DCK's Bringing Toys From Home

[broncomom1973]

Ah yes

The No "no" style of parenting.

When you tell the Mom "NO" she's not going to like it. I suggest you say "keep his toys at home" instead of "no toys from home".

Yes, I'll try to come up with something clever, .

[Blackcat31]

bahahahaha!!!

People seriously expect that no one will ever tell their little precious "no"? I'm probably just old-school, but I really don't get all the new "rules" in caring for children - it's almost like everyone is bending over backwards to never make the child feel, hurt, experience, etc. What the heck is wrong with the word "no"? Why do we coddle children? Even little ones can understand rules, but it seems that "childcare experts" want to keep that from happening, because we may "break their spirit" or "make them feel bad" or heaven forbid, we teach them to take responsibility for their own actions!

Warning: stepping up on my soapbox now. Do not continue if you don't want to hear it . When I was growing up, we respected our parents and other adults, whether they deserved it or not. We didn't go to school with knives and guns and kill as many as we could. We did not bully someone so badly that they felt they couldn't go on. We ate what was put in front of us, we got spanked when we did something wrong, we were taught to be responsible for our actions, and we were certainly told "no" when needed! Oh, and the ADULTS were adults and the kids were kids. Now we have a whole generation of "takers". Little ones who feel like the world around them owes them, never take responsibility for their actions, shooting up schools, bullying, killing themselves, etc. What do you suppose the difference is? Our parents and teachers and other adults were strict with us. Nobody is strict now, we are too busy *****-footing around the littles because the rules have changed. I don't believe in capital punishment in the schools, but when they did have it, there weren't disrespectful kids (or they weren't for long!), teachers had the control, not the students. Kids didn't bring guns to school to kill the people they hated. There was not the bullying on the level that you see today. I'm not saying that we need to bring back capital punishment, but I can't believe any expert really is spouting that we shouldn't tell kids no!

If we had an applause function, I'd be using it....just might even do the wave! I couldn't agree more.
I have an 8 yr of SA boy who is constantly pushing the limits. The other day he did something outside that warranted him losing his outside priviledge the next day...so his mother comes in the next morning and says to me; "Is there anything I can do so G***** can go outside and not lose that priviledge?" I was like, "Um, yeah, let him take responsibility for his own actions!" I couldn't believe she actually asked me that! The real kicker is that the mom is a family therapist that specializes in children's play therapy and behavior modification. Just goes to show you that just because she knows it doesn't mean she follows it!

[nannyde]

I couldnt agree more. Dh and I always talk about how different the youth of today are. There is an attitude of entitlement, there is no respect for anyone other than themselves, and their lives revolve around themselves.

I'm at 31 years of caring for kids and 17 in home child care. What is different now than it was a decade ago is that you have BOTH generations (parents AND child) being raised with entitlement. This wasn't as common or as hard to avoid ten years ago.

The younger parents (about 18 to 25) are the first generation I've seen where they had at least the teen years being raised in the "me" society. Now those people are having kids. They still want the "me" life but a child doesn't really allow that. They way they are coping is by saying "yes" to the child from birth on so that their "minute to minute" is as easy as possible.

So now we have the parents who are self centered and want instant gatification having children who are being raised with the same bottom line. Day care providers now have BOTH generations to deal with in their business. It's not JUST difficult or "spoiled" children as the O.P. said in her first post. This child also has a parent who is behaving badly with the provider. (requiring the provider to one to one the child on entry, giving her a list of things she can and can't say to the child, being told not to tell the child NO etc.) That IS misbehavior on the part of the parent. It LOOKS like an uber helicopter ... attachment parent but the truth is it is a misbehaving parent.

We've been taught that "parent knows best"... "it's up to the parent"... "the parent has rights"... etc. etc. so it's really hard to look past what has been pounded into us with child care training and state regulations and be able to see that in fact just because they have had sex, conceived a child, given birth, and had the money to access child care services .. it doesn't mean that THAT person isn't going to misbehave or behave poorly in your world. Having a child doesn't increase the persons chance of feeling less entitled.

At some point providers will have to understand that part of their role is breaking thru the entitlement the parent carries to your doorstep. Some experienced providers will be able to pick out parents who don't behave this way or have a lower liklihood of it... but the average every day provider will HAVE to deal with this issue most likely now... from the go. There really aren't enough "not entitled" parents to go around.

We aren't getting better as a society. Our place in the world has diminished drastically in the last ten years. We aren't producing higher quality individuals. We aren't gaining in education, financial, citizenship, etc. We are loosing ground in every core area of how a society can be measured.

The children are becoming harder to manage. The parents are becoming harder to manage. At some point it will all collapse if we don't have individuals one by one start dealing with the entitlement. We HAVE to do this in our business. We aren't just bringing up children. We have to set strong boundaries and rules for their parents also. We have to have the guts to look that parent in the eye and say "NO". I'm not going to do that. Children need to be told no with the word NO.

That parent needs to go from provider to provider and have one after another tell her NO. Unfortunately this generation of parents have to be managed that way. Not all of course.. but most by far. If you aren't up for it you are going to be an unhappy and unsuccesful provider until you get to the point where you can gain enough skill to weed them out in the first place.

[jen]

I personally think teaching your kids what "no" means is the best gift you can give them. All through life they are going to hear NO.

No, you can't have the job
No, you don't get the raise
No, I won't date you,
No, I won't kiss you

It's good for you, it teaches you to work for and appreciate the "yes" even more.

My kids may not be perfect, but you know what...I can take my kids ANYWHERE. They will not beg, whine, or make a scene. You can take them to the nicest of restaurants and without a single doubt, they will behave. You can walk them through the toy department of Target and they won't even ask...well, they will ask to look, but they will not ask to buy.

I think that the reason so many people think its a hassle to take their kids to run errands, is because they failed to teach their kids the word "no." I love taking my kids with me. We have fun, because everyone knows what is expected of them.

[Unregistered]

I'm at 31 years of caring for kids and 17 in home child care. What is different now than it was a decade ago is that you have BOTH generations (parents AND child) being raised with entitlement. This wasn't as common or as hard to avoid ten years ago.

The younger parents (about 18 to 25) are the first generation I've seen where they had at least the teen years being raised in the "me" society. Now those people are having kids. They still want the "me" life but a child doesn't really allow that. They way they are coping is by saying "yes" to the child from birth on so that their "minute to minute" is as easy as possible.

So now we have the parents who are self centered and want instant gatification having children who are being raised with the same bottom line. Day care providers now have BOTH generations to deal with in their business. It's not JUST difficult or "spoiled" children as the O.P. said in her first post. This child also has a parent who is behaving badly with the provider. (requiring the provider to one to one the child on entry, giving her a list of things she can and can't say to the child, being told not to tell the child NO etc.) That IS misbehavior on the part of the parent. It LOOKS like an uber helicopter ... attachment parent but the truth is it is a misbehaving parent.

We've been taught that "parent knows best"... "it's up to the parent"... "the parent has rights"... etc. etc. so it's really hard to look past what has been pounded into us with child care training and state regulations and be able to see that in fact just because they have had sex, conceived a child, given birth, and had the money to access child care services .. it doesn't mean that THAT person isn't going to misbehave or behave poorly in your world. Having a child doesn't increase the persons chance of feeling less entitled.

At some point providers will have to understand that part of their role is breaking thru the entitlement the parent carries to your doorstep. Some experienced providers will be able to pick out parents who don't behave this way or have a lower liklihood of it... but the average every day provider will HAVE to deal with this issue most likely now... from the go. There really aren't enough "not entitled" parents to go around.

We aren't getting better as a society. Our place in the world has diminished drastically in the last ten years. We aren't producing higher quality individuals. We aren't gaining in education, financial, citizenship, etc. We are loosing ground in every core area of how a society can be measured.

The children are becoming harder to manage. The parents are becoming harder to manage. At some point it will all collapse if we don't have individuals one by one start dealing with the entitlement. We HAVE to do this in our business. We aren't just bringing up children. We have to set strong boundaries and rules for their parents also. We have to have the guts to look that parent in the eye and say "NO". I'm not going to do that. Children need to be told no with the word NO.

That parent needs to go from provider to provider and have one after another tell her NO. Unfortunately this generation of parents have to be managed that way. Not all of course.. but most by far. If you aren't up for it you are going to be an unhappy and unsuccesful provider until you get to the point where you can gain enough skill to weed them out in the first place.

Best thing I have read in months!!! Thank you!!!

[nannyde]

I personally think teaching your kids what "no" means is the best gift you can give them. All through life they are going to hear NO.

Yes and it is completely out of line to ASK a provider not to say NO to their child. It's rediculous, entitled, and UNSAFE. In order to protect a child from immediate dangers you HAVE to instill in them the word NO. Not the idea of "no" but the actual word "NO!!

Whatever happened in the Mom's life to give her the idea that she could exact that rediculous notion onto society is exactly where we need to look to fix this. If she wants to do this "technique" at home then that's between her and Jesus. Once she steps out of her door she will find that society will give her a "NO" by the time she drives down to the end of the street. That STOP sign is a NO. And the "no's" will keep coming for both her and her child. She doesn't get to pay a weekly fee to a provider and get to buy her way out of her kid getting a NO. NO amount of money would pay me to do that.

[Blackcat31]

I think that the reason so many people think its a hassle to take their kids to run errands, is because they failed to teach their kids the word "no."

Maybe the next time a parent calls and says "I am going to be late because I need to go to the grocery store first"
I will say "Yes it is difficult to take your child when they haven't learned the meaning of the word 'No' yet. I will see you in a bit"
The parent might not get what I mean but I will know. Your statement made me look at parents wanting to run their errands without their kids from a different view and it makes complete sense....

[melissa ann]

I have a dcg who is also 3. Her mom does everything for her. Carries her insulated bag that has milk in sippy cups( I provide everything so this is not necessary and I take the milk out and put it in reg. cups), her blankets (again, I have blankets for naps)and at the end of the day carries our project. Girl does nothing.
After snacks/meals kids put their plates, cups etc in the sink. Even the 1 1/2 yr dcb does this. She does not. I'm always on her. Cleaning up is a disaster. I'm always on her to help clean up. Mommy does it at home. I don't care. You are not at home, and I am not your mommy.
She also brings in toys, electronic games. I have a no toy policy. I am not responsible for any broken/lost toys from home. When she comes, it goes straight to her cubby. She even had a dime in her hand one morning. I was like, I will take that. She got mad. I said we don't want "mikey" to swallow it. (the 1 1/2 yr old)

[Candyland]

Just because someone has a degree doesn't mean they have common sense. just had to throw that in there.
Obviously, the young mom is moved by emotions. ugh; I'm sorry to hear that you're having so many problems with her. Just take control of the situation nicely, but firmly.

[broncomom1973]

Thank you to all that responded Dcb came with a toy today (some hand held toy that lights up and makes noise) and I said "you need to take that when you leave because the DVD player on Friday caused a big uproar". I proceeded to tell her that dcb would not allow my son to look at it, but yet he didnt want me to put it away so as not to cause anymore problems. She seriously looked sad and asked dcb for it and of course he started whining, and she said you want to show (me) your toy, like the whole reason he brought it was to show it to me, NOT. She then took it out of his hands and he started bawling and I told her go on he'll be fine.

Befor the toy thing happened she walked in and said dcb is in his underwear (never done that before, he is always in a diaper) and said he was in underwear all weekend. OK, I said I would take him in the bathroom at least every hour and ask him if he needs to go every 30 minutes. Well, 30 minutes after mom leaves he is eating breakfast and pees on the preschool chair. Then I take him in every 30 minutes and of course he doesnt go for me but again potty's in the preschool chair during lunch, 5 minutes after I had asked him and 20 minutes after I took him in to try and potty. Ugh. I have no problem helping with potty training, but he needs to come in a pull-up not underwear. He peed through both pairs he had here today and has no more clothes. In my opinion, pull ups are for when they are training and underwear are for when they are pretty well trained in most circumstances. He is nowhere close to being potty trained yet.