Is This Too Harsh or Appropriate?

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

Mods please close this thread. Thank you.

[Cat Herder]

IMHO, Less is More when it comes to termination.

Just facts, no opinions, plans of action, discussion or emotion.

This advice is based on a personal experience with "The Termination Nightmare that would not end" of years ago.

[nannyde]

I wouldn't give them this.

I would just write a very simple letter of termination telling them that you have made a decision that their son is not a good fit for your child care. I would say something along the lines of that you aren't able to meet his needs.

If you have only had him a few days they aren't going to be receptive of your evaluations. They also could use that documentation in a retaliation with the State or publicly on the net. You won't have an opportunity to counter it if they go public with it.

It's risky business getting into this specific of an evaluation especially in writing. You know in your heart if you can manage him. If the answer is no then that's all you need.

You know kids can be pretty froggy when they are that old and put into a new situation. He COULD be just offering up anxiety and stress instead of delay. I've seen a few kids act like this when they came and were completely different kids a few months later.

Think about it some more. Less is more when it comes to terming.

[SilverSabre25]

Well, aside from a few glaring grammatical errors (the word is "pronouncing words correctly, not "pronounciating") and the fact that it needs paragraph breaks, I have to say that it is definitely too harsh and very inappropriate. I'm not sorry; I'm going to be polite, but I'm not going to soften what I have to say.

This whole letter came off very poorly and extremely judgmental, critical, accusatory. It is NOT professional. It is NOT acceptable. I definitely agree that his parents need to find care elsewhere because you do NOT seem to like, tolerate, or be willing to work with this poor child.

You have no way of knowing whether this boy has access to books at home or has daily story-time at home. You posted yesterday about him, I believe, and mentioned that he is possibly autistic or has some other kind of delay going on--it's very possible that all the reading and story-time in the world would not make a difference to his ability to know the information you mentioned.

If he has never had exposure to story-time, or even if he has, the inability to sit and listen at story-time is NOT a red flag...it's pretty normal. It was, from the sounds of it, his first day in your care; you need to give him time to feel out the rules and adjust to the new situation. Two days is not enough time. Furthermore, it is not, IMO, acceptable to toss in the "xylophone is a 12 mo level toy"--where did you even get that idea? All 3.5 year olds *I* know love to play with xylophones.

It was also inappropriate to toss in the line: "reading just a few minutes a day will enrich his min." Again, you have NO idea if he gets this exposure at home and it is NOT okay for you to assume that he does not.

Respect as a female or care provider? That's not an age appropriate expectation at all! Sure, he needs to respect you as an adult but again, if he is truly delayed, he may not understand or be capable of it at this point. Deciding that you do not like being addressed as "Hey" is more YOUR problem than his. Furthermore, YOU HAVE HAD HIM FOR TWO DAYS! Two!!! That's not very many! To say that you "have been trying to teach him to say please and thank you", have been trying to teach him his colors, animals, etc, when you've had him for TWO DAYS is ridiculous!!! He isn't going to learn those things instantly!

Going back to your original thread, you mention "able to have a couple of girls instead" really rubs me the wrong way. I'm feeling like perhaps you mostly have a problem with his gender, and if so, then shame on you. I don't usually say things like that either, but this letter, your post yesterday...honestly, I'm not sure you should be providing child care. You have a LOT to learn, and you need to start now.

You have not given this child a fair chance to adjust, to learn, to get to know you. You have not given it a fair chance to get to know him.

That being said, your letter should read,

Dear [parent],

I regret to inform you that effective immediately I will no longer be able to care for Johnny. I wish you and him the best of luck in the future.

Regards,

[you]

[sharlan]

Too harsh and inappropriate.

You need to calm down and rewrite something brief and to the point.

You have not had him long enough to really know the story.

6 mos ago, my 4 yo could not carry on a conversation, could tell you the names of EVERY shark and dinosaur but couldn't answer yes or no questions, fixated on trains and sharks to the exlusion of everything else, would hit and throw sand at other kids in the park, would hit his cousin with everything he could get his hands on, wouldn't make eye contact, etc. He was read to every night.

With persistance on his mother's and my part, he now converses easily, knows all of his letters, numbers to 10, colors, shapes, knows the words to several songs, and rarely hits unless provoked. He is a totally different child today.

[countrymom]

ok, don't give him this letter. First off, you gave the child 2 days. I can understand if it was 2 weeks that he was in your care but 2 days is not enough time for you and the child to form a trusting bond. Your letter sounds like you are telling the dad that he's doing a lousy job at parenting and that his child is stupid and delayed.

another problem i have is "WHY ARE YOU SHOVING SO MUCH STUFF ON A CHILD THAT HAS BEEN IN YOUR CARE FOR 2 DAYS" sorry for the caps but give the kid a break, I usually let a child explore his surroundings for a least a week before i start teaching him. Also, who cares if he doesn't know animal sounds or doesn't Please re evalute you situation.

[Crystal]

Well, aside from a few glaring grammatical errors (the word is "pronouncing words correctly, not "pronounciating") and the fact that it needs paragraph breaks, I have to say that it is definitely too harsh and very inappropriate. I'm not sorry; I'm going to be polite, but I'm not going to soften what I have to say.

This whole letter came off very poorly and extremely judgmental, critical, accusatory. It is NOT professional. It is NOT acceptable. I definitely agree that his parents need to find care elsewhere because you do NOT seem to like, tolerate, or be willing to work with this poor child.

You have no way of knowing whether this boy has access to books at home or has daily story-time at home. You posted yesterday about him, I believe, and mentioned that he is possibly autistic or has some other kind of delay going on--it's very possible that all the reading and story-time in the world would not make a difference to his ability to know the information you mentioned.

If he has never had exposure to story-time, or even if he has, the inability to sit and listen at story-time is NOT a red flag...it's pretty normal. It was, from the sounds of it, his first day in your care; you need to give him time to feel out the rules and adjust to the new situation. Two days is not enough time. Furthermore, it is not, IMO, acceptable to toss in the "xylophone is a 12 mo level toy"--where did you even get that idea? All 3.5 year olds *I* know love to play with xylophones.

It was also inappropriate to toss in the line: "reading just a few minutes a day will enrich his min." Again, you have NO idea if he gets this exposure at home and it is NOT okay for you to assume that he does not.

Respect as a female or care provider? That's not an age appropriate expectation at all! Sure, he needs to respect you as an adult but again, if he is truly delayed, he may not understand or be capable of it at this point. Deciding that you do not like being addressed as "Hey" is more YOUR problem than his. Furthermore, YOU HAVE HAD HIM FOR TWO DAYS! Two!!! That's not very many! To say that you "have been trying to teach him to say please and thank you", have been trying to teach him his colors, animals, etc, when you've had him for TWO DAYS is ridiculous!!! He isn't going to learn those things instantly!

Going back to your original thread, you mention "able to have a couple of girls instead" really rubs me the wrong way. I'm feeling like perhaps you mostly have a problem with his gender, and if so, then shame on you. I don't usually say things like that either, but this letter, your post yesterday...honestly, I'm not sure you should be providing child care. You have a LOT to learn, and you need to start now.

You have not given this child a fair chance to adjust, to learn, to get to know you. You have not given it a fair chance to get to know him.

That being said, your letter should read,

Dear [parent],

I regret to inform you that effective immediately I will no longer be able to care for Johnny. I wish you and him the best of luck in the future.

Regards,

[you]

Worth repeating....and, where is that applause smiley?

[sharlan]

As for the issue with the grandmother, she may be very involved with this boy.

I have been to every parent/teacher conference, every 504 meeting, every open house, 50% of all dr's appts for my 15 yo granddaughter. I picked her up from school every day and spoke to the teachers from preschool to jr high. I even homeschooled her for 5th grade. I have done all this at my daughter's request. We are a very close, tight knit family.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

I will go with the simple letter. I am new to all of this and I have a SON, so I am not trying to pick which genders to care for. As a parent if I had a daughter I would not put my child where there are 3 other boys and only 1 other opening left.

Today a friend of the father's came to pick him up. She is a middle school teacher. Without me mentioning anything she said to me that he needs a lot of one on one care. I have tried to exclusively give him attention and it has become unfair to the other children who I would like to begin on a cirriculum for children ages 2 1/2 to 4. I would not be able to do this with this group.

I was unsure if I wanted to terminate. My morning with him went fairly well. The afternoon was very difficult. I cannot keep him entertained but for 1 minute and he gives up on every activity that I am trying to provide for them at this time. My son is the youngest in this group and will handle activites for a longer period of time.

I know the right thing for me to do is terminate and allow the father to find a setting that will better fit his childs needs.

[Crazy8]

OMG, would you really give that to a parent??? I am sure there is some back story here but be the professional and just type up a very basic termination letter. Look for one on the web and just insert their names - PLEASE do not give the letter you've typed above. :confused:

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

IMHO, Less is More when it comes to termination.

Just facts, no opinions, plans of action, discussion or emotion.

This advice is based on a personal experience with "The Termination Nightmare that would not end" of years ago.

Thank you for all your advice!

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

I wouldn't give them this.

I would just write a very simple letter of termination telling them that you have made a decision that their son is not a good fit for your child care. I would say something along the lines of that you aren't able to meet his needs.

If you have only had him a few days they aren't going to be receptive of your evaluations. They also could use that documentation in a retaliation with the State or publicly on the net. You won't have an opportunity to counter it if they go public with it.

It's risky business getting into this specific of an evaluation especially in writing. You know in your heart if you can manage him. If the answer is no then that's all you need.

You know kids can be pretty froggy when they are that old and put into a new situation. He COULD be just offering up anxiety and stress instead of delay. I've seen a few kids act like this when they came and were completely different kids a few months later.

Think about it some more. Less is more when it comes to terming.

Thanks Nan. You are right that I would know in my heart if I could manage him and I know I cannot. It does truly sadden me because today I was ready to try to take on this task but I have come to a conclusion that I truly cannot and it is more than I can take on right now. I know that there has to be a program out there that can help his every need

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

You have no way of knowing whether this boy has access to books at home or has daily story-time at home. You posted yesterday about him, I believe, and mentioned that he is possibly autistic or has some other kind of delay going on--it's very possible that all the reading and story-time in the world would not make a difference to his ability to know the information you mentioned.


I'm feeling like perhaps you mostly have a problem with his gender, and if so, then shame on you.

Dear [parent],

I regret to inform you that effective immediately I will no longer be able to care for Johnny. I wish you and him the best of luck in the future.

Regards,

[you]

I will go with what you provided above. I do not have a problem with this gender as I only have a son. I asked the grandmother today and she said he does not have any books.

I am not a medical expert. I was wondering if this could be a possiblity. I do not think he really could be autistic but he is behind on his age and does need to be evaluated.

There are obvious things I do not know about him or their personal life. As someone else said I am not trying to say he is a lousy dad. I think that he may have just been given custody of his son. I would just like to see him get the proper one on one care that he truly deserves.

I have really been having a very difficult time with this situation emotionally. I feel really bad for this child because he will have great potential when he has good direction.

[daycare]

It's good that you can realize you are not the person for this family. My advice to you is that you have to remember that all children develop at different rates.
My son is 3.5 he can't count to 10, he does Not know Hardly any of his letters he hates art time and I teach every day. However he can ride a bike without training wheels, hit a baseball that is pitched, he can catch with a glove, he can do head stands and almost do a Cart wheel. He has bad verbal skills but I bet you he could do almost any large or small motor skill without a doubt.
None of my DCKs can do what he can and vice versa.

As others said less is more. I would also recommend doing a two week trail that you can decide to term for any reason.

I hope it all works out for you.

[Littleowlfamdaycare]

OMG, would you really give that to a parent??? I am sure there is some back story here but be the professional and just type up a very basic termination letter. Look for one on the web and just insert their names - PLEASE do not give the letter you've typed above. :confused:

No, I will not be giving this letter. Yes, I am sure there is some back story. I can not imagine what it must be like to be in his shoes. He deserves the very best.