Would You Take A Gender Non-Conforming Child?

[Heidi]

I never said I think they are pushing the boy to do anything. I said I think they are rushing a little in making large decisions like that they are going to give him hormones and already preparing for gender reassignment when the boy is 4yo.



I don't know for sure obviously, but I know my dc families well and I think it is a possibility.



See, I am trying to determine if I am up for more drama, and this has the potential for drama. Am I strong enough to do this right now?

I am NOT judging the child! I think others will though (and I have read that book so I know I am right, people will judge.)

I am not taking it that you are judging the child or family. I am hearing that you are wondering if you really have the strength or backbone (ha ha testicular fortitude?) to deal with the POSSIBLE backlash.

I think it's good to be honest with yourself about what you can handle. While there are some situations that are maybe's, and knowing you have good support you can handle, there are other times when you just know in your heart that you are not equipped. Only you can decide.

[crazydaycarelady]

But other providers on here have said they had children like this that later changed their preferences.

[SunshineMama]

I never said I think they are pushing the boy to do anything. I said I think they are rushing a little in making large decisions like that they are going to give him hormones and already preparing for gender reassignment when the boy is 4yo.



I don't know for sure obviously, but I know my dc families well and I think it is a possibility.



See, I am trying to determine if I am up for more drama, and this has the potential for drama. Am I strong enough to do this right now?

I am NOT judging the child! I think others will though (and I have read that book so I know I am right, people will judge.)

I can completely understand not wanting to deal with the perceived drama that may result. It may or may not be dramatic, the fact is, you really don't know. I think I'm hearing that it isn't the child that's the issue, it's the headache that other people may cause you with their own issues surrounding their opinions about the child. So you just have to decide whether or not you are up for drama if it does occur, or whether you even feel like thinking about whether or not you are up for it.

If it is going to cause you stress and worry, don't do it. That is something only you can decide and know for sure. Speculating over other parents thoughts will only drive you nuts. I remember being worried about the thoughts of a parent too much one time, and I was even dreaming about it. the bottom line is that it's your life and you are in control of it, so you need to make a decision based on what you know is best for you.

[littlemissmuffet]

But other providers on here have said they had children like this that later changed their preferences.

And? What is wrong with a parent preparing for a child's future? I have a good chunk of money put away for my child to go to university... doesn't mean she's going to go. Again, these parents aren't giving this child hormone therapy currently - they are considering it to HELP HIM, when he is older.

The more you write and oppose the opinions that you asked for the clearer it becomes that you are the one who probably has an issue with this whole situation and are using the excuse that other daycare parents might be upset as a reason to not be involved with this family.

I could be wrong, but that's sure what it sounds like to me.

[Heidi]

But other providers on here have said they had children like this that later changed their preferences.

Sure, but nothing the adults did affected that. Gender identification is an internal struggle; not something someone 'decides". Some people go through it for a short time (I know several, and it was all during different times in their lives). Some people just KNOW, early on.

That is why we, as parents, don't just do things overnight. I think your potential dcp's aren't saying "we WILL do hormone therapy...yay!" I think they're saying "Well, this is our child, and if that's what needs to happen to help him or her be happy and healthy, then we'll do it". Anything they do will also be with guidance from a physician and a therapist. You can't just go to Walgreens and buy hormones for your transgender child. It's a process.

The suicide rate among transgender rate is HUGE, especially teenagers. This child's parents are in for a long haul, and they are trying to gear up and be proactive. Like any atypical child's parents have to be.

[nannyde]

If you think it's no skin off your teeth and have the live and let live mentality then you're not going to let your other families opinions of other families in your care, matter. Period. If one came and said...."ell OMG Miss J, you'll never believe but I saw so and so's parents were fixin to celebrate the devil worshipping holiday of Halloween....I dont want them around my kid because they dont believe as I do that it's evil!!".....or ...

Willow can I adopt you? You could be co-heir to my vast dominion.

Think about it

I would take a transgender kid. Who cares? What difference would it make? A kid is a kid.

I would not do the pronoun thing nor refer to the child as the opposite sex. I would not allow clothing outside of my keep it simple clothing policy. I would not do much parenting conferences nor outsider conferences. I would call the child their given nickname here like the rest of the gorilla biscuits.

It's no big deal and it would have to stay that way. I don't have a gender environment so I wouldn't have to make any changes.

If my daycare parents didn't like it they would have to be gone.

[Heidi]

Willow can I adopt you? You could be co-heir to my vast dominion.

Think about it

I would take a transgender kid. Who cares? What difference would it make? A kid is a kid.

I would not do the pronoun thing nor refer to the child as the opposite sex. I would not allow clothing outside of my keep it simple clothing policy. I would not do much parenting conferences nor outsider conferences. I would call the child their given nickname here like the rest of the gorilla biscuits.

It's no big deal and it would have to stay that way. I don't have a gender environment so I wouldn't have to make any changes.

If my daycare parents didn't like it they would have to be gone.

I'm just confirming...you require ALL children to come in "simple" clothes. Sweats, t-shirts, easy-on shoes. You wouldn't care if Danny wanted sparkly ones or Danni wanted train shoes.

I really need to push the easy clothes thing. It's in my policy, but I'm getting a lot of jeans and pastels here lately.

[nannyde]

I'm just confirming...you require ALL children to come in "simple" clothes. Sweats, t-shirts, easy-on shoes. You wouldn't care if Danny wanted sparkly ones or Danni wanted train shoes.

I really need to push the easy clothes thing. It's in my policy, but I'm getting a lot of jeans and pastels here lately.

Yup.

I provide all the outside gear and inside extras like sweats, sweatshirts, and socks if the come in cumbersome clothes.

As long as it's easy and safe, I don't care what they wear. I don't pay attention to it.

[crazydaycarelady]

The more you write and oppose the opinions that you asked for the clearer it becomes that you are the one who probably has an issue with this whole situation and are using the excuse that other daycare parents might be upset as a reason to not be involved with this family.

Whatever! Yes, you are wrong.

I have 6 kids out due to the government shutdown. I am not wanting any more issues with enrollment.

I guess what bugs me about this thread is the fact that most of you act like there is something wrong with ME because the thought crossed my mind that this COULD cause some issue. My dh grew up in this town with a boy who transgendered to a woman. He was murdered because of it. So yeah, do I think this might cause an issue? Yes, I do.

Am I using that as an excuse to not watch the child? No!

I came here looking for advice, brainstorm possible situations that might come up, how I could handle them, if anyone else has encountered this. But as usual I got the high and mighty, rainbows and butterflies response. In a perfect world this child and his parents would never encounter discrimination, but we do NOT live in a perfect world.

[Brooksie]

I had this big response typed up about how uneducated and misleading some of the statements in these posts are but I deleted it....


I do want to know though, how do you KNOW his family is pushing him to do, say or feel anything?

These BIG conclusions aren't necessarily wrong or misguided simply because you don't don't agree or understand.

I also think it is rather presumptuous of the OP to automatically assume that her other parents would have issues with this..... do you KNOW that?

If ANY of my DC parents said or commented rudely on something like that openly in my home, THEY would be gone in a heartbeat.

My nephew is "this child" and until you have lived his life, walked in his mother's shoes or spend any amount of time getting to know him and who he is inside, you have NO right to judge or assume anything.

@Preschool teacher My sister LOVES that blog! She owns a few copies of Raising My Rainbow too! FANTASTIC book!!!

Well worth the read for ANYONE interested

[Laurel]

I absolutely would have no concern enrolling a transgendered or possibly transgendered child here. If any other families had a problem with it, they would be families I would be happy to lose.

Have any of you read the blog Raising My Rainbow? It is written by a mom who has a little boy who "likes girl things." It is SUCH a great read and she just wrote a book. It talks about the struggles and conflicts they have had with other people discriminating against their son. I would highly recommend it! http://www.raisingmyrainbow.com

As for the argument that transgender identity could be caused by parents, I really disagree! You can't make a little boy want to be a girl by refusing to buy him boy things... or by Mom doing most of "everything" at home. By that standard, single moms would be raising a higher number of transgendered sons... that does not seem to be happening! What about kids in other countries who play with sticks and random stuff and don't have expensive "boy toys" or "girl toys?" I don't think they are growing up with higher percentages of them being transgender!

Kids are who they are.

I agree and the same with gay children/adults. I've even heard (a long time ago) of a judge giving custody of a gay grandchild to a grandparent because the grandparent didn't want her own gay daughter to raise him. Come on, that grandparent HAD the gay daughter. IF she thought that gayness could be learned then wouldn't she be the one who taught it??

Laurel

[littlemissmuffet]

Whatever! Yes, you are wrong.

I have 6 kids out due to the government shutdown. I am not wanting any more issues with enrollment.

I guess what bugs me about this thread is the fact that most of you act like there is something wrong with ME because the thought crossed my mind that this COULD cause some issue. My dh grew up in this town with a boy who transgendered to a woman. He was murdered because of it. So yeah, do I think this might cause an issue? Yes, I do.

Am I using that as an excuse to not watch the child? No!

I came here looking for advice, brainstorm possible situations that might come up, how I could handle them, if anyone else has encountered this. But as usual I got the high and mighty, rainbows and butterflies response. In a perfect world this child and his parents would never encounter discrimination, but we do NOT live in a perfect world.

And yet not once in this thread did you ask for ideas on how to handle the situation (as a matter of fact when people offered advice on how to handle the situation you continued to say how it would negatively affect your business) and you didn't once ask if anyone else encountered this situation.

As a matter of fact, the only question you asked was "Would you take a gender non-conforming child?"... then seemed displeased with the overwhelming responses that the majority would.

:confused:

Just calling it like I see it.

Also, his parents have obviously given a great deal of thought to their child and the fact he might be "different"... nobody here ever said they wouldn't encounter discrimination (one poster actually brought up that they have a long haul ahead of them)... but you don't seem concerned about the parents or child - just your business. Which, ironically, is a form of discrimination.

[Laurel]

Whatever! Yes, you are wrong.

I have 6 kids out due to the government shutdown. I am not wanting any more issues with enrollment.

I guess what bugs me about this thread is the fact that most of you act like there is something wrong with ME because the thought crossed my mind that this COULD cause some issue. My dh grew up in this town with a boy who transgendered to a woman. He was murdered because of it. So yeah, do I think this might cause an issue? Yes, I do.

Am I using that as an excuse to not watch the child? No!

I came here looking for advice, brainstorm possible situations that might come up, how I could handle them, if anyone else has encountered this. But as usual I got the high and mighty, rainbows and butterflies response. In a perfect world this child and his parents would never encounter discrimination, but we do NOT live in a perfect world.

I do notice that it is always the same people who have the high and mighty mindset no matter what the topic. I find it kind of fun to guess what each of these people might say and then see if I'm right or not. :: I'm usually right but sometimes get a surprise.

Laurel

[littlemissmuffet]

I wonder if the "high and mighty" comments are directed at me???

If so, in my defense - I think a lot of posters here don't like me or think I'm a bitch because I don't put up with BS from anyone and I often call people out on what they say. There is nothing "high and mighty" about that. I don't think I'm better than anyone here, but I do think if people are going to post on a public forum they need to be prepared for various responses, many of which aren't going to fit in a pretty little box with a bow on top. I feel many of the ladies here just want "back up" in their decisions and when they find that someone disagrees they get defensive and say they always get the WRONG responses. If you don't want opinions - don't ask for 'em!

[iRadiateLove]

I read majority of the responses and I must say that it warms my heart to know that so many providers would be willing to take a child that is gender-questioning. I would take the child but then again, I'm part of a two mom household/family. I was asked by a few people if I thought my marriage/family would be an issue with enrolling kids but I think parents are more so concerned with knowing their kids have a safe and loving place to go while they are working... Plus, my wife works outside of the home so she wouldn't be here with us anyway so I don't see why it would be a problem... Otherwise, if the family has a problem with my family, then my day care isn't where they need to be anyway.

As so many stated, he may grow out of it. He may not. But, it's none of the other parents business and I don't see it as harmful to any of the other kids. It will indeed teach them about differences in people.