The Praising....

[nothingwithoutjoy]

I'm trying to say....."you did it" or "you worked hard on that" or "tell me about your picture".....but what do I do when this one asks...."is my picture pretty?" Do I say yes....do I say "what do you think about it?"

The idea is that you want her to rely on inner motivations rather than exterior motivations (i.e. she's proud of herself, rather than you are praising her). So yes, turn it back to her: "what do you think?" If they can't even do that, because they're so used to praise, I wean them off by starting with my words articulating what I think they are feeling: "It looks like you are really proud of it."

[Happily_wed]

I have two of these and they are sisters and that makes it worse! They compete for the praise and attention! I was just telling my best friend today that I am supposed to verbally approve of everything they do. All day long it's "am I playing nice?" , "am I using my manners?" "look at the picture I colored! didn't I do a wonderful job?" And then it's followed by the other child saying "I colored better!" on and on and on!

I usually do as someone else said and turn it back on them. But after 4 years it still goes on all day. I have gotten now where I just give them a response like "go play" or "you know you are!"

[mamamanda]

How did my 3yo dcg end up at your house?? EXACTLY identical situation here. I'm not praising an (almost 4 year old) child for going potty. Stop telling me you went potty in a cute sing-song voice, I will ignore you!

This is one my biggest pet-peeves exactly. A month away from being four and dcg still asks for a treat when she potties. (of course I tell her I don't give potty treats here. It's something she should do just because she's a big girl.) She has been "trained" for about 6 months now, but mom still comes in with huge smiles saying things like, "You're underwear are still dry! Good job today!" or if she walks in during potty time, "You're using the potty? I'm so proud of you!" I was proud of her six months ago. Now I'm just annoyed.

[cheerfuldom]

Pick the youngest walker in the room and have her ask him his opinion on her picture.

Girl you need to get in front of a mirror and say two phrases:

Go play toys

Leave it.

If she's clogging up your attention tell her to go play.
If she is being redoinkulous with the kids say LEAVE IT.

If she wants an opinion go to the one year olds.

She is forcing you to DO her which robs you of having natural interaction with her. It's not good for either of you.

love it! My husband started using "leave it" with the kids after he trained our dogs years ago. He applied a lot of Ceasar Milan's stuff to our kids LOL but it works well. I use "go play toys" ALLLLL the time. The kids know this well. We do have some short portions during the day that they can put on a show in their dress up clothes or whatever and me and the babies will watch but the rest of the day, they are directed to their toys and to the other kids. If they want to sing and dance, they can do that and entertain one of the babies or toddlers (which they do and the babies love!). I am not a three ring circus, entertaining kids all day or being held hostage by an attention addicted child. My only child niece is pretty bad about this as is another preschool girl who has two much older brothers....aka princess syndrome.

[cheerfuldom]

This is one my biggest pet-peeves exactly. A month away from being four and dcg still asks for a treat when she potties. (of course I tell her I don't give potty treats here. It's something she should do just because she's a big girl.) She has been "trained" for about 6 months now, but mom still comes in with huge smiles saying things like, "You're underwear are still dry! Good job today!" or if she walks in during potty time, "You're using the potty? I'm so proud of you!" I was proud of her six months ago. Now I'm just annoyed.

Praise is VERY effective for potty learning but most parents don't know how to wean their child off it as the child progresses. I don't use "good job" and other similar phrases. I use "you did it all by yourself!". They should be encouraged to praise themselves and be proud on their own, not rely on another person's approval. This is the parents fault, not the child's. I would encourage you do teach this 3 year old how to praise herself so she can give herself what she needs. That way when she says her phrases, you dont even have to acknowledge it or even be there for it LOL

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

love it! My husband started using "leave it" with the kids after he trained our dogs years ago. He applied a lot of Ceasar Milan's stuff to our kids LOL but it works well. I use "go play toys" ALLLLL the time. The kids know this well. We do have some short portions during the day that they can put on a show in their dress up clothes or whatever and me and the babies will watch but the rest of the day, they are directed to their toys and to the other kids. If they want to sing and dance, they can do that and entertain one of the babies or toddlers (which they do and the babies love!). I am not a three ring circus, entertaining kids all day or being held hostage by an attention addicted child. My only child niece is pretty bad about this as is another preschool girl who has two much older brothers....aka princess syndrome.

My children with this issue are also only children and want to be fawned over for simply walking in the door, or rather some are carried at 3/4/5 years old.

I give attention to things by asking questions or making statements. I don't give out good jobs (at least, not very often) and such. My attention addicted kids USUALLY learn that they won't get excessive, meaningless praise and move on to actually doing things because they are FUN and INTERESTING to them.