Grandparents

[Naptime yet?]

I guess it just makes me sad (pms talking)...some of my fondest memories were with my grandparents, who never entertained me, btw. And my eldest dd was lucky enough to get to know both of her great-grandmas before they passed. I don't care if kids come to me when they could be staying home with their own families, they're paying for my services, but I wish I could stop trying to figure out WHY. It's the " life's too short" adage (or maybe, "they grow up so fast").

[GKJNIGMN]

My mom couldn't handle 3 kids. I was an only child.

When my kids were in daycare and she was visiting, I still had to go to work. She would keep one kid home at a time but honestly, I felt safer with my daycare provider having my kids. She had a routine and the kids listened great to her. Grandma is a pushover and I could picture getting a call at work or something that she took the kids to the park and coulnd't get my youngest to get back in the car or something

With that being said, if she visited over a day my provider was closed or something she would keep them, it just wasn't an easy task for her.

[Unregistered]

I'm sure this has been covered before, but I am confused as to why so many providers get upset when a child still comes to daycare when the parents aren't working?

I have read on here that most providers feel pretty strongly about being a teacher and teaching preschool to the children, but then seem upset when the child attends daily whether the parent works or not.

Parents don't keep their kids home from Kindergarten if they have a random Tuesday off so why is preschool different?

Also daycare wasn't the same when these grandparents used it as it is now days.

Daycare providers have evolved into small businesses and providers are now teachers and I think that those types of changes have basically "encouraged" parents to bring their kids every day, whether they work or not.

Back when I used daycare myself, providers were basically in-home babysitters. I paid for the time I used and she provided a wonderfully warm and loving environment that was as close to "home" as it could get.

Now, services are billed even when not used and everything is all about business, contracts and rules. As a parent, it gets confusing, so unless the preschool is actually closed, I can see why kids just come 5 days a week whether the parent works or not.

I agree

[nannyde]

I'm sure this has been covered before, but I am confused as to why so many providers get upset when a child still comes to daycare when the parents aren't working?

I have read on here that most providers feel pretty strongly about being a teacher and teaching preschool to the children, but then seem upset when the child attends daily whether the parent works or not.

Parents don't keep their kids home from Kindergarten if they have a random Tuesday off so why is preschool different?

Also daycare wasn't the same when these grandparents used it as it is now days.

Daycare providers have evolved into small businesses and providers are now teachers and I think that those types of changes have basically "encouraged" parents to bring their kids every day, whether they work or not.

Back when I used daycare myself, providers were basically in-home babysitters. I paid for the time I used and she provided a wonderfully warm and loving environment that was as close to "home" as it could get.

Now, services are billed even when not used and everything is all about business, contracts and rules. As a parent, it gets confusing, so unless the preschool is actually closed, I can see why kids just come 5 days a week whether the parent works or not.

I don't think most home child care providers have taken on the role of teachers and providing school. I think that's been dumped on them but most providers would much rather not have that expectation. I absolutely disagree that most providers offer a service that encourages parents to bring them so the child doesn't miss out on school. Most providers would prefer to care for kids who get a break from child care to spend special real life time with family.

You can be a babysitting business and have contracts and policies.

[Play Care]

If when a parent brings a child to daycare on their day off is "bad", what about when grandparents are visiting from out-of- town? It's a whole new crazy culture to me when grandparents, who live out-of-state, come to visit, maybe see their grand kids once every three months, and the kids STILL get sent to daycare (hate to disrupt the routine?). Why wouldn't/couldn't they stay home with grandma/pa? Any insights into this? What is happening to society? Is it time for me to crawl back into my cave

If I had to guess I would think it would have more to do with the fact the child might not be as comfortable with someone they don't see as often. Or maybe the parents are not comfortable with the type of care the grands would offer. Heck, I would send my kids to day care rather than have my own mother watch them - even if it was for only a couple of days. My mom is way too scatterbrained, in addition to having health issues, for me to feel comfortable.

[Msdunny]

I don't think most home child care providers have taken on the role of teachers and providing school. I think that's been dumped on them but most providers would much rather not have that expectation. I absolutely disagree that most providers offer a service that encourages parents to bring them so the child doesn't miss out on school. Most providers would prefer to care for kids who get a break from child care to spend special real life time with family.

You can be a babysitting business and have contracts and policies.

This.

[daycarediva]

I find that among people I know in real life, the grandparents are like this because their grand kids are TERRORS and it is too hard for the grandparents to be around when the parents are not parenting and the grandbabies are running wild. I have several friends whose parents have said they will not watch their own grandchilds.....I know these grandchildren and I wouldn't watch them either. Grandparents these days are much more independent and active and it really drags down the show to come into to town to listen to a 4 year old scream for three days. Really, I am not surprised that more and more grandparents cannot handle to be around grandkids for very long....especially when parents will not say no, will not discipline, will not teach manners, etc.

I have a daycare kid who is not welcome in his grandparents home (maternal grandparents). Yup, NOT WELCOME. One day grandma tried to pick up to bring home for sick dcm and she ended up leaving and calling mom to come get him. He is THAT ill behaved for them.

His other grandparents parent just like his own parents and entertain and focus solely on him and let him run the show. He is there every single weekend.

Some grandparents can't handle them, are too old to physically do it, etc. as well. If the parents are off AND the grandparents are visiting, that is sad, imho. I can see dropping off one day to do adult things, go to a nice lunch, museum, shopping because I do spend 1:1 time with my Mom, but not every day.

My own MIL would love to take my kids, but seeing as she LOST my son the last time I left them with her, we aren't going to have a repeat situation.

[SquirrellyMama]

My parents and my dh's parents are so different. My parents would keep the kid home with them, but my in-laws wouldn't. They also had different parenting styles. Neither loved their kids more than the other, just differently. It hurt at first how little interaction the in-laws had with the kids, but now I see it as a personality thing. If I am honest it still hurts a bit, but not much can be done. They love their grandkids just in different ways.

My son was a handful as a toddler, and they could not handle it. He was the type of kid that needed large amounts of outdoor time to run and jump. He was jumping on the bed one time but you would have thought he had killed their cat by the way they reacted.

I also think some people aren't small kid people. As the kids get older they will interact more. My own dad is like this.

Another reason may be health issues. My in-laws are battling some health issues mow that would make it impossible for them to watch small kids for an entire day.

[MarinaVanessa]

I don't think most home child care providers have taken on the role of teachers and providing school. I think that's been dumped on them but most providers would much rather not have that expectation. I absolutely disagree that most providers offer a service that encourages parents to bring them so the child doesn't miss out on school. Most providers would prefer to care for kids who get a break from child care to spend special real life time with family.

You can be a babysitting business and have contracts and policies.

I think this depends on where you live. I'm in CA and here the state is strongly encouraging parents to have their children in quality child care which, for whatever reason, parents are reading as "preschool program". Parents around here are looking for some sort of educational daycare even in FCC and if you don't provide that then you can't charge anywhere near as much and still have a hard time filling spaces. Even low-income families on subsidy are at that advantage because they get enough covered to enroll their children in center and FCC that has some sort of educational program. Now with our state implementing the QRIS system within the next 3 years those of us already with a school readiness program (mine is mostly play-based, open-ended, process art, VERY little "parent pleasers" etc) aren't worried but we have a feeling that other providers that offer a typical "babysitter" service are going to get left behind and close down, we're already seeing their demand die down and many have had to close and that's without the QRIS program in place.

[Crazy8]

I'm sure this has been covered before, but I am confused as to why so many providers get upset when a child still comes to daycare when the parents aren't working?

I have read on here that most providers feel pretty strongly about being a teacher and teaching preschool to the children, but then seem upset when the child attends daily whether the parent works or not.

Parents don't keep their kids home from Kindergarten if they have a random Tuesday off so why is preschool different?

Also daycare wasn't the same when these grandparents used it as it is now days.

Daycare providers have evolved into small businesses and providers are now teachers and I think that those types of changes have basically "encouraged" parents to bring their kids every day, whether they work or not.

Back when I used daycare myself, providers were basically in-home babysitters. I paid for the time I used and she provided a wonderfully warm and loving environment that was as close to "home" as it could get.

Now, services are billed even when not used and everything is all about business, contracts and rules. As a parent, it gets confusing, so unless the preschool is actually closed, I can see why kids just come 5 days a week whether the parent works or not.

Yeah, the little 8 month old and 14 month olds I care for really can't miss a day of "school" to be at home with parents or grandparents.

I watch children up till about age 3 - THEN they go to preschool. I still have contracts and policies and still run a business but I still want parents to value the rare days they could have a "family" day. Heck, I even take my kids out of school to go visit the grandparents for a few days and they are 8-14 years old.

[cheerfuldom]

I think this depends on where you live. I'm in CA and here the state is strongly encouraging parents to have their children in quality child care which, for whatever reason, parents are reading as "preschool program". Parents around here are looking for some sort of educational daycare even in FCC and if you don't provide that then you can't charge anywhere near as much and still have a hard time filling spaces. Even low-income families on subsidy are at that advantage because they get enough covered to enroll their children in center and FCC that has some sort of educational program. Now with our state implementing the QRIS system within the next 3 years those of us already with a school readiness program (mine is mostly play-based, open-ended, process art, VERY little "parent pleasers" etc) aren't worried but we have a feeling that other providers that offer a typical "babysitter" service are going to get left behind and close down, we're already seeing their demand die down and many have had to close and that's without the QRIS program in place.

I understand what you are saying. This is why I currently lose a lot of kids at 3 or even 2 but I am not changing my program. Not every parent is looking for curriculum for babies so its just a matter of finding and advertising what you provide. Eventually it will be trendy again to find a daycare that does not push young kids into schooling so early but for now, we are still going that direction for sure. Its funny because I get a lot of teachers kids that specifically DONT want their young ones pushed so soon so fast. That should tel you something about how real teachers feel about "schooling" babies, toddlers and preschoolers.

[Unregistered]

older parents

People are having kids later and therefore grandparents are older too. My 70 year old mom just can't physically keep up with my 3 year old in a safe way. Even if she thinks she can.... That being said if my Mom is in town I try to take days off so we can spend time together.

[Annalee]

I think this depends on where you live. I'm in CA and here the state is strongly encouraging parents to have their children in quality child care which, for whatever reason, parents are reading as "preschool program". Parents around here are looking for some sort of educational daycare even in FCC and if you don't provide that then you can't charge anywhere near as much and still have a hard time filling spaces. Even low-income families on subsidy are at that advantage because they get enough covered to enroll their children in center and FCC that has some sort of educational program. Now with our state implementing the QRIS system within the next 3 years those of us already with a school readiness program (mine is mostly play-based, open-ended, process art, VERY little "parent pleasers" etc) aren't worried but we have a feeling that other providers that offer a typical "babysitter" service are going to get left behind and close down, we're already seeing their demand die down and many have had to close and that's without the QRIS program in place.

We have had a QRIS system since 2002....it is largely play-based through exploration, however they literally count our science, math, literacy materials for each age-group of kids to make sure we have "enough"....and now core standards that begin in schools here two years ago are coming down to preschoolers as well. It is a nightmare!

[Starburst]

That kind of reminds me of an old episode of 'The Cosby Show' when Clair wanted another baby and her mom talked her out of it by saying that it was better to be a grandparent because once the child isn't fun anymore (example: throwing a fit or having a tantrum) you just hand them back to the parents.

You also figure that most grandparents who don't live close by to their children and grandchildren haven't been around kids very much over 10+ years and as Nannyde mentioned they probably aren't as active as they were when they were parents and as you get older you don't have as much energy and you can't move as well, so they can't be as active with the grandkids (especially if the parents aren't there to take over if they need a break). Plus, I think grandparents see it more as a vacation (especially if they are still working) and just want to relax and not have any major responsibility.

Also, as many said- every family (and their dynamic) is different! The parents might disagree with certain techniques their parents practiced or believe in (such as spanking or even religious beliefs), or maybe one or both of the grandparents abused the parent as a child or have a criminal record and/or the parents just don't trust the grandparent alone with the child without them present. Or one of the grandparents might have Alzheimer's/ dementia and the other grandparent may already have their hands full trying to keep an eye on them. Or maybe if you require that they pay full rate weather the child attends or not they don't want that money to go to waste.

Personally I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about it or judging them unless I knew all the facts and reasoning behind their decision.

[Naptime yet?]

I was talking about grandparents who are active, kids who shouldn't be sent to The Academy for Unacceptable Behavior....basically healthy grandparents who can jet around Europe & kids who are "golden" when it comes to daycare...I totally get older grandparents & evil grand kids & what a bad mix that would be. Or just older grandparents. Or evil kids.

I guess it comes down to an obligation for some, the reversal of when our own parents get older, we feel obligated to go visit, even if we don't want to, perhaps grandparents feel obligated to spend time with their grand kids, even if they'd rather not. Sad. But I do get it. It was just a thought.