I Just Have To Vent About Parents Who Let Their Kids Run The Show!!!

[Buttercup]

I'm sure you guys are tired of reading threads like this, but OMG!!!! I have so many kids at my center that I can just tell ONLY get disciplined by me and the other teachers, NOT their parents! What is it with this trend? It's probably a number of things, but my guess is that both parents are tired from working long hours, so they just give in to their kids to get some peace.

Anyways, I just have to share this with people who will understand. I have many many MANY more stories than these, but this one recently happened so it's fresh in my mind: I have a kid in my class who is coddled to the max. He's 4, and mom talks to him in the most sickening baby-talk voice I've ever heard. Anyway, he came in the other day throwing a HORRIBLE tantrum. Screaming, hitting mom, etc. Mom explained that the fit was because "I didn't take him to McDonalds today to get breakfast." If that wasn't bad enough...wait for it...guess showed up the very next morning with a Mcdonalds bag in his hand and a big smile? He had this look on his face that I swear was like, haha I won! If he had been my kid, he would have never seen the inside of a McDonald's again if he had treated me that way! I mean, am I crazy??? If you throw a screaming fit like a toddler and HIT YOUR MOM just because she said no McDs today, then there should NOT be a second chance! At the very least, not the next freakin day!!!!!!!! That's his mom though...I swear she lacks the common sense gene.

Ugh...anyone else have stories like that to share? I love reading about stuff like this...it's like an addiction! (It bothers me to no end that parents coddle and give in like this, yet I can't stop reading posts on here about it, go figure!)

[Unregistered]

I had a mother like that when I worked in a Head Start. I'm not sure who was worse her or her son. She had no problem telling my aide "I wouldn't have choose this place. We're stuck here, because you can't get kicked out Head Start". Yes, he was kicked out of every private and public preschool option in his city. I would get him out of bad habits only to have her give him sugary treats for lunch. When I sent them back and gave him the provided food, she would throw out the McDonalds, and other junk, wrappers in my class. She had that "I won look". This woman loved that her son had issues and made them worse. The "best" part is this woman's mother was an aide in another room. Our key could open other classrooms and the main door. Who knew? Because who does that?! They actually opened my classroom and stole things. A lot of these parents enjoy their child's behavior. They think it means they need them. I also think they like the negative attention.

[nannyde]

It's not a complicated answer. It's not because they work long hours and are tired. We see the same behavior with parents of part time kids, moms on maternity leave who send their older child to care and just have one newborn at home, and sahms who put their child in daycare.

They don't want their child to cry. It's that simple.

They have no cry infants because they have read or heard that crying causes brain damage. Once the child is beyond infancy they continue the no cry. It isn't just for infants... it's for their childhood.

There are a large contingent of parents who really take pride in that their child's special and giftedness is that they get to defy normal human behavior that is fair, others thinking, respectful, and shows selflessness and self control. They like it when their kid gets to be violent and NOTHING happens except more loving and cuddles for the child. They wish they could be their child and do as they wish when they wish.

They don't address it until it affects them in a way that affects their money and time.

[Controlled Chaos]

It's not a complicated answer. It's not because they work long hours and are tired. We see the same behavior with parents of part time kids, moms on maternity leave who send their older child to care and just have one newborn at home, and sahms who put their child in daycare.

They don't want their child to cry. It's that simple.

They have no cry infants because they have read or heard that crying causes brain damage. Once the child is beyond infancy they continue the no cry. It isn't just for infants... it's for their childhood.

There are a large contingent of parents who really take pride in that their child's special and giftedness is that they get to defy normal human behavior that is fair, others thinking, respectful, and shows selflessness and self control. They like it when their kid gets to be violent and NOTHING happens except more loving and cuddles for the child. They wish they could be their child and do as they wish when they wish.

They don't address it until it affects them in a way that affects their money and time.

Thought of this during an interview last week. Dcm said dcg insists on being called princess :: I just busted up laughing.

[Unregistered]

Disrespectful behavior is the new norm!

I had one a lot like the kids you all are describing. DCG was always extremely physical, with mom, dad and other kids. She tried it with me a few times, but it doesn't fly well- I would grab her hand mid-flight and walk her over to time out (and turn her around facing the wall 201345 times). She would truly beat on her mom every day at pick up, while the mom ignores or LAUGHS, yes, mom thought the behavior was funny. 7 years later, she STILL thinks it's funny and "fiercely independent". I wanted to term them so many times, but could never do it... because she (DCG) is my niece.
Lucky me. She's gone now, but holidays are still... interesting.

[midaycare]

I have a dcg like this. Dcg is fine for me because I won't give her any attention for her acting out, but the moment dcm walks in, dcg is throwing a fit. Dcm tries to reason with her - a 2 year old! I tell dcm that dcg is playing her, but she is not strong enough to try real parenting.

[Buttercup]

I think you hit in on the head, nannyde! It's become like an epidemic...parents not wanting their child to experience any sort of sadness. They refuse to believe that their child could be crying to manipulate them or to get their way...nope, if their special snowflake is crying, then they are going to have terrible self esteem and brain damage unless they are coddled to at once.

LOL at the little girl who wanted to be called princess...really??? :: she clearly is the one in charge at her house...

[Sugaree]

It's not a complicated answer. It's not because they work long hours and are tired. We see the same behavior with parents of part time kids, moms on maternity leave who send their older child to care and just have one newborn at home, and sahms who put their child in daycare.

They don't want their child to cry. It's that simple.

They have no cry infants because they have read or heard that crying causes brain damage. Once the child is beyond infancy they continue the no cry. It isn't just for infants... it's for their childhood.

There are a large contingent of parents who really take pride in that their child's special and giftedness is that they get to defy normal human behavior that is fair, others thinking, respectful, and shows selflessness and self control. They like it when their kid gets to be violent and NOTHING happens except more loving and cuddles for the child. They wish they could be their child and do as they wish when they wish.

They don't address it until it affects them in a way that affects their money and time.

Meh. I read that study. That study was referring to CIO sleep training where the kid is left to wail for hours on end. I don't see how that crosses over to never letting the kid cry ever. Of course, I have to get after my husband and MIL for coddling DS when he throws a temper tantrum. I simply step around (or over) him and go into the next room until he can ask (or show) me what he wants. He's quickly learned that momma doesn't play that game.

[TheGoodLife]

I was so frustrated with my DDs not cleaning yesterday that I told them if they didn't get it done by dance class, they weren't going. Guess who was staring at the van pulling out of the garage last night?! My almost 4 year old who refused to clean. She's been looking SO forward to it after two weeks off for the holidays and I didn't want her to miss it... but I had to stick to my guns. (Till feel sad thinking of her little face peering out the window on her tippytoes ) But she made the choice. Parents need to learn to be parents and say no at times! I love my kids too much to let them get away with being spoiled and not having good manners/respect! I am nowhere NEAR a perfect parent but I try hard, and I know that it does no good for them in the long run, just makes it easier in the moment.

[Controlled Chaos]

I was so frustrated with my DDs not cleaning yesterday that I told them if they didn't get it done by dance class, they weren't going. Guess who was staring at the van pulling out of the garage last night?! My almost 4 year old who refused to clean. She's been looking SO forward to it after two weeks off for the holidays and I didn't want her to miss it... but I had to stick to my guns. (Till feel sad thinking of her little face peering out the window on her tippytoes ) But she made the choice. Parents need to learn to be parents and say no at times! I love my kids too much to let them get away with being spoiled and not having good manners/respect! I am nowhere NEAR a perfect parent but I try hard, and I know that it does no good for them in the long run, just makes it easier in the moment.

Good for you. Its hard, but its so good for them! I threw out the goody bag my DD got at a birthday party last weekend. I told her she had to wait until after dinner for a piece of candy and I found her hiding under covers eating it 5 min later :: Little stinker!

I use the "I love ____ too much to____" a lot. Especially with in laws. They say things like "You make your child sleep alone?" or "You let them cry at night?!" yep "I love them too much to deprive them from the opportunity to learn to self soothe and get a good nights sleep."

[KiddieCahoots]

I think you hit in on the head, nannyde! It's become like an epidemic...parents not wanting their child to experience any sort of sadness. They refuse to believe that their child could be crying to manipulate them or to get their way...nope, if their special snowflake is crying, then they are going to have terrible self esteem and brain damage unless they are coddled to at once.

Epidemic is my fear right now. I think I may be experiencing the 3rd "special" child this yr, just when I was trying to let 2014 go!

Good for you. Its hard, but its so good for them! I threw out the goody bag my DD got at a birthday party last weekend. I told her she had to wait until after dinner for a piece of candy and I found her hiding under covers eating it 5 min later :: Little stinker!

I use the "I love ____ too much to____" a lot. Especially with in laws. They say things like "You make your child sleep alone?" or "You let them cry at night?!" yep "I love them too much to deprive them from the opportunity to learn to self soothe and get a good nights sleep."

We see and understand this, do you think the parents that are giving "special" to their child, deep down inside see this too? Because I truly cannot fathom their theory. The realistic world is not set up to the way they are coddling their children.

[Controlled Chaos]

We see and understand this, do you think the parents that are giving "special" to their child, deep down inside see this too? Because I truly cannot fathom their theory. The realistic world is not set up to the way they are coddling their children.[/QUOTE]

I have no idea if they see it... I do hope by saying it over and over again that they will see it as an option as a loving choice. I believe parents in general are overwhelmed and self conscious. I am an optimist

[deliberateliterate]

It's not a complicated answer. It's not because they work long hours and are tired. We see the same behavior with parents of part time kids, moms on maternity leave who send their older child to care and just have one newborn at home, and sahms who put their child in daycare.

They don't want their child to cry. It's that simple.

They have no cry infants because they have read or heard that crying causes brain damage. Once the child is beyond infancy they continue the no cry. It isn't just for infants... it's for their childhood.

There are a large contingent of parents who really take pride in that their child's special and giftedness is that they get to defy normal human behavior that is fair, others thinking, respectful, and shows selflessness and self control. They like it when their kid gets to be violent and NOTHING happens except more loving and cuddles for the child. They wish they could be their child and do as they wish when they wish.

They don't address it until it affects them in a way that affects their money and time.

I agree with you that a lot of it stems from parents not wanting their kids to cry, but I don't buy that it's because of what they read in some parenting books. I think it's deeper than that. I think there are a lot of factors.

Parents are doing it alone a lot more than in previous generations. There are no more villages, just single families trying to figure it out for themselves. There are soooooo many parenting books out there with completely conflicting parenting advice. It's hard to tell if you're doing it right. A kid that is happy all the time is an easy way to gage how you're doing as a parent.

Social media. The only means we use to have of comparing ourselves to our peers were our families and neighbours. You can't go on Facebook/Instagram/Pinterest these days without seeing pictures of perfect families doing perfect crafts in their perfectly clean houses. The standard that we've set for ourselves is impossibly high to reach.

Young Parents now we're kids in the 90s. I think they were raised similar (yet to a lesser degree) to how they are raising their kids.

But then I'm not an expert, so what do I know

[Unregistered]

I usually just lurk but I had to comment on this one. Just this morning one of my 4yo dcb brought a RedBox movie to "share." His dad KNOWS my no stuff from home rule. AND my no screen time rule but he said his kid just wouldn't take no for an answer. THEN the kid won't even put the movie in his backpack he insisted on carrying it around proclaiming he was going to carry it until we watched it. Mind you all of this is while pitching a fit, whining, flopping, etc. I just let it happen. Intervention is fruifruitless until dcd leaves.

As soon as his dad left, I told him "dcb, we're not watching this movie today. Hand it to me so I can keep it safe," and he complied with nothing more than a huff. My husband was home this morning which he usually isn't, and he was cracking up. "How'd you do that?" he asked. It's easy really. I set the standard years ago.

Oh and the kicker. The movie was PG-13. Really...

[Mama2aiden]

I have DCG that doesn't like to eat fruit or drink milk (but likes chocolate milk of course). She is my sister-inlaw niece (not related to me). My sister in law and her brother are telling me not to make her eat what she doesn't like. She is not allergic to anything. I make the same snacks for all the kids including my own son. I don't allow outside food either. She brings in slim Jims and Nutella stick cup. So aggravating. I took them on at a deep discount as favor to family but it's been a hassle. Also finding out he can afford to pay my regular rate, really bites :/