Tweet
This is very long. A bit of a rant, and would like advise on how to get this mother to stop ranting about her ex to me at pick up every day.
One of my daycare mothers is really upsetting me daily. She happens to know my ex-husband and thinks he is a Saint. Her daughter is dropped off in the mornings by the grandmother with whom I have the typical 'It's a nice day' conversation with. But then the mother picks her daughter up in the evening. She sits down and starts ranting about her abusive ex (the child's father) every day! I just started piling up junk in my chairs just so she can't pop a squat, but that makes my home/daycare look less professional. Even though I filled the chairs up so she can't sit down, she then stands there and rants on. Then she always says, "but I know (my ex's name) would have done anything like that", or "I know (my ex) was a great guy". I feel like yelling at her "No, he was a horrible guy that's why he's my EX!!"
My ex put my (our) children and me through hell constantly! The day after our honeymoon, I asked him how much our gas and electric bill was. He didn't say a word. He got up, put his hand on my chest, pushed me backward, bent me backwards into the kitchen sink and told me It's none of your business and this conversation is over because I said so" When we got ready for bed that night, I told him that even though we are married now, he still has to treat me civilly. He said "No I don't bit_h. We're married now!" Then he would just randomly cuss me out, call me names, shove me around, etc. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me to have an abortion or he'd push me down the stairs to kill our baby. He used to come home from work frustrated by his job and take it out on me by pushing me around, shoving me down, degrading me constantly, calling me names, threatened to kill me on a bi-weekly basis, my younger daughter would try to defend me by the time she was 3 years old and she would run in front of me and yell "Daddy stop, you're scaring me". Then he would look directly at her and threaten to hit her or knock her down too. Of course as soon as I would see my daughter coming into the room, I'd tell her to go somewhere else and let me handle this. Both of my kids and I got to the point that we would get anxiety attacks when it was close to the time of him coming home from work and we would try to make everything 'perfect for daddy' so he wouldn't get mad. Such as clean up the toys, have dinner ready, the kids would go in their room and wouldn't dare to fuss with each other. We would start 'walking on egg shells about an hour before we expected him home until the next day after he left for work again.
Of course, no one knows any of this about him. I HATED going to his job, the marina, because everyone would tell me what a great guy he is and how lucky I am to be married to him. The only response I could come up with was, "yeah, he really knows how to work on boats and he brings home all his money."
Well, my new daycare mom happens to have a boyfriend who has a boat at the marina my ex works at. So my daycare mom knows my ex from there. So she thinks he's some great guy. Every day at pick up time she rants about her abusive ex and then tells me that she knows how great my ex was/is.
I just sit there wanting to explode on her. I feel like those penguins in that movie, "just smile and wave, boys, just smile and wave". But I really can't keep smiling and waving at this lady much more!
My ex helps me by giving me money (above the required child support), helping to get my daughter back and forth to school on days she's late or needs to get picked up from school/sports, helps fix my car, etc. He lives about 5 minutes away, and works in the marina behind the shopping center we go to all the time, and works in the area my daughter's friends live in and hangs out in all the time.
So, I have never told anyone who knows him about him being abusive to my daughters and me. I have tried in a variety of ways to get this daycare mom to stop ranting about her ex to me. I've said things like "I don't want the children to hear this". I've made sure to be busy doing something in the kitchen, just pop my head around the corner and say ' Hi, okay (little girl) mom's here, bye guys, have a good night' and then go back to being busy in the kitchen. But she stands there waiting for me so she can rant to me.
I don't know what to do to get this woman to stop ranting about her ex to me. It gets me highly upset, brings back up all those feelings that I have stopped having (anger, hatred, wanting to bust out crying, being upset that my kids' family life was not what it should have been, upset that my marriage wasn't what it should have been, wanting to just beat the living crap out of my ex.. all those emotions). By her ranting about her ex, she brings back all of those emotions to me every day and I just can't keep going through this.
One of my daycare mothers is really upsetting me daily. She happens to know my ex-husband and thinks he is a Saint. Her daughter is dropped off in the mornings by the grandmother with whom I have the typical 'It's a nice day' conversation with. But then the mother picks her daughter up in the evening. She sits down and starts ranting about her abusive ex (the child's father) every day! I just started piling up junk in my chairs just so she can't pop a squat, but that makes my home/daycare look less professional. Even though I filled the chairs up so she can't sit down, she then stands there and rants on. Then she always says, "but I know (my ex's name) would have done anything like that", or "I know (my ex) was a great guy". I feel like yelling at her "No, he was a horrible guy that's why he's my EX!!"
My ex put my (our) children and me through hell constantly! The day after our honeymoon, I asked him how much our gas and electric bill was. He didn't say a word. He got up, put his hand on my chest, pushed me backward, bent me backwards into the kitchen sink and told me It's none of your business and this conversation is over because I said so" When we got ready for bed that night, I told him that even though we are married now, he still has to treat me civilly. He said "No I don't bit_h. We're married now!" Then he would just randomly cuss me out, call me names, shove me around, etc. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me to have an abortion or he'd push me down the stairs to kill our baby. He used to come home from work frustrated by his job and take it out on me by pushing me around, shoving me down, degrading me constantly, calling me names, threatened to kill me on a bi-weekly basis, my younger daughter would try to defend me by the time she was 3 years old and she would run in front of me and yell "Daddy stop, you're scaring me". Then he would look directly at her and threaten to hit her or knock her down too. Of course as soon as I would see my daughter coming into the room, I'd tell her to go somewhere else and let me handle this. Both of my kids and I got to the point that we would get anxiety attacks when it was close to the time of him coming home from work and we would try to make everything 'perfect for daddy' so he wouldn't get mad. Such as clean up the toys, have dinner ready, the kids would go in their room and wouldn't dare to fuss with each other. We would start 'walking on egg shells about an hour before we expected him home until the next day after he left for work again.
Of course, no one knows any of this about him. I HATED going to his job, the marina, because everyone would tell me what a great guy he is and how lucky I am to be married to him. The only response I could come up with was, "yeah, he really knows how to work on boats and he brings home all his money."
Well, my new daycare mom happens to have a boyfriend who has a boat at the marina my ex works at. So my daycare mom knows my ex from there. So she thinks he's some great guy. Every day at pick up time she rants about her abusive ex and then tells me that she knows how great my ex was/is.
I just sit there wanting to explode on her. I feel like those penguins in that movie, "just smile and wave, boys, just smile and wave". But I really can't keep smiling and waving at this lady much more!
My ex helps me by giving me money (above the required child support), helping to get my daughter back and forth to school on days she's late or needs to get picked up from school/sports, helps fix my car, etc. He lives about 5 minutes away, and works in the marina behind the shopping center we go to all the time, and works in the area my daughter's friends live in and hangs out in all the time.
So, I have never told anyone who knows him about him being abusive to my daughters and me. I have tried in a variety of ways to get this daycare mom to stop ranting about her ex to me. I've said things like "I don't want the children to hear this". I've made sure to be busy doing something in the kitchen, just pop my head around the corner and say ' Hi, okay (little girl) mom's here, bye guys, have a good night' and then go back to being busy in the kitchen. But she stands there waiting for me so she can rant to me.
I don't know what to do to get this woman to stop ranting about her ex to me. It gets me highly upset, brings back up all those feelings that I have stopped having (anger, hatred, wanting to bust out crying, being upset that my kids' family life was not what it should have been, upset that my marriage wasn't what it should have been, wanting to just beat the living crap out of my ex.. all those emotions). By her ranting about her ex, she brings back all of those emotions to me every day and I just can't keep going through this.
Glad you have had a little mental break before you have to spell things out for her.
Comment