Why Do Some Kids Act so Bad When the Parents are Here?!

[daycare]

I just started a monoey saving jar for each chld. They can earn up to 3 fake dollars a day. I have a treasure chest of things that each child can buy one item if they have money left at the end of the week. one of the big big deals i make out of it is drop off and pick up.

If they act up when parents are present and do the wild crazy animal thing they all do when mom\/dad are here, I make them walk over and pluck out one of those dollars. If they chose not to, I will do it. Yesterday one of the DCK lost all 3 bucks.... the mom was so frustrated she picked up DCK and ran out the door with child under arm screaming....oh thank god i came up with this...... The parents hate it, but guess what it has been working and it gets them out of here quicker....

I love my DCP and kids......but I love them when they arent together.....

[Stacy214]

AHHHHHHHHHH I have the same problem!!!!!!! OMGosh he is almost 3 and his Mom brings him , he's HORRIBLE kicking her slapping her and kicking my door, trying to hurt the babies that are here...and she calmly says oh no no that's not nice (THROWING UP IN MY MOUTH every time) bleh! She comes at pick up same thing!!! Climbing my china hutch and hitting my TV hurting the kids how infuriating!
Sooooo, i could go on but that felt good getting that out... I have tried to talk to him before she gets here, I also have him ready to go...then when they leave, he shoots out the door and she chases him for 15 minutes before driving away. I just shut my door , I'm done. I am at a loss as well but so glad I don't have the only nut (and I'm not sure which one is the nut, the Mom or the child :confused: )
But let me also add to basically my vent ...he's NOT like this during the day. AND Mom thinks this is normal behavior and that he just silly.

[PitterPatter]

I keep trying really hard to follow Nannyde's advise about the changing of the guard and the bye bye at the door. Sometimes it does work but others the parent just pushes past me (so effin rude!) I will say here is the sign out and hand it to her. She will say ok I just need to sit a minute, and off to the living room she goes. I want to say this is NOT YOUR house! Go home and sit! But I am not rude.

Today I had the kids outside so no reason to go in, YAY right? WRONG, DCM has to use the bathroom and takes her kid in with her BUT leaves the kid out of the bathroom so now he's running through my house nibbing! Honestly I do that praying to Jesus to get them out a lot! It just never ends, always something here. I think I will change the name of my daycare to Drama tots!

[cheerfuldom]

totally agree with nanny's blog post. one of my DCGs is AWFUL about this and of course, these are the parents that want to chat, show up late or early and want to stretch that daycare day out as long as possible. They don't want to be around their kid anymore than they have too. I have her ready to go, open the door and hand out the bag and just make them leave. Usually I hear them still wrestling her into the car 20 minutes later but thats not my problem. They used to turn her loose in the front yard and talk or worse, dad would come in and ignore his own daughter and talk to all the other kids. I put an end to all that quickly!

[jenh171]

I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in this. ALL of my children act out the minute the parent arrives at pick up and while they're dropping off in the morning too. It drives me bananas. It seems like such manipulative behavior and it is SO disruptive too.

[DancingQueen]

Does anyone have the issue where ALL of the kids act up during a pick up.. even the kids who's parents arent the ones that are picking up. So if I have 5 kids here and kid #1 is getting picked up and I try to talk to parent for 2 minutes ALL of the kids start to raise hell. I'm getting pretty hard core with my rules even through pick up and drop offs but it makes me look even MORE incapable when ALL of the kids are doing it and not just their child.

[cheerfuldom]

are all the kids picked up in the same time frame? start planning an activity where they have specific instructions during that time. All seated at the table with coloring pages or something. That way it doesn't turn into a free for all. Even if you can just get the older ones settled, that should help.

[WDW]

Oh my Gosh I am SOOO over this behavior too! We recently put up a brand new storm door and I have three families who seem to think it's perfectly okay to let their kids hang on the handle, open it and slam it shut, kick it, etc when they are here. The kids would never touch do that during the day but as soon as mom arrives... GRR! One of them is 15 months old and mom holds her over so she can yank on the handle, or lets her stand there and shake the little piece that pulls it shut (can't think what you call it). REALLY?

Another one is barely tall enough to reach the handle, but she gets on her tippy toes, hangs on the handle, kicks the door open and then lets it slam shut. Over and over and over. Grrrr. I almost hope she pinches her fingers. Almost.

Then, this morning, DCM sets her DCG on my NEW couch and then tells me, oh, she's pretty wet, she had a lot of milk this morning!

[Unregistered]

I had the same thing with my children! I posted a sign above the door handle that says; The handle is getting loose because you let your children wiggle and hang on the handle. So from now on DO NOT let your children open the door, as it states in my handbook CHILDREN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OPEN THE DOOR. Also when things like this happen and a child BREAKS something AFTER I have ask parents NOT to let your children do...then where does the money come from to make the repairs??? This is where it comes from...YOUR daycare FEES will be raised!!

Parents have not let there child touch the handle again...and the sign is still on the door..

[Unregistered]

Why Do Some Kids Act so Bad When the Parents are Here?!

Hello,
I am soo glad that I am not the only one dealing with this. I take care of a 6 month old and 18 month old, and the toddler is a holy terror when her mother comes to get her. She jumps on the couches (not allowed to even look at the couches during the day), chews on the baby's chew toys, touches ALL the no no's to include electrical outlets, scratches the baby's face or hit the dog, she has even gone so far as to break an irreplaceable item I had gotten while on vacation (I wanted to cry). I have since moved all of my breakables, since her mother doesn't seem fit to control her child for the small amount of time she's here during drop off and pick up. I use the term "small amount of time" very LOOSELY, as like all of your problem DCK parents she likes to chat and tell me all of her drama.
Everyone's suggestions are great, but I feel that the DCG is not able to comprehend any lectures or the sit and wait rule. What I need to control is the DCM, but I do not know how to go about saying it without hurting her feelings or me being rude. Because want I want to say is that "you telling her no is not working!" She is a young mother, and from what I see the DCG runs her life. The DCG is very mean to her DCM, when the DCM picks her she scratches her face and bites her shoulders, and all she says is oww you're so mean.
I know this is a long post, but your suggestions are greatly appreciated

[Meeko]

My assistant tells me when the kid comes back the next day I should sit him in the time out chair for 10 minutes right away and remind him what he did the day before. I don't think they will always remember tho.

He remembers perfectly well!

He "remembers" to act like an animal each day at pick up, so he can be expected to understand why he is in trouble.

You have two choices.

The child needs to understand that he isn't going to get away with the behavior. Ever.

If the parent isn't going to step up then you have to.

I have actually told a parent to leave and come back in ten minutes, because Sweetie is going to sit quietly and politely for a while. The child freaked out when Mom left, but I watched the "lights go on" as she realized she wasn't winning this one. I told her that would happen each and every time she behaved badly at pick up. She tested me again the next day and I did it again. That was the last time. She was a model child every pick up after that.

If you think the parent wouldn't agree to leaving and returning...then the child needs to get a time out the INSTANT they arrive the next morning. Once they understand that consequences WILL follow, one way or the other, they will tow the line. They are smart. They will understand PERFECTLY the reason they are in time out.

[Play Care]

Hello,
I am soo glad that I am not the only one dealing with this. I take care of a 6 month old and 18 month old, and the toddler is a holy terror when her mother comes to get her. She jumps on the couches (not allowed to even look at the couches during the day), chews on the baby's chew toys, touches ALL the no no's to include electrical outlets, scratches the baby's face or hit the dog, she has even gone so far as to break an irreplaceable item I had gotten while on vacation (I wanted to cry). I have since moved all of my breakables, since her mother doesn't seem fit to control her child for the small amount of time she's here during drop off and pick up. I use the term "small amount of time" very LOOSELY, as like all of your problem DCK parents she likes to chat and tell me all of her drama.
Everyone's suggestions are great, but I feel that the DCG is not able to comprehend any lectures or the sit and wait rule. What I need to control is the DCM, but I do not know how to go about saying it without hurting her feelings or me being rude. Because want I want to say is that "you telling her no is not working!" She is a young mother, and from what I see the DCG runs her life. The DCG is very mean to her DCM, when the DCM picks her she scratches her face and bites her shoulders, and all she says is oww you're so mean.
I know this is a long post, but your suggestions are greatly appreciated

Can you gate off your front door area? I used to do this so the kids had to be handed out and couldn't get back in. I usually would say "bye" and walk out of sight to the play room. Once the "audience" was gone they were usually fine. This works well with parents that may balk at the outside good bye.

If you can't do that, does the mom come around the same time each day? About 5 minutes before she comes have the dc girl and the sibling ready to go, meet mom at the door and hand them out with a "they had a great day, see you tomorrow!" I send home a daily note with each family so they can refer to that for any important information about their child - no need to sit and chat for twenty minutes while kids run wild.

I would suggest that if you are going to continue to care for children in your home, you make the set up as safe and efficient as possible to make things easier on YOU. If that means setting up some gates in certain areas, so be it. If it means moving breakable items out of the area, fine. Really, you will be so much happier when you get your set up to work for you, not against you.

[Cradle2crayons]

I warn them before parents come. If they start acting up when mom or dad come, they sit in time out until mom and dad are ready to go. All of my parents completely back me on this. Also, I have a prize box, and if they have been good all day, they get to pick something out. They have to be good at pick up time too. If they aren't, they don't get anything. The prize box is VERY important to them. I buy bulk little things from Oriental Trading like bouncey balls, tattoos, bubbles, stickers, etc. I expect the same behavior at pick up time as I do all day long.

I have the girl of a sibling group that as SOON as the door opens and it's her mom (not dad, just mom), IMMEDIATELY the whining started. So yep, time out she sat for a few afternoons at pickup until she could learn to stop. It worked. LOL

[blessed mom]

Ughhh... what a brat. That sucks. Its like they "know" that we cant really do anything if the parent is there so they just do ALL the bad stuff they can think of. If the parent wasnt here, my DCG knows she will get a timeout and she knows she will lose whatever toy shes playing with... I feel awkward getting after her in front of the mom. I feel like once the parent is there that she should step in and do the disciplining of thier own child. Sadly some parents just dont know how to do it... or they are embarrassed. So she gets away with acting like a little terd.

I have one like this and I have given a time out with parents/grandparents there. Sorry...my house my rules. They KNOW the rules. They can act that way at your house...not mine. If the parent can't handle their little darling being disciplined for clearly disobeying the rules it's just not a good fit. He also likes to unlock the door and run out at pick up. Mom's screaming wait for mommy...child totally ignores her. Mom runs after him...by see you tomorrow. Same child never touches the door all day long when with me. It's sad really. I just posted a vent about some of this. They will live and be better people if they learn to do what they are told even if they don't want to. Lazy parenting and catering doesn't help...it's very frustrating from my end to watch.