Tweet
Do you step in? I do not provide breakfast, but they are welcome to bring a healthy breakfast and eat here. This parent gets her kids settled in at the table before she leaves. She asked her almost 3 yr old a question about her cereal and DCG winds up big and hits her on the arm. I immediately step in, get on DCG's level and tell her that is not nice, to tell Mom sorry, etc. Mom stands there not saying a word. Mom is very laid back and probably would not have done anything about it if I didn't step in. Drives me CRAZY that parents do not discipline their children! Did I overstep my boundaries?
-
-
NO! At your house, your rules.
I would have simply got on her level and said "DCG, I will NOT allow you to hit at school."
The End.
Mom should be embarrassed, not by her child- by her lack of action! -
I agree with what daycare diva says. If a kid hits or kicks a parent/sibling in front of me I say something like “we do not use our hands to hit people at school.”Comment
-
I don't think you overstepped at all. You are the one responsible for enforcing the rules at your house so I think you did the right thing.Comment
-
And I don’t think you overstepped your bounds either. If it’s YOUR house the kids need to follow YOUR rules.Comment
-
Odd man out, but I won't parent a child when their parent is present. I would have told mom that she needs to handle it.
I would speak with the child myself about hitting in my home but if the parent is/was present then I look to them to discipline.
It might be my house but its not my child.
Its very common for parents to step back and let you parent their child. It's easiest for most and for the rest, they are usually just guilty of not knowing what they should or shouldn't do. Fear of judgement I suppose.Comment
-
This is not directed at anyone in particular but the old "My house, My rules" line of thinking is really not respectful nor appropriate in my opinion.
It would probably resonate with me in a more positive tone if it went both ways....[my child, my rules]..... but when that concept is used, most providers just roll their eyes and laugh.
I think its part of why family child care providers aren't respected much.
Anyhow..... stepping down slowly and backing away.
Like I said, my comment is NOT directed at anyone in particular.... it was just something I needed to get out.
Comment
-
Originally posted by Blackcat31 View PostThis is not directed at anyone in particular but the old "My house, My rules" line of thinking is really not respectful nor appropriate in my opinion.
It would probably resonate with me in a more positive tone if it went both ways....[my child, my rules]..... but when that concept is used, most providers just roll their eyes and laugh.
I think its part of why family child care providers aren't respected much.
Anyhow..... stepping down slowly and backing away.
Like I said, my comment is NOT directed at anyone in particular.... it was just something I needed to get out.
Ha. I get what you're saying. I don't find that particular phrase too inviting as well.
But, then I look at when kids go to school and they (and us as the parent) need to sign the school's "code of conduct" and throw out phrases like "zero tolerance".
School rules.
Or looking at the signs in front of restaurants "no shirt, no shoes, no service".
Establishment rules.
They're all basically saying "my house, my rules". Aren't they?Comment
-
But they aren't expecting you, the adult to manage it so they don't have toOriginally posted by Snowmom View Post
They are also following state rules for sanitary reasons.
If providers say "my house, my rules" its very rarely because of a state reg. When it's a state reg or law they definitely use that to drive the point home but usually just say "Not my fault, it's the state's rule".
Don't get me wrong....I do think it's your (general you) house/program so it's your rules but I think the phrase is tossed around entirely too much and often times in support of a provider that is going back and forth with a parent....kwim?
I have a rule about no hitting in my home as well but rather than discipline a child that isn't under my sole care and supervision at the time, I prefer to direct the parent to uphold, follow or adhere to the rule. A child is a child and children push boundaries and try to get away with what ever they can.
I think it's vital for the child to understand their parent is the ultimate authority and when they see their parent just standing there while the daycare provider disciplines or punishes, it diminishes the parents power. It's no wonder children rarely respects the parent.
It's kind of like the old saying "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime" I prefer to teach the parent to be a parent. It will benefit the child and the parent in the long run much more than me whipping out the authority card.Comment
-
I hear ya. My line of thinking is that when I allow parents to step in and handle it, they don't. Then we have this odd power play where the child realizes that when the parent is here they get away with murder. With no definite boundaries of drop off space (eg. entry where parents don't walk past, etc) it's hard to give the kids a definite Mom is in charge now signal, ya know?Originally posted by Blackcat31 View PostThis is not directed at anyone in particular but the old "My house, My rules" line of thinking is really not respectful nor appropriate in my opinion.
It would probably resonate with me in a more positive tone if it went both ways....[my child, my rules]..... but when that concept is used, most providers just roll their eyes and laugh.
I think its part of why family child care providers aren't respected much.
Anyhow..... stepping down slowly and backing away.
Like I said, my comment is NOT directed at anyone in particular.... it was just something I needed to get out.
I used to do the same and expected parents to step up. I have even given parents specific 'please do not allow...' and they failed to follow through.
Now I'm mean and just say "NOPE." to the child, because I get MORE respect from the child when I enforce my rules the same, regardless of who is present.Comment
-
and thinking more about this... I have parents that DO step up and I don't have to say anything. So I don't. (those kids are better behaved in general, too)
I guess in the same way that teachers have classroom rules that aren't school rule specific (eg one allows gum, one doesn't allow pens, etc) and my kids better follow those rules and be respectful. If I were present, aware.unaware of the rule, and my child were to break it, I would HOPE the teacher would reinforce it.Comment
-
@Blackcat31 How do you handle this? What do you do when a parent does not address an inappropriate behavior when it happens? Just curious.Comment
-
I don't think enforcing our rules loses respect for the parents. The parents NOT enforcing healthy rules and boundaries is what does that. We should pause for a moment before stepping in, but not allow the behavior just because the parent is there not doing anything.Comment
-
I am pretty blunt when necessary. I don't have issue "telling" parents what to do. Most are the same age as my own young adult kids so it's kind of natural for me to be authoritative with them right now.Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
I would start by saying something like "Oh-Oh it looks like Sally isn't following the rules. Maybe mom needs to explain to her why hitting is not acceptable."
......give side eye look to mom saying with my eyes "time to step in mom..." and then I just walk away.
(giving mom to opportunity to step in)
I would probably say "When you are ready, please have Sally come on in and join the rest of us!" and I'd go back to doing whatever I was doing before.
I have a cubby room/entry way that is separated from the main part of the daycare by a half door so the parent would not be allowed to send their child in until child is calm and ready.
If this were happening at pick up, I would just say something like "Mom you need to take Sally to the car. Hitting is not tolerated in daycare. Please discuss this with Sally at home. Bye! See you tomorrow!"
....and send them out the door.
I am sure at one point or another I've probably had to say the words "mom/dad YOU must handle this. YOU are your child's first and most important teacher and I expect you to lead. I will support and encourage but I will not manage your child's behaviors while you are present."
(most of that ^^^^ is discussed during the interview/enrollment as part of my philosophy on child rearing/parenting etc so most my families know this is how I do things and it's not new for any of them)
Hope that helps.
Comment
-
My normal reaction would be to put dck3 in time out. But it always feels weird to discipline kids in front of their parents, so I'm thinking that I need to come up with a "line" to put the ball back in the parents' court, so to speak.
Maybe I'll practise (bouncing off BC's line here)
(talking to parent) "She needs to be behaving better before she is seated at the table. You can talk to her outside. then bring her back in when she's ready to behave.
Idk. Maybe bringing a child in a poor mood is similar to bringing them in an unchanged diaper/pjs/dirty/etcComment
Comment