Did I Miss My Window Of Opportunity To Terminate Immediately?

[daycarediva]

Today, 4yo dcg was repeatedly aggressive. It was happening right under my direct supervision for no apparant reason.

Incident #1 dcg choked dcb during morning circle. dcb and dcg were just sitting next to each other, dcb was singing and dcg was sulking and then BAM, she DOVE on him and was choking him with both hands wrapped around his throat. I had to forcibly remove dcg's hands from dcb (peel back each finger) before she would let go. Immediate separation from the group. dcg said "I don't know" when asked why she hurt dcb. DCB had finger marks on his neck for almost an hour, and she broke the skin with her fingernails.

Incident #2 happened not even 30 minutes later, we were lining up to go to the restroom and dcg shoved a different dcb HARD. He fell into another dcb who also fell and bit his lip and caused bleeding and a small cut.

Incident #3 happened as we were eating snack, dcg sits next to other dcg, both are munching bananas as I peel the rest for the other kids. Dcg reached over & yanked other dcg's ponytail so hard dcg fell backwards out of the chair and (of course) started to cry, she also bruised her elbow & needed an ice pack.


Then I called her mother to come get her. I separated her from the group completely (hula hoop). She was here within 45 minutes and dcb came over to tell her what dcg did to him. Dcm was upset with me, and I honestly was as well (edited to add-to have allowed it to happen more than once). Although I don't know that I could have done anything differently without separating her for the entire day. She is my roughest child, and sneaky about it, but the blatant aggression was a shock today. I was SO UPSET that I didn't even know what to say.


All of my daycare kids are ridiculously verbal and of course as I explained to each parent how their child was hurt at daycare the kids are telling who hurt them (I try not to name the offender).

This is NOT dcg's first incident, and if it weren't for daycare girl, I wouldn't have ANY aggression in my home at all. She is the oldest of my group, too! She was out sick Monday, and when I received the phone call and told the kids they all CHEERED .


I sent home three kids with visible/lasting injuries, just received one phone call from a Mom (Dad picked up) and when dh came home and I spoke to him he says he REALLY thinks I should have termed immediately. Now that I have had time to cool down, I agree. Either way, I will be giving notice. I just read through my entire parent handbook and it's pretty vague, as in I don't have a listed # of offenses or incidents.

At 4 I would expect her to be able to control her behavior and not get physical, 99% of the time. But unprovoked extreme aggression? No way.

[Cat Herder]

You can terminate, at will, for any reason.

You do not need to give a reason if you so choose.

It is entirely up to you.

[littlemissmuffet]

I'd give notice in the morning.

The way she is behaving is completely and utterly unacceptable and that kind of behvaior can't go on in group care.

[Heidi]

No matter what your contract states, you can terminate immediately. Your job is to keep the children SAFE, first and foremost. Besides, you cant risk loosing your other kids!

The only question is the money part, really. Give them a refund.

I would call her and tell her that after careful consideration, you can't have her back. Document EVERYTHING that happened today, and do whatever is required for your state (do you have to file incident reports with licensing?).

Send a follow up letter...."THis is to confirm our conversation this evening. As I stated on the phone, DCG will not be able to return to xx daycare due to aggressive behavior that happened today. I am enclosing a check for $ to refund you for your deposit and remaining tuition".

Do not, not, not get into a war of words with her on the phone. Just say NO! Meaning...please one more chance? Im sorry, but no.

After you speak to her, call all your other dcp's and let them know that the situation has been resolved. "Of course, I cannot get into specifics, but what happened here today will not happen again. The child that caused the injuries will not be returning". They'll figure it out from there.

Call your licenser tommorow and tell her what happened even if you don't have to. "I am calling to give you a heads up...we had a situation here yesterday that required me to terminate a childcare arrangement, and I thought you should know".

[Cat Herder]

You can email her now and tell her:

"After several conferences with other clients this evening, I feel it is best you keep *** home tomorrow to allow some distance from the events of today. I appreciate your understanding in this matter."

That will give her a heads up of what is coming, and allow you time to cool down to make a decision.

She may also just pull out, saving you the trouble.

[daycarediva]

I have NEVER had to do this before, in 7 years! I'm soooo nervous but after the 4 conversations that I had with parents today, I KNOW that if this continues to happen I will lose my awesome kids/clients. *sigh*

I will call Mom this evening and let her know dcg cannot come back.

[daycare]

I have NEVER had to do this before, in 7 years! I'm soooo nervous but after the 4 conversations that I had with parents today, I KNOW that if this continues to happen I will lose my awesome kids/clients. *sigh*

I will call Mom this evening and let her know dcg cannot come back.

I have a dcg that just moved on to a private school where she is in an advanced head start classroom. She has been kicked out of school on several different occasions. I think about 5 different times since school started in august. A few times her mother brought her here to me when she was kicked out. She was very very violent on a few occasions, others were minor. I am super shocked that the school has not kicked her out for behavior....

I also think that you should term now. You need to do this to help the parents nip this now. If it goes on, the child will only continue to be a bully...

[Sugar Magnolia]

Oh Diva that is just so sad. You are making the right decision. Please keep us updated on how it went.

[daycarediva]

Ok, here is what I have settled on. I am fairly certain that they will just pull her from care.

Incidents on October 25, 2012

Incident #1 *** choked unnamed boy during morning circle. Unnamed boy and *** were sitting next to each other. Unnamed boy was singing, *** dove on him and choked him with both hands wrapped around his throat. I had to physically remove ***'s hands from unnamed boy before she would let go. *** was immediately separated from the group.

Incident #2 We were lining up to go to the restroom and *** shoved a different unnamed boy very forcibly. He fell into another unnamed boy who also fell and bit his lip and caused bleeding and a small laceration.

Incident #3 Happened during morning snack. *** sits next to unnamed girl, both are eating bananas as I peel the rest for the other kids. *** reached over & yanked unnamed girl’s ponytail so hard she fell backwards out of the chair and started to cry, she also bruised her elbow.

These were not the only incidents of aggressive behavior, some were less severe and others were stopped when *** was shadowed by provider for the remainder of the day.

While physical altercations can be developmentally appropriate, they are never socially acceptable and the provider has a no tolerance policy towards physical aggression. If inappropriate behavior or something of a more serious nature occurs that is a threat to the safety of the child or other children, it is the provider’s responsibility to maintain a calm, safe, loving atmosphere for the other children in care.

This letter is to inform you; *********, that as of November 9, 2012 I will no longer be able to offer childcare services to ***********.

I will continue to provide child care services until November 9, 2012 on the condition that all parties involved understand that any further incidents of aggression will require *** to be picked up immediately and care will be terminated effective at that time and there will not be a refund of fees.

In accordance with my Policies and Contract, you are required to pay for my services for the final two weeks of care.

Amount due at this time: $350 due on Friday October 26, 2012.


Provider Signature __________________________Date_____________

Parent Signature ___________________________Date______________

[Cat Herder]

It sounds great.

Do you have a contingency plan for if she refuses to pay tomorrow?

[daycarediva]

I don't need the income, so that isn't a concern (although I would have reacted the same even if it wasn't)

I will take them to small claims court.

Mom signed it this morning, and I gave them a copy.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I don't need the income, so that isn't a concern (although I would have reacted the same even if it wasn't)

I will take them to small claims court.

Mom signed it this morning, and I gave them a copy.

Glad to read the positive update!

[SunshineMama]

Today, 4yo dcg was repeatedly aggressive. It was happening right under my direct supervision for no apparant reason.

Incident #1 dcg choked dcb during morning circle. dcb and dcg were just sitting next to each other, dcb was singing and dcg was sulking and then BAM, she DOVE on him and was choking him with both hands wrapped around his throat. I had to forcibly remove dcg's hands from dcb (peel back each finger) before she would let go. Immediate separation from the group. dcg said "I don't know" when asked why she hurt dcb. DCB had finger marks on his neck for almost an hour, and she broke the skin with her fingernails.

Incident #2 happened not even 30 minutes later, we were lining up to go to the restroom and dcg shoved a different dcb HARD. He fell into another dcb who also fell and bit his lip and caused bleeding and a small cut.

Incident #3 happened as we were eating snack, dcg sits next to other dcg, both are munching bananas as I peel the rest for the other kids. Dcg reached over & yanked other dcg's ponytail so hard dcg fell backwards out of the chair and (of course) started to cry, she also bruised her elbow & needed an ice pack.


Then I called her mother to come get her. I separated her from the group completely (hula hoop). She was here within 45 minutes and dcb came over to tell her what dcg did to him. Dcm was upset with me, and I honestly was as well (edited to add-to have allowed it to happen more than once). Although I don't know that I could have done anything differently without separating her for the entire day. She is my roughest child, and sneaky about it, but the blatant aggression was a shock today. I was SO UPSET that I didn't even know what to say.


All of my daycare kids are ridiculously verbal and of course as I explained to each parent how their child was hurt at daycare the kids are telling who hurt them (I try not to name the offender).

This is NOT dcg's first incident, and if it weren't for daycare girl, I wouldn't have ANY aggression in my home at all. She is the oldest of my group, too! She was out sick Monday, and when I received the phone call and told the kids they all CHEERED .


I sent home three kids with visible/lasting injuries, just received one phone call from a Mom (Dad picked up) and when dh came home and I spoke to him he says he REALLY thinks I should have termed immediately. Now that I have had time to cool down, I agree. Either way, I will be giving notice. I just read through my entire parent handbook and it's pretty vague, as in I don't have a listed # of offenses or incidents.

At 4 I would expect her to be able to control her behavior and not get physical, 99% of the time. But unprovoked extreme aggression? No way.

I think you can term at any time. You and the other kids have a right to safety.

That being said, something inside me tells me that dcg is modeling behavior that she sees elsewhere. Is she allowed to watch violent tv? Or worse, possible abuse at home? At age 4, children should know better. I have a 4 year old dcb who snaps sometimes, but it is only when he is provoked by other children, and I know it is because his parents let him watch adult violent movies. But he never randomly attacks anyone, he just overly-defends himself.

[countrymom]

this happened a couple of weeks ago too. Except the child was 18months old. She was like this too. She was small too, so no one expect it how violent she really was. She kept pushing the kids, bitting them and lately she started to choke them.

they kept saying that they don't why or where she learned it from, but it wasn't here because none of the kids did any of it. And I have 3 that are her age. I termed her and its been the best. No more fighting, its calm here. The kids don't have to hoard toys. I thought for sure the kids would miss her, but they don't.

[crazydaycarelady]

It's Friday morning and she needed care today - I bet she won't bring her back on Monday. Haha - the kids will really be cheering when they hear she isn't coming back at all!