Dcm Upset Her Child was Bitten

[NightOwl]

I emailed all of my parents last week to send them my policy on biting because I have a child with this issue and I wanted everyone to be aware of where I stand. This particular dcb is 14 months old and has never been bitten before. He was bitten today and I immediately notified mom and dad. I told them he was given tons of tlc and the bite was minor.

And to be fair, this dcb was being a huge pain to the biter, dcb18m, by following him everywhere and literally taking every toy dcb18m picked up. I redirected/separated half a dozen times to no avail. That is no excuse for biting, I'm just pointing out that dcb14m was in rare form and being obnoxious.

Anyway, Dcm texts me after she got off work, about an hour after I closed, and asked if it left a mark (she wasn't home yet). I responded yes, a minor one. No bruising or broken skin. She responded with, Well what happens if it happens again?

I was thinking, do you not read my emails? I thoroughly addressed this issue in my policies and gave everyone a heads up. So she either a) didn't read it at all or b) read it but wants something different from what is outlined in my policies.

I responded with, I emailed a copy of my biting policy to you last week. Did you get it? I can resend if not.

It's been over an hour now and no response. What do you guys think? I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way that she would ask me that after I put so much effort into my biting policy.

[preschoolteacher]

She either didn't read it or wants to hear that the biter will be terminated or something like that. I think your response was perfect.

[NightOwl]

I don't immediately terminate biters. I know that some do, but I feel like it's not necessarily a behavior problem. It's a phase most of the time. So no, I won't be terminating him unless he turns into jaws. Lol. I don't want to lose dcb14m but I don't want to unduly punish the biter's family either.

[Laurel]

I emailed all of my parents last week to send them my policy on biting because I have a child with this issue and I wanted everyone to be aware of where I stand. This particular dcb is 14 months old and has never been bitten before. He was bitten today and I immediately notified mom and dad. I told them he was given tons of tlc and the bite was minor.

And to be fair, this dcb was being a huge pain to the biter, dcb18m, by following him everywhere and literally taking every toy dcb18m picked up. I redirected/separated half a dozen times to no avail. That is no excuse for biting, I'm just pointing out that dcb14m was in rare form and being obnoxious.

Anyway, Dcm texts me after she got off work, about an hour after I closed, and asked if it left a mark (she wasn't home yet). I responded yes, a minor one. No bruising or broken skin. She responded with, Well what happens if it happens again?

I was thinking, do you not read my emails? I thoroughly addressed this issue in my policies and gave everyone a heads up. So she either a) didn't read it at all or b) read it but wants something different from what is outlined in my policies.

I responded with, I emailed a copy of my biting policy to you last week. Did you get it? I can resend if not.

It's been over an hour now and no response. What do you guys think? I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way that she would ask me that after I put so much effort into my biting policy.

I think you did what you could do and the ball is in her court now. She can take it or leave it.

I have told parents of the bitee that if they would like to put their child in long sleeves and long pants that I would make the air conditioning colder in the house. That way at least it wouldn't be so painful.

Laurel

[midaycare]

I had a dcg that went through a few weeks of biting. Every time I turned my back she was like Dracula. It was getting ridiculous.

She's over it now though. I don't necessarily exclude biters, either. It is usually a phase. If it was hard or really intentional biting, buh bye.

[NightOwl]

I have the urge to say something like, If i term this biter now, consider what could happen in a few short months if/when your child is the biter. But I don't know how to say that nicely. :: I'm hoping she doesn't push the issue. Still no response from her, btw.

[Unregistered]

If you have a known biter they need to be separated from the group until the biting phase is over. He should not have been able to interact with the little one in my opinion.
Biting happens and parents should understand that. I don't know what your biting policy is, but parents will want to know how you are going to keep this from happening again. Can you make a blocked off area just for the biter for awhile? I use a play yars and ir is set up over to the side with a few toys in there.I keep biters close to me at all times or they go in the playvyard if I need to use the bathroom. If they make contact with a kid they get a quick"No biting,biting hurts!" and are placed in the play yard.They usually get it within about a week that if they want to play with other,no biting.Isn't this phase fun?!

[Cat Herder]

So no, I won't be terminating him unless he turns into jaws.

Is it possible she want's to know what your version of "turning into jaws" is?

2 bites in a week, 4, 6, 12? I think many parents need a tangible number so they know how long they have to deal with it, IYKWIM?

[coolconfidentme]

At 14 months he is non-verbal & this is a form of communication.., in a child's mind. Some kids bite. Some kids don't. Don't own DCM's anger. Don't be on the defensive when you see her. As long as you work towards curbing the behavior & protecting others, don't get upset over it. Hang in there.

[NeedaVaca]

He has bitten 4-5 times, you came up with a policy and now he has bitten another child. What is your policy? Honestly, if you can't stop the biter then I see the other families leaving. I would much rather term the biter than lose the other kids.

[Cat Herder]

And to be fair, this dcb was being a huge pain to the biter, dcb18m, by following him everywhere and literally taking every toy dcb18m picked up. I redirected/separated half a dozen times to no avail. That is no excuse for biting, I'm just pointing out that dcb14m was in rare form and being obnoxious.

What do you guys think?

I think you know the root of the biting from this statement. It is an obvious known escalation pattern so now the work is in your hands.

Reevaluate the environment. Is there enough space, toys, quiet/active periods, etc. Are there barriers for children to be able to have personal safe space when needed?

What can be done to prevent the children having the ability to harass one another to a point of such a buildup of frustration?

[NightOwl]

I think you know the root of the biting from this statement. It is an obvious known escalation pattern so now the work is in your hands.

Reevaluate the environment. Is there enough space, toys, quiet/active periods, etc. Are there barriers for children to be able to have personal safe space when needed?

What can be done to prevent the children having the ability to harass one another to a point of such a buildup of frustration?

Good point... Plenty of space/toys/activities, but what CAN be done to prevent the younger dcb from harassing the biter? I can't stay on top of him constantly, I have 5 other children to care for. They are never out of my sight, but it happens so fast that I can't always stop it. Any suggestions for creating a quiet space inaccessible to the younger dcb? Somewhere that older dcb can chill and not be bothered?

[Unregistered]

The biter needs his own space not the other kids. I gave you a suggestion.It's an octagon play yard,add some toys,only allow him to interact with others when you can be within arms reach. If you need to attend to others or see him attempt to bite,place him in the play yard. It's not punishment,it's keeping others safe and until he can prove he can play with others he needs separate.
The daycare parents all joke when I have a new one that I needvto bring the play yard out for."Oh no,baby jail is back!" "Who's serving time,what was their crime?"

[Heidi]

Good point... Plenty of space/toys/activities, but what CAN be done to prevent the younger dcb from harassing the biter? I can't stay on top of him constantly, I have 5 other children to care for. They are never out of my sight, but it happens so fast that I can't always stop it. Any suggestions for creating a quiet space inaccessible to the younger dcb? Somewhere that older dcb can chill and not be bothered?

Wednesday, I have been going through the exact same scenario. 13 mo "in your face" kid and 20 mo biter. She ONLY bites him.

This brochure is a wonderful tool:

http://www.chs-ca.org/_images/files/FEP_Bite_Eng_print.pdf

I'd already determined by observation that she was biting defensively, not aggressively. Although it's certainly not socially acceptable; it works. Her saying "STOP!" and putting her hand out, or pushing him off her didn't. Her biting him got what she wanted-he moved away.

So, now, if there are times when I cannot be right there, observing, I move HIM, not her. I set him up at the counter (booster chair) and give him some puzzles, or put him in his pnp for a minute while I go to the bathroom. Obviously, it's not presented in as a punishment.

The problem with separating the biter, in this case, is it was giving her less opportunities to engage with the other kids, and reinforcing her tendency to hang on adults. That was a different problem, but one I was really trying to work on, too. So, the separating him worked on both counts. Like I said, so far!

Again, I am also working on his tendency to push his way in. I point out when he's doing it (kindly), and redirect him. "B doesn't like that you are sitting on her. Let's find somewhere else to sit", etc. Or, "move away, dude", on occasion...or the ever popular.. "dcb LEAVE IT!"

[NightOwl]

Well I believe he does need his own space, but I think it's something he should be able to voluntarily enter. He needs to learn self control and self regulation. He's almost 19 months old so I believe he can do it. I feel that, if I restrain him against his will, he will feel like it's a punishment even tho its not. And this would be against my licensing regulations anyway.