6wk Old Died At Home - I Have 3yr Old Sibling

[Christina72684]

Thank you for all the shared stories and support. Today was the visitation. The daycare staff and I went to show our support. As soon as we got there grandma saw us and the 3 yr old came running to us. She told us that bubby was sleeping and his hands were cold. She got him a few toys and put in with him. He looked like a porcelain doll, not real at all. You could tell grandma and mom were still in total shock and looked drained. What really surprised me was the boyfriend was there with his arm around the mom. So I'm not sure what all has happened as far as legally or what the official cause of death are. The burial is tomorrow at 3pm with just the family. I doubt we have the 3yr old again tomorrow. Hopefully we find out more on Tuesday.

[Heidi]

Thank you for all the shared stories and support. Today was the visitation. The daycare staff and I went to show our support. As soon as we got there grandma saw us and the 3 yr old came running to us. She told us that bubby was sleeping and his hands were cold. She got him a few toys and put in with him. He looked like a porcelain doll, not real at all. You could tell grandma and mom were still in total shock and looked drained. What really surprised me was the boyfriend was there with his arm around the mom. So I'm not sure what all has happened as far as legally or what the official cause of death are. The burial is tomorrow at 3pm with just the family. I doubt we have the 3yr old again tomorrow. Hopefully we find out more on Tuesday.

I worry that this boyfriend is already being vilified. He's not even the baby's father. Chances could very well be, he was just doing what they all did. You said he was a bit "clueless" ish, so maybe he had no idea about safe-sleep.

I realize that statistically, the BF/non birth father is always suspect, but I hope that if this is just really a tragic accident due to lack of knowledge, that it all comes out in the end.

Sad things happen, and I feel like our society is so quick to want to make someone responsible.

[nannyde]

I worry that this boyfriend is already being vilified. He's not even the baby's father. Chances could very well be, he was just doing what they all did. You said he was a bit "clueless" ish, so maybe he had no idea about safe-sleep.

I realize that statistically, the BF/non birth father is always suspect, but I hope that if this is just really a tragic accident due to lack of knowledge, that it all comes out in the end.

Sad things happen, and I feel like our society is so quick to want to make someone responsible.

I think in birth to two statistically the baby is most at risk for being abused or killed by

Moms boyfriend
Mom
Dads girlfriend
Child care provider
Other relative
Dad

I think that is the order of risk. Don't quote me on that

[Heidi]

I think in birth to two statistically the baby is most at risk for being abused or killed by

Moms boyfriend
Mom
Dads girlfriend
Child care provider
Other relative
Dad

I think that is the order of risk. Don't quote me on that

eww....just eww....

[Michelle]

I think in birth to two statistically the baby is most at risk for being abused or killed by

Moms boyfriend
Mom
Dads girlfriend
Child care provider
Other relative
Dad

I think that is the order of risk. Don't quote me on that

I think dad would be above child care worker
in fact I think child care worker would be last on the list except for an inexperienced nanny or emotionally disturbed nanny or provider

[Sugar Magnolia]

May peace and Serenity grace you and the family.

[coolconfidentme]

This brought tears to my eyes.... hug your kids everyone.

[Christina72684]

As soon as I found out I hugged both of my kids for a very long time. Ever since I have been super easy on both of them (ages 10 months and 3yrs) as far as things I would normally get upset with them doing (like my 10 month old biting or my 3 year old not listening). I just keep thinking how I have 2 healthy kids and am so blessed to have them both.

[nannyde]

I think dad would be above child care worker
in fact I think child care worker would be last on the list except for an inexperienced nanny or emotionally disturbed nanny or provider

I haven't had time to look this up.

It's hard to get statistics on this.

I think... not positive... that in households where the parents don't live together the order is what I posted for birth to two.

Now for households that both bio parents live together I think it is

Mother
Father
Relative
Child care provider
Stranger

It depends on the family composition.

[mountainside13]

I am so sorry!!! Prayers to the family and you!! :hug::hug:

[Blackcat31]

I haven't had time to look this up.

It's hard to get statistics on this.

I think... not positive... that in households where the parents don't live together the order is what I posted for birth to two.

Now for households that both bio parents live together I think it is

Mother
Father
Relative
Child care provider
Stranger

It depends on the family composition.

The statistical numbers/percentages given according to childwelfare.gov are as follows:

No matter how the fatal abuse occurs, one fact of great concern is that the perpetrators are, by definition, individuals responsible for the care and supervision of their victims.

Parents, acting alone or with another parent, were responsible for 80.0 percent of child abuse or neglect fatalities.

More than one-quarter (27.1 percent) were perpetrated by the mother acting alone,

17.1 percent were perpetrated by the father acting alone,

and 21.2 percent were perpetrated by the mother and father acting together.

Nonparents (including kin and child care providers, among others) were responsible for 14.3 percent of child fatalities,

and child fatalities with unknown perpetrator relationship data accounted for 5.6 percent of the total.

There is no single profile of a perpetrator of fatal child abuse, although certain characteristics reappear in many studies. Frequently, the perpetrator is a young adult in his or her mid-20s, without a high school diploma, living at or below the poverty level, depressed, and who may have difficulty coping with stressful situations. Fathers and mothers’ boyfriends are most often the perpetrators in abuse deaths; mothers are more often at fault in neglect
fatalities.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/fatality.pdf

This site http://home.earthlink.net/~elnunes/stats.htm also has some fascinating statistical information on this and other abuse/injury topics in regards to children and who the perpetrators are.

[hope]

Why is the 3 year old at the viewing? I don't think a child that young can process seeing their dead siblings body. Someone should have stayed home with the 3 year old. There is just no reason to put that child through that.

[Sugar Magnolia]

BC and Nan, I'm sorry but this discussion of stats and abuse is not especially appropriate for this thread. Nobody knows yet if this was an abuse or neglect death. Its just a tragic death and I think Christina needs our sympathy and guidance ideas for the surviving.sibling, not stats about who commits the most abuse.

I mean no disrespect at all,, and these statistics ARE important,
but maybe a new thread for this. Sorry gals, just a thought.

Christina, I hope you are holding up Ok. Big hugs.

[AmyKidsCo]

Why is the 3 year old at the viewing? I don't think a child that young can process seeing their dead siblings body. Someone should have stayed home with the 3 year old. There is just no reason to put that child through that.

I disagree - we've always taken our young children to viewings/funerals. How to handle death is a personal decision, and religion often has a lot to do with it.

[Annalee]

I disagree - we've always taken our young children to viewings/funerals. How to handle death is a personal decision, and religion often has a lot to do with it.

We have always taken our kids to funeral homes, too...I have 2 special needs nephews and one of them is 18.. most people with what he has only live to be 20 years old and I want my own children to understand there are things we can't control but it is OK. I think we, myself, have been guilty of sugar-coating bad happenings to the point society, in general, has developed a generation of persons that can't deal with what life offers. Death, sickness, financial issues, etc. are a part of life but cant be run from.....persons may not get over these issues, but they can adjust and move forward....When my dad was in his final days, I remember telling him that I could not go on without him....to which he replied, "if you can't I didn't do my job". That has stuck with me and it has been 12 years this year....and, you know what, as hard as some days still are without him, I am moving forward....