Courteous Communication with Parents

[Mom2Two]

I've been doing home daycare for three years now, and I've found that it's really helpful to me to have good, open communication with daycare parents. We end up affecting each other's lives quite a bit, and I feel like it's normal and courteous to communicate with people when you affect them.
Just now I had parents cancel care on me with 1 1/2 hours notice. This family is normally the last ones here, but even worse today they were the only ones who were going to be here this afternoon. My contract doesn't say that I will charge a fee or anything like that for late cancellation, but I think that mom should have been more courteous with me, because it impacted me.
I have found that it's stressful to deal with parents who aren't considerate of me, and I'm feeling like I need to have a new contract that covers this stuff or else we aren't a good fit. Or she might change. I am considerate of them in a number of ways. I allow pick up 20 minutes past close without any extra fees. I am not strict with my minimum fee per day (which is very lenient anyway). They are often here for less than three hours, but I just charge my normal hourly rate for them.
I love the kids and the family is great in every way besides the fact that mom seems to have the "coat check" attitude about daycare sometimes.
I just hate having to have "a talk" with mom. I've written an email about it...just thinking it over a bit and hoping to hear some thoughts from experienced providers.

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

I had a parent do this yesterday. Dcm called at 5 am when dcg was scheduled for 6 am saying she was taken off the schedule at work and wouldn't be bringing dcg after all. I realized I don't have anything in my policies about this, just that I have to be notified before their scheduled drop off time in order to not get charged for it.
I don't know "the best" way to handle this, but I figured since it's not in my policies that she couldn't do that, then I can't say anything. BUT I can change my policies. I'm giving everyone a new handbook in January anyway, and one of those new policies is that I will now be charging regardless of attendance. That way if dcm calls last minute to tell me she won't be coming, I still get paid for holding her spot that day. Maybe you can add that to your handbook of policies and send out notice of the change with "the new year" as the excuse?

[Mom2Two]

Yes I love "excuses" to make changes!
With this mom, I've kind of picked up from that she just doesn't want to communicate with me about her life even when it affects me. She has an irregular schedule as a nurse, and I've been soooo flexible with them, even when it has been very inconvenient for me. But then one day I realized that she was asking for extra time for "me time." And it was at a time of day that was awful for me. I told her that I needed to know if it was for work or not, because I feel like my daycare business is partly a commitment to support working parents, and I try to be there for them.
But since then she still asks for care and avoids giving any eplanation about why she's bringing her kids. Other parents will say if they're going to the doctor or whatever when they ask for extra time.

[daycare]

I guess for me the only way to avoid this is to charge a flat rate if the child is in attendance or not and to have a daily cut off time.

I work on contracted hours of care only. So I know when I start and end my day with each family and am paid when they are here or not.

I charge half day for anything less than 4 hours and anything over that I charge a full day rate.

[Ariana]

My policy states that cancellation requires 24 hours notice so that I am able to make changes necessary to plan my day. I also state that repeated 'no shows' without 24 hours notification can be grounds for termination. This policy goes above and beyond the fact that they have to pay whether the child attends or not. The ONLY reason I don't require 24 hour notice is when it is due to sickness and the parent didn't know until the morning of.

I have a parent currently that is asking for "drop in care". His child is with me half days and sometimes he needs an hour extra here or there which I accommodate for a fee. I do this only as a courtesy for my current enrolled families and it is up to me whether or not I do it. The dad arrived 45 minutes late today with no text or phone call (I had already previously 'chastised' him about being late without texting). I had cut my morning short to be here when he said he would arrive so as you can imagine I am pretty miffed about it. So from now on when he asks if I am available I will simply say "NO sorry I am not able to do that". His loss.

I am really not fond of disrespect so I can understand why you are not happy with this arrangement. Your love for this family is clouding your business judgement. Start sticking to your policies because their love for you certainly isn't clouding their ability to take advantage of you are your kindness.

[Blackcat31]

I've been doing home daycare for three years now, and I've found that it's really helpful to me to have good, open communication with daycare parents. We end up affecting each other's lives quite a bit, and I feel like it's normal and courteous to communicate with people when you affect them.
Just now I had parents cancel care on me with 1 1/2 hours notice. This family is normally the last ones here, but even worse today they were the only ones who were going to be here this afternoon. My contract doesn't say that I will charge a fee or anything like that for late cancellation, but I think that mom should have been more courteous with me, because it impacted me.
I have found that it's stressful to deal with parents who aren't considerate of me, and I'm feeling like I need to have a new contract that covers this stuff or else we aren't a good fit. Or she might change. I am considerate of them in a number of ways. I allow pick up 20 minutes past close without any extra fees. I am not strict with my minimum fee per day (which is very lenient anyway). They are often here for less than three hours, but I just charge my normal hourly rate for them.
I love the kids and the family is great in every way besides the fact that mom seems to have the "coat check" attitude about daycare sometimes.
I just hate having to have "a talk" with mom. I've written an email about it...just thinking it over a bit and hoping to hear some thoughts from experienced providers.

This is all based on perspectives.

YOU feel you are/have been courteous to them in many ways because you know your actions are above and beyond.

The FAMILY doesn't see it that way. They see your leniency as "the way it is" NOT that you are going above and beyond or making any type of exceptions.

They don't see/feel or understand how their lack of communication effects you. They don't know everything you deal with or do in a day's work...kwim?

Once you do any type of "special" without acknowledging that it IS special or outside of your normal services, that "special" becomes "normal" and "expected" to the client.

I hope that makes sense.

[Thriftylady]

This is all based on perspectives.

YOU feel you are/have been courteous to them in many ways because you know your actions are above and beyond.

The FAMILY doesn't see it that way. They see your leniency as "the way it is" NOT that you are going above and beyond or making any type of exceptions.

They don't see/feel or understand how their lack of communication effects you. They don't know everything you deal with or do in a day's work...kwim?

Once you do any type of "special" without acknowledging that it IS special or outside of your normal services, that "special" becomes "normal" and "expected" to the client.

I hope that makes sense.

This is basically what I was thinking. When you let people basically just do what they want, well then they think it is acceptable to do that in every situation. I am not saying that is right, but it seems to be the mentality that many people have these days. I hate having to be strict about my policies, but it seems that when I am not, things like this happen.

[MunchkinWrangler]

I would make it part of your policies that you charge for the spot, not attendance. This eliminates not being paid for that day. If a child comes for a short amount of time for the day, I would still charge for the day not the amount of time. As you said the child was the only expected for that afternoon. I have a policy that parents need to notify me of schedule changes the day before, at the very least, unless an emergency, and agreed upon by me. I always charge for the week ahead as well, so they've already paid and it's understood that there are no refunds or deductions in tuition, I need to keep the lights on, right? I've had no problems with this and parents will take a random day off without expecting no payment for the day as it's understood that it's non-negotiable. As much as you want to be courteous, you are also running a business and there are rules. Maybe you need to write out a new policy stating that communication is needed in advance, there's nothing you can really do if it's last minute but it really sucks when you prepare and your preparation is futile. Make open communication a policy, then the ball is in their court. Let them know nicely that it throws you for a loop and hopefully they will start getting it. And every instance, repeat, repeat, repeat. They'll eventually catch on.

[Josiegirl]

A big yes to everything that's been offered so far! I charge $16 for part day(4 hours or less), 21 for a full day. Right now I've got almost all ft dcfs(one comes 4 days a week but still pays me ft, her choice which shows the appreciation which does a lot for my morale!), scheduled for 7-5. I know what to expect. Even though they've written on their contracts 7-5(to cover the butts), their normal do/pu's aren't those hours but I come to know what the normal hours are. They pay for the spot, 52 weeks a year. Period. Easy peasy. Not one parent has kicked about any of it.

I believe in being nice. To a degree. They'll get a lot more 'nice' from me if they respect and appreciate how I'm part of their child/ren's lives.

Have a conversation with the dcm because chances are she doesn't have a clue how you're affected by her actions.

[Mom2Two]

I really, really appreciate the replies. I think that I do need to have a talk with mom. I feel like I need to explain why she does need to tell me why she cancelled. My reason for this: I need to know if I can trust her judgment or not in this type of thing. I am willing to be flexible for parents who I can trust to be respectful. She's the one I don't completely trust. She's a bit of a princess and bit spoiled in some ways. She has tons of friends who are always doing favors for her, and she seems a bit miffed when I have to ask her to correct something, which is often because she just doesn't seem to have natural consideration for folks.
I was picking up a bit of attitude on Friday with how she responded to my text about her cancellation, and I suspect that the attitude I was getting from her on Friday was due to her feeling miffed about not getting her way over everything.
I guess that if she can't handle working stuff out with me, then I just have to change her contract. I may try to explain this to her...or I may just go ahead and change the contract/policies. Because in her world, it's all a little bit about her.

[renodeb]

My contract states at the very start that payment is based on enrollment not attendance. I would really think about re vamping your contract. Sometimes communication with parents is like pulling teeth but necessary.
Deb

[Blackcat31]

Yes I love "excuses" to make changes!
With this mom, I've kind of picked up from that she just doesn't want to communicate with me about her life even when it affects me. She has an irregular schedule as a nurse, and I've been soooo flexible with them, even when it has been very inconvenient for me. But then one day I realized that she was asking for extra time for "me time." And it was at a time of day that was awful for me. I told her that I needed to know if it was for work or not, because I feel like my daycare business is partly a commitment to support working parents, and I try to be there for them.
But since then she still asks for care and avoids giving any eplanation about why she's bringing her kids. Other parents will say if they're going to the doctor or whatever when they ask for extra time.

Personally, I think this expectation is a bit much....and kind of intrusive. If I were buying a service I would feel like what I do with that service is my business and not yours. If my provider pushed me for reasons behind my actions, I would more than likely terminate care.

Expecting a daycare parent to share things with you about her personal life isn't really the norm IMHO. I understand those times in which it effects your daycare and your daily routine but what difference does it make if you provide extra care for her if you are getting paid whether she is taking me time or is doing work related things?

I really, really appreciate the replies. I think that I do need to have a talk with mom. I feel like I need to explain why she does need to tell me why she cancelled. My reason for this: I need to know if I can trust her judgment or not in this type of thing. I am willing to be flexible for parents who I can trust to be respectful. She's the one I don't completely trust. She's a bit of a princess and bit spoiled in some ways. She has tons of friends who are always doing favors for her, and she seems a bit miffed when I have to ask her to correct something, which is often because she just doesn't seem to have natural consideration for folks.
I was picking up a bit of attitude on Friday with how she responded to my text about her cancellation, and I suspect that the attitude I was getting from her on Friday was due to her feeling miffed about not getting her way over everything.
I guess that if she can't handle working stuff out with me, then I just have to change her contract. I may try to explain this to her...or I may just go ahead and change the contract/policies. Because in her world, it's all a little bit about her.

She may very well be miffed simply because you wont accommodate her because you WERE accommodating her.

Now you are wanting an explanation for why she cancelled (which again I think is kind of intrusive) and unless it has a direct correlation to your program or your services, why she cancelled really isn't your business.
Maybe she had a bout of diarrhea and can't make it out of the house. Maybe grandma or a family friend showed up unexpectedly and took her child(ren) and she decided to have a little "afternoon delight" with her hubby.....do you really want to know that??

I don't know...I understand where you are coming from (I think) but I get the feeling this is all based on the fact that you DO go above and beyond for your families but are thinking that means because of that "extra" that they owe you more information that they think they do.

[Mom2Two]

Personally, I think this expectation is a bit much....and kind of intrusive. If I were buying a service I would feel like what I do with that service is my business and not yours. If my provider pushed me for reasons behind my actions, I would more than likely terminate care.

Expecting a daycare parent to share things with you about her personal life isn't really the norm IMHO. I understand those times in which it effects your daycare and your daily routine but what difference does it make if you provide extra care for her if you are getting paid whether she is taking me time or is doing work related things?

She may very well be miffed simply because you wont accommodate her because you WERE accommodating her.

Now you are wanting an explanation for why she cancelled (which again I think is kind of intrusive) and unless it has a direct correlation to your program or your services, why she cancelled really isn't your business.
Maybe she had a bout of diarrhea and can't make it out of the house. Maybe grandma or a family friend showed up unexpectedly and took her child(ren) and she decided to have a little "afternoon delight" with her hubby.....do you really want to know that??

I don't know...I understand where you are coming from (I think) but I get the feeling this is all based on the fact that you DO go above and beyond for your families but are thinking that means because of that "extra" that they owe you more information that they think they do.

I definitely don't want to be in my clients' business. In this case, she inconvenienced me, therefore I feel like either an explanation OR an apology is necessary. She gave neither one. Also, it's possible to give an explanation without giving personal details. The mom I'm giving extra care for tomorrow is having surgery. I have no idea what it's for and I don't care. But what she was letting me know is that she's not a child-dumper. It's a personal line for me...I just need to know that parents are being considerate. Of their kids too. I can't respect someone who's just "not that into" their own children. And if I have a parent who won't communicate with me, yes I guess I'll just have to start charging a "late notice of cancellation" fee. It's a reasonable solution.

"Bout of diahorrea" = "I'm sorry for the late notice, but I'm suddenly not feeling well"
"Grandma wants to take kiddos out" = "Family showed up unexpectedly. I'm so sorry for the late notice."

[Blackcat31]

I definitely don't want to be in my clients' business. In this case, she inconvenienced me, therefore I feel like either an explanation OR an apology is necessary. She gave neither one. Also, it's possible to give an explanation without giving personal details. The mom I'm giving extra care for tomorrow is having surgery. I have no idea what it's for and I don't care. But what she was letting me know is that she's not a child-dumper. It's a personal line for me...I just need to know that parents are being considerate. Of their kids too. I can't respect someone who's just "not that into" their own children. And if I have a parent who won't communicate with me, yes I guess I'll just have to start charging a "late notice of cancellation" fee. It's a reasonable solution.

"Bout of diahorrea" = "I'm sorry for the late notice, but I'm suddenly not feeling well"
"Grandma wants to take kiddos out" = "Family showed up unexpectedly. I'm so sorry for the late notice."

I think this is your solution.

Like I said, I totally understand where you are coming from but I don't think clients look at it the same way.
So in order for me to deal, I HAVE to understand that I can't change other people, I can only change how I react/deal or feel about a situation so I no longer expect an explanation from parents.

Instead I set my rules and policies to reflect what I will and wont do and for what costs.

I do hope you are able to come to an agreement with this mom though. It sounds like she has a pretty good deal going with you so I hope she realizes that and comes to her senses about respecting that. (and you)

[Mom2Two]

Thank you for your kind reply Black Cat. :-)