A Little Help With A Discussion Please

[Denali]

My soft jelly heart now wants to help her by giving her a chance. Her kid has never been in care, so she was probably a SAHM and is trying to leave a bad situation... she has no one on my enrollment forms for another contact... only her...

My gut is telling me that it's still a bad idea even though this new information puts some of her behavior into context.

My brain says that if the guy is violant (domestic violence charges span years all the way back to 2003) and finds out she is bringing the kid here... and he shows up...

[Josiegirl]

My soft jelly heart now wants to help her by giving her a chance. Her kid has never been in care, so she was probably a SAHM and is trying to leave a bad situation... she has no one on my enrollment forms for another contact... only her...

My gut is telling me that it's still a bad idea even though this new information puts some of her behavior into context.

My brain says that if the guy is violant (domestic violence charges span years all the way back to 2003) and finds out she is bringing the kid here... and he shows up...

Oh wow, given that new info, *I* wouldn't be a good fit and I've got a soft heart too. But a potential situation such as that is one of my greatest fears.

[Unregistered]

I agree there are red flags I see some strengths and I'd probably do a trial. The fact that she's working hard to toilet train her child shows me she has ambition and while he's not ready I give her credit for the energy it takes to attempt this. Shows me she is a hard worker (tho misdirected and I'd have to talk to her about him not bring ready)

Secondly she had completed the paperwork and at least had what shots he did have ready for you. She was probably thinking she really needed to get that paperwork to you and that trumped the nap sign. And while it seems obvious to us most people who don't do child care probably don't realize how much a pain in the a$$ it is to have kids disturbed.

Thirdly she was early for interview not late.

I thought all this before I saw the DV issues. I've worked with many stressed and compromised families who were very responsible.

I agree it could all go wrong. I didn't meet her and maybe there are more red flags.

[Mike]

The new information changes things for me, but then I'm a guy. Years ago, a friend of mine came to my place late at night crying. She had an abusive husband. Few minutes later he shows up pounding on door saying she's going home. I said no. He threw a rock through my window. He ran home (2 blocks away) and I chased after him. I put my fist through his window and told him that if he tries that again it'll be his face.

If you think you can handle the risk, maybe, but if not, you have to consider the safety of yourself and the kids.

[Blackcat31]

No, the new information doesn't change my opinion.

The potty training thing and the dog issues would have me on high alert.

This child is enduring some major upheaval in his home life....why in the world would she consider potty training him now if she's had such little success up to this point, not to mention we now understand why there has been so many instances of regression over the last few months.

Also, the dog thing....that one would be THE deal breaker for me. My pets are my fur babies and I don't like the idea of a parent that has or has a child that has "issues" with dogs....that just seems like a mess waiting to happen. ESPECIALLY because the mom made the comment about if her son won't leave them alone... :confused:

Nope. I can totally see the dog thing becoming a bigger thing later.

Oh, and being early to the interview? No.... that's like contracting for a 7:00 drop off to coincide with my opening time and then dropping off at 6:45. She could have just waited patiently or drove around the block for a few minutes.

Early is NOT on time. Late is NOT on time. BOTH are disrespectful/somewhat rude when time is a HUGE aspect of this profession.

[Snowmom]

Arriving early = "I don't care if you said 5:00, I'm going to do what works best for me".

Bringing him in underwear to YOUR house, even though SHE uses diapers = "This is my expectation of what I want YOU to do while my child is here. Every 10 minutes lady. Every 10 minutes".

Ringing your doorbell at nap even though I read your sign = "Again, I don't care, I'm going to do what works best for ME".


Yea, no thanks.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Arriving early = "I don't care if you said 5:00, I'm going to do what works best for me".

Bringing him in underwear to YOUR house, even though SHE uses diapers = "This is my expectation of what I want YOU to do while my child is here. Every 10 minutes lady. Every 10 minutes".

Ringing your doorbell at nap even though I read your sign = "Again, I don't care, I'm going to do what works best for ME".


Yea, no thanks.

She is the boss, applesauce.

I wouldn't sign up for her to be the boss of my business. I don't think you should either.

[Ariana]

In light of the new information about her fleeing an abusive situation I can understand why things are all over the place for her. Would I be willing to take her on anyway, I am not sure. I might be willing to give it a 6 week trial period BUT it is such a personal decision.

I had a woman who was quite flaky and I decided to not offer her the spot. Turns out her child was referred to a developmental pediatrician for ASD and she was in a bit of a bad head space truing to figure things out. I understood and I felt bad but in the end I wanted nothing to do with this situation. This does not make me a bad person. I accepted that I can only handle so much

[Denali]

Update:

After reading the responses and using my husband as a sounding board, I decided to ask Mom a few more questions about the paperwork she turned in and the dog issue before I decided to completely write her off. I should give her a chance.

First question was about that she had said during interview that our nap time would be perfect for her son, but on the forms she put that he takes naps around 1-2pm (he would be here for 5 hours)... our nap time is typically around 12:30pm.

However during the summer our schedule can be in flex due to almost every child in care having an older SA sibling that stays home. But I will not do lunch (always followed by clearing the table, washing up, potty breaks, diapers, and getting beds ready for nap) any sooner then 11:15am. So sometimes we do nap around 11:45-noon... And that's pushing it on some days... nap can last about 1.5 hour to 2 hours, but no later then 3pm. I explained this during interview. She said that would be perfect for them...

Anyway, I had noticed that she put pick up time as 2pm... instead of 3 like she said on the phone . so in my first email I asked if she though her son would be napping with us. She responded with no, he would most likely wait until she picked him up. That she hoped to get him on the daycare schedule at some point down the line.

Um what??

Next question I asked for a little more explanation on the dog attack. She was very vague and said that he was bitten and needed stitches. That he has had successful and unsuccessful interactions with dogs since. That he was working on approaching dogs slowly and with his hand out to sniff, but he still needs to be reminded to not chase dogs and will need me the work with him and be understanding... That she was hoping that with all my outside toys and the other kids to play with that he'll do better here.

Turns out the child May have food allergies that he will be tested for next week. I was told That to be safe I should clear all new food with her first. He had had a bad reaction to curry powder.

The next thing was the fact that her son needes one more vaccine before he could start. That our state required him to have it before I could allow him to attend. She responded with that he was getting it Thursday next week, but she still wanted him to start Monday.

No. Just no.

I was going to just send an email saying that we weren't a good fit, but my husband (bless his heart) that there had to be some kind of misunderstanding... that I needed to explain my policies and remind her about what I had said about the dogs during the interview. So I emailed her back, telling her that:

It should be fine if he doesn't nap here (I do have one little boy that doesn't nap here, but he is awesome about following the rules at nap time). Just as long as he is not disruptive to the other kids resting. If the other children in care are not able to rest with him up, then her son will need to be picked up.

I then asked for a little more specific interactions with dogs, that way I can brainstorm about ways to help 'pookie' have successful interactions with our family pets. That I am very very firm with my rules and consequences regarding proper handling of pets, and that I was sure that with both of us working together her son will do great here with my dogs.

And finally "Unfortunately, due to state laws and regulations XX must have the 'vaccine in question' before he can attend. I will need a new immunization card before his first day on Friday next week."

I let her know that I did not use curry powder here. And followed by asking if the doctors had any thought on what ingredient in the curry powder caused the problem? With such I severe reaction they most have given her some ideas on what to avoid... and as long as he wasn't allergic to peanuts, fish, strawberries, blueberries, and milk we would be fine. That I have a special needs child in care that these food pretty much make up their whole diet.

Would-Be-DCM emailed me back about how uncomfortable she felt with her son spending 3 (um... my nap time is at most 2 hours... if they lay down earlier they get up earlier. I told her that on the phone and during interview...) out of the 4 hours he would be with me having to do quite time. She'll wait until another spot opens up with a daycare that is a better fit.

Ok.

[MyAngels]

Did you hear that whistling sound? That was the bullet you just dodged with this lady ::

[Blackcat31]

Did you hear that whistling sound? That was the bullet you just dodged with this lady ::

yep.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

wow! She sounds like a handful! She is lucky to find someone who wont have him nap, let alone a place where he can be awake and actively playing during the part of day when everyone is napping.

[knoxmomof2]

Hahaha! Right? 😁👍

Did you hear that whistling sound? That was the bullet you just dodged with this lady ::