Good Kid, Sooo Wild When Mom Comes

[littlemommy]

I have a 2 year old DCB who is an angel here during the day. As soon as his mom comes, he flips. He'll start running, jumping all over furniture, shoves my kids down, slaps them in the face, kicks my pets, runs ALL over my house. The mom has seen every room of my house, because she chases after him. She's very much a "gentle parenting" type of mom. She doesn't use the word "no," doesn't spank or do time outs. I don't spank, but I still send my kids to their room when they need a break, and I say NO when I need to!

I've tried pulling him aside and explaining to him why he can't kick my dogs or hurt my children. DCM stands there, then does the same. As soon as she lets go he's at it again. I love that DCM and i have so much in common and want to chat at pickup, but I feel that the 10 minutes is SO MUCH more work than the rest of the time he is here!!

[Unregistered]

I have a 2 year old DCB who is an angel here during the day. As soon as his mom comes, he flips. He'll start running, jumping all over furniture, shoves my kids down, slaps them in the face, kicks my pets, runs ALL over my house. The mom has seen every room of my house, because she chases after him. She's very much a "gentle parenting" type of mom. She doesn't use the word "no," doesn't spank or do time outs. I don't spank, but I still send my kids to their room when they need a break, and I say NO when I need to!

I've tried pulling him aside and explaining to him why he can't kick my dogs or hurt my children. DCM stands there, then does the same. As soon as she lets go he's at it again. I love that DCM and i have so much in common and want to chat at pickup, but I feel that the 10 minutes is SO MUCH more work than the rest of the time he is here!!

I just termed a family like this, it wasn't the only issue. I found out that getting the child ready to leave before mom gets here then picking up the child before I open the door for mom. I used to hold him while we talked and when they were ready to go I passed the child to mom and they left. The child was 4! It was the only thing that worked. It killed my back but better than the acting out.

[Leigh]

You need to meet Mom at the door, hand the child to her, tell her that the kid's behavior is unacceptable at pick up time, and from now on you will meet her at the door, hand her the child, and she needs to leave with him immediately. If she needs to communicate with you about the child or his day at your house, it can be done by e-mail.

I would have been disciplining the child myself if Mom refused to, but now that it appears to be a habit, just getting him out the door and taking away his control of the situation is the best thing to do.

[littlemommy]

I know she is having marriage problems, and that may be part of the reason she wants to stay and talk. We have a lot of similar interests, so we're always talking about stuff like that. Last week I got fed up with the behavior and really rushed pick up time, which helped so much! I had him ready to go, and basically put him out the door and said "see ya tomorrow!" I felt bad doing it, but I can't handle that at the end of my day. I've made sure my animals are in the basement, toys are put away so he can't throw them, I've tried holding his hand and keeping him on my lap. He's a huge kid too...40 lbs at 2.5!

[coolconfidentme]

I have a 2 year old DCB who is an angel here during the day. As soon as his mom comes, he flips. He'll start running, jumping all over furniture, shoves my kids down, slaps them in the face, kicks my pets, runs ALL over my house. The mom has seen every room of my house, because she chases after him. She's very much a "gentle parenting" type of mom. She doesn't use the word "no," doesn't spank or do time outs. I don't spank, but I still send my kids to their room when they need a break, and I say NO when I need to!

I've tried pulling him aside and explaining to him why he can't kick my dogs or hurt my children. DCM stands there, then does the same. As soon as she lets go he's at it again. I love that DCM and i have so much in common and want to chat at pickup, but I feel that the 10 minutes is SO MUCH more work than the rest of the time he is here!!

If you have a timeout policy, use it when the parent is there. I do. It seems to be the only thing that makes them stop it around here.

[Blackcat31]

I know she is having marriage problems, and that may be part of the reason she wants to stay and talk. We have a lot of similar interests, so we're always talking about stuff like that. Last week I got fed up with the behavior and really rushed pick up time, which helped so much! I had him ready to go, and basically put him out the door and said "see ya tomorrow!" I felt bad doing it, but I can't handle that at the end of my day. I've made sure my animals are in the basement, toys are put away so he can't throw them, I've tried holding his hand and keeping him on my lap. He's a huge kid too...40 lbs at 2.5!

Sounds like it's time for the "Buh-bye outside" method of pick ups.

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-dynamic-of-bad-behavior-in-daycare.htm

FANTASTIC advice and super helpful.

[My3cents]

I have a 2 year old DCB who is an angel here during the day. As soon as his mom comes, he flips. He'll start running, jumping all over furniture, shoves my kids down, slaps them in the face, kicks my pets, runs ALL over my house. The mom has seen every room of my house, because she chases after him. She's very much a "gentle parenting" type of mom. She doesn't use the word "no," doesn't spank or do time outs. I don't spank, but I still send my kids to their room when they need a break, and I say NO when I need to!

I've tried pulling him aside and explaining to him why he can't kick my dogs or hurt my children. DCM stands there, then does the same. As soon as she lets go he's at it again. I love that DCM and i have so much in common and want to chat at pickup, but I feel that the 10 minutes is SO MUCH more work than the rest of the time he is here!!

have him ready to go.....ask her to text you before she leaves to pick up. Explain that you love chatting with her, but its a battle of who is in charge and it needs to stop. Pick up has to be short and sweet and if there are any issues you will call her to discuss them. If you want to friend her it will have to be after hours-

It is your house, your rules and I would carry on just as if Mom wasn't there. Harder to do then say, no one wants to be put in that position as the heavy at pick up time, but it is clear that the child needs this.

I don't think spanking is the answer. I think just leaving is the answer. The child is ready to go home and to have to stand there and listen to you and Mom talk is hard for a child with no patience, or learning patience. You also have other kids to be watching so I would not want to be having long pick ups.

Good luck-

[My3cents]

You need to meet Mom at the door, hand the child to her, tell her that the kid's behavior is unacceptable at pick up time, and from now on you will meet her at the door, hand her the child, and she needs to leave with him immediately. If she needs to communicate with you about the child or his day at your house, it can be done by e-mail.

I would have been disciplining the child myself if Mom refused to, but now that it appears to be a habit, just getting him out the door and taking away his control of the situation is the best thing to do.

because it has become a habit, I would talk to Mom and tell her how you plan to do pick ups for now on, so it is not a shock to her, explain that you love talking to her but will have to do it through phone or email because behavior is out of hand for you. This is not easy to do, I know I have been there and am still there at times.

[My3cents]

I know she is having marriage problems, and that may be part of the reason she wants to stay and talk. We have a lot of similar interests, so we're always talking about stuff like that. Last week I got fed up with the behavior and really rushed pick up time, which helped so much! I had him ready to go, and basically put him out the door and said "see ya tomorrow!" I felt bad doing it, but I can't handle that at the end of my day. :) I've made sure my animals are in the basement, toys are put away so he can't throw them, I've tried holding his hand and keeping him on my lap. He's a huge kid too...40 lbs at 2.5!

I am responding to the bold above...... right now it is at the end of the day, but it will carry over if you continue to let this happen.

One more thing is don't let her problems become your problems..... and it does happen quickly even to the best of us......just a thought.

[JoseyJo]

I know she is having marriage problems, and that may be part of the reason she wants to stay and talk. We have a lot of similar interests, so we're always talking about stuff like that. Last week I got fed up with the behavior and really rushed pick up time, which helped so much! I had him ready to go, and basically put him out the door and said "see ya tomorrow!" I felt bad doing it, but I can't handle that at the end of my day. I've made sure my animals are in the basement, toys are put away so he can't throw them, I've tried holding his hand and keeping him on my lap. He's a huge kid too...40 lbs at 2.5!

IF she is talking about "grownup" stuff in front of him this may be part of what is causing this issue. In my experience 2-3 yo can understand enough of the conversation (or maybe just the emotions going on) that it makes them act out.

Answer's still the same though- no talking w/ mom at p/u, have ready and walk out the door. Sucks for mom but if she wont/cant control him it is really the only good choice.

[daycarediva]

Sounds like it's time for the "Buh-bye outside" method of pick ups.

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-dynamic-of-bad-behavior-in-daycare.htm

FANTASTIC advice and super helpful.

Been there, done that. I would explain to Mom that it seems he is having a rough time with the transition and that this will help him. (True, but goes across better then "Get your monster boy outta my house!") Chatting with Mom will just have to wait until he can control himself better.

[littlemommy]

Thanks ladies. She knows how frustrated it makes me. My 3 year old feeds off the excess energy in the room and then he goes nuts too! Ahh! She sees that I'm correcting and disciplining my son...it must not be contagious.

Today I'll have him ready to go, send him out, and start my lovely evening.

[BrooklynM]

I have one like this. The mom is a friend of mine. I was their part time nanny before I opened up my home daycare. When I was at their house and she came home, it was fine, but at my house, he doesn't want to leave (which makes me feel good). She is very passive but is starting to get a bit stricter since watching him respect me and love me even though i set boundaries. She's the last to pick up, so I just carry him out to the car and strap him in. It's the only way I can stay sane and not be frustrated with her lack of control. She is also pregnant and he is getting too big for her to hold. She is always amazed how he will do whatever I ask him to do and he will hold my hand and walk with me. He's amazing for me!

I would just say be in control always of your home. Just because the parent is there doesn't mean your boundaries turn off. Show the parent what type of behavior you expect in your home.

[TwinKristi]

I have a 6 & 8yr old drop-in family who does this!? WTH! Their mom asked me "How do you handle this all day?" and I tell her they don't act like this for me, it's the show they put on for you when you get here! They have run outside unsupervised and take off down the street! I told mom they can't do that because while they're at my house, they're MY liability and I can't have kids getting run over by cars!

I wonder if maybe the DCB is seeing YOU get the attention he's wanting from mom and knows mom will pay attention to him so he acts that way when she gets there?

[lovemykidstoo]

I wonder if maybe the DCB is seeing YOU get the attention he's wanting from mom and knows mom will pay attention to him so he acts that way when she gets there?

This exactly. he hasn't seen mom all day and wants her attention. He does not want her talking to you. I would say to mom, oh I guess he wants your attention, see ya tomorrow!