Insane Request From New Parent, And Hard To Adjust 12 Mo

[MCC]

This is week of the crazy parents here at my childcare.

I have a new 12 month old DCG. She started Monday, and has never been away from her mom, ever. I explained to DCM that it would be a couple of weeks before she is comfortable here, and DCM seemed to understand. They do have a 4.5 yo in preschool, who was in home daycare for 3 years, so DCM has some daycare exposure.

DCG has cried on and off from drop off to pick up the past 3 days, which is to be expected, she is eating some finger food, but not taking any milk from me, (she is still on bottles, she turns 1 next week) She DOES NOT want me to hold her, or feed her, she actually vomited earlier b/c I tried to get her to take a bottle, she got so upset that I was holding her, she puked. She is kicking, screaming, hitting, pinching etc when I pick her up, but when I put her on the ground she will play for a bit, and then cry, play, cry so on and so on. She has only napped on the playroom floor (she is literally passing out), but has screamed the entire nap time the past 3 days. I tried to rock her, but she does not want to be held.

Any advice on this? This will pass yes?

Also- DCM emailed this morning, asking if I would "dream feed" DCG. As in, shove the bottle in her mouth while she is sleeping in hopes that she will take it. Um....I don't even think this would be okay with licensing, much less me. This morning I just told her "I will do my best to get her to take a bottle, but I need to check with licensing about the "dream feeding". What do I say about this?

Tomorrow is a snow day which gets me a 5 days weekend....THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE, I need this!

[Cat Herder]

The child should be alert and oriented before putting liquids in her mouth. That is dangerous... There is no way I'd agree to that.

The rest is dependent on how long you can take the difficult transition. Some kids are easy, others... well, you know.

[spud912]

I personally wouldn't worry too much about the bottle feeding. She is so close to 1 that I would start weaning her of it anyway. You can try to put formula in a sippy cup and see if she will take it that way.

As far as the separation anxiety, I think it is very normal for that age (especially). In my experience, it doesn't lessen for a LONG TIME when they are around 12 months. Is dcg on a trial period? If so, I would give it another week or two and then terminate if you see little improvement. That is just me though . I know many of these wonderful ladies on this forum that give it several months of crying and screaming and they do finally adjust.

I would especially try to nip the aggression. I don't tolerate aggression at all (towards others or me).

[Shell]

Wow I imagine this will get better with time, but this is a rough situation for you :hug: Dream feeding?! Yeah, I would bet that is against regulations.

[butterfly]

The child should be alert and oriented before putting liquids in her mouth. That is dangerous... There is no way I'd agree to that.

The rest is dependent on how long you can take the difficult transition. Some kids are easy, others... well, you know.

Wow. I feel for you! :hug:

[MCC]

I personally wouldn't worry too much about the bottle feeding. She is so close to 1 that I would start weaning her of it anyway. You can try to put formula in a sippy cup and see if she will take it that way.

As far as the separation anxiety, I think it is very normal for that age (especially). In my experience, it doesn't lessen for a LONG TIME when they are around 12 months. Is dcg on a trial period? If so, I would give it another week or two and then terminate if you see little improvement. That is just me though . I know many of these wonderful ladies on this forum that give it several months of crying and screaming and they do finally adjust.

I would especially try to nip the aggression. I don't tolerate aggression at all (towards others or me).

She is on a trial, thankfully! I have adjusted a 12 month old once before, she at least would let me hold her, so the crying would stop for a while. This poor little girl just DOES NOT want to be held.

[Josiegirl]

You could always extend the trial period if you feel you can tolerate it?
I'm no help. I just had a similar problem with a dcg who came to me, after always being rocked to sleep with a bottle in her mouth or always held. I held her sometimes but when I'd go to put her down, she'd cry and whine and wrap herself around my legs. She napped 30 minutes her 1st day here then not again for the rest of the 8 days I put up with it. Yeh, she was on a 2 week trial and I apologized profusely to the parents but told them it was affecting me and the rest of the group.
I went back and forth about keeping her or not, but I'm so glad I let her go. The stress was giving me some problems. I feel so much better now. And she's back with g'ma who's back to rocking her to sleep with a bottle.

[CraftyMom]

She is on a trial, thankfully! I have adjusted a 12 month old once before, she at least would let me hold her, so the crying would stop for a while. This poor little girl just DOES NOT want to be held.

I'm sure it will get better. I had a similar situation but it was the opposite, I could not be more than an inch away or she screamed or I had to be holding her. The crying will pass, it is hard to be away from mom. As for the hitting and pinching, etc, I might put her in a pnp when she behaves this way so she isn't harming anyone. Not as a punishment just for safety

[CraftyMom]

"Dream feeding" (I've never heard that term before ) is against regs in my state due to choking hazards

[Cat Herder]

"Dream feeding" (I've never heard that term before ) is against regs in my state due to choking hazards

I am wondering if this is the new "fad" way parents are preventing the kid from crying at night?

Sneaking in, in advance, and sticking the bottle in the kids mouth to take advantage of the suckle instinct? No personal interaction necessary at that point. :confused:

It does scream of no cry parenting.

[Leanna]

Dream feeding? I thought I had heard it all...

[cheerfuldom]

Dream feeding is not anything new although it is generally only used to get an infant to sleep through the night. I have never heard of a mom trying to dream fed a 1 year old. That is just plain ridiculous. There is no reason why this toddler cannot eat at mealtimes with the rest of the kids. I wouldn't offer bottles outside of meal times and at this point, I would strongly suggest a sippy. I personally would not feed a 1 year old a bottle. I will lay the toddler down with the bottle and they can feed themselves. If they really dont want the bottle, nothing I can do about that.

http://www.netmums.com/baby/sleep/dream-feeds-the-pros-and-cons

[MCC]

Oh yes, Dream feeding is not new to me, it is big in the AP community however, it is used for newborns. You sneak in around 10pm when you're about to go to bed, and NURSE the baby, not bottle feed the baby. A baby can not control the flow of a bottle the same way they can with a breast.

I'm just in shock that DCM wants me to do it with her 12 month old. I told her that once she turns one, there is no need for a bottle, or the amount of milk she is getting. She wants 8oz every 3 hours! That's what I would feed a 6-9 month old, not a 1 year old. It's crazy. This is not a tiny child either, she's a chunky monkey, cute as a button, and in no way starving.

[Unregistered]

Parents often do that when they don't want the child waking and staying up so they try to fill their bellies on the sly in hopes they go bk to sleep. I woukdnt worry about the bottle either. No child will starve themselves. When she is hungry and ready she will take it. I agree how long you do this depends on how long you can manage doing it. I have dealt with adjustment issues as long as a year but I have also caved as soon as a day.

[MCC]

Dream feeding is not anything new although it is generally only used to get an infant to sleep through the night. I have never heard of a mom trying to dream fed a 1 year old. That is just plain ridiculous. There is no reason why this toddler cannot eat at mealtimes with the rest of the kids. I wouldn't offer bottles outside of meal times and at this point, I would strongly suggest a sippy. I personally would not feed a 1 year old a bottle. I will lay the toddler down with the bottle and they can feed themselves. If they really dont want the bottle, nothing I can do about that.

http://www.netmums.com/baby/sleep/dr...-pros-and-cons

ha, I posted the same time as you about this.

I've made it very clear to mom that she will be on sippys next week.