Parent Does Not Like My Assistant

[spedmommy4]

1000X


Laundrymom is spot on and I am appauled at your DCM veiled attempt at outright discrimination and bias.

I truly feel bad for her children if that is what she is teaching them to think/feel about others.

Like Laundrymom said... It exactly what's wrong in the world.

I agree. This whole situation makes me even more upset because I happen to know this family somewhat personally and never would have seen this coming.

Even worse, dcm is currently pursuing a degree in education. So . . . The optimist in me kept hoping I was just misinterpreting the situation.

[Blackcat31]

I agree. This whole situation makes me even more upset because I happen to know this family somewhat personally and never would have seen this coming.

Even worse, dcm is currently pursuing a degree in education. So . . . The optimist in me kept hoping I was just misinterpreting the situation.

Since you are friends I would talk with her too and try to help her see why her attitude is so not okay and one she'll need to rethink not only for her kids but also if she is planning to be in the education field especially.

I can't help but hope she has another explanation... It's hard to accept such outright insensitivity.

As for seeing her in social circles, she should be the one who feels uncomfortable.

[DaveA]

Agree- Laundrymom put it just about as well as could be.

Time to part ways ASAP

[Ariana]

Do you know for sure this is because she is black? You might have an opportunity here to educate her. It seems weird that a Hispanic person would be racist against another minority :confused:

I don't know, this all seems so bizarre. I just can't believe that people can be like this...especially if they also identify as a minority group who is often marginalized.

Maybe she just wants them to be with you and is protective of that? Maybe she just thinks you are a better teacher and is worried because this person is not like you in regards to teaching style? Who knows what might have gone on while you were on vacay.

[spedmommy4]

Do you know for sure this is because she is black? You might have an opportunity here to educate her. It seems weird that a Hispanic person would be racist against another minority :confused:

I don't know, this all seems so bizarre. I just can't believe that people can be like this...especially if they also identify as a minority group who is often marginalized.

Maybe she just wants them to be with you and is protective of that? Maybe she just thinks you are a better teacher and is worried because this person is not like you in regards to teaching style? Who knows what might have gone on while you were on vacay.

Dcm has casually mentioned a concern about this assistant before. Two things seemed to be of concern:
Dcm is firm and no nonsense. My assistant is sweet and is still learning that it's okay to use your firm voice sometimes. The difference in style was not something dcm seemed to like but my assistant is still in training. Learning to handle tough behavior doesn't happen overnight. I assured her we also all use the same strategies and I will step in if necessary.

The other one was that my assistant had never worked with or held a baby before working here so she was a little nervous with dcm's younger daughter. (10 months) I think baby sensed that and, as a result, was reluctant to go to my assistant. Baby didn't cry or anything but was hesitant and dcm noticed one morning. Dcm and I discussed it. I never left my assistant alone until she was confident with the baby and the baby goes to her no problem now.

The only indication that I had that this whole situation was discriminatory was dcm's comment about dcg2 not liking my new assistant because "dcg has never seen people that color before." At the time dcm made the comment, according to all the adults who were present at the time, dcg was playing happily with my new assistant.

I am sure that things did not flow as smoothly as they do when I am here, but I have observed dcg playing happily with my assistant daily for weeks. Then suddenly, dcg comes in this morning and the first thing out of her mouth is, "I don't like Miss ----." Dcg has never said anything like that before. An hour later, dcg was back to playing happily with my assistant. I wasn't certain before but, dcg's comment this morning went a long way in convincing me.

Even if this is just a case of dcm not liking my assistant, this is not how adults behave/treat one another.

[Thriftylady]

Dcm has casually mentioned a concern about this assistant before. Two things seemed to be of concern:
Dcm is firm and no nonsense. My assistant is sweet and is still learning that it's okay to use your firm voice sometimes. The difference in style was not something dcm seemed to like but my assistant is still in training. Learning to handle tough behavior doesn't happen overnight. I assured her we also all use the same strategies and I will step in if necessary.

The other one was that my assistant had never worked with or held a baby before working here so she was a little nervous with dcm's younger daughter. (10 months) I think baby sensed that and, as a result, was reluctant to go to my assistant. Baby didn't cry or anything but was hesitant and dcm noticed one morning. Dcm and I discussed it. I never left my assistant alone until she was confident with the baby and the baby goes to her no problem now.

The only indication that I had that this whole situation was discriminatory was dcm's comment about dcg2 not liking my new assistant because "dcg has never seen people that color before." At the time dcm made the comment, according to all the adults who were present at the time, dcg was playing happily with my new assistant.

I am sure that things did not flow as smoothly as they do when I am here, but I have observed dcg playing happily with my assistant daily for weeks. Then suddenly, dcg comes in this morning and the first thing out of her mouth is, "I don't like Miss ----." Dcg has never said anything like that before. An hour later, dcg was back to playing happily with my assistant. I wasn't certain before but, dcg's comment this morning went a long way in convincing me.

Even if this is just a case of dcm not liking my assistant, this is not how adults behave/treat one another.

No it isn't and to visit it on a child and teach them that is even worse. Poor kiddo.

[daycare]

I have to deal with this first hand, as my whole family is very diverse.

I am from Egypt
My husband from Philippines
My oldest who is adopted is black, he is not from africa, so he says he is not african america. his words that I follow.

My ex is from europe, our daughter is as white as they come

my youngest is part egyptian and part Philippines.

I have had parents tell me that their child is not used to being around people who look like me or my oldest child. I don't take offense to it, it is possible that they don't experience diversity like others do. I tell parents that is ok, I will be more than happy to teach them that even though we are different we are all the same.

I have only ever had one real issue regarding race and they were a prospective family that I just didn't take.

However, I have had tons of questions.

Since you were not there to witness it and hear directly from the dcm I would not just jump to conclusion that the mom was being racist.


Have you talked to dcm at all?

[spedmommy4]

I have to deal with this first hand, as my whole family is very diverse.

I am from Egypt
My husband from Philippines
My oldest who is adopted is black, he is not from africa, so he says he is not african america. his words that I follow.

My ex is from europe, our daughter is as white as they come

my youngest is part egyptian and part Philippines.

I have had parents tell me that their child is not used to being around people who look like me or my oldest child. I don't take offense to it, it is possible that they don't experience diversity like others do. I tell parents that is ok, I will be more than happy to teach them that even though we are different we are all the same.

I have only ever had one real issue regarding race and they were a prospective family that I just didn't take.

However, I have had tons of questions.

Since you were not there to witness it and hear directly from the dcm I would not just jump to conclusion that the mom was being racist.


Have you talked to dcm at all?

It could have been a harmless comment. The thing that bothers me in this whole situation is that dcg likes the assistant and dcm insists that dcg doesn't like her. :confused:

Dcm and I talked at length on Saturday. The primary concern that she expressed to me was that her girls did not seem to like my new assistant. I countered that I had observed her girls have bonded well with my assistant, and while the girls certainly still have preferred teachers, they have never demonstrated discomfort. Yet, mom keeps insisting the girls are really unhappy with my new assistant. It's just bizarre.

By the end of the conversation Saturday, dcm seemed to have let it go . . . And then dcg came in and said she didn't like my assistant for the first time ever. I just have a feeling this issue is going to keep coming back.

[daycare]

I see this from a whole different perspective than everyone else I guess.

I would just tell dcm that if you are not comfortable with my assistant then we are not the right fit for your family. If she wants her kids to keep coming, then she needs to make certain that she does not feed into it any more.

Being that the assistant is so new, I would maybe sit down with her and ask here if there is anything that that would cause the children not to like her. I have kids tell their parents they don't like me. I will call them out in front of their parents and they will say something stupid like I don't like MIss. N. because she makes me be good. OMG REALLY!!!

this could be something as simple as that it's all just getting blown out of proportion.

[spedmommy4]

I see this from a whole different perspective than everyone else I guess.

I would just tell dcm that if you are not comfortable with my assistant then we are not the right fit for your family. If she wants her kids to keep coming, then she needs to make certain that she does not feed into it any more.

Being that the assistant is so new, I would maybe sit down with her and ask here if there is anything that that would cause the children not to like her. I have kids tell their parents they don't like me. I will call them out in front of their parents and they will say something stupid like I don't like MIss. N. because she makes me be good. OMG REALLY!!!

this could be something as simple as that it's all just getting blown out of proportion.

True. I think I will take this approach. Whatever the reason, if she is not comfortable with my assistant, dcm needs to find a new program.

[daycare]

unless dcm said the words that she does not like your assistant because of her color, the I would be very certain to not make it about that at all.

You don't want this to take a bad turn.

plain and simple I would just tell dcm if she is not comfortable with your assistant then she needs to find another program. It is your choice who you hire....

hope that this all works out for you.

[daycarediva]

1000X


Laundrymom is spot on and I am appauled at your DCM veiled attempt at outright discrimination and bias.

I truly feel bad for her children if that is what she is teaching them to think/feel about others.

Like Laundrymom said... It exactly what's wrong in the world.

Do you know for sure this is because she is black? You might have an opportunity here to educate her. It seems weird that a Hispanic person would be racist against another minority :confused:

I don't know, this all seems so bizarre. I just can't believe that people can be like this...especially if they also identify as a minority group who is often marginalized.

Maybe she just wants them to be with you and is protective of that? Maybe she just thinks you are a better teacher and is worried because this person is not like you in regards to teaching style? Who knows what might have gone on while you were on vacay.

half cuban, and this is a very common misconception. I grew up in a very diverse, low income area and blacks/hispanics generally did not get along at all. Hispanics/blacks can be just as racist as white people. I've been called names by both black and hispanics. Either derogatory at my mixed race, or towards my being white.

I would have a sit down and specifically ask if the issues persists or if DCM is fine with the situation and wants to continue care. Depending on her wording, I would keep/term immediately.

[Ariana]

half cuban, and this is a very common misconception. I grew up in a very diverse, low income area and blacks/hispanics generally did not get along at all. Hispanics/blacks can be just as racist as white people. I've been called names by both black and hispanics. Either derogatory at my mixed race, or towards my being white.

I would have a sit down and specifically ask if the issues persists or if DCM is fine with the situation and wants to continue care. Depending on her wording, I would keep/term immediately.

Ahhh!! Had no idea and thanks so much for that perspective. It makes no sense but then again does racism ever make sense?!

[mommiebookworm]

I feel so bad for you and your assistant! Does your assistant know that dcm has said/done all this?

[Baby Beluga]

I feel so bad for you and your assistant! Does your assistant know that dcm has said/done all this?

I also wondered this too and was curious as to how your assistant felt.