Trying Very Hard Not To Be Bitter

[Shell]

All great advice from everyone. I feel for you, and I would be quite angry if this happened as well. I had a family ( 2 doctors, btw) that was a "friend" and "just couldn't afford" my rates. So, for 2 years, I gave them a major discount. Well, when I didn't have space for their kids one day on a whim, dcm pulled them. So, for 2 years, I was taking a substantial pay cut for a family that I was doing a favor for, just to essentially be dropped when it was no longer convenient. Lesson learned here, too. Never again. :hug::hug:

[nannyde]

I have had many situations where parents have had life changes that would substantially lower my hourly rate if I "worked" with them to accommodate. I have had some who were upset when I said I wouldn't do the care because they believed that I would and should accommodate so that I could still have the kid.

Often parents believe that you are caring for the kid first and foremost because you love them and that you should accept their situation because of that love. It's uncomfortable and unsettling when the answer is... I care for your kid but I will have the same care and love for the kid that takes your kids slot.

When we say no because we want the money they feel hurt.

It shouldn't be that way but it is. Offering discounts or working cheap for the prospect of future money is never a good idea. If you want to do it then do it for you not the family. If you want to do community service and you pick a family that you will volunteer or work really cheaply for then do it for yourself and don't look back. Doing it for them is only in YOUR mind. Most parents receiving free only value it while they are getting it and deep down inside I think most feel the free is deserved. They often look at us as being perfectly able to give the free and because we can we should.

This family is a perfect example of this. They received a HUGE gift and they don't feel a second of obligation. As soon as the free was up they booked. They leave now with free words: thank you for the free.

[cheerfuldom]

I have had many situations where parents have had life changes that would substantially lower my hourly rate if I "worked" with them to accommodate. I have had some who were upset when I said I wouldn't do the care because they believed that I would and should accommodate so that I could still have the kid.

Often parents believe that you are caring for the kid first and foremost because you love them and that you should accept their situation because of that love. It's uncomfortable and unsettling when the answer is... I care for your kid but I will have the same care and love for the kid that takes your kids slot.

When we say no because we want the money they feel hurt.

It shouldn't be that way but it is. Offering discounts or working cheap for the prospect of future money is never a good idea. If you want to do it then do it for you not the family. If you want to do community service and you pick a family that you will volunteer or work really cheaply for then do it for yourself and don't look back. Doing it for them is only in YOUR mind. Most parents receiving free only value it while they are getting it and deep down inside I think most feel the free is deserved. They often look at us as being perfectly able to give the free and because we can we should.

This family is a perfect example of this. They received a HUGE gift and they don't feel a second of obligation. As soon as the free was up they booked. They leave now with free words: thank you for the free.

yup. It is very hard for most parents to realize that you would not willingly take care of their children or even necessarily be around at them at all unless you are being paid too. It is like they forget, this is a business. Yes I care about your child and want the best for them, but I don't do anything for free and if you walk out there, I will have your child replaced quickly, maybe in a matter of days. They don't see special treatment the way we do. Oftentimes, they feel like they deserve it because they need it or want it and then they dont value it because they dont understand or care about the sacrifice it took for you to extend that to them.

Again, lesson learned. Do not do any special treatment unless you acknowledge full well what you are doing and the fact that the vast majority of the time, you will never get more than a thank you out of it and sometimes, not even that.

[MissKrys]

Often parents believe that you are caring for the kid first and foremost because you love them and that you should accept their situation because of that love. It's uncomfortable and unsettling when the answer is... I care for your kid but I will have the same care and love for the kid that takes your kids slot.

When we say no because we want the money they feel hurt.

^^^This is very, very true...and something I will keep in the back of my mind as I'm starting my business.

From the heart's standpoint, you made a very compassionate choice to help out a family when they needed it most. I agree, you were owed more than an email seeing as you really went above and beyond to make sure their children were still cared for. This speaks a lot to the DCM's character, and maybe she just couldn't look you in the eye knowing you bent so far over backwards for her family.

As a business decision, I guess it wasn't the smartest choice, but if you feel you did the right thing, then money doesn't really matter. Maybe she'll need to put her kids back in your care if Grandma is later pulling her hair out. DCM will probably regret burning the bridge that leads to the home of such a wonderful provider.

[Josiegirl]

Try to liken dropping your rates to going to the store and shopping. The stores wouldn't let you pay less. We shouldn't either. But then separating this kind of profession from your heart is an incredibly difficult thing to do; definitely a unique job we have in that regard. I'll bet most of us here have given breaks of one kind or another over time.

[Tasha]

Thanks to all of you who responded! And thank you all for being so kind, and not making me feel even more foolish. You all made so many good points, and I definitely have learned a lesson. The thing is, I DID know better. I just didn't follow my head. Fortunately, I didn't put my family in any kind of financial jeopardy, so there's that at least. I'm not stewing today as much, and I know I need to just let it go. But I know me, and I am going to have a hard time not saying anything to her. They'll be here tomorrow and I guess I'll just wait to see if she says anything more. It's gonna be a long 3 weeks, though...

[Blackcat31]

Hoping that since dad is back to work the last 3 weeks will at least be at the regular rate?

Again, I am sorry this happened.
Just because you know better doesn't mean you automatically feel better.

Hang in there....you are feeling better already so pretty soon it will all be in the past.

[DaisyMamma]

I didn't read other posts. I would be absolutely livid. I don't even know what I would say.

[daycaremum]

Did the dad not get short-term disability payments while he was off work due to illness?? Maybe that's only in Canada. That's how it works here, so I would have not given them a discount.
However I did have a dad get let go from his job and let the kids come part time instead of full time. BUT, I still got paid full price for the time they were here. Once dad got another job (six months later) they were back to full time.
I once let a long term family get a smaller increase in rates than the other families (they were the only ones with 2 children in care). They left shortly after for a school age centre program.
You used your heart and when you make decisions with your heart it will usually get broken.
You are a good person for what you did, but it turned out to not be a good business decision.
All you can do is live and learn.

[momofboys]

Hoping that since dad is back to work the last 3 weeks will at least be at the regular rate?

Again, I am sorry this happened.
Just because you know better doesn't mean you automatically feel better.

Hang in there....you are feeling better already so pretty soon it will all be in the past.

This! Yes, I too hope that you discussed with them that since dad is now back to work you expect full payment. Sorry they screwed you over. I would have a hard time not feeling bitter too when they leave the moment the discount is gone.

[CraftyMom]

Hoping that since dad is back to work the last 3 weeks will at least be at the regular rate?

Again, I am sorry this happened.
Just because you know better doesn't mean you automatically feel better.

Hang in there....you are feeling better already so pretty soon it will all be in the past.

Absolutely! Now that dad is back at work, that was the agreement! The last 3 weeks full pay or no stay!

[Unregistered]

Exactly! No more low rate, I hope! Good luck with your remaining time

[TwinKristi]

Is any of this discount stuff in emails or only verbal? I would definitely be charging their full rate for their last 3wks.

[Tasha]

So DCD drops off today, which has never happened before. He will pick up, but never drop off. Says DCM had to be at work early today. Right. He paid the full amount, so that's not a problem. DCM must know I'm peeved, so I'm really anxious to see what she's like this afternoon.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Wow!
Truley love everybody's comments and support.
I however, will take a walk on the other side.....hahaha
Was recently burnt in a similar fashion.
A colleague said to me, "remember.....they are not your friends, just an associate you work with".
Sure, they will do what is best for their own family, I would too.....but not in the fashion they did. Considering the coincidental timing, I find what they did to be just plain selfish, inconsiderate, and rude.
I am sorry this happened to you.
Feel proud that you were there for them and provided them a great service.

You are the bigger person!

Agreed. You did a wonderful thing, though.