3 Yr Old Hits Mom

[Blackcat31]

Idk. Maybe bringing a child in a poor mood is similar to bringing them in an unchanged diaper/pjs/dirty/etc

yes!! 9 out of 10 child issues are parent created.

That is one reason I put the ball back into the parent's court.

The other is that I truly believe that if a parent learns that certain environments require certain behaviors and if their child is not able to adapt to those requirements, they will never succeed in life.

Life's tough but parents shouldn't be making it harder for their children by doing things the easy way themselves.

[AmyKidsCo]

I don't know if I'd say something about a child hitting their own parent, but if it were another child I'd definitely say something. I wouldn't demand an apology though, because that sets up a power struggle that could get ugly.

[Pestle]

I don't discipline kids for acting out towards their parents--I watch to see what the parents do. It goes a long way toward learning why the problems occur at all.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

yes!! 9 out of 10 child issues are parent created.

That is one reason I put the ball back into the parent's court.

The other is that I truly believe that if a parent learns that certain environments require certain behaviors and if their child is not able to adapt to those requirements, they will never succeed in life.

Life's tough but parents shouldn't be making it harder for their children by doing things the easy way themselves.

I think this is very true and a big reason kindergarten teachers are having a tough time. Parents are not setting their kids up to adapt and succeed in different environments. Instead, they change the environment to suit the child, versus having the child adapt to the new environment. Once you hit kindergarten and lose most of the control over the environment, the kids AND parents have a tough time.

I have only had one time where a little sch slapped her mom while we were talking. It was out of character and caught us all off guard so I did gasp and say we don't hit, nut it was kind of a instant reaction. Luckily, most of the parents do a great job with their kids, and quite honestly, I don't really care otherwise, because I have them suited up and ready to leave the minute mom or dad knocks, so there is not a lot of opportunity for misbehaving.

[hwichlaz]

I don't know if I'd say something about a child hitting their own parent, but if it were another child I'd definitely say something. I wouldn't demand an apology though, because that sets up a power struggle that could get ugly.

it also teaches them to lie, an insincere apology means less than nothing.

[AmyKidsCo]

it also teaches them to lie, an insincere apology means less than nothing.

Yep. Although I'm not against apologies in general, but you have to know when to expect them and when to let it go.

To me apologies fall under General Politeness. You say please, thank you, you're welcome, nice to meet you, hello, goodbye, and I'm sorry. Even if you don't feel it, you do it because it's the polite thing to do. But it's something you teach over time, on a case by case basis.

[Lil_Diddle]

I'm having the same issue with new 4 year old DCG. She is good for me because I have rules,routines and consequences. As soon as DCM shows up she is a terror to her mother and DCM is so passive. DCG yells at her and hits and kicks her. Anyways, I usually try to let the parents do their thing once they are here, but I've had a 3 year old DCG who has started this behavior now with her mom, I've had her since she was an infant and she's never acted this way towards her mother so I know exactly where this behavior came from. So I finally spoke up and told DCM and DCG that this behavior was no longer acceptable, hitting is not allowed here and she will sit in time out regardless if mom is here or not. That was Friday, today DCG started in and mom, very subtly reminded her, DCG hit again and DCM told her to sit in time-out, with no authority to her voice and it's easy to tell she never fills through because DCG keeps at it. So I did step in and reminded DCG of our rule and told her she had to sit, she looked at her mom and I said no, you are still at daycare and you broke a rule you need to sit. And guess what she did... and you know what DCM did, she sat on the floor right beside her and whispered, see I tried to tell you. It was the most rediculous thing I have ever seen in my life.

[Mom2Two]

I'm having the same issue with new 4 year old DCG. She is good for me because I have rules,routines and consequences. As soon as DCM shows up she is a terror to her mother and DCM is so passive. DCG yells at her and hits and kicks her. Anyways, I usually try to let the parents do their thing once they are here, but I've had a 3 year old DCG who has started this behavior now with her mom, I've had her since she was an infant and she's never acted this way towards her mother so I know exactly where this behavior came from. So I finally spoke up and told DCM and DCG that this behavior was no longer acceptable, hitting is not allowed here and she will sit in time out regardless if mom is here or not. That was Friday, today DCG started in and mom, very subtly reminded her, DCG hit again and DCM told her to sit in time-out, with no authority to her voice and it's easy to tell she never fills through because DCG keeps at it. So I did step in and reminded DCG of our rule and told her she had to sit, she looked at her mom and I said no, you are still at daycare and you broke a rule you need to sit. And guess what she did... and you know what DCM did, she sat on the floor right beside her and whispered, see I tried to tell you. It was the most rediculous thing I have ever seen in my life.

Wow, so you're the "bad cop"? What a crummy thing to do to you.

Any way you could have that kid's shoes on and bag by the door and get her to the door right after mom knocks, before opening the door? It sounds like it would be an uphill battle to get mom to change at this point.

But it makes me want to think through how I would handle it if it came up again for me. I do have one set of parents that are a little bit lenient. They haven't liked some of their children's behavior, but took a long time to actually be as firm as needed to actually make a change. But I know that there are much worse children than those out there. And at least these parents did care about the behavior.

[lovemykidstoo]

Do you step in? I do not provide breakfast, but they are welcome to bring a healthy breakfast and eat here. This parent gets her kids settled in at the table before she leaves. She asked her almost 3 yr old a question about her cereal and DCG winds up big and hits her on the arm. I immediately step in, get on DCG's level and tell her that is not nice, to tell Mom sorry, etc. Mom stands there not saying a word. Mom is very laid back and probably would not have done anything about it if I didn't step in. Drives me CRAZY that parents do not discipline their children! Did I overstep my boundaries?

I think the really easy fix on this is to have mom just drop the kids off. She should not be doing transition time and getting the kids settled at the table. I would simply say, to avoid any hitting, bad behavior etc, I will just take the kids and settle them in. Have a great day at work, bye! One of my dcb's used to do that. Instantly, I just opened the door and took him and mom didn't even step in the house. Took months of doing that and he didn't hit anymore.

[lovemykidstoo]

I'm having the same issue with new 4 year old DCG. She is good for me because I have rules,routines and consequences. As soon as DCM shows up she is a terror to her mother and DCM is so passive. DCG yells at her and hits and kicks her. Anyways, I usually try to let the parents do their thing once they are here, but I've had a 3 year old DCG who has started this behavior now with her mom, I've had her since she was an infant and she's never acted this way towards her mother so I know exactly where this behavior came from. So I finally spoke up and told DCM and DCG that this behavior was no longer acceptable, hitting is not allowed here and she will sit in time out regardless if mom is here or not. That was Friday, today DCG started in and mom, very subtly reminded her, DCG hit again and DCM told her to sit in time-out, with no authority to her voice and it's easy to tell she never fills through because DCG keeps at it. So I did step in and reminded DCG of our rule and told her she had to sit, she looked at her mom and I said no, you are still at daycare and you broke a rule you need to sit. And guess what she did... and you know what DCM did, she sat on the floor right beside her and whispered, see I tried to tell you. It was the most rediculous thing I have ever seen in my life.

Oh Lord no. I can imagine your eyes were popping out when mom sat by the child. Just do quick goodbyes. With that behavior, I would not want to do time out with the child, I'd want the child in the car going home. The child is getting alot of attention with all of that.

[Lil_Diddle]

I'm having the same issue with new 4 year old DCG. She is good for me because I have rules,routines and consequences. As soon as DCM shows up she is a terror to her mother and DCM is so passive. DCG yells at her and hits and kicks her. Anyways, I usually try to let the parents do their thing once they are here, but I've had a 3 year old DCG who has started this behavior now with her mom, I've had her since she was an infant and she's never acted this way towards her mother so I know exactly where this behavior came from. So I finally spoke up and told DCM and DCG that this behavior was no longer acceptable, hitting is not allowed here and she will sit in time out regardless if mom is here or not. That was Friday, today DCG started in and mom, very subtly reminded her, DCG hit again and DCM told her to sit in time-out, with no authority to her voice and it's easy to tell she never fills through because DCG keeps at it. So I did step in and reminded DCG of our rule and told her she had to sit, she looked at her mom and I said no, you are still at daycare and you broke a rule you need to sit. And guess what she did... and you know what DCM did, she sat on the floor right beside her and whispered, see I tried to tell you. It was the most rediculous thing I have ever seen in my life.

It happened again, DCM was trying to put DCG in time-out, it was not going well. DCM says, come here and sit in time-out, I will sit beside you. Omg I was flabbergasted. When DCM came in today the girl was sitting on the rug, mom asked "is she in time-out? I said no, she has her coat and shoes on and is waiting nicely while her friends are getting ready to go outside. DCM says, oh wow. She never does that for me. I just wanted to say "I wonder why?" It's so obvious who is in control in that household. What's sad is, it's only going to get worse

[Cat Herder]

It happened again, DCM was trying to put DCG in time-out, it was not going well. DCM says, come here and sit in time-out, I will sit beside you. Omg I was flabbergasted. When DCM came in today the girl was sitting on the rug, mom asked "is she in time-out? I said no, she has her coat and shoes on and is waiting nicely while her friends are getting ready to go outside. DCM says, oh wow. She never does that for me. I just wanted to say "I wonder why?" It's so obvious who is in control in that household. What's sad is, it's only going to get worse

Sounds like it is time for a conference. Without child in tow. With both parents.

[Lil_Diddle]

She is a single mom, DCD is not in the picture. I think that may be part of her reasoning

[lovemykidstoo]

It happened again, DCM was trying to put DCG in time-out, it was not going well. DCM says, come here and sit in time-out, I will sit beside you. Omg I was flabbergasted. When DCM came in today the girl was sitting on the rug, mom asked "is she in time-out? I said no, she has her coat and shoes on and is waiting nicely while her friends are getting ready to go outside. DCM says, oh wow. She never does that for me. I just wanted to say "I wonder why?" It's so obvious who is in control in that household. What's sad is, it's only going to get worse

OMG she sat with her a 2nd time at the end of the day in your house? How do you stand it? I would want them out the door so fast! I would come up with another consequence than time out at the end of the day. Tell momma take her home now! She's loving this at the end of the day having you 2 cater to her, even in a negative way. What's her favorite toy. Tell her that tomorrow when she comes, that toy sits up on the shelf and she can look at it all day, but cannot play with it.

[Josiegirl]

yes!! 9 out of 10 child issues are parent created.

That is one reason I put the ball back into the parent's court.

The other is that I truly believe that if a parent learns that certain environments require certain behaviors and if their child is not able to adapt to those requirements, they will never succeed in life.

Life's tough but parents shouldn't be making it harder for their children by doing things the easy way themselves.

Haven't read all the replies yet but parents have to get out of the house every a.m. and get to work so of course, they're going to do what works to get their kids going. It takes more time/effort/authority to do that. I like BC's ways of wording things.
I don't think I'd step in to curb behavior between dcm and child but on anything else I'd say something, such as being mean to another dck, not listening to rules such as jumping on the couch, etc. Kids have to learn different rules for different places, school, home, stores, dc, etc but if dcm allows dck to hit her then that's up to dcm to work with that. I also think a lot of parents are afraid to discipline in front of other people because they don't want to be seen as a 'bad' parent, even though the opposite would be true. I just remember having to drag my not-so-nice 5 yo dd out of stores and getting 'the look' from people. Kids will definitely take advantage of what they think they can get away with.