Oppositional Defiance Help

[Ariana]

I was reading about both ODD and FASD and came across this info. It's interesting

https://www.mofas.org/wp-content/upl...-4-29-2016.pdf

I came across this info too! It is really blowing my mind as to how many kids are possibly being misdiagnosed because most people think kids with FASD have certain physical features. I think it is much more common than we think.

[redmaple]

I came across this info too! It is really blowing my mind as to how many kids are possibly being misdiagnosed because most people think kids with FASD have certain physical features. I think it is much more common than we think.

Ariana, I have a friend who works for the CAS, she says the research is at least 70% of the children placed for adoption in Ontario have FAS. Sometimes it is not figured out until JK.

[Jdy2222]

It really sounds like you're doing everything you can, the little guy needs to find ways to react differently than he does to situations and conflicts ... that takes a long time (years). My mom taught my son to take deep focused breaths, maybe that would help - took the focus off the situation, allowed him to back down a little. Of course, once my son found out the very loud breaths were kind of annoying he made a point of doing them every time he was mad, and right in my face. Ugh.

My suggestion would be to hug him, touch him, compliment him, and love on him as much as possible. He needs it, he's struggling more than the adults trying to work with him (not that he'll admit that any time soon!), and all the consequences, even though he's earned them and they shouldn't change, don't feel good when really he's just being the best self he's capable of right now.

I have a son like this, he's 15 now, most of the time he's great but it's a work in progress for/with him. It's exhausting and hurtful and hard for both of us, but he did tell me he's glad I stuck to the house rules and didn't let him off easy as he's grown up.

[Ariana]

Ariana, I have a friend who works for the CAS, she says the research is at least 70% of the children placed for adoption in Ontario have FAS. Sometimes it is not figured out until JK.

So sad I wonder about Reactive Attachment Disorder as well (a common disorder in adoptive kids and foster kids) How many disorders are being misdiagnosed. There really needs to be more education on this. I had no idea how common it is and got no info on this during both of my pregnancies. The focus was all on SIDS.

[MOM OF 4]

This is false. Fetal alcohol syndrome is on a spectrum of fetal alcohol spectrum disorders with fetal alcohol syndrome being the worse case scenario. It actually does exhibit physical abnormalities as smaller heads, shorter height, small weight gain, facial differences and so forth. I don’t think we should be jumping from ODD to FASD unless we know his mother absolutely drank during her pregnancy. This disorder is not caused by a glass of wine here or there but chronic usage of alcohol while pregnant.

Anecdotally speaking? My kid was dx with ODD (though she seems to be mellowing out). I do not drink at ALL and never did during pregnancy either.

[Unregistered]

Sammy scorcher scorched a scorcher

[Ariana]

Anecdotally speaking? My kid was dx with ODD (though she seems to be mellowing out). I do not drink at ALL and never did during pregnancy either.

Yes it is definitely a diagnosable disorder. I am certainly not saying that all kids with ODD have FASD I was simply adding more info in case it *might* be relevant to this situation.

[hwichlaz]

Anecdotally speaking? My kid was dx with ODD (though she seems to be mellowing out). I do not drink at ALL and never did during pregnancy either.

ODD is a real diagnosis, but often misdiagnosed in that they miss that it’s part of FAS. Just like kids with autism can have comorbidities of anxiety or other conditions, a comorbidity of FAS is ODD. All comorbidities of conditions can be stand alone diagnosis as well.

[BumbleBee]

A lot of kids diagnosed with ODD actually have fetal alcohol syndrome. Most kids with FASD do not exhibit any physical abnormalities. Has he ever been tested for this? In the case of FASD his brain literally cannot do the things normal kids brains can. Try and do some research on it to find more information.

I also think a therapist should be involved.

I don't think he's been tested for FASD. Thank you for the info. Yes a therapist is involved, just started therapy recently.

[BumbleBee]

It really sounds like you're doing everything you can, the little guy needs to find ways to react differently than he does to situations and conflicts ... that takes a long time (years). My mom taught my son to take deep focused breaths, maybe that would help - took the focus off the situation, allowed him to back down a little. Of course, once my son found out the very loud breaths were kind of annoying he made a point of doing them every time he was mad, and right in my face. Ugh.

My suggestion would be to hug him, touch him, compliment him, and love on him as much as possible. He needs it, he's struggling more than the adults trying to work with him (not that he'll admit that any time soon!), and all the consequences, even though he's earned them and they shouldn't change, don't feel good when really he's just being the best self he's capable of right now.

I have a son like this, he's 15 now, most of the time he's great but it's a work in progress for/with him. It's exhausting and hurtful and hard for both of us, but he did tell me he's glad I stuck to the house rules and didn't let him off easy as he's grown up.

Thank you so much! Amazing advice and we sincerely appreciate it!