DCK's Bringing Toys From Home

[broncomom1973]

I have an almost 3 yr old dcb who is ridiculously spoiled. His mother has a degree in early childhood education. She is a young mother and just had her 2nd about 6 mos ago. The almost 3 yr old rules her. She absolutely can not say no to him. Apparently he does not like coming here in the mornings (he is perfectly happy after she leaves) so she bribes him with toys to bring here. Today he showed up with a portable DVD player. Are you kidding me? I said hows dcb today and she said "we had to use some bribery, the batteries probably wont last to long". I let him sit down at the preschool table with it and my ds who just turned 2 was so curious as to what it was. He sat down next to dcb and dcb freaked out, started wailing because my son was looking at Elmo on his DVD player. I was p*ssed. My son was being so good. He wasnt trying to touch it, he was just watching it from 2 feet away.

She (the mom) causes drama for me EVERYDAY. She is the mom who wont leave until she hands him to me. Yesterday I was getting my daughter some allergy medicine before she left for school and dcm tried to set him down but he started whining and she said "oh, you want (my name) to hold you". I sighed, like come on. I said "im trying to get my daughters medicine" and then she handed him to me. I am sooooo sick of it. I said "you are a big boy, you dont need to be held". How does someone with her education not know that it is OK to say NO sometimes? Next time she does this to me Im going to say "I know you dont like for him to cry, but honestly it doesnt bother me, so set him down and he will stop as soon as you go through the door".

And, back to the toy thing. It seriously is at least 3 days per week that he brings something. I usually confiscate it immediately after she leaves. I wouldnt have a problem with it if he shared or even let others see what he has, but he literally freaks if they even look his way. One of my dcg brought a zhu-zhu pet yesterday and I was shocked that her parents would send her with it, but honestly she shared it with everyone and they had a great time. If this were the case with him, I would be ok with the toy thing, but its not. How do you explain to someone who should know. Oh by the way, she is a consultant to home daycares, . She gives us advice when we have questions, like I want her answering my questions. NOT! Sorry for the vent.

[marniewon]

Do you have a "no toy is to be brought from home" policy? If you do, print out your policy and highlight it. Hand it to mom, tell her that the next time a toy comes in to your dc, you will take it and hand it back to her to take with her. And then do it. Take it from dcb and hand it to mom. Yeah, he'll probably cry the first few times, but do you really want to deal with his selfish behavior when other kids want to "look" at it? If you don't have that policy in your contract - put it in there

As far as her having to hand him to you, he's way old enough to not need that. I would tell her to put him down and refuse to take him. Just make sure you are busy the whole time she is there so you can't take him. You might even want to put something in your handbook about that too - something about drop-offs being short and let child do x or whatever, whatever you say, make sure it's obvious to mom that you are not going to carry around a 3 year old! Very strange - and I agree, I would not want to take advice from her with the odd way she is raising her own child!

[broncomom1973]

I will be making a policy on both the toys and drop-off this weekend. When she 1st started bringing him here (he was my first daycare child), she would take her shoes off and sit down and play with him for 30-45 minutes. Being my first time doing daycare, I didnt say anything and thank goodness her hours at work changed to 8 a.m. instead of 9 a.m. so she couldnt do that for very long. Talk about dragging out goodbyes, I mean really she caused the whole morning problem herself.

[SilverSabre25]

The not wanting the other child to even look at it is a three year old thing--if you get a chance to read Louise Bates Ames' "Your ___ Year Old" books, they are a huge help and I find them to be very accurate. My 3 yo DD started this shortly before her birthday, and when she does it I calmly tell her that she can't control where other people look, and if she doesn't want to be looked at, she needs to go play in her room with the door closed (same floor as the daycare space).

As for how someone with an early childhood education can be so dense? Well, just 'cause she has the education doesn't mean she took much away from it, or that she's willing to apply it to her own kids, or that she attended class and made good grades, or that she realizes that not all kids are "by the book". Could be any or all of those.

I've had to squelch a few parents who have a hard time leaving their kid who's upset, and I just tell them, "He settles down as soon as you're gone. C'mon DCB, we're going to have so much fun today! Bye mommy! I'll see you later!" and basically shove the parent out the door.

[broncomom1973]

Yeah, my 3 year old dd is always telling me "he's looking at me", or "she's looking at me", BUT she doesnt start crying and sobbing because of it. I tell her "well, dont look at him/her and you wont know he/she is looking at you". I also tell her that anybody can look where they want and she usually drops it.

As for dcb's mom, I agree that having the degree doesnt always mean a whole lot. She certainly does things her own way. The scary part is that she is giving advice to others. When I started this daycare (before I knew what her job was and what her degree was in), I told her that whenever I have questions I always call the daycare provider that cared for my girls. I told her I would much rather get advice from a very well-respected childcare provider who has been doing daycare for 20+ years than from some book. Then, she told me what her job was, . I meant it though. She is always bringing me lists of words NOT to say, like "no". Well, Im sorry but telling her son "keep the rocks on the ground", "keep your feet on the ground", "keep your hands to your side" really does not register to him. It honestly goes in one ear and out the other with him.

Now, I just need to get started on my little note about drop off and toys.

[Mom&Provider]

I'd be telling Mom it's an issue...bottom line. If you have to explain that dcb is protective of the things he brings from home and it causes issue for the other kids who are curious to see what he has. Given her background, it shouldn't be hard for her to understand!?

[nannyde]

Yeah, my 3 year old dd is always telling me "he's looking at me", or "she's looking at me", BUT she doesnt start crying and sobbing because of it. I tell her "well, dont look at him/her and you wont know he/she is looking at you". I also tell her that anybody can look where they want and she usually drops it.

As for dcb's mom, I agree that having the degree doesnt always mean a whole lot. She certainly does things her own way. The scary part is that she is giving advice to others. When I started this daycare (before I knew what her job was and what her degree was in), I told her that whenever I have questions I always call the daycare provider that cared for my girls. I told her I would much rather get advice from a very well-respected childcare provider who has been doing daycare for 20+ years than from some book. Then, she told me what her job was, . I meant it though. She is always bringing me lists of words NOT to say, like "no". Well, Im sorry but telling her son "keep the rocks on the ground", "keep your feet on the ground", "keep your hands to your side" really does not register to him. It honestly goes in one ear and out the other with him.

Now, I just need to get started on my little note about drop off and toys.

Ah yes

The No "no" style of parenting.

When you tell the Mom "NO" she's not going to like it. I suggest you say "keep his toys at home" instead of "no toys from home".

[DCMomOf3]

Ah yes

The No "no" style of parenting.

When you tell the Mom "NO" she's not going to like it. I suggest you say "keep his toys at home" instead of "no toys from home".

[marniewon]

Ah yes

The No "no" style of parenting.

When you tell the Mom "NO" she's not going to like it. I suggest you say "keep his toys at home" instead of "no toys from home".

bahahahaha!!!

People seriously expect that no one will ever tell their little precious "no"? I'm probably just old-school, but I really don't get all the new "rules" in caring for children - it's almost like everyone is bending over backwards to never make the child feel, hurt, experience, etc. What the heck is wrong with the word "no"? Why do we coddle children? Even little ones can understand rules, but it seems that "childcare experts" want to keep that from happening, because we may "break their spirit" or "make them feel bad" or heaven forbid, we teach them to take responsibility for their own actions!

Warning: stepping up on my soapbox now. Do not continue if you don't want to hear it . When I was growing up, we respected our parents and other adults, whether they deserved it or not. We didn't go to school with knives and guns and kill as many as we could. We did not bully someone so badly that they felt they couldn't go on. We ate what was put in front of us, we got spanked when we did something wrong, we were taught to be responsible for our actions, and we were certainly told "no" when needed! Oh, and the ADULTS were adults and the kids were kids. Now we have a whole generation of "takers". Little ones who feel like the world around them owes them, never take responsibility for their actions, shooting up schools, bullying, killing themselves, etc. What do you suppose the difference is? Our parents and teachers and other adults were strict with us. Nobody is strict now, we are too busy *****-footing around the littles because the rules have changed. I don't believe in capital punishment in the schools, but when they did have it, there weren't disrespectful kids (or they weren't for long!), teachers had the control, not the students. Kids didn't bring guns to school to kill the people they hated. There was not the bullying on the level that you see today. I'm not saying that we need to bring back capital punishment, but I can't believe any expert really is spouting that we shouldn't tell kids no!

Stepping down now.

Like a pp said, I have several kids who just look at me funny if I tell them to "keep your hands to yourself" but totally understand if I say "no!"

[nannyde]

bahahahaha!!!

People seriously expect that no one will ever tell their little precious "no"? I'm probably just old-school, but I really don't get all the new "rules" in caring for children - it's almost like everyone is bending over backwards to never make the child feel, hurt, experience, etc. What the heck is wrong with the word "no"? Why do we coddle children? Even little ones can understand rules, but it seems that "childcare experts" want to keep that from happening, because we may "break their spirit" or "make them feel bad" or heaven forbid, we teach them to take responsibility for their own actions!

Warning: stepping up on my soapbox now. Do not continue if you don't want to hear it . When I was growing up, we respected our parents and other adults, whether they deserved it or not. We didn't go to school with knives and guns and kill as many as we could. We did not bully someone so badly that they felt they couldn't go on. We ate what was put in front of us, we got spanked when we did something wrong, we were taught to be responsible for our actions, and we were certainly told "no" when needed! Oh, and the ADULTS were adults and the kids were kids. Now we have a whole generation of "takers". Little ones who feel like the world around them owes them, never take responsibility for their actions, shooting up schools, bullying, killing themselves, etc. What do you suppose the difference is? Our parents and teachers and other adults were strict with us. Nobody is strict now, we are too busy *****-footing around the littles because the rules have changed. I don't believe in capital punishment in the schools, but when they did have it, there weren't disrespectful kids (or they weren't for long!), teachers had the control, not the students. Kids didn't bring guns to school to kill the people they hated. There was not the bullying on the level that you see today. I'm not saying that we need to bring back capital punishment, but I can't believe any expert really is spouting that we shouldn't tell kids no!

Stepping down now.

Like a pp said, I have several kids who just look at me funny if I tell them to "keep your hands to yourself" but totally understand if I say "no!"

I hope you mean "corporal" punishment. ::::::

[QualiTcare]

i can only imagine what my kid's daycare teachers had to say about me....like:

"doesn't she know she's not supposed to say the F word?"

"doesn't she know she shouldn't beat them in public?"

seriously, i think people look for mistakes, or at least harp on them more/longer than if someone who wasn't a "child expert" had made the same or even worse mistake.

anyhow, she may be very good at what she does - but the rules change for your own kids. i can make 20 kids who don't belong to me stay on task, but can't make my own two act like humans sometimes. i'd be in a whole world of trouble if people based what i do with my own on how i handle others (see above) ::

in general, it is better to use phrases that don't always have "no" in them, but i don't think them thar experts are saying a child should never be told no.

[kendallina]

i can only imagine what my kid's daycare teachers had to say about me....like:

"doesn't she know she's not supposed to say the F word?"

"doesn't she know she shouldn't beat them in public?"

seriously, i think people look for mistakes, or at least harp on them more/longer than if someone who wasn't a "child expert" had made the same or even worse mistake.

anyhow, she may be very good at what she does - but the rules change for your own kids. i can make 20 kids who don't belong to me stay on task, but can't make my own two act like humans sometimes. i'd be in a whole world of trouble if people based what i do with my own on how i handle others (see above) ::

in general, it is better to use phrases that don't always have "no" in them, but i don't think them thar experts are saying a child should never be told no.

Bolded part- So true!

I don't have a no toy policy and it's been completely fine for us. But, I had a parent ask if it was ok that her LO bring toys to preschool and then she said, "He just gets so attached to something in the morning and I don't want to have to tell him no. You know?" Uhhh...no, I don't know. Because I have zero problem telling your child or mine No. Geez. I felt like making a no toy policy just because she said that to me and she needs to be able to tell her child No sometimes!

[countrymom]

ask my own children how mean I am, I have no problems saying "no" I even tell the dck's "no" like the other week, mom picks up dcb (he's the sand eating kid) and you know what the kid does, goes and lays down in my driveway (its a graval driveway full of oil and grime--county living) and he starts to lick and eat the rocks off the ground, I kid you not, I have never ever seen anything like this, so I start hollering at him and his mom is laughing and is saying that he does it all the time, if she stops it then he gets mad. Are you frickin kidding me, (dh was home at the time and he even said that mom has to have a few screws loose)

[marniewon]

I hope you mean "corporal" punishment. ::::::

Ha ha ha.....yes, see what happens when I try to type when I'm tired?? LOL

[broncomom1973]

bahahahaha!!!

People seriously expect that no one will ever tell their little precious "no"? I'm probably just old-school, but I really don't get all the new "rules" in caring for children - it's almost like everyone is bending over backwards to never make the child feel, hurt, experience, etc. What the heck is wrong with the word "no"? Why do we coddle children? Even little ones can understand rules, but it seems that "childcare experts" want to keep that from happening, because we may "break their spirit" or "make them feel bad" or heaven forbid, we teach them to take responsibility for their own actions!

Warning: stepping up on my soapbox now. Do not continue if you don't want to hear it . When I was growing up, we respected our parents and other adults, whether they deserved it or not. We didn't go to school with knives and guns and kill as many as we could. We did not bully someone so badly that they felt they couldn't go on. We ate what was put in front of us, we got spanked when we did something wrong, we were taught to be responsible for our actions, and we were certainly told "no" when needed! Oh, and the ADULTS were adults and the kids were kids. Now we have a whole generation of "takers". Little ones who feel like the world around them owes them, never take responsibility for their actions, shooting up schools, bullying, killing themselves, etc. What do you suppose the difference is? Our parents and teachers and other adults were strict with us. Nobody is strict now, we are too busy *****-footing around the littles because the rules have changed. I don't believe in capital punishment in the schools, but when they did have it, there weren't disrespectful kids (or they weren't for long!), teachers had the control, not the students. Kids didn't bring guns to school to kill the people they hated. There was not the bullying on the level that you see today. I'm not saying that we need to bring back capital punishment, but I can't believe any expert really is spouting that we shouldn't tell kids no!

Stepping down now.

Like a pp said, I have several kids who just look at me funny if I tell them to "keep your hands to yourself" but totally understand if I say "no!"

I couldnt agree more. Dh and I always talk about how different the youth of today are. There is an attitude of entitlement, there is no respect for anyone other than themselves, and their lives revolve around themselves.