Why Do Some Kids Act so Bad When the Parents are Here?!

[MamaBear]

I have a 3 yr old DCG that acts SO bad when her mom picks her up. I've had other kids that have done this in the past too. During the day she is so good and listens pretty well. But the moment her mom picks up she turns into this devil child.

She runs around like crazy and touches everything she isn't allowed to touch. Today she was running around making this awful whining sound and was yanking on my miniblinds (a big no-no and she knows this), smacked another girls face and threw toys around! When she hit the other DCG I said "Oh noooo ...that was not nice" and her mom just acted like it was no big deal as she quickly tried to get her out. Everytime the mom reached for her she would cry & run away. Then she picked up my sons little laptop toy and was trying to take it home with her. I KNOW the mom saw it in her hands. I said "Uh Oh - lets leave that here" and she kept trying to run out with it. Her mom asked her to put it back so guess what she does... She runs in and THROWS it across my livingroom with a big smash!!! What the frig?!?! The mom apologized and left running.

NORMALLY I always have her ready and basically just push her out the door with the mom so thats not an issue. I always have her shoes on and shes ready to go... but days like this when I wasnt prepared, she ALWAYS does this! Its so freakin annoying! And the mom is sooooo scared to discipline her. I hate it.

I dont get why as soon as she sees her mom she has to act so bad and touch and do everything she would NEVER do during the day when its just her and I and the other kids! Does she feel like with her mom there she can get away with everything? Does she forget that she has to come back again tomorrow withouth mom?? Sheesh!

I guess all I can do is have her ready for pick up every day so I dont have to deal with it. But what else could I do? Its so annoying! :confused:

[nannyde]

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-dynamic-of-bad-behavior-in-daycare.htm

[jojosmommy]

I have two daycare kids that do this. Mom arrives and they jump on the couch (not even allowed to sit on it during the day) they hit my son, basically climb the walls. Its all attention seeking.

For a while that was what she thought they did at daycare all day. I clearly explained to her that when she arrived they would both be sent down the steps to the entry way and locked (with the stairs gate) away from everything else. I get ones shoes on and she does the other and then they both typically run crazy to the car- which I don't allow but mom doesnt discipline at home so they know they rule the roost.

I would tell mom she needs to call 5 min before arrival and you will get said child ready and explain to her why. Tell her 1x a week you are willing to try to let her get ready independently (or follow whatever your typical leaving routine is) and if she can not handle it then she will have to go back to dressed and ready at the door.

It makes communication difficult when they pickup b/c the child is already ready and wants to go but its better than having 10 min of complete chaos at the end of your day and still not being able to communicate anything to mom.

[DancingQueen]

I have one.
I posted about him before.
I made a deal with dad to text me when he's 5 or 10 minutes away and I have dcb get his shoes and coat on and sit on the bench by the door.

He still tries to get riled when his dad gets here because his dad STILL takes too long to get out of here but I've been really firm with him recently.

Last week before his dad got here I reminded him. "When your dad gets here I expect you to behave and wait patiently for your dad to finish talking to me. I don't want to see you running around breaking all of the rules of my house. OK?"

So he says yes and sure enough he started up the minute his dad got there. Got up from the bench and started up. So I held up a finger to his dad (who was ignoring his sons behavior and talking to me) and said "hang on a second" I turned to his son and I said "Do you remember what we talked about before your dad got here?"
He said "yes"
I said "but you still aren't following the rules are you?"
he said "no"
I said "now you'll need to sit down on that bench and remain quiet until your dad is ready to leave. tomorrow I will give you another chance but if you don't follow the rules during pick up time you'll have to sit like this every day when your dad comes to get you. Does that sound like much fun?"
him: "no"
me: "I didn't think so. Now have a seat and wait for daddy to be read"

Oddly enough - dad was ready to go instantly.

we did this two days in a row and now he is fine and dad also shortened pick ups. I got a two-fer!!!

I will add (because I'm not in denial) that my daughter acts up with him when it is pick up time and she was also told to sit down (on the opposite end of the room) until dcb left. And she was also told that she would be required to sit like that every day during every single pick up if she couldn't behave.

My parents respect my rules even if they don't always agree with them and so far no one has had a problem with me maintaining order with their children when they are here.

[MamaBear]

Exactly!

Thats the same thing that happens here... I always tell her that she DOES NOT act like this all day. I dont want them to think I have crazy monkeys jumping around all day. Its really just when she picks up. I'll just have to make sure she is ready to go right at 3 each day and not get distracted from her being prepared to leave.

Even when she is ready though, there are times when the mom starts jabbering and the girl runs back in and starts doing her "thing". Maybe I should just tell her that she needs to just leave quickly so its not an issue with her wild craziness at pick ups and for her to call me later if she wants to chat. Its just so annoying.

[DancingQueen]

Oh and I had a parent (short lived famiily LOL) who would try to talk to me about their child's day upon pick up but her kids were OUT. OF. CONTROL. during pick up because she was there.

So finally I told her. "I'd love to be able to tell you how their day went but their behavior right now is making it impossible for us to talk and it is getting the rest of the kids riled up. So I just can't take the time to talk to you right now, feel free to call me between 7:30 and 8:30 if you have any questions or email me before 7 and I'll get back to you tonight." And then I turned around and gathered all of the other kids and said "Ok kids, that's enough - let's go back to the play room now"

and left her standing there in the door way with her jaw on the floor. She gave her notice shortly after that. I was not sad.

[DancingQueen]

Even when she is ready though, there are times when the mom starts jabbering and the girl runs back in and starts doing her "thing".

there is no way I'd allow a dck to be outside when mom or dad is inside with me. I have a ridiculous fear of them getting into trouble or something bad happening to them and I really don't need the insurance claim.

If *I* have to be outside with my daycare kids when they are outside then so do their parents. I won't let them walk out the door until it is with mom and they are all turning to go.

Just like when we are all in back yard during pick up I would never let dck go out of my gated back yard without mom or dad (or me) to head to the car. No one is allowed out of my house or out of my fenced in back yard without a grown up.

[MamaBear]

Funny

HeeHee Thats awesome! Those are the type of parents that I could care less if they quit on me! haha

[MamaBear]

there is no way I'd allow a dck to be outside when mom or dad is inside with me. I have a ridiculous fear of them getting into trouble or something bad happening to them and I really don't need the insurance claim.

Yeah I agree. I always keep them inside, but this ONE particular DCM takes her outside the door and THEN starts trying to chat with me. I should make her step inside I guess when she starts jabbering... but then she might never leave! . I'll have to tell her like you said - that she can call or email me later to chat. You'd think she'd see the chaos and realize it just doesnt make sense to stand there. Sheeze...

[PitterPatter]

I have a 3 yr old DCG that acts SO bad when her mom picks her up. I've had other kids that have done this in the past too. During the day she is so good and listens pretty well. But the moment her mom picks up she turns into this devil child.

She runs around like crazy and touches everything she isn't allowed to touch. Today she was running around making this awful whining sound and was yanking on my miniblinds (a big no-no and she knows this), smacked another girls face and threw toys around! When she hit the other DCG I said "Oh noooo ...that was not nice" and her mom just acted like it was no big deal as she quickly tried to get her out. Everytime the mom reached for her she would cry & run away. Then she picked up my sons little laptop toy and was trying to take it home with her. I KNOW the mom saw it in her hands. I said "Uh Oh - lets leave that here" and she kept trying to run out with it. Her mom asked her to put it back so guess what she does... She runs in and THROWS it across my livingroom with a big smash!!! What the frig?!?! The mom apologized and left running.

NORMALLY I always have her ready and basically just push her out the door with the mom so thats not an issue. I always have her shoes on and shes ready to go... but days like this when I wasnt prepared, she ALWAYS does this! Its so freakin annoying! And the mom is sooooo scared to discipline her. I hate it.

I dont get why as soon as she sees her mom she has to act so bad and touch and do everything she would NEVER do during the day when its just her and I and the other kids! Does she feel like with her mom there she can get away with everything? Does she forget that she has to come back again tomorrow withouth mom?? Sheesh!

I guess all I can do is have her ready for pick up every day so I dont have to deal with it. But what else could I do? Its so annoying! :confused:

I have had the EXACT problem! I have a almost 3 yr old that does it now! I will have him ready but DCM has to come in and sit UGH!!! He runs over and takes pictures off of the shelves and laughs his a$$ off! He then runs up to my bedroom where he KNOWS is totally off limits! He will jump on my bed and dcm just sits downstairs yelling "come on lets go" in a calm tone! Sometimes she does chase him up which I think is what he wants from her. The last few times I gave chase because when I get to him I am stern and I bark "NO we do NOT go in my room"! I take him down by the arm because he won't let me hold his hand. I too am getting very tired of his B.S.!

I had a child in the past that I actually had to term because EVERYDAY like clockwork he would trash my house literally break things when his Mom came. I put up with it for a year or so and he was out of here. I don't have that much patience anymore so if my current DCB doesn't soon stop he will be out the door as well. I have had other abusive issues from him anyway. My assistant tells me when the kid comes back the next day I should sit him in the time out chair for 10 minutes right away and remind him what he did the day before. I don't think they will always remember tho.

I feel so bad for u but I don't have any advise. I have talked to the parents and 1 would bark at her kid and scold him etc but he continued. The current 1 rolls her eyes and blows it off like I am wrong for being upset. I hope she straigtens up for u.

[MamaBear]

Thanks!

I feel so bad for u but I don't have any advise. I have talked to the parents and 1 would bark at her kid and scold him etc but he continued. The current 1 rolls her eyes and blows it off like I am wrong for being upset. I hope she straigtens up for u.

Thank you I guess its kind of a norm that happens then. I've had a boy do that in the past too... he would jump on the couch, throw toys and run in circles... it was crazy. Then when the parent wants to leave they dont want to go... And if its a laid back parent, then it makes it even harder.

I cant figure it out if its because they are so excited to see their parent that they act wild, or if its just the fact that they seem to KNOW that they can get away with crap while the parents standing there because I cant put them in time out and whatnot like I would when the parent wasnt there. THey can be sneaky little boogers haha

[PitterPatter]

Thank you I guess its kind of a norm that happens then. I've had a boy do that in the past too... he would jump on the couch, throw toys and run in circles... it was crazy. Then when the parent wants to leave they dont want to go... And if its a laid back parent, then it makes it even harder.

I cant figure it out if its because they are so excited to see their parent that they act wild, or if its just the fact that they seem to KNOW that they can get away with crap while the parents standing there because I cant put them in time out and whatnot like I would when the parent wasnt there. THey can be sneaky little boogers haha

THIS is my current kid! He will run his smart mouth to me during drop off and pick up too. Then an hour later once he knows I am in the drivers seat he toes the line a lot better! At pick up when he picks up my picture frames and nic-nacs he will look at me to be sure I see him about to do it. Then when I say no he laughs and snatches them up. He has started sticking his tongue out at my assistant when she comes to fill on for me. I haven't had the pleasure of seeing that yet. Lord forgive me I DO love children but this 1 can be such a brat! U don't even know!

[MamaBear]

Ughhh

Ughhh... what a brat. That sucks. Its like they "know" that we cant really do anything if the parent is there so they just do ALL the bad stuff they can think of. If the parent wasnt here, my DCG knows she will get a timeout and she knows she will lose whatever toy shes playing with... I feel awkward getting after her in front of the mom. I feel like once the parent is there that she should step in and do the disciplining of thier own child. Sadly some parents just dont know how to do it... or they are embarrassed. So she gets away with acting like a little terd.

[sahm2three]

I have a 3 yr old DCG that acts SO bad when her mom picks her up. I've had other kids that have done this in the past too. During the day she is so good and listens pretty well. But the moment her mom picks up she turns into this devil child.

She runs around like crazy and touches everything she isn't allowed to touch. Today she was running around making this awful whining sound and was yanking on my miniblinds (a big no-no and she knows this), smacked another girls face and threw toys around! When she hit the other DCG I said "Oh noooo ...that was not nice" and her mom just acted like it was no big deal as she quickly tried to get her out. Everytime the mom reached for her she would cry & run away. Then she picked up my sons little laptop toy and was trying to take it home with her. I KNOW the mom saw it in her hands. I said "Uh Oh - lets leave that here" and she kept trying to run out with it. Her mom asked her to put it back so guess what she does... She runs in and THROWS it across my livingroom with a big smash!!! What the frig?!?! The mom apologized and left running.

NORMALLY I always have her ready and basically just push her out the door with the mom so thats not an issue. I always have her shoes on and shes ready to go... but days like this when I wasnt prepared, she ALWAYS does this! Its so freakin annoying! And the mom is sooooo scared to discipline her. I hate it.

I dont get why as soon as she sees her mom she has to act so bad and touch and do everything she would NEVER do during the day when its just her and I and the other kids! Does she feel like with her mom there she can get away with everything? Does she forget that she has to come back again tomorrow withouth mom?? Sheesh!

I guess all I can do is have her ready for pick up every day so I dont have to deal with it. But what else could I do? Its so annoying! :confused:

I warn them before parents come. If they start acting up when mom or dad come, they sit in time out until mom and dad are ready to go. All of my parents completely back me on this. Also, I have a prize box, and if they have been good all day, they get to pick something out. They have to be good at pick up time too. If they aren't, they don't get anything. The prize box is VERY important to them. I buy bulk little things from Oriental Trading like bouncey balls, tattoos, bubbles, stickers, etc. I expect the same behavior at pick up time as I do all day long.

[MamaBear]

Great idea!

I warn them before parents come. If they start acting up when mom or dad come, they sit in time out until mom and dad are ready to go. All of my parents completely back me on this. Also, I have a prize box, and if they have been good all day, they get to pick something out. They have to be good at pick up time too. If they aren't, they don't get anything. The prize box is VERY important to them. I buy bulk little things from Oriental Trading like bouncey balls, tattoos, bubbles, stickers, etc. I expect the same behavior at pick up time as I do all day long.

Great idea!!! I just ordered some stuff from Oriental Trading for prizes for going potty... I think this would be a great idea too! Thanks