Parent Does Not Like My Assistant

[spedmommy4]

I hired my second assistant about six weeks ago. She is super sweet and nurturing with the kids, and for this reason I placed her with my toddler group. My assistant is still working on learning to use her firm teacher voice, but she is amazing otherwise.

Background on parent: I know her through a personal friend. I only took her youngest (under 12 months) because of my relationship this friend.
Prior to coming to me, the older girl was able to go to work with mom and be with her all day.
Her two children have been with me for several months now. Both kids are awesome and I love having them here.

Now, due to this dcm's schedule, she rarely encounters my new assistant. My assistant starts after she drops off and leaves long before dcm picks up. But last week, due to my vacation, she saw my new assistant daily.

So here is the problem . . . last week, she comments to my (Caucasian) assistant that she thinks maybe her girls aren't comfortable with my assistant because they have never been around African American people before. :confused: My assistant responded something to the effect of, "they seem okay to me" and let it go. (Keep in mind, through this story, little girl is Hispanic and my assistant is not that much darker)

Then I get this crazy text today that she needs to pull the girls because her older daughter is very uncomfortable with my assistant and she has been seeing some behaviors at home. One example she has given was that dcg (just turned 2) is getting frustrated with putting her shoes on. Oookay, not sure what that has to do with me, but whatever.

I acknowledged her concerns and let her know that she is still responsible for two weeks of care. I offer to take over the toddler room for the next few weeks so she will be more comfortable while the girls are here. She then back peddles a bit and says it is fine and she isn't worried about the girls being with my assistant.

Now, I am not sure what her plans are regarding keeping them here at the moment but I am not sure I want to keep them. It really bothers me that she has singled out my assistant. Her older daughter actually really likes my assistant and asks for her until she arrives each day so this is not an issue with the girls.

What would you all do? I am torn.

[laundrymom]

I would respond
"thanks"
Then type up the termination letter to hand her.

Termination Notice for ::: (insert children's name)
Given by ::: ( parents name)
Date of notice
Last date of care
Reason:: Parent concerned about African American Assistant working with her children although assistant is qualified and well suited for environment.
Signed by::
(director)
(Parent)

[laundrymom]

This behavior infuriates me. I do not tolerate racism of any sort. And the subtle way this mom is doing it is part of the problem with our world.

[midaycare]

I would respond
"thanks"
Then type up the termination letter to hand her.

Termination Notice for ::: (insert children's name)
Given by ::: ( parents name)
Date of notice
Last date of care
Reason:: Parent concerned about African American Assistant working with her children although assistant is qualified and well suited for environment.
Signed by::
(director)
(Parent)

I would not feel comfortable having this mother around the assistant. She could ruin her life if she started telling stories that weren't true.

[Blackcat31]

I would respond
"thanks"
Then type up the termination letter to hand her.

Termination Notice for ::: (insert children's name)
Given by ::: ( parents name)
Date of notice
Last date of care
Reason:: Parent concerned about African American Assistant working with her children although assistant is qualified and well suited for environment.
Signed by::
(director)
(Parent)

This behavior infuriates me. I do not tolerate racism of any sort. And the subtle way this mom is doing it is part of the problem with our world.

1000X


Laundrymom is spot on and I am appauled at your DCM veiled attempt at outright discrimination and bias.

I truly feel bad for her children if that is what she is teaching them to think/feel about others.

Like Laundrymom said... It exactly what's wrong in the world.

[Thriftylady]

I agree with the others. She is just wrong.

[Former Teacher]

I would respond
"thanks"
Then type up the termination letter to hand her.

Termination Notice for ::: (insert children's name)
Given by ::: ( parents name)
Date of notice
Last date of care
Reason:: Parent concerned about African American Assistant working with her children although assistant is qualified and well suited for environment.
Signed by::
(director)
(Parent)

I totally agree!

However I am confused. Is your assistant African American or is the family?

[LysesKids]

I assume you have in your written policies the non discrimination clause (it goes for employees too, not just the families in care so you might want to remind mom of this)... what if you had African American kids in care or even Muslim, would mom still be acting this way? And yes, I have refused to take on parents for this exact reason - they don't want to be around certain people they won't be offered a spot here. I would write up a term notice ASAP because it would make me uncomfortable having the family stay.

[Leigh]

I have to agree with the others. DCM sounds like a ridiculous, racist, witch. I'd not be nice about it. I'd tell her very clearly that you won't deal with someone like HER and that you won't subject your very capable assistant to her, either. I'd tell her that she was out of line, and that no amount of apologies is going to make it right. I'd let her go today, and waive the 2 weeks, and let her know that it was because I never wanted to see her again.

[spedmommy4]

I totally agree!

However I am confused. Is your assistant African American or is the family?

Assistant is African American. The family is Hispanic. The whole situation rubbed me the wrong way but I thought maybe I was over reacting.

It is unfortunate because we all really like her girls here.(Especially my assistant ). It's going to be even more uncomfortable because I'm probably going to run into this mom after I term because she will still be in my circle of childcare professional friends. (The mutual friend we have also owns her own business)

[spedmommy4]

I assume you have in your written policies the non discrimination clause (it goes for employees too, not just the families in care so you might want to remind mom of this)... what if you had African American kids in care or even Muslim, would mom still be acting this way? And yes, I have refused to take on parents for this exact reason - they don't want to be around certain people they won't be offered a spot here. I would write up a term notice ASAP because it would make me uncomfortable having the family stay.

I do!! And I have an incredibly diverse group right now. Kids from Pakistan, kids who are Hispanic, African American, Italian, and white. I live in a very racially diverse city and this family (according to their enrollment packet) lives in a tough neighborhood. They would be surrounded by diversity where they live.

Dcm has seen all the kids and NEVER expressed similar concerns over her daughter playing with any of them. I don't understand why it seems to be isolated to the adult in our group.

[childcaremom]

I would respond
"thanks"
Then type up the termination letter to hand her.

Termination Notice for ::: (insert children's name)
Given by ::: ( parents name)
Date of notice
Last date of care
Reason:: Parent concerned about African American Assistant working with her children although assistant is qualified and well suited for environment.
Signed by::
(director)
(Parent)

I agree and I would make the term immediate.

[Former Teacher]

Assistant is African American. The family is Hispanic. The whole situation rubbed me the wrong way but I thought maybe I was over reacting.

It is unfortunate because we all really like her girls here.(Especially my assistant ). It's going to be even more uncomfortable because I'm probably going to run into this mom after I term because she will still be in my circle of childcare professional friends. (The mutual friend we have also owns her own business)

Thank you. I only asked because in your first post you put that she was Caucasian.

Doesn't matter. I still agree that you need to let this family GO like yesterday.

[Play Care]

Thank you. I only asked because in your first post you put that she was Caucasian.

Doesn't matter. I still agree that you need to let this family GO like yesterday.

No, she said the mom complained to her other (Caucasian) assistant about the African Amercian assistant.
I had to read it twice

[Thriftylady]

I don't even understand how in this day and age we still have these issues. I was raised not to see color I guess, but you would think with all of our diversity, this wouldn't be an issue.