I Just Have To Vent About Parents Who Let Their Kids Run The Show!!!

[lovemyjob]

All the time!

I have policies specific to candy, gum, toys from home etc. Yet had a kiddo whose mom would give him "potty treats" if he went potty. Even if he refused, peed first in his pants, then ended up trying with nothing on the toilet. He was 4.5 years old! And his "potty treats" were entire candy bars and such. He would proudly come in smacking his large sized blue bubble gum in the morning to tell me he went potty, or licking his fingers from his bag of cheetos and diet dr pepper.

He arrives between 6:30 and 7 am! So the moment mom leaves (since she will not simply say no and offer other choices, despite many talks directly and indirectly) I tell him he needs to spit it out. "We don't have candy in the morning before we eat a healthy breakfast. We need to keep your teeth and body strong and healthy so you can get big like your dad."

Every kid complies when they know where the bar is set! I really believe many parents don't even have a bar at all. No one likes to hear them cry.

I overheard a parent talk about a provider who was just awful for a 2 yr old to sit in a time out for 15 minutes. I wanted to chuckle in her face and ask her if she has ever witnessed a 2 year old throw a tantrum? They can last for an hour or more depending on the kid and their level of stubbornness. I am sorry, but tantrums get set aside until they are through--screaming on the floor, in a "time out" or whatever you want to call it. No matter how long they decide to drag it out for. I would rather hear the fuss now and deal with it, than let it go on for a couple years and deal with tantrums at age 6-7. Parenting isn't easy--it isn't supposed to be. But in the end, the children you raise will be all the better for it.

[Givingthemgrace]

I used to be one of these parents. I had no experience with children until I had my own. I bought one parenting book from Amazon, The Baby Book by Dr Sears. I truly thought I was doing the right thing by not letting my child cry and talk him through his tantrums, letting the "little things" go like they tell you to in the book. By Age 2 he would tantrum for 4 hours of each day, By age 3.5 he was diagnosed with Disruptive Behavior Disorder NOS. I didn't know any better, and my In Laws still are very permissive and try to give his tantrums attention, and rewards. DH doesn't understand discipline either. My DS is 4 now and still somewhat out of control, but much better, when I have been actually disciplining for the last year and a half. (He may have a different diagnosis coming in the future, we will see). It wasn't until things were really bad with him that I read parenting books with other perspectives, and had the help from therapists. I really may have messed up my child for life. My DD is a different story-she started off being disciplined and does great, but she has an easy temperament too.

Anyway, now I have a daycare family who knows they spoil their child, their excuse is that they had a miscarriage so they want to spoil him. He's really suffering for it-he can't do anything for himself, he screams all the time, always gets his way with mom/dad/his countless other caregivers. I am very close to terming (they are also bad clients).

I do think it's lack of education. Even grandparents now around here don't understand discipline.

[readingiskey]

Thought of this during an interview last week. Dcm said dcg insists on being called princess :: I just busted up laughing.

ridiculousness

[Patricia]

OMG- I am soooo sick of the "special snowflakes" I get in my class every year now! I teach kindergarten, and my colleagues and I always discuss how much worse kids have gotten in recent years. Not ALL kids of course, maybe one third are typical, sweet kids, a few have problems that legitimately may require special attention, but we have a huge chunk of "brats" these days.Sad part is, it's not really their fault. If only we could teach this generation of parents how to be parents! I have hope it will improve again in another ten years or so.

[Josiegirl]

I know this thread is 2 yrs. old but it's an ongoing problem and not going away anytime soon. It makes me soooo thankful for the parents out there who do tell their kids no, who do threaten something and follow through. I have a dcd who threatens, makes the move to do something but if his dd calls his bluff he backs down. WTH good is that? His threats are no longer credible and she knows what she can get away with so pushes buttons more and more. Oh, but she's 'so darn cute'!! Well, yes, she is but won't be for much longer when she's a certified spoiled little girl!
I have a 6 yo off school this week who is living proof of that. Kids don't want to play with her because she whines, screams, over reacts, etc. She wants something and will demand. She tells me nobody likes her. How can I lie and tell her nono, that's not true when it's absolutely true and the reasons why???

Parents, you are doing your kids a HUGE disservice by giving into their every heart's desire and never saying no. Please think about their future when their world does NOT revolve around them and THEIR wants/demands/desires. It's okay for kids to cry!!!! Really. It won't break their ego, their self esteem; if anything it'll build character, teach compassion, respect, self-control, and kindness!!! Make them earn privileges, don't just hand over ipads at 4 yo or iphones. Don't take their line of bull that says 'all the other parents do it'. I'm not saying beat the kids but dang, if a child is sent to their room for a 'time-out', they usually have a tv, tons of toys and electronics. Where's the discipline in that? What are our modern day methods teaching our kids??!!!
Oh damn, gotta get off my soap box but I could go on all day.

[Unregistered]

You are a Parent not a Friend

Everyday I see children running the house. Parents should be parents and stop trying to be friends with their young children. You are NOT doing them any favors by letting them run rampant. Children need discipline and consistency. My own kids let their 5 young children run the show. I can scarcely believe it. It is a matter of responsibility to teach them how to be civil and responsible for their actions. Quit trying to be their friend and be a parent. We will all be a lot better off. As it is now it is lunacy.

[HHangout]

My daughter (6) has behavioral issues with my husband and I and with nobody else. If skmeone dare tell me I dont discipline my kid there would be an issue. Sometimes there are compromises because she is a human being that deserves to be heard and has had some good ideas I didnt think of.

Kids basically reset basically each day, esp when theyre younger. My daughter constantly shows me her level of understanding when I think something is perfectly clear. If I permanently said NO to everything she had a fit about she would not even be alive because she wouldnt be able to exist. Theyre learning and training and time doesnt exist-they do t have a concept of 5 minutes or 1 hour. They can "try again" when calm and be rewarded for the good behavior. Of course there are lengthty consequences to be had for repeated behaviors depending on age. 1 tantrum doesnt mean the consequence should be forever. Multiple tantrums, yes. My daughter has fits over the TV and if she cant handle it being turned off, the next day there isnt tv. She is at the age to understand that non- immediate consequence. But, if she does it repeatedly or throws a BIG tantrum, like she did on Saturday, it is gone for weeks.


No, he didnt earn McD's that day and he has big emotions and cant handle the no. Mom disciplined by not having McDonalds for whatever reason. I threw tantrums until I was 10 about McDonalds and now I wont touch it. He wont even remember the tantrum 2 days later.
However, the next day he probably acted differently and received his "reward" for it. Or circumstances changed and they were able to go, for example they left earlier. The child probably didnt tie two and two together, they dont have that sense of logic at that age.

His smile wasnt about "ha I tricked mom!" It was "I got something yummy and I feel special".

Being a parent is way different than childcare.

[Blackcat31]

Being a parent is way different than childcare.

It's really not.

There is just alot more guilt associated with parenting.

What the adult does with that guilt makes the difference for the child(ren) they are caring for, teaching and/or leading.

[Msdunny]

I was at a party for one of mine this weekend. TWo of my moms were talking with me. They were sharing horror stories about their babies and how they 'just won't sleep'. Then both moms admitted that they co-sleep or run to get their child up when they begin to cry at night. These girls are 1 year and 18 months. They then commented on how they couldn't believe how I got the girls to nap so well. I said, "well, I can't co-sleep, so there's that."

Honestly, I have never had an issue (after a day or two) with putting a little down, and then getting them up when nap time is over - whether they slept the entire time is not relevant. It is amazing how early they can learn that the crying and tantrum game doesn't work at my house.

[Cat Herder]

Being a parent is way different than childcare.

The goal is the same. We simply do it differently and with experience to back us.

Childcare plans activities and routines with children at the center, not alongside of. We have a purpose and goal to our actions. We watch the children to know their strengths and weaknesses to find ways to compliment and encourage them. We watch for escalation patterns to disrupt or redirect. We are not reactionary, we know what is coming because we have done this over and over and over.

We don't feel guilty when we discipline because we know it is a bigger gift to the child. Crying is simply communication to us, it is not always about being sad and we don't react to it with emotion but with logic.