.....I say ENJOY IT!

[mom2many]

grabbing, taking, hitting, crying, are very rare here but i do not believe that it never happens in any child care setting. These behaviors are all a part of normal early childhood development and how children learn to get along, negotiate and be a part of a social group....if they don't learn it early, it's gonna be hell teaching them when they are older.

That being said, to the op, yes. Some times, just having one or two children out changes the pace of the day.....i say enjoy it!

amen & hallelujah!!!

[nannyde]

Grabbing, taking, hitting, CRYING, are very rare here but I do not believe that it NEVER happens in ANY child care setting. These behaviors are all a part of normal early childhood development and how children learn to get along, negotiate and be a part of a social group....if they don't learn it early, it's gonna be hell teaching them when they are older.

How can you get "very rare here" when it's all part of normal early childhood development?

I get NONE here.

You get "very rare here".

[nannyde]

Okay I get this! However, when you responded to the OP that....
" Everyone gets along, there is NO crying, screaming, everyone shares, etc. That is my day care ", I found this to not only be very unhelpful, but it also came across and sounded as if you were superior as well. I have been doing this way too long to find it plausible that there is NEVER any crying ever. Period! Kids will get upset and crying is a result of this...especially when you have a child under 2. Now that you explained and "redefined" what you meant, it is not so implausible. I still question that You have "all" of the answers though and think it is unnecessary to respond when you are only putting others down who are merely seeking help. Sharing ideas and uplifting others should be the goal of this forum. The way in which you responded initially to the OP was a far cry from this!

I agree with Blackcat and have the same scenario in my home daycare setting. It is indeed NOT "rocket science"...teaching young children respect and empathy is huge! One year olds live in a world of it being "all about them" and it is a process of teaching them to share and get along with their friends. Last year, I had 2 one year olds that truly loved each other and would hug when they'd see each other and hug when they would be leaving...However, that did NOT stop them from trying to take a toy away or have issues getting along from time to time. That is the crucial part I played, intervening and teaching them positive ways to get along.

I have had days, when there is an abundance of energy and children are having a difficult time getting along...whether from lack of sleep or they are coming down with something, but are not actively showing any ailments. In my daycare home, one would find children having fun, laughing, playing and getting along, 99% of the time. I DO NOT have on going issues with children crying, fighting, biting or not getting along. But children are human and it is not a "perfect" world! Life happens and NEVER is a word that I am okay with using!

I explained myself perfectly.

My initial post was to the OP who questioned if we had one or two kids gone and you had a day of no crying, fighting etc.

everyone gets along


I read THIS to mean that she had behavioral crying... not an infant that happened to be gone that day so it was easier or quieter.

My response was "that is my day care". Meaning... I have this with all my kids... it doesn't matter who is here or who is not.

Then I was questioned (and fairly so...because it doesn't make sense that you could have eight kids and none of them ever cry as infants) about crying specifically so I specifically answered about crying.

OF COURSE I have infants who cry. How else are they to communicate? I then even went further to break down the cycle of crying and when it stops here based on their age progression.

I don't know how I could be more specific.

Fighting:

My kids do NOT fight. They just don't.

If my kids started being mean to each other our little world here would stop dead in it's tracks and we would start over with a completely different day to day. I will NOT have fighting at my house. I mean NONE.

[morgan24]

Yes raised by me by hand

I figured they were raised by you. The dcks I bring up from infants are that way too. They play together and they don't fight. But when I add the 2 or 2 1/2 year old that I didn't bring up my way it takes them awhile to adjust.

[Kaddidle Care]

Everyone gets along, there is no crying, screaming, everyone shares, etc.

That is my day care

Ahh in a Perfect World! ::

If only... I work in a Center and I'm not the boss so it's the old:

"You get what you get and you don't get upset!"

Sometimes you just have to do your best to correct what others have messed up prior to them coming to you.

[blessedmess8]

I can only speak from MY experience and education in child care, but hitting, crying, etc are developmentally appropriate behaviors. Especially for wee ones who don't have words yet! I will tell you one thing I think can be helpful to bring more peace to your days, though. I LOVE Dr. Becky Bailey's teachings! Get the book called: I LOVE YOU RITUALS. It has a lot to do with touch and eye contact to create and reinforce bonds between you and the kids and the kids and eachother. I think home daycares are easier in this regard than centers (having worked in both now) because when a child is in the same place with the same people, attachments are not broken and it is easier to form and nurture the bonds between us all in a smaller group size. Low adult to child ratios DO help. I worked in a NAEYC center and we were able to keep ratios low. However, 4:1 ratios are not real plausable to make a living in homes or privately owned centers! We can't control what goes on at home - sporadic routines, lack of sleep, poor attachments, etc. We can just do our best during the day. And, Country, the vast majority are feelin' you on this one!! I love my babies with all my heart and they love each other. But, like any real family (because I consider us to be a little family) we have our good days and bad days and our little tiffs and tantrums here and there along the way! (And, every now and then, no matter how much I love them, I appreciate a little break!)