How Long Do You Let Them Cry?

[Unregistered]

I am a regular but could not log in.

I have a new DCK that is only here two days a week. Going on 3rd week. The child has been scream crying for almost 2 hours straight and NOTHING that I do can calm the child.

how long would you let a child cry like this before calling the parents to pick them up?

I know it is because of the holiday yesterday, still being new and is having a hard time adjusting due to the very part time days. ( I have already told the parents that this might be an issue)

Part of me feels that if I call, this shows the child that if they cry, it will allow them to go home. But this crying has been going on for two hours and I feel really bad not only for the child, but for the other kids too...

I just want to know what your time frame is for crying.

Thanks

[Breezy]

I think at this point I would probably call if there is nothing I could do to console and its been going on for that long. How old is the child? Can s/he communicate needs with you? Sounds heart breaking poor little thong tired and scared. Part time care is so hard. I recently had one here from 6am-1130am every day and she cried and cried and anytime anyone came to the door she eor excited thinking it was her parent and when it wasn't that huge smile just drooped and It was so heart breaking. She just hated daycare and wanted to be with mom and dad. Mom recently was switched to a diffferent shift which she is haing but ow she can be home all the time with one or the other parent.

Anyways, I would definitely at least call mom for some guidance at this point

[daycare]

I think at this point I would probably call if there is nothing I could do to console and its been going on for that long. How old is the child? Can s/he communicate needs with you? Sounds heart breaking poor little thong tired and scared. Part time care is so hard. I recently had one here from 6am-1130am every day and she cried and cried and anytime anyone came to the door she eor excited thinking it was her parent and when it wasn't that huge smile just drooped and It was so heart breaking. She just hated daycare and wanted to be with mom and dad. Mom recently was switched to a diffferent shift which she is haing but ow she can be home all the time with one or the other parent.

Anyways, I would definitely at least call mom for some guidance at this point

the child is 2.5..................but there is also a language barrier....with the child, not the parents.

[kathiemarie]

I would call mom also. I would say something like Hi sue, I just wanted to let you know that jonny is having a bad day. He has been crying for over 2 hours and anything I try is not helping. I'm calling to see if you might have a suggestion of what might help? That way she knows he is having a hard time and if she can't leave work right away she might try to get out early. I know you run a preschool program but is there away you can put on a favorite movie for him and cuddle with him for a few mins.? Good luck.

[daycare]

I would call mom also. I would say something like Hi sue, I just wanted to let you know that jonny is having a bad day. He has been crying for over 2 hours and anything I try is not helping. I'm calling to see if you might have a suggestion of what might help? That way she knows he is having a hard time and if she can't leave work right away she might try to get out early. I know you run a preschool program but is there away you can put on a favorite movie for him and cuddle with him for a few mins.? Good luck.

actually during the summer there is no preschool program, only art and field trips. So I have tired just about everything that I can think of to help it stop. We are a no TV DC, but I did try elmo on youtube.

Thanks for responding, I will give the mom a call and let her know.

[cheerfuldom]

Part timers are hard. If they are not adjusting after a few weeks, its probably not going to happen at all. If you send them home, that is basically telling parents that you cant do your job and that they need to find other care.....be prepared for them to term. Sending home kids is not a long term option. I would set a date of how long you will continue trying to adjust with him, let the parents know and then do what you can to see what happens. With a 2.5 year old, this amount of crying is just not going to work. I would be more likely to work with a younger child for longer.

[Breezy]

Let us know what she says! I understand your hesitation in calling her though and having child think if he puts up a big enough fit he can go home. Maybe if she comes to get him have her say "I got off early!" Instead of that its because of the crying.

Also try youtubing The Wiggles Teddy Bear Song! I've never had that one not work.

Everybody clap! Everybody sing! Lalalalala.....

[daycare]

Part timers are hard. If they are not adjusting after a few weeks, its probably not going to happen at all. If you send them home, that is basically telling parents that you cant do your job and that they need to find other care.....be prepared for them to term. Sending home kids is not a long term option. I would set a date of how long you will continue trying to adjust with him, let the parents know and then do what you can to see what happens. With a 2.5 year old, this amount of crying is just not going to work. I would be more likely to work with a younger child for longer.

this was my thoughts exactly.... While we know as providers that the are some things that are out of our control, parents don't always see it that way. I have put a time limit on it and this would be the last week. The past two weeks were about the same. Morning time being hard and then afternoon improving. But every Thursday it starts back up again.

I think I may have to tell the parents that either they go full time or I will have to let them go. It's not fair to this child, the other kids or to myself....

Thanks everyone for responding..

Breezy, I will look that up right now...

[Heidi]

If he's part time, would you be open to mom bringing him for a play-date for a few hours on his off days for a few visits? Maybe for an hour, two tops?

If he sees mom likes you and trusts you, then maybe that would help...

[Breezy]

Breezy, I will look that up right now...

[daycare]

If he's part time, would you be open to mom bringing him for a play-date for a few hours on his off days for a few visits? Maybe for an hour, two tops?

If he sees mom likes you and trusts you, then maybe that would help...

speaking from experience, the one and only time I tired that, it backfired big time. I think that the situation has to be set up as it will be from the start. For the child and the parents.

I have learned that it send the child the message of false hope that mom or dad will be staying if they stay too long.

Also, because I am licensed, I can't have a parent stay that long without having all the necessary paperwork processed. It would also put me over my capacity which in CA you can never be over at any time for any reason.....

[cheerfuldom]

speaking from experience, the one and only time I tired that, it backfired big time. I think that the situation has to be set up as it will be from the start. For the child and the parents.

I have learned that it send the child the message of false hope that mom or dad will be staying if they stay too long.

Also, because I am licensed, I can't have a parent stay that long without having all the necessary paperwork processed. It would also put me over my capacity which in CA you can never be over at any time for any reason.....

play dates for moms getting comfy with the providers, not kids IMO. I do these because parents love them and I feel that in order to get them started here, I do have to compromise and will do this if asked. However, I have never had a kid benefit from the playdate and have as the OP said, had it backfire on me as kids get confused about what is happening here or with parents feeling like coming in is an invitation to nitpick and personalize care. The kids that do the best here are the ones on a regular schedule, whose parents do quick drop offs and who jump right into the normal daycare plan.

[My3cents]

Part timers are hard. If they are not adjusting after a few weeks, its probably not going to happen at all. If you send them home, that is basically telling parents that you cant do your job and that they need to find other care.....be prepared for them to term. Sending home kids is not a long term option. I would set a date of how long you will continue trying to adjust with him, let the parents know and then do what you can to see what happens. With a 2.5 year old, this amount of crying is just not going to work. I would be more likely to work with a younger child for longer.

I read the responses thus far and then thought I would add my 3c's

I bolded above because I don't feel this way- Sometimes it does take more then a few weeks it all depends on how long your willing to put up with it and how it is effecting you and the other children. Many kids take a long time to adjust. Esp part timers and I think your on a roll with asking the parents to up the child to full time to help him settle in better. Routines work the best with kids, they thrive on them. When their little worlds are turned upside down melt downs are what happen. I also suggest you make comings and goings as quick as possible for transitions.

Heidi- no way would I want a parent making a play date out of my business. Kids act up when someone else comes into their setting- they never seem to be themselves. They get excited and they don't know how to turn that off yet. I would not want that added chaos added to my day. Once you offer this out it can be a way of life for parents and then you can't get them to leave- I do daycare-not play group. I just find they don't mix well.

I do see it as showing your lack of control over situations by calling the parent but seeing how this child is new- I think I might call. For suggestions and ideas on how to comfort the little one. Someone mentioned once and I really love this idea- mark your calendar. If things have not improved in say two weeks or a month or however long your willing to keep trying this, then suggest to the parent's it is not working out. Sometimes just the parent talking to the child can be a big help. 2.5 child is able to understand- suggest that they talk to the child at home about no crying at daycare unless they are hurt etc...

Bless you because constant crying and screaming is not fun. For the screaming, I would tell the child- no screaming that hurts my ears- we don't do that here. Simple and direct-

Best-

[cheerfuldom]

I read the responses thus far and then thought I would add my 3c's

I bolded above because I don't feel this way- Sometimes it does take more then a few weeks it all depends on how long your willing to put up with it and how it is effecting you and the other children. Many kids take a long time to adjust. Esp part timers and I think your on a roll with asking the parents to up the child to full time to help him settle in better. Routines work the best with kids, they thrive on them. When their little worlds are turned upside down melt downs are what happen. I also suggest you make comings and goings as quick as possible for transitions.

Heidi- no way would I want a parent making a play date out of my business. Kids act up when someone else comes into their setting- they never seem to be themselves. They get excited and they don't know how to turn that off yet. I would not want that added chaos added to my day. Once you offer this out it can be a way of life for parents and then you can't get them to leave- I do daycare-not play group. I just find they don't mix well.

I do see it as showing your lack of control over situations by calling the parent but seeing how this child is new- I think I might call. For suggestions and ideas on how to comfort the little one. Someone mentioned once and I really love this idea- mark your calendar. If things have not improved in say two weeks or a month or however long your willing to keep trying this, then suggest to the parent's it is not working out. Sometimes just the parent talking to the child can be a big help. 2.5 child is able to understand- suggest that they talk to the child at home about no crying at daycare unless they are hurt etc...

Bless you because constant crying and screaming is not fun. For the screaming, I would tell the child- no screaming that hurts my ears- we don't do that here. Simple and direct-

Best-

I think we are saying the same thing, just in different ways. I said "probably" not that it wasnt possible at all. But if I gave a child 4 to 6 weeks to adjust and things were just as bad as when they started, then yes, I do believe that the chances become smaller and smaller that anything is going to change. Its something to consider at least. I just would hate for the OP to feel that she has to keep trying longer and longer and trying this and that to make it work. I would suggest the same things as you....give it more time, talk to the parents, etc, etc. BUT even if she decided today that she cannot take it one more day, that is fine. I would support her decision. We dont all have to work with every child. Even if time IS the answer (which we dont know for sure), there is nothing wrong with saying that you just arent up to giving that time and that you would rather just give the spot to another kid that did not need that time to adjust. Its okay to say that this kid is not working out and that you arent up to the challenge of working with them.

[daycare]

I do have to agree with what everyone is saying. I don't mind putting up with the crying, BUT i do feel bad that the child seems so miserable and that is not what I want. It also seems to take a toll on the other kids, which is also not ok long term.

I think that I have given it a fair shot of three weeks, which is probably not enough time considering that the child only comes part time, but I just really feel that it is unfair to the rest of the kids and the child himself....he is more unhappy all day than happy....