Burn out!

[Unregistered]

I've been running my home daycare for 5 years... Tomorrow is my license renewal inspection...

I'm so burnt out and stressed! I want to tell my licensor to just take my license because I'm done!!

I can have up to 8 kids, I don't want to do infants anymore because EVERY parent wants me to baby wear or hold 24/7 plus be in the babies face entertaining them so they don't cry, or hold them while they sleep...

Last interview I told mom I couldn't do these things, as its against state regs here, and she got all mad telling me that she wasn't going to bring her baby here because she wasn't going to allow me to neglect her baby! D:

My husband lost his job, and just started a new one last week...

I am full right now, but in August two kids (brothers 2yrs old and almost 5yrs old) do to a move... I sent DCB2 yrs old home with a 102.2 fever and had to argue with mom about coming to pick him up. She told me that she had to go to the court house (mom and dad are separating) and she'd be by to get both kids after she was done filing. I told her no, she needed to coming now, which she did but she wasn't happy about it. This is the mom that was SO upset and sad that she was leaving the boys' dad and had to go back to work when she had been a stay at home mom for the last 4 years.... they enrolled 6 months ago, but aparantly she got fired after 3 months, but didn't tell me and has been bringing her two kids from 8:30 - 5:30pm (my closing time) and then wants to talk for 30 minutes about how hard her part time job was, being a mom, and filing for devorse! And that she couldn't understand how she was expected to juggle all these things and pay her bills.

one family (new, been with me for 2 months do to their last provider closing do to cancer) says their kid (3yrs old DCB) is potty trained but he cries to the point of gagging whenever I ask if he needs to go potty.... I can sometimes get him to sit on the potty but he won't go, will pee as soon as I take him off... Has yet used the potty here. All over my floor. Parents are telling me to bride him with ice cream, hold him tight and sooth him while he sits on the potty... FaceTime with mom so she can talk to him... I brought up that he just might not be ready (I beleive they are using a little seat at home still, which is what they were doing until thurday, and are wanting me to force him to use the big potty so they don't have to. They deny it, telling me that he has been going on the big potty at home and at the movie theater since Friday, but the kid keeps asking for his little Mickey Potty.) I'm pretty sure the whole push to potty train is because they want DCB to go to pre-school in the fall... This kid always cries at drop off, mom and dad cater to it something terrible. DCB was with last provider since he was weeks old. They keep going "oh he never did this before... He never had a problem being dropped off at ----- home..." But then tell me that he likes coming.

Everyone has snotty noses, my own son had a fever all Saturday and is completely snotty and horse (he's 4 and delayed by 2 years), my duaghter is now snotty and I'm sure one DCG (2.5 yrs) is a dope and drop.... I'll know once she wakes up from nap, that be about 6 hours after drop off...

I'm so SO tired!! Sorry ad thank you for the rant... If it doesn't make any sense I'm sorry...

[Thriftylady]

Honestly you could be burned out and need to quit, OR you could just have bad families and need to look to replace them all!

[Denali]

That's the sad part, if I close we can't pay our bills... I can't get a job that will even come close to paying enough to cover them. The daycare is about 2/3's of our income.

I'm not getting any calls for daycare either... I'll start advertising more though... Is there anything else I can do...?

[Thriftylady]

That's the sad part, if I close we can't pay our bills... I can't get a job that will even come close to paying enough to cover them. The daycare is about 2/3's of our income.

I'm not getting any calls for daycare either... I'll start advertising more though... Is there anything else I can do...?

Well do you have a policy handbook and do you stick to it? If not get one now! Are your parents under contract? If not get that done also and put a clause on it that they have read and agree to your handbook.

When you advertise don't forget free sources such as Facebook mom's groups and garage sale groups.

I am sure others will have some better ideas. And don't feel bad about sending a sick child home.

[JackandJill]

I agree, following your own handbook will relieve a lot of stress. Is there a way you can close a few extra days or do a half day? Sometimes a little time off can make a difference.

Also, what hobbies do you have or activities that are just purely for you to enjoy? I made a schedule with dh to make sure every couple of days I have an hour or two to myself to unwind, no kids!

[Denali]

I do have a handbook, and contracts, but everything gets questioned and the possible dose and drop mom is convinced that Tylenol breaks fevers and they are no longer sick... She actually works for a doctors office... She's brought DCG in and has told me "oh, DCG had a fever last night, so I gave her Tylenol and shortly after that her fever broke! So she's good for care today!" When I told her that my fever policy was exclusion for 24 hours without the aid of medication, her response was as she's heading out the door "oh she's not sick anymore, her fever broke last night. Bye!!"

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

One irritating family is workable. More than one can lead to seriously sad feelings. I would look to replace any family you don't feel you mesh well with --- start advertising!

[Denali]

And for vomiting I keep getting the "my kids over ate last night and are everywhere but they're fine today!" I've had 3 parents tell me this over the last 4 months... When I did it by my backbone for and turned around at the door only to have DCB vomit all over my drive way....

These mom's all give me this "I have to do such and such! I can't come get sick kid" or "I have no more sick
Leave left at work, if I don't work how am I going to pay you...?"

[Josiegirl]

Make sure you take enough ME time. If you're always doing going running for everybody else, without a minute to call your own, then yes, you definitely will burn out. Life is supposed to be fun for you too!! Try not to be all for everybody. If you can replace the problem families one by one, you'll see a gradual change within the whole general atmosphere of your dc and your own self-respect and confidence. You won't feel walked on, used up, and unappreciated by everybody.
And GOOD LUCK :hug:

[Josiegirl]

I'm sure knowing you're having an inspection tomorrow is only aggravating all these feelings too. That right there is enough to stress out a dcprovider.

Just because a fever breaks from a dose of tylenol and dcm thinks child is cured?? Omg. One of my dcgs was out all last week because she had a fever that just wouldn't quit. She'd be fine for 12 hrs. then boom, back it came. It was like that all week long until Friday afternoon was her last bout with it.

I hope the doctor your dcm works for didn't teach her all she knows!!

[Blackcat31]

Sharing some great info from another member:

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I do have a lot of great info on Provider Burnout to share, though.... Know you are not alone. :hug:

PROVIDER BURNOUT

In a study conducted at the University of Maryland, by Susan Walker, PhD, in-home family daycare providers were proven to be particularly prone to personal stress. The factors that they stated contributed to this were: long hours (average of 60 hours a week), low pay (an average of $15,000 a year), and the low value of their job to the public despite the huge need for care. All of these factors deem daycare providers at high risk for burnout.

There are three stages of burnout:

1. Stress Arousal Stage Persistent irritability and anxiety
Bruxism and/or Insomnia
Occasional forgetfulness and/or inability to concentrate
2. Stress Resistance Stage Absenteeism or tardiness for work
Tired and fatigued for no reason
Procrastination and indecision
Social withdrawal with cynicism
Resentful, indifferent, defiant
Increased use of coffee, alcohol, tobacco, etc.
3. Severe Exhaustion Stage Chronic sadness or depression
Chronic mental and physical fatigue
Chronic stress related illnesses (headache, stomach ache, bowel problems, etc.)

So how do you know if you or a loved one is suffering from burnout?
Here are the early warning signs.

Chronic fatigue - exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down
Anger at those making demands
Self-criticism for putting up with the demands
Cynicism, negativity, and irritability
A sense of being besieged
Exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things
Frequent headaches and gastrointestinal disturbance
Weight loss or gain
Sleeplessness and depression
Shortness of breath
Suspiciousness
Feelings of helplessness
Increased degree of risk taking
Isolation, withdrawal, self-destructive thoughts

What do you do if you are suffering from burnout?

Take a break!!! Get a massage, meditate, hide, stare at a wall...get away!
Ask for love ones to lighten the load and help with your responsibilities.
Simplify your life. What can you take out?
Relax and nurture yourself.
Seek professional help if it gets severe.
Reduce your stress!!!

STRESS
Know thy enemy...

Studies has proven that in-home daycare providers are more prone to stress than the average bear.
Yet there are little or no resources to daycare providers for reducing and managing stress.
Why is this? We can only suppose that everyone is too stressed out to do anything about it!

In a study of providers in Maryland:
37% of providers rated themselves as experiencing very high
or somewhat high levels of stress in the past month
54.5% had effects on health behaviors
51.7% enjoy their job less than typical population
35% report feeling bad physically
33.6% experienced strong moods

WHAT IS STRESS?

Stress is the excitement, feeling of anxiety and/or physical tension that occurs when
demands placed on an individual exceed his or her ability to cope.

We need stress in many ways. It helps us to survive, it is our fight or flight response.
It helps us to cross the street, move out of the way when something is thrown at us, be frightened
when somebody yells “boo”. We want to stay out of the way of danger so our body physically
responds to surprises so we don’t kill ourselves and we fear things.

Stress response: When challenged, the body undergoes a progressive series of responses that are first triggered by an external stimulus termed the stressor. The more prolonged and accelerating reactions produce an intense and severe disruption called strain. All of this moves the body away from homeostasis, the maintenance of equilibrium of the internal body functions in response to external changes.

WHAT CAUSES STRESS?

Psychological causes
Life changes--events, circumstances or perceptions
Overload--too much to do, not enough time to do it
Insufficient resources--not enough money or time
Frustration--lack of happiness or fulfillment
Trauma or loss--death of a close friend or relative

External causes
Occupation
Environmental strain (noise, temperature, etc.)
Substance abuse (alcohol/drugs)
Nutritional excesses (caffeine, sugar)
Nutritional deficiencies (vitamins or nutrients)

Personality causes
Self-perception
Anxious reactivity, hypervigilance, worry
Need for control,
Time urgency
Anger or hostility

Major sources of stress in daycare include:

conflicts with parents
role conflict
not being able to balance work and family
fairness in housework
feeling overloaded
not having enough time for family activities
not enough time with family
not enough money
conflict with their own family
not having enough children in their daycare

Other things that effect our stress:

Poor resource management: Time and money are precious and limited resources. Wasting either of these creates serious tension and stress. Unwillingness to delegate or let go of control also increases stress.

Personal relationships: Romance and love are exciting eustress experiences while conflict, jealousy and resentment are common distresses when a relationship breaks down.

Self-perception: Low self-esteem and self-confidence together with the absence of feeling connected or empowered, can all precipitate stress reactions. Taken to excess (self-confidence) these can lead to egoism and cockiness which will cause different stress reactions.

Beliefs and attitudes: Family scripts like "A penny saved is a penny earned," "A job worth doing is worth doing well" can cause undue stress and force the person to live up to an unrealistic image.

WHAT ARE POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF STRESS ON THE BODY?

muscle tightness and tension
decreased immunity, increased sickness
aches/pains in back and neck
fatigue and lack of energy
headaches, migraines
digestive problems
depression and/or anxiety
decreased ability of movement
accelerated aging
These can lead to: high blood pressure; restricted movement;
ulcers; heart attack; cancer; stroke; etc.

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT OUR STRESS?

Simplify your life
Avoid over-commitment and over-responsibility
Learn how to say "NO".
Delegate your duties, have others help you.
Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep
Relax and breathe
Take some time for you everyday

REDUCING STRESS

"It's not what happens to you in life that matters,
it's how you react to what happens to you that counts."

4 areas that you can reduce stress in your daycare business:

1. Daycare environment-
How is your daycare set up? Is it cluttered? Are toys and activities easily accessible? Is it bright and cheery or dark and dreary? What colors are the basic colors of the room? Does the area provide space to relax or is it constantly high energy? Did you know that you can use color and scents to induce different moods and tones in your house?

2. Business Practices-
Do your parents drive you crazy? Do they know what is expected of them? Do you have policies in place? Do you act like a professional? Did you know that you can train your parents how to treat you and your business? How do you find the balance between giving the parents what they want and keeping your sanity? Do you run your daycare like a business or like a babysitting service? Do you have preschool programs? What can you do to enhance your services to the family that you can have fun with?

3. Children-
Do the children know what is expected of them? Are you consistent with discipline or is it something you have to continue to revisit? Do children have a balance of relaxing and stimulating activities? Is there enough transition time between activities? Is there enough variety of toys and activities for each child's interests? Do you have engaging activities such as music, exercise or stretching, yoga, dancing, that keeps the children interested and allow them to use fine and gross motor control?

4. Your self-
Do you take enough time for you? (HA!--we all say) Do you think you DESERVE time for yourself? Do you know how to nurture your body, mind, and spirit? Do you exercise some everyday besides lifting kids on and off the diaper changing table? Do you have a hobby that you have been dying to take up? Is your attitude positive? Can you learn how to make some time for yourself everyday? Are you too serious or do you laugh things off easily? Do you over-commit yourself? Do you ask others for help? Do you take time off?

[Thriftylady]

Okay I highly suggest doing contracts, without them your handbook is pretty worthless I think.

As far as illness Blackcat has a policy that if they keep them home for fever or vomiting, they have to stay out a full 24 hours and if she sends them home they have to stay out a full 48. She swears by it. I haven't had an issue, but if I get there I may try it. Of course no refunds or discounts for absences.

[Unregistered]

I go through stages of loving this go and being "so over it". I know I can't make this money elsewhere. And I enjoy being able to stay at home, sending my son off to school in the mornings, and being here when he gets home.

There ARE many benefits to this job. And not having a boss is priceless. You have clients, but not a boss.

Some days I think, "Ugh. How many more years?" Then I think about working in the school system. I remember paperwork. I remember not having time for kids. I remember putting my child in daycare until 5:30-6:30 pm each night, and his sad looks when I picked him up. I remember bosses being a pita, and not always being nice. I remember co-workers being catty. I remember office politics.

And then I go grab a cup of tea, blow some bubbles with my current kiddos, bring out the crafts, and head outdoors in this beautiful weather for a few hours. I couldn't do THAT at any of my previous jobs.

[Annalee]

I go through stages of loving this go and being "so over it". I know I can't make this money elsewhere. And I enjoy being able to stay at home, sending my son off to school in the mornings, and being here when he gets home.

There ARE many benefits to this job. And not having a boss is priceless. You have clients, but not a boss.

I have these thoughts as well! The money and being my own boss are the main positives for me! QRIS and the "entitled" parents are my negatives!

[Denali]

Thank you everyone. My license inspection went well. I've been trying to expand our play area, which will double our inside play space, it's been a lot of work, and parents don't seem to care... I keep hearing about their "old center" what their " previous provider" had that we don't have/don't do... And parents pushing their kids to potty train to soon so they can get into a preschool program. Or the opposite where parents won't let their kids do anything for themselves, so I have a 2yr old dcb that cries for help with everything, from building blocks to not understanding were to put his hands in his shirt (most kids this age seem to at least know that their hands at least go through a hole... And try to help dress to some degree. He's just a limp noodle, whole body goes limp while I dress him...)

Than all this sick... Potty training dcb has has 2 loose stools, went home before he had a third. But I did tell mom that if he had anymore that he should stay home tomorrow. That was hard. But I said it at least! Yay! Now just have to follow up on it if they come tomorrow and tell me he had more but "he's all better now!" And isn't really...

Oh, after more accidents today and telling mom that after the first diarrhea put him back in pull ups because pooping himself could really put him back in potty training and he was already having such a hard time. Mom than tell me that since he's been having such a hard time that she'll bring his little potty from home for him to use, because he goes all by him self all the time at home on it. You know. The one she had just sworn they didn't use anymore.

I don't get people...

But thanks everyone for the help and advice! I think I will just start really looking to replace. I do have an interview on Saturday for a kindergartener. Hopefully that goes good.