Cry It Out How Long Is Too Long For 2 Year Old?

[Leigh]

That is a tantrum and has nothing to do with crying it out. He is not an infant.

I agree 100%. I would try to condition him to realize that only NOT CRYING gets him the attention he is seeking,

[Unregistered]

They can parent how ever they wish and I will run my daycare as I wish! I care for 12 children and I will not cater to a two year old screaming I will not rub is back and tell him it's ok because guess what it's not ok! He will only learn that if I cry someone will be here in ten minutes to calm me down. He needs to learn to calm himself down!

You just proved my point.

They can parent however they wish (which I said is their right)
You can run your daycare as you wish (which I said is your right)

You said you will not cater to a two year old screaming...which I said, you are not resecting their wished. (I didn't say you have to agree with them)

You said in a previous post that said "I had a meeting with both parents last night I told them I would rub his back only because it's what they needed to hear in reality it won't ever happen." which again, proves my point....you don't respect their wishes and they think NOT doing what they asked as neglect.

The relationship is not cohesive. They want "X" and you aren't willing to provide what they want for their child. They think view that as neglectful. You can't be much further apart in your lines of thinking.

Personally, I agree those who said, its not CIO, it's more of a tantrum or a two year old doing what two year olds do; protest when they don't get their way.

Ideally, you should be in a working relationship with the family to meet their needs.

If you can't meet their needs or won't provide the services they want, then it's time to let them go. If you can't find a compromise WITH them verses just doing your own thing without their knowledge, then there is something wrong with that.

Ultimately, the parents will feel you are neglecting their child (NOT saying you are but they "think" you will be if you let him cry) and withdraw from your care and more than likely file a report with licensing if you are licensed.

[Elko]

I think the fact that you lied to them is creepy... No matter what the specifics are. I'd be concerned that you're being dishonest with other parents. What are the odds you agree with all eleven other parents? :confused:

[midaycare]

I think the fact that you lied to them is creepy... No matter what the specifics are. I'd be concerned that you're being dishonest with other parents. What are the odds you agree with all eleven other parents? :confused:

I don't know if I'd go so far as creepy, but it doesn't sit right with me. So I kind of agree with Elko. And also with PP who said perhaps the relationship has run its course.

Is dcb separated from everyone else? I would probably make a plan to start with 10 minutes on one day, then next day wait 11 in between rubbing his back, then 12, then 13, etc. Or I might handle it altogether differently and just sweetly say, "You're alright, dcb, see you after nap", every 5 minutes, and then stretch that out to longer and longer.

It's really rare for me to have everyone down and sleeping. I don't really get down time or prep time. Either the baby is off schedule, someone has a cold or non-excusable illness and can't sleep, slept too much the night before, etc, etc. So here in my dc, I'm just used to spending more time with the kids who can't nap.

[craftymissbeth]

I think lying to them is not ok. They think letting him cry is neglect... I certainly wouldn't lie to them and go ahead and do what a family considers neglect. That just screams trouble to me.

Also, I think it was very unprofessional for you to sit there and roll your eyes during a meeting with a family.

I agree with PP. Term and replace. Neither of you are a good fit for each other.

[Unregistered]

This isn't nap time crying and screaming this is all the time walking around the play room crying and screaming. When he does this I remove him from the group to cry in his pnp.

[Play Care]

You just proved my point.

They can parent however they wish (which I said is their right)
You can run your daycare as you wish (which I said is your right)

You said you will not cater to a two year old screaming...which I said, you are not resecting their wished. (I didn't say you have to agree with them)

You said in a previous post that said "I had a meeting with both parents last night I told them I would rub his back only because it's what they needed to hear in reality it won't ever happen." which again, proves my point....you don't respect their wishes and they think NOT doing what they asked as neglect.

The relationship is not cohesive. They want "X" and you aren't willing to provide what they want for their child. They think view that as neglectful. You can't be much further apart in your lines of thinking.

Personally, I agree those who said, its not CIO, it's more of a tantrum or a two year old doing what two year olds do; protest when they don't get their way.

Ideally, you should be in a working relationship with the family to meet their needs.

If you can't meet their needs or won't provide the services they want, then it's time to let them go. If you can't find a compromise WITH them verses just doing your own thing without their knowledge, then there is something wrong with that.

Ultimately, the parents will feel you are neglecting their child (NOT saying you are but they "think" you will be if you let him cry) and withdraw from your care and more than likely file a report with licensing if you are licensed.

This.
I had a family of three kids. It was their first day care experience and they cried all day, every day for the time they were here. The oldest boy was almost 4...I set up a spot for them to cry with a "you can join us when you are ready!" At the end of the day the parents did NOT understand why I couldn't hold three kids all day long to get them to stop crying, and I gave notice. I would never tell a parent I will do something I can not, as it just sets me up for failure or worse.
Also, not sure if you are licensed, but putting a child in a PNP other than sleeping times can be considered abuse per licensing. I'd be very careful about that. Much better to set up a spot and label it "the feelings corner" or even "the crying chair" where you can still see the child. Putting a child away in a PNP (for any reason other than sleeping) in my state would be a big no-no.

[Heidi]

This isn't nap time crying and screaming this is all the time walking around the play room crying and screaming. When he does this I remove him from the group to cry in his pnp.

Ok...I hate to say it, but that may very well be a problem.

You are using his pnp as a punishment, and so when it's nap time, he thinks he's being punished.

I see you have TWELVE children by yourself? That's a huge group!

I don't rub backs or encourage temper tantrums, but I do my best to make nap a positive, happy experience. Each kiddo has their blanket, maybe a lovey or pacifier, and they get tucked in, get their hair stroked or their back rubbed for a few seconds, and some comforting words. I also never, ever put a child in a bed unless it's to sleep. "Calming spots" are somewhere else.

[Unregistered]

Ok...I hate to say it, but that may very well be a problem.

You are using his pnp as a punishment, and so when it's nap time, he thinks he's being punished.

I see you have TWELVE children by yourself? That's a huge group!

I don't rub backs or encourage temper tantrums, but I do my best to make nap a positive, happy experience. Each kiddo has their blanket, maybe a lovey or pacifier, and they get tucked in, get their hair stroked or their back rubbed for a few seconds, and some comforting words. I also never, ever put a child in a bed unless it's to sleep. "Calming spots" are somewhere else.

I agree with Heidi. It also sounds like a 30 min. Time out. A time out should only be one minute per year of age. I like a calming spot that is also considered a time in. Children have little self regulation and small children have less. It sounds like this little guy is very much unable to self regulate and needs to be connected with you. Isolation is not the answer! He may be crying a lot, I had a 3 yr old dcg that would this. I think kids like this need a soft, cozy spot with fleece pillows to hug and other calming items, wind up music box stuffed animal, squishy balls, water wands, sensory items. Does this work all the time? No! But it does works more often than not, and some kids send themselves to the cozy coner to wind down and de-stress.

I know it's hard to listen to. I've been through it too. I do offer to connect with the child after the child has calmed a bit. I try to help them work through it. In this way, I'm hoping the crying jags lesson. And it's a win/win. I try not to require they tough it out, unless my coming over to the settle them down gets them crying louder. Then I leave them to cry. They are away from the group, but not in another room alone.

I want my kiddos to feel a connection, not a disconnect. I follow Dr. Laura Markham's model on time in. I want to give them the tools to settle themselves down sooner than later.

I also try to connect each day with each child with high fives, smiles, encouragement and hugs.