Help Reassuring New Parents Kids Are Fine the Minute They Leave

[hottie8962]

Hi id like some help to reassure new parents that there kid is totally fine the minute the walk out the door.one new kid been here 6 times he is three days a week first three times he was fine last three times crying /screaming when parents leaves.parent worrys did some happen I said no? Did any thing happen to him confused I said no? Why? She said its weird that he wanted to come now he doesn't, I explained the first couple times he came it was new here so he wanted to check it didn't care about mommy, I said he now realized mommy is not staying mommy is leaving me here.she said ya make sense.I also explained its normal if with kids who been here many years may do that occasion aly (rarely).sometimes they really one come some times they dont its normal. Today is his six time come ing here he cried but before the door even closes all the way he stops crying and is perfectly fine. (We all no kids show off in front of parents). Anyways when she left my sister was on the porch heard her say and this is why I hate leaving him here! Im a nice person but really then take him home with u.I even joked at pick up today do I need to get a camera for mommy to see u are fine when she leaves.ugh

[Michael]

Welcome to the forum. We are mostly active during the daytime so hopefully some member will answer your question tomorrow.

[childcaremom]

Hi id like some help to reassure new parents that there kid is totally fine the minute the walk out the door.one new kid been here 6 times he is three days a week first three times he was fine last three times crying /screaming when parents leaves.parent worrys did some happen I said no? Did any thing happen to him confused I said no? Why? She said its weird that he wanted to come now he doesn't, I explained the first couple times he came it was new here so he wanted to check it didn't care about mommy, I said he now realized mommy is not staying mommy is leaving me here.she said ya make sense.I also explained its normal if with kids who been here many years may do that occasion aly (rarely).sometimes they really one come some times they dont its normal. Today is his six time come ing here he cried but before the door even closes all the way he stops crying and is perfectly fine. (We all no kids show off in front of parents). Anyways when she left my sister was on the porch heard her say and this is why I hate leaving him here! Im a nice person but really then take him home with u.I even joked at pick up today do I need to get a camera for mommy to see u are fine when she leaves.ugh

Maybe have a little chat again with mom. Explain that this is normal, that he calms down quite quickly after she leaves. What is your policy if they don't? I explain that if they haven't calmed down within a half hour that I will call parents at that point. It might even help to take a picture of him happily playing (shortly after drop off) and text it to mom to reassure her.

[finsup]

Verbally reassure her he's fine and that its a really normal stage. Then text her a pic of dck playing happily once he calms down That seems to really help new/first time moms!

[Controlled Chaos]

Yep if a child has a hard drop off I always text parents a pic once child is playing happily it's usually less than a min

[Heidi]

Yep if a child has a hard drop off I always text parents a pic once child is playing happily it's usually less than a min

Same here...sometimes, they're not even down the road yet.

[daycare]

honeymoon phase wore off. He now has to do this, verses he thought it was something he WANTED to do. SO very normal.

I had a mom not believe me that her kid calmed right as the door shut because of how out of control her was. So I took video ob my phone and sent it right to her or I told her leave and remain on the porch so he can't see you. After that she realized he was either working her or just upset with her.

I think its hard for kids to give up their stuff, they have a great set up at home wtih their toys and their parents. and now it's time to give that up so they freak out crying when they find out they have to leave it.

another reason he could be crying, is that the parents don't have a predictable routine for him. I would find out what his morning routine is and talk to her about that.

i have had families roll their kids out of bed and try to bring them when they are still half a sleep. That doesn't work, who wants that does to them??? not me

then you have families that let the kid walk the dog one day out of routine before DC and the next day they are having a flip out tantrum because they want to go home and walk the dog, but there was not time today, so instead they rushed him to daycare in full tantrum.

I think you get my point.

good luck

[jenboo]

Definitely send a picture as soon as he is calm! I have done this and the parents usually get the picture before they are out of the driveway.

[hottie8962]

Ok thanks I just got two more kids doing the same thing so i sent a picture today I might get a cheap baby monitor also were they can hold the monitor for a minute on the porch.ugh I feel like a referee.I know that with these kids its because they are over tired and they just started.two come a little past bed time, and the third one comes past his nap t ime due to mom taking bus.

[BabyMonkeys]

Definitely send a picture as soon as he is calm! I have done this and the parents usually get the picture before they are out of the driveway.

[Unregistered]

Mom just doesn't want dcb to cry, period. It's not you!
I agree, take a pic!

[e.j.]

I either call the parent as soon as the child calms down so she can hear the quiet for herself or I ask her to leave but stand just outside my door and listen. It normally takes just a minute or two for the child to calm down and for the parent to realize the child is fine.

If the parent seems overly anxious, I also remind her of the open door policy. For some dc parents, just knowing that I know they can stop in unexpectedly during the day seems to make them feel better. I also assure them they can call/email me as often as they need to to feel better about leaving their child in my care.

As far as the comment your sister overheard, ("This is why I hate leaving him here!")....Personally, I wouldn't joke around with something like that. As a parent who hated dropping my own kid off at day care, I get how she's probably feeling but I'd have a hard time getting past it without addressing it directly with her.

[MarinaVanessa]

I use a letter very similar to BlackCat's that I hand out to new clients. Maybe you can use it to give yourself ideas of what to say or maybe write up your own letter. It's VERY common for kids to need an adjustment period or be fine at first and then suddenly in 2-3 weeks get separation anxiety.

First Day Fears

Dear Daycare Families,
Whether this is your child’s first time in daycare or your child has been in daycare before, the first day at a new place can be a scary time for children (and some moms and dads too!) Your child will walk in to a new place with new children, new grownups and new “stuff”. Maybe Mom or Dad look a little teary-eyed or worried. It’s no wonder some children suddenly cling to parents or cry! It’s completely natural for the both of you to feel this way!
When a parent departs, the child may feel nervous or anxious and may cry and protest. This is called separation distress. It is a part of the normal development of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress depends mostly on the child’s personality and temperament but can also depend on the manner in which adults handle the anxiety and in their departure.

Through experience I have found that it is in the child’s best interest if the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that you will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging your departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, you can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after a parent has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.

Here are a few tips for getting through those first few days.
• Act confident. If you seem anxious and unsure, children will pick up on it and start wondering if there really is something to worry about!

• If possible, plan on staying for 5 to 10 minutes the first day or two while your child settles. A longer or shorter amount of time may make separation harder.

• When it is time for you to leave, make sure you say goodbye. Sneaking out when the child is occupied can make kids panic later which can make separation more difficult the next day.

• Separation anxiety sometimes shows up later even if no separation anxiety was present the first week. Sometimes 1-4 weeks later. Don’t worry! This is normal.

Please remember that I am a parent myself that has had to put a child in daycare before and I really do understand how hard this can be. I know that you are entrusting me with a very precious gift, the care of your child, and I feel honored that I will be your child’s caregiver. If your child is having an especially hard time, I will give you a call so that we can discuss how to proceed.

Thank you. I’m looking forward to a great partnership!
Sincerely,
Provider

[permanentvacation]

I literally DO record their children on my cell phone camera for the first couple of days and once they calm down, I walk my cell phone camera over to the clock and record the time that they calmed down. Then I record the child playing or doing whatever activity they got interested in for a few moments. I then call the parent over the phone and put them on speaker phone so they can hear that their child has stopped crying and that everyone in the daycare is happily playing. When the parent comes to pick up their child that night, I show them my recording.

That usually calms the parents down.

[Tay]

I had a child that would cry at drop off time but I mean kick and scream crying, once I close the door when parents left the kid would instantly be smiling and playing with the other kids so I would snap a pic right away and send it to parents to make them see the child was ok. Funny thing is at times, parents where still in my driveway ready to head out when I sent the pic. 😂