Disrespect Anyone??

[Gurdy]

I think we probably all have something in our handbooks about the children in our care respecting our homes, property and the other children. What to do when a parent is completely disrespectful of your property?
I have a dcm who smokes, I have seen her drive up my street and throw her cigarette out her car window before pulling in to my driveway. Lately I have found cigarette butts in my driveway. I have just picked them up and have not said anything. Today, my husband comes home for lunch and finds a cigarette butt on my FRONT PORCH!!!!!!! She was the first to arrive this morning, so that means that all my other dc parents saw this when dropping off their children! How rude and disgusting! What if one of the other kids picked it up or touched it? She obviously knows that children come to my home, how could she do this? I have to say something to her, but how do I word it? I am soooo mad right now that I think I would be really rude. Any suggestions?? I never signed up for teaching grown adults manners--

[marniewon]

That IS rude! Do you have a no smoking sign posted? You may have to remind her that the no smoking sign pertains to your entire property, not just your house. If you don't want to confront her, you could always send out a letter to all your families with this reminder. Of course, if she's the only one who smokes, then the others might wonder why they are even getting the letter, and she'll KNOW you're talking to her.

I had this happen once too. I had a dcm come to pick up dcb and she had a passenger who threw his cigarette out the window into my driveway. I was livid! I didn't say anything though - they were on their way out of my dc anyway, and it's the only time it happened. But....had it been re-occuring I would have had to say something.

[AmandasFCC]

I actually do have a clause in my contract about parental respect. And I have a bit about how parents emulate what they say and when their parents are disrespectful, it rubs off on them.

I also have a giant section about smoking in my handbook. It states that this is a non-smoking home and there is no smoking allowed on the property.

That is SO disrespectful. I would call her out on it.

[broncomom1973]

Yeah, I think I would "mention" it too. I myself have used the "letter to all parents" approach because I am not a confrontational person, however, I am getting to that point, . I would be mad if someone was discarding their cigarettes on my property too.

I have one mom who allows her 2-1/2 year old to go wherever he wants in my home. I only have one area where daycare children are allowed other than the entryway into my home and yet repeatedly upon leaving he runs into my living room and just looks at me like "what are you going to do about it now" since he knows his mom is here. First I blocked the area off with ottomans so he couldnt go over there, then he started climbing over them and she would let him. Duh, why do you think they were put there in the 1st place? Then, because she obviously couldnt figure it out, I told all of the other parents that I was having an issue and that I would be implementing some "changes" in my daycare that weren't intended towards them but someone else. So, I printed out a sheet of paper outlining the "changes" and gave it to everyone so that I wasnt singling them out, but she still allows him to break my rule several times/week. I explained in my note that when in the presence of 2 authoritative figures, children will test to see what rules they need to follow. She has an early childhood degree, so I know she knows this. I have decided that the next time it happens I am going to tell her "you really need to back me up on this, it is confusing to him when you allow him to go where I do not allow him to go". I will continue to explain that this is my home and that she needs to respect my "rules" which I also explained in the note a year ago. She knows that my children are allowed over there and that they have some of their own toys that I dont allow in the daycare and I think that she thinks her son is entitled to whatever he wants. This is the same mom who wont leave in the a.m. until she hands him to me- doesnt matter what Im doing- I could have my hands in the garbage disposal and she would bring him to me to hold. Um no, put him on the floor, he's old enough to stand by himself for a minute, come on. Sorry for my rant and I hope your situation with the cigarettes improves without too much drama.

[AfterSchoolMom]

OMG, that is SO incredibly rude! I'd just say "just a reminder that there's no smoking allowed on my property at all" and leave it at that. If she continues, you could always charge her a clean up fee -I bet it would stop immediately after that.

[Gurdy]

Something else that really bothers me about this is that she had to have taken her child out of her car seat with the cigarette in her hand. I really try hard not to judge-- but this just seems really horrible to me. I do not have a "No Smoking" sign, I really never thought it would be an issue. I have been doing daycare for 6 years and have never had a problem. I have had her daughter in care for 2yrs! I just do not know how to tell her w/o getting upset. I think I will just say, "I found a cigarette on my porch today, if you put your cigarette out on my porch, please do not do that again." I hope I do not chicken out!!

[AfterSchoolMom]

You could always just put a big sign on your front door that says "REMINDER: NO SMOKING" in big, bold letters. That way you don't have to confront her.

[Lilbutterflie]

Ugh, I would be so frustrated! My parents both smoked like chimneys around me when I was young, but times were different then. Now we KNOW what second hand smoke does (Gee, I wonder why I have developed severe asthma?). I don't have the best backbone either, but I would say something like "I have been finding a lot of cigarette butts in my driveway lately and today I found one on my porch. I could lose my license for this, please do not ever leave one on or around my house again."

[tymaboy]

You could always just put a big sign on your front door that says "REMINDER: NO SMOKING" in big, bold letters. That way you don't have to confront her.

I don't think that would work. Most people will see it as no smoking in the house & mot outside. I think the best you could do is mention the butts you have been picking up & make it sound like you are telling all the parents so you are not singling her out. Then maybe after doing so put something about smoking & respecting your property in your policy.

[Unregistered]

I had one parent in my group who smoked and one day, I noticed she had dumped the entire ashtray from her car into my driveway. It hadn't happened before so I picked it up and never said anything to her and I was lucky it never happened again but I did add some additional policies into my handbook that covered the topic of respect for my home by parents.

If this isn't the first time you've had a problem and you don't think the cigarette could have been stuck on the bottom of someone's shoe when they stepped up on your porch, I think I'd take the parent aside and say something like, "I'm a little uncomfortable saying this to you but yesterday, after you dropped of your child, I noticed that a cigarette butt was left on my porch. I don't mean to single you out but you are the only parent who smokes here. I need to ask that you try to be careful about not dropping butts on the property. I market myself as a non-smoking day care so I don't want to give the other parents the impression that someone here smokes. I also don't want the younger kids to get a hold of one; it could make them sick or become a choking hazzard if they put it in their mouth."
She may deny it but at least she's been told.

[Lucy]

If you don't want to confront her, you could always send out a letter to all your families with this reminder. Of course, if she's the only one who smokes, then the others might wonder why they are even getting the letter, and she'll KNOW you're talking to her.

Or you could do what I've done and type up the letter making it LOOK like it's going to everyone, but only give it to her. At the top I say "Dear Parents", and in the body it will say things like "I need to remind all of you....."
etc. I write the family's last name lightly in pencil in the top corner so it makes it look like I am labeling "all" the letters to make sure everyone gets one.

[AnythingsPossible]

I have a statement in my policies that states, We are a non smoking family, if you are a smoker, please keep your butts out of our yard!! I pesonally prefer to not take children of smokers as the smell tends to linger on bags and clothes, but I have had them in the past, and they have laughed at the statement and I've never had an issue!

[Abigail]

If you're sure it is just ONE person who is leaving her cigarettes on your property, I would just talk to her in person for the first warning. The second warning could be in another week or two if it doesn't stop. Then, in the letter I would explain that it is her second warning and could be grounds for termination because she is breaking your contract by disrespecting your property. When you talk to her as the first warning though, I wouldn't go really far into depth especially if you don't confront people often. I would be firm and mention that you have been finding cigarettes in your driveway lately and even found one on your porch. If you pause at this point in time, she may step in and say she is sorry or play dumb and ask who is smoking. LOL. Then, if she doesn't step in I would continue to ask "do you know who's cigarette butts they are?" and you play dumb unless you have actually seen her. If you actually see her do it I would go out immediately and ask her to pick it on the spot. Some people just don't get it, you know? Sorry this is getting long, so if you play dumb and ask if she knows who they are, just keep an extra lookout to actually catch her. You can also take a look at your handbook again and make every parent sign it about cigarettes on your property and just write it more in-depth that it is grounds for termination. It should solve the problem. Good luck!

[marniewon]

This is a little off topic, but kind of not. I was just wondering.....our licensing says that no one can smoke on daycare property during daycare hours. Not sure about every other state, but here in MI, a law was passed saying no one could smoke within x amount of feet of the entry to any business. Then, about 6 months ago, another law was passed saying that there was no smoking in any public property (including bars and restaurants and such), but then the first law was revoked, as anyone can smoke just outside entries to public places, just not in them. So, would that change the laws for dc also?

[BentleysBands]

My parents all smoke but have never disrespected me like that. i would be pissed! i smoke as well but we have a ash tray can on the side of our front porch down in the bushes so to speak...so they use that. i would call her on that one