Trying to Avoid Letting a Parent Stay for a B’day Party...Am I Wrong?

[TBird]

We have "one of those parents" that we deal with sparingly because she brings down our mood in 2.2 seconds. She's a single mom with one child & she's very condescending, distrustful & snarky. She watches my house & family like a hawk. She admitted to being lonely & miserable with no friends & taking it out on us. She tries to get information about our other DCKs, I believe in an effort to start trouble.

I've mostly put her in "check" & she knows she has one foot on a banana peel. Drop-offs & pick-ups have become much faster. YES, I'm one of those who will terminate the daycare contract in a heartbeat! We work hard & we are good at what we do. Our day will NOT be ruined because of a parent's personal issues.

So my issue now is that the DCK's birthday is coming up. We usually do a very nice party with pizza, cupcakes & fruit. I believe she'll try to stick around for the party & I think I'll either lose my mind or lose my ASSISTANT!

Should we.....
- Just avoid any birthday talk altogether?
- Tell her somehow that she can't stay because of the other kids?
- Buckle down, let her stay & run the risk of straining relations even further?:confused:

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this DCK :hug: but I feel like any extended time with mom & it's a WRAP!!!

[Josiegirl]

She needs a life. What she is doing is NOT okay. Borders on harassment, IMO. Watching you/your family/other families?? Not cool.
Do other dcps hang around at their kids' birthdays? If not, explain that it's not allowed. If so, then I think I'd keep a lid on it for sanity's sake.

[DaveA]

If you can avoid it entirely, great. If you have to talk to her approach it is along the lines of most DCPs can't make these parties. So they are for DCKs only so that the children don't feel "left out" when it is their turn and DCP can't attend. Not sure it will work, but it least it's better than "Stay the #$^@ out!"

[laundrymom]

"sorry mom, it's a kids only party. See you at pickup"
"But I thought I'd stay?"
"Nope. Sorry. I can't be my unrestrained , crazy party entertainment if there's a parent here. See you at pickup"

We have "one of those parents" that we deal with sparingly because she brings down our mood in 2.2 seconds. She's a single mom with one child & she's very condescending, distrustful & snarky. She watches my house & family like a hawk. She admitted to being lonely & miserable with no friends & taking it out on us. She tries to get information about our other DCKs, I believe in an effort to start trouble.

I've mostly put her in "check" & she knows she has one foot on a banana peel. Drop-offs & pick-ups have become much faster. YES, I'm one of those who will terminate the daycare contract in a heartbeat! We work hard & we are good at what we do. Our day will NOT be ruined because of a parent's personal issues.

So my issue now is that the DCK's birthday is coming up. We usually do a very nice party with pizza, cupcakes & fruit. I believe she'll try to stick around for the party & I think I'll either lose my mind or lose my ASSISTANT!

Should we.....
- Just avoid any birthday talk altogether?
- Tell her somehow that she can't stay because of the other kids?
- Buckle down, let her stay & run the risk of straining relations even further?:confused:

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this DCK :hug: but I feel like any extended time with mom & it's a WRAP!!!

[daycarediva]

Kids only, I'll send you pictures!

[TBird]

She needs a life. What she is doing is NOT okay. Borders on harassment, IMO. Watching you/your family/other families?? Not cool.
Do other dcps hang around at their kids' birthdays? If not, explain that it's not allowed. If so, then I think I'd keep a lid on it for sanity's sake.

YES...she watches my house during the week & on the weekends & comments on my kids & husband being home or not (hubby works FT & kids are teenagers & couldn't be bothered w/these kids for pay). Wants NO ONE around her kid but wants DETAILED info on everyone else's. I've already let her know that it's creepy & rude. She toned it WAY down but she still works an occasional nerve here & there.

Thank you for the advice everyone! I think I'll do what's best & avoid any problems.happyface

[Blackcat31]

Why would you continue to keep this family?

I understand liking the child but this mom's behavior is extreme and not something I'd be comfortable with.

If I were a parent that attended your care, I'd have MAJOR concerns about this situation.

Are the other parents aware of the shady behaviors this mom has towards you, your family and your program?

[Play Care]

Why would you continue to keep this family?

I understand liking the child but this mom's behavior is extreme and not something I'd be comfortable with.

If I were a parent that attended your care, I'd have MAJOR concerns about this situation.

Are the other parents aware of the shady behaviors this mom has towards you, your family and your program?

This.

A birthday party is the LEAST of your issues here.

[midaycare]

Why would you continue to keep this family?

I?

Yes, this. Term for inappropriate behavior from dcm before you lose clients.

[cassiesue]

Agree with the others

I especially like the above suggestion "kids only I'll send you pictures". And leave it at that.

[TBird]

Why would you continue to keep this family?

I understand liking the child but this mom's behavior is extreme and not something I'd be comfortable with.

If I were a parent that attended your care, I'd have MAJOR concerns about this situation.

Are the other parents aware of the shady behaviors this mom has towards you, your family and your program?

Thank God, NO! All of my parents are FT, drop & go workers...they pay each other no mind. They trust us implicitly & we've raised most of their children from 6 weeks old. Once we realized her behavior, we answer NO QUESTIONS & I told her to limit her conversations to HER child. Most days she comes in talking to herself about who's here or whose name is on the wall & we grab beautiful at the gate & totally ignore her. I feel like we're the only "normal" people in that kids' life. Will is last??? Probably not.

[Blackcat31]

Thank God, NO! All of my parents are FT, drop & go workers...they pay each other no mind. They trust us implicitly & we've raised most of their children from 6 weeks old. Once we realized her behavior, we answer NO QUESTIONS & I told her to limit her conversations to HER child. Most days she comes in talking to herself about who's here or whose name is on the wall & we grab beautiful at the gate & totally ignore her. I feel like we're the only "normal" people in that kids' life. Will is last??? Probably not.

Like I said, I totally understand...I've been in a similar situation and I think because of my personal experience I'm leary of these kinds of people.

They come across as annoying but harmless but they arent.

I am not in any way doubting your abilities or your care/policies etc.....I am doubting her.

Eventually, she may grow weary of being brushed off or annoyed that her concerns (fake or genuine) are not being taken seriously or given enough attention and that is when those types of people come unglued.

I am praying you have the staff, the foresight and the ability to ward off any potential outburst she "may" have when denied access to this party or whatever else she isn't getting.

You know your situation best and know more details than any of us, so I am confident you will do what you can but please don't let your guard down..... if at any time your instincts tell you something is a little "off"...please don't ignore them.

Like I said, BTDT and my family was golden for almost 3 yrs before all out h377 broke loose and that was that.

[TBird]

Like I said, I totally understand...I've been in a similar situation and I think because of my personal experience I'm leary of these kinds of people.

They come across as annoying but harmless but they arent.

I am not in any way doubting your abilities or your care/policies etc.....I am doubting her.

Eventually, she may grow weary of being brushed off or annoyed that her concerns (fake or genuine) are not being taken seriously or given enough attention and that is when those types of people come unglued.

I am praying you have the staff, the foresight and the ability to ward off any potential outburst she "may" have when denied access to this party or whatever else she isn't getting.

You know your situation best and know more details than any of us, so I am confident you will do what you can but please don't let your guard down..... if at any time your instincts tell you something is a little "off"...please don't ignore them.

Like I said, BTDT and my family was golden for almost 3 yrs before all out h377 broke loose and that was that.

WOOOOOOW....can you say all that again please??? You are SO on point about her being "harmless but not" & that people like her FLIP OUT when they think their psychosis isn't being catered to. You're absolutely right. We both "feel" something about her & we feel at risk. Stand by...I don't think this will be the last time I'll need you to weigh in on this.

[daycare]

I thought your post was a good bye party...

After reading all the way through, WOW this lady sounds very interesting. I had one similar to this, not quite this bad, I had to push them out of the program and let them term me because I was worried about the mother's stability and what she would do if I did it.

Only difference is, we did not really enjoy her child. In this situation the apple didn't fall far from the tree...

[Ariana]

"Sorry I only allow parents around the other dck during pickup and dropoff".

She sounds like a piece of work!