Is This Too Harsh or Appropriate?

[Meeko]

All the above and then some! This subject is close to my heart.

The poor little mite may very well be delayed. And yet he has spent the last two days with a provider who is obviously frustrated with him. Delayed or not, he still has feelings. He can probably sense your disapproval.

I want you to imagine yourself in an operating room with a brain surgeon....who is trying to teach you what comes easy to him and treats you like an idiot and tells your relatives you are an idiot because you didn't catch up to speed on the brain surgery in two days.

You are doing the same to this little boy and you should be ashamed.

Nobody says you have to tend this boy if you don't want to...but don't send him out the door in disgrace.

I personally think you will be missing out. I had a baby boy who's mother was "weird". Wonderful father...but mom was a weirdo! The baby had a very difficult birth and then the mom was very distant with him and left him and her husband when he was about 6 months old.. He was delayed and didn't sit up until a year, didn't crawl until about 14 months and didn't walk until he was about 18 months old. But he was the cuddliest little darling! At four years old, everything was "blue"

"How old are you John?" Blue
What color is this?" Blue (even if it was orange)
Can you count to 5?" 1,2,blue

He was put into wonderful remedial school and has been doing great. He's 8 now and I still watch him before and after school during the year. His aunt has him during the summer. He and his dad live about a block away. If he sees me out and about he always runs over for a hug. He seems to act as if he is about 4 or 5 now. It has been quite the journey over the past 8 years.
I WOULDN'T HAVE TRADED IT FOR THE WORLD.

Caring for a special needs child is not always easy. I of course did not know he was special needs at first as I had him as a newborn.

If you cannot give this little boy a chance at your day care, at least let him go to another with some kind words. He life is going to be hard for the next few decades. Don't add to it.

[SilverSabre25]

You have no idea how glad I am to read that you are going with a more, shall we say, mundane, letter of termination. Good for you!

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

It's good that you can realize you are not the person for this family. My advice to you is that you have to remember that all children develop at different rates.
My son is 3.5 he can't count to 10, he does Not know Hardly any of his letters he hates art time and I teach every day. However he can ride a bike without training wheels, hit a baseball that is pitched, he can catch with a glove, he can do head stands and almost do a Cart wheel. He has bad verbal skills but I bet you he could do almost any large or small motor skill without a doubt.
None of my DCKs can do what he can and vice versa.

As others said less is more. I would also recommend doing a two week trail that you can decide to term for any reason.

I hope it all works out for you.

Thank you for your best wishes. I do have a trial period in my contract and notified him when he interviewed. I did not think that I would have to terminate or would want to. I do have a big heart and I am having a difficult time figuring out how to give him a termination letter, but I do have to do what is best for my family and his at this time.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

You have no idea how glad I am to read that you are going with a more, shall we say, mundane, letter of termination. Good for you!

Thank you I am having all sorts of uncontrollable emotions with having to terminate. I feel VERY bad.

[Michelle]

No, I will not be giving this letter. Yes, I am sure there is some back story. I can not imagine what it must be like to be in his shoes. He deserves the very best.

I never got to read the letter because it looks like it was deleted but I have had very difficult children before and dealing with them all day can make you say some very strong worded things... don't talk to parents when your angry or write and give letters when angry... writing is actually good therapy, just don't give it to them.
I seriously had some rough days with my autistic kid he would tell me "shut up b#tch " , kick me, and then go running to my daughter crying... (like I did something) I just got to the end of this 3 years of taking care of him.
I am so relieved I'm done. He didn't start out like that, he just got bigger and worse. So, for the sake of your group, either get some training or term him.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

I never got to read the letter because it looks like it was deleted but I have had very difficult children before and dealing with them all day can make you say some very strong worded things... don't talk to parents when your angry or write and give letters when angry... writing is actually good therapy, just don't give it to them.
I seriously had some rough days with my autistic kid he would tell me "shut up b#tch " , kick me, and then go running to my daughter crying... (like I did something) I just got to the end of this 3 years of taking care of him.
I am so relieved I'm done. He didn't start out like that, he just got bigger and worse. So, for the sake of your group, either get some training or term him.

These words should be written in stone "don't talk to parents when your angry or write and give letters when angry." I think I was dealing with some bottled up emotions, lack of sleep over the last 48 hours and 12+ hour days. I know I need to term for the sake of my group. It's not fair for another parent to pay me and me not be able to provide as much attention to their child. 3 years is a very long time for you to deal with that I am sure that you are much happier now.

[Michelle]

These words should be written in stone "don't talk to parents when your angry or write and give letters when angry." I think I was dealing with some bottled up emotions, lack of sleep over the last 48 hours and 12+ hour days. I know I need to term for the sake of my group. It's not fair for another parent to pay me and me not be able to provide as much attention to their child. 3 years is a very long time for you to deal with that I am sure that you are much happier now.

Very much!!!!
It's like he knew to scream and act as bad as possible in front of parents, making me look like an idiot that can't control my group.
I got really good at having my hubbie take him in another room or outside at pickup time. One time the food program lady was here and he just stripped my Christmas tree and threw the decorations at me, knowing I couldn't do any thing smiling the whole time saying "haha" because I was busy with her. If he were my kid.... let's just say he wouldn't have been able to sit down that night! ::::
I know what you are going through and I am loving every day that I don't have the chaos.

[sharlan]

Thank you I am having all sorts of uncontrollable emotions with having to terminate. I feel VERY bad.

Terming isn't always easy.

This child has some special needs. It is unfair for him to be tossed around like a balloon, he needs stability. From what you know, his home life is not stable, so if he is going to have stability, it's going to have to come from his daycare situation. From your posts, you don't feel that you can give him what he needs. It is kinder to him that you term sooner rather than later so that he doesn't get too accoustomed to you.

I pray that his father finds a better fit for him at his next daycare. (This is in no way a put down to you, the two of you just don't mesh.)

[Cat Herder]

These words should be written in stone "don't talk to parents when your angry or write and give letters when angry." I think I was dealing with some bottled up emotions, lack of sleep over the last 48 hours and 12+ hour days. I know I need to term for the sake of my group.

I think we have ALL been there.

I, personally, put a "time limit star" on the calendar.

The day I verbalize dreading their arrival to ANYONE (even my dog ) I put a star on the calendar 30 days after the day.

If when I get to that star 30 days later and I feel the same....I term. (I also do this for all purchases over $100 )

RARELY happens because I have a psychological "light at the end of the tunnel" and a short term goal. Sometimes just the cooling period gives me time to find a method that works...

NOW, I am incredibly stubborn so 30 days IS my perfect evaluation/cool off time. For others it may be two weeks....or years for those who crave punishment..:::: jk...

Anyway, you are not alone.