I'm Drowning Here. FCC, Quitting? and Screaming!

[Unregistered]

Some background:

I'm married and have an 18 month old daughter. Only child. I'm fixed. Don't want any more children. I'm also super introverted, need my quiet time and have very little tolerance for high pitch, constant screaming. My bp goes Up, im sweaty and stressed. I'm easily stressed but can handle a ton of it. But at the end of the day I'm a wet noodle, exhausted and it takes hours to wind down.


A friend of an acquaintance needed child care for her 5 month old last month. The center her kid was at had a high ratio and her son cried all the time there. She asked me to watch him since her and her husband are dual military. Her taking off work to pick him up isn't always allowed. Anyhow...

He's here from 530am to 530pm m-f. Breast fed but he takes a bottle. Very high needs. He's a hold me baby and needs to be able to see you. Every morning he screams from 530-630. He's a grouch cuz he's woken up so early. He then naps. He's inconsolable. He's the type to go from happy to screaming bloody murder instantly. He has no middle ground so if he's mad he works himself up and screams for an hour+. I walk on egg shells so he doesn't get upset cuz that's easier than calming him. He cries so hard he had a cough later and he will do the crying gulp gasp in his sleep if he cried before a nap. I hold him, wear him, Rock him...talk to him, pat him. Nothing works. Usually him throwing up will stop him long enough to get him to take a binky.

I am paid 450 a month. Today is payday and no payments been made in direct deposit. Its due at 6pm today. Last time they paid me 100 then the rest a week later. That's when I made up a contract. I am secretly hoping they don't pay me and find someone else. Though the mon loves me because I hold him and wash his cloth diapers.

When we have a good day (less than 3 hours of crying) I think I can do this. When we have a bad day I want to give my weeks notice. Bad days are 3 out of 5 here.

I was really excited to get FCC certified. Then FCC told me I must have 6 kids in my tiny two bedroom duplex or else I'm not worth the investment. And the director is down right rude. So I guess my point is... I had all these hopes and dreams for a positive experience doing daycare. I wanted something small maybe 3 kids with play mates for my daughter, outings, arts and crafts and FUN like I have with my kiddo. I hoped to make an extra 800-1000$ a month save. But I pretty much was told expect to be walked all over by inspections, parents, screaming babies, bad kids for 308$ per kid. And if I do daycare in my home on post then I need 6 kids to max capacity or they will shut me down.

But now I dread waking up at 5 am. I dread my days. I feel like im on survival mode because this tiny person is so testy and his parents ard helicopter parents who bring co workers by my house to drop in and visit baby. I feel my house is no longer a safe haven for my family. I'm struggling because the extra income is nice. I don't know if I should term, get FCC certified then open a daycare with out infants? Or open then term? Or shelf all this, find a day job that pays decent (unlikely! I'm inexperienced and no degree) and pay 400$ for child care? My degree isn't done. To go back to school for nursing, I'd need part time care and no one wants part timers or flexible hours. I get the door essentially shut in my face! Im not comfortable leaving my daughter for a gas station job. I'd be ok leaving her for a nursing gig though because I could afford the daycare.

Blah I feel so stuck and out of options. I've sacrificed so much for my husbands army career to the point of being hardly employable. Any advice?

[SilverSabre25]

0. I'm so sorry you're going through this; I've been that stressed and it was one of the worst periods of my life. Register here, vent here, we're a good group of friends. We'll help ya out.

0.5. Get a backbone...it's hard, but we can help you.

1. If you really do want to keep doing this, (meaning take the 6 kids they say you MUST have, which I'm not even sure they *can* say but whatever), then set some hours. You're not happy waking up at 5 AM? Then don't! Don't take kids that need hours that early.

2. You have a screaming baby? Don't keep him!! You get another? Don't keep him either!!! It's hard, but it's SO MUCH BETTER when you're not stressed

3. I would NOT allow co-workers to drop in and visit. That would NOT fly with me. No. Way. There's no reason...that alone suggests that the parents don't really trust you, and that alone would be enough to show them the door.

4. Are you SURE that they said you MUST have 6 kids? Or CAN have 6 kids? I've never heard of licensing requiring a certain number like that...and I've heard a lot on this board!

5. I would NEVER take a single kid for 12 hour days. Do his parents work 12 hour days every day? Both of them? Ten is the max I allow and that's stretching it a bit.

6. Happy-to-screaming-bloody-murder suggests a hurting baby to me...have they looked into any causes for his crying (acid reflux, dairy allergy, allergy to something else in mom's diet)?

7. I would also NEVER take a baby who gets that little time with his parents. He might cry so much because he barely ever sees his parents.

[SunnyDay]

0. I'm so sorry you're going through this; I've been that stressed and it was one of the worst periods of my life. Register here, vent here, we're a good group of friends. We'll help ya out.

0.5. Get a backbone...it's hard, but we can help you.

1. If you really do want to keep doing this, (meaning take the 6 kids they say you MUST have, which I'm not even sure they *can* say but whatever), then set some hours. You're not happy waking up at 5 AM? Then don't! Don't take kids that need hours that early.

2. You have a screaming baby? Don't keep him!! You get another? Don't keep him either!!! It's hard, but it's SO MUCH BETTER when you're not stressed

3. I would NOT allow co-workers to drop in and visit. That would NOT fly with me. No. Way. There's no reason...that alone suggests that the parents don't really trust you, and that alone would be enough to show them the door.

4. Are you SURE that they said you MUST have 6 kids? Or CAN have 6 kids? I've never heard of licensing requiring a certain number like that...and I've heard a lot on this board!

5. I would NEVER take a single kid for 12 hour days. Do his parents work 12 hour days every day? Both of them? Ten is the max I allow and that's stretching it a bit.

6. Happy-to-screaming-bloody-murder suggests a hurting baby to me...have they looked into any causes for his crying (acid reflux, dairy allergy, allergy to something else in mom's diet)?

7. I would also NEVER take a baby who gets that little time with his parents. He might cry so much because he barely ever sees his parents.

[pootmcgoot]

0. I'm so sorry you're going through this; I've been that stressed and it was one of the worst periods of my life. Register here, vent here, we're a good group of friends. We'll help ya out.

0.5. Get a backbone...it's hard, but we can help you.

1. If you really do want to keep doing this, (meaning take the 6 kids they say you MUST have, which I'm not even sure they *can* say but whatever), then set some hours. You're not happy waking up at 5 AM? Then don't! Don't take kids that need hours that early.

2. You have a screaming baby? Don't keep him!! You get another? Don't keep him either!!! It's hard, but it's SO MUCH BETTER when you're not stressed

3. I would NOT allow co-workers to drop in and visit. That would NOT fly with me. No. Way. There's no reason...that alone suggests that the parents don't really trust you, and that alone would be enough to show them the door.

4. Are you SURE that they said you MUST have 6 kids? Or CAN have 6 kids? I've never heard of licensing requiring a certain number like that...and I've heard a lot on this board!

5. I would NEVER take a single kid for 12 hour days. Do his parents work 12 hour days every day? Both of them? Ten is the max I allow and that's stretching it a bit.

6. Happy-to-screaming-bloody-murder suggests a hurting baby to me...have they looked into any causes for his crying (acid reflux, dairy allergy, allergy to something else in mom's diet)?

7. I would also NEVER take a baby who gets that little time with his parents. He might cry so much because he barely ever sees his parents.

OP here. I just registered. happyface

I put in a call to public affairs to see if it is indeed a policy instead of the directors preference. She (the director) was a witch to be honest, so... I don't know. I do know I do not want 6 kids in my tiny house. I would really really like 2-3 kids ages 18 months - 3, including my daughter. That I could handle. I had a rough time with my daughter until she was 10 months or so because she never slept. After she started walking, she's been nothing but fun, enjoyable and amusing (though she is sassy. I am being much more strict now.) I love this age. I love my friends 3 year old. I've learned that I don't quiet love infants as much.

His mother did recently stop eating dairy. It's made no improvements. He's given gas drops and colic calm per her instructions. I really think that he's spoiled and just wants to be held. She admits she holds him a lot, co sleeps and breastfeeds to sleep. She also told me he never naps when he's with them on weekends. I'll pick him up and most times he will stop for a few and simmer if I catch the crying within a minute (and the crying is sparked by me needing to tend to my daughter, the dog, going to the bathroom, making lunch...anything that does not focus on him) or so then go back into his blood curdling scream if I do not hold him in this one position (which KILLS my shoulder). I've taken to holding him in that position and my shoulder hurts from a previous injury so bad that I can barely lift my daughter from her crib in the middle of the night. If the crying can be ceased for a few and I can manage to get him to take a binky he simmers down. Most times though, it doesnt work. So I deal with screaming.

His parents are soldiers so its the norm to be gone for 12 hours. They leave for pt at 5, get here at 530, are at pt by 6. They are officers so are held to a higher standard I guess. My husband is at pt by 6 or else he faces severe consequences (like losing pay, extra duty with no pay, demotion etc). Military schedules are very inflexible and their units are deploying soon though they are being kept on rear d. As for the co workers stopping by...yeah that peeved me off. My house was a mess with toys, it was right before nap time and they wound my daughter up because she wanted attention from them and they were so focused on the baby. She was pretty hurt after that. Dad has a tendancy to drop by early (like an hour maybe?) to pick him up if he's off of work with no text/call nothing. Mom always texts when shes on her way, so I can spiffy him up and pick up the toy mess. Dad has done this maybe 3-4 times in the month I've had the baby.

Blah...I'm normally very very assertive. But this is very uncomfortable for me!

[Michael]

Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! I upgraded your status. You can post freely now.

[pootmcgoot]

thanks michael!

[Willow]

Just doing the math I'm at a loss as to why you're putting yourself through this.

12 hours a day ='s 60 hours a week

60 hours a week ='s 240 hours a month

$450 a month, divided by that 240 hours a month
.
.
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You're making a grand total of about $1.80 an hour

PLUS you're doing ***their*** laundry????

Is it fair to assume when he starts eating solids you'll also be expected to provide those too??


I don't give a rip if you're inexperienced. You're obviously educated to an extent if you can write the way you do. Even working a minimum wage job there is high probability you can find a job working far less hours and still make that same amount of money in a week. You don't need a degree to find good solid fair paying work that'll allow you to stay sane.

If you are set on staying home (I don't blame you, that's a huge motivating force for me too) then find one family with a couple of children instead of just one. You don't have to worry about get licensed then, or dealing with the nasty director, or ridiculous and illogical requirements (I too don't understand how they can require minimum enrollment of anyone...never have I ever heard of such a thing, especially with space being so limited).

Three hours of crying a day shouldn't be considered a good day.

Stop allowing strangers into your home. If the parents want him to see people they should take it upon themselves to.

Do set boundaries and DO NOT waver with them. If you want your day to be 8-5 m-f then that's your choice and your RIGHT. 12 hours in care is NOT acceptable. I'm sorry but why even have kids if you're literally never going to get to see them? That child deserves better, and that is not your fault or burden.

You are providing daycare for a family, not also playing laundress. You have your own family you do laundry for, doing another families is not your responsibility.



Holy marthas I feel awful for you. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone putting up with that much before now.....

[Willow]

Blah...I'm normally very very assertive. But this is very uncomfortable for me!

This is many (most?) of us. You are so incredibly normal

[Blackcat31]

Welcome to the forum!! Glad you joined!!

Speaking from experience......dealing with a crying baby is NOT fun or even something anyone but the parents should have to deal with.

It is NOT fair to you, your daughter or to the baby who is crying either.

I think you should absolutely get registered and I will bet you that your state is NOT requireing you MUST have 6 kids in care but more than likely thye are suggesting that you do if you want to make a profit over the expenses it takes to be licensed. Check the front page of this site to see what your state ratios are https://www.daycare.com/

I think that if an agency or state say you MUST have a specific number of kids in care, then they should HAVE to find/supply the kids (clients) for you which I dounbt they are so I am thinking the woman you spoke with was just being difficult to you.

Anyways, stick around....child care can be a VERY rewarding experience and it should NEVER be one that makes you feel like you stated in your original post. Like SilverSabre said, we (the members here) can definitely help you find and use your backbone. We can help you by giving you tips, tricks, opinions, and feedback about every aspect of child care as we are a VERY diverse group here.

....as for the crying baby.....I would simply tell the parents that he needs more care than you can possibly give him and you cannot continue to care for him at the expense of your own sanity or your daughter's needs. It IS hard to say that and to let him go but I just did this same thing on Wednesday this week and it was very hard, but the relief I am feeling today makes it soooooooo worth it!!! happyface

[pootmcgoot]

Because I live on an army post (on post housing) I am required to be certified through the FCC (family child care) if I watch children more than 10 hours a week. It's a lease violation if I am not certified. I didn't know this when I agreed to watch the baby. I found out when I decided that well, if I am going to do this, might as well go through training so I can be insured, have contracts and get reimbursed for food.

I have called 5 different army post FCCs and they have all said that it is not a requirement to be at max capacity like the director said. Army affairs emailed her on the 23rd. She just read the email yesterday. Ugh, so slow! The director does all of the house inspections and I thinks she's going to be nasty to me if I do try to get certified when it is comfirmed it's HER preference and not the ARMY'S policy because I will NOT have 6 kids in my home. Theres no room!

I am college educated. I was in nursing school when I dropped out of the program due to a PCS move across the country due to my husbands job in the army. Around here, it's so saturated with army spouses that part time work is SO hard to find. And because people will take any type of job, being paid over 8$ an hour is rare. I'm competing with college degreed women with no kids to work a night shift at a gas station because there just aren't any jobs around here unless you drive to nearest metropolitan (60 miles). It's a crap situation. I though day care could be my way of contributing to my family and be a sort of cross roads until I get back into school.

My plan was to do day care until kiddo is in preschool, then go back to school. by the time shes in kinder I'll be through with school and can work full time. I just don't know. I need a plan. I'm flailing about trying to find a way to better my family. We have to make progress. Staying like this isn't an option anymore. We just can't afford it.

[sharlan]

I allow my nursing mom to come on her lunch and nurse. It works for me because that gives me an hour break. I don't sit and visit with her. BUT, there is NO WAY that I would allow her to bring "friends" to my house to visit with her baby.

Should you decide to keep this child, which I don't think I would, give them ONE drop-off and ONE pick-up a day. In other words, no visiting.

Daycare can be a very hard, frustrating, blood pressure raising job. It can also be the most rewarding gig going. It all depends on your families.

I wish you the best of luck.

[pootmcgoot]

I allow my nursing mom to come on her lunch and nurse. It works for me because that gives me an hour break. I don't sit and visit with her. BUT, there is NO WAY that I would allow her to bring "friends" to my house to visit with her baby.

Should you decide to keep this child, which I don't think I would, give them ONE drop-off and ONE pick-up a day. In other words, no visiting.

Daycare can be a very hard, frustrating, blood pressure raising job. It can also be the most rewarding gig going. It all depends on your families.

I wish you the best of luck.

It was never her. It was always the dad.

[Willow]

Because I live on an army post (on post housing) I am required to be certified through the FCC (family child care) if I watch children more than 10 hours a week. It's a lease violation if I am not certified. I didn't know this when I agreed to watch the baby.

There's your out!

Let this kiddos parents know you had no idea and now need to get yourself into compliance because what you're doing isn't allowed. They should understand and accept that for what it is without holding anything against you.


From there get certified and set up the way you want to with a family or two you enjoy. If you can, investigate what other FCC providers on base charge and use that information to decide what to charge. Being reimbursed for food will help tremendously.

When your daughter starts school knock out the rest of your degree and you'll be fine! Even though you feel like you're flailing, and looking at the long term it might seem a little daunting, that all actually sounds like a really good plan!

[pootmcgoot]

There's your out!

Let this kiddos parents know you had no idea and now need to get yourself into compliance because what you're doing isn't allowed. They should understand and accept that for what it is without holding anything against you.


From there get certified and set up the way you want to with a family or two you enjoy. If you can, investigate what other FCC providers on base charge and use that information to decide what to charge. Being reimbursed for food will help tremendously.

When your daughter starts school knock out the rest of your degree and you'll be fine! Even though you feel like you're flailing, and looking at the long term it might seem a little daunting, that all actually sounds like a really good plan!

When I found out about the certification being required and lease violation I told the mom immidiately. I also told her if they come by and cite me, I have to shut down care immediately. I told her that she may need an emergency back up provider until she can get him into another home just in case. We didnt talk about refunds or anything after she has paid. I do have a 1 week notice in my contract. They pay me monthly. 450$ all at once (at least thats what the contract said.)

I think what I am going to do is tough it out for 1 more month. We need the income to buy the stuff for daycare. Give her notice in the middle of June so she's not screwed. During the month I can put in yet another packet at FCC, start the process, register into school and start the online course I need to do to since they require a CNA cert here to get into the nursing school (weird!) and then start my small, toddler oriented day care (if it is comfirmed I don't NEED 6 kids!)

[My3cents]

Some background:

I'm married and have an 18 month old daughter. Only child. I'm fixed. Don't want any more children. I'm also super introverted, need my quiet time and have very little tolerance for high pitch, constant screaming. My bp goes Up, im sweaty and stressed. I'm easily stressed but can handle a ton of it. But at the end of the day I'm a wet noodle, exhausted and it takes hours to wind down.


A friend of an acquaintance needed child care for her 5 month old last month. The center her kid was at had a high ratio and her son cried all the time there. She asked me to watch him since her and her husband are dual military. Her taking off work to pick him up isn't always allowed. Anyhow...

He's here from 530am to 530pm m-f. Breast fed but he takes a bottle. Very high needs. He's a hold me baby and needs to be able to see you. Every morning he screams from 530-630. He's a grouch cuz he's woken up so early. He then naps. He's inconsolable. He's the type to go from happy to screaming bloody murder instantly. He has no middle ground so if he's mad he works himself up and screams for an hour+. I walk on egg shells so he doesn't get upset cuz that's easier than calming him. He cries so hard he had a cough later and he will do the crying gulp gasp in his sleep if he cried before a nap. I hold him, wear him, Rock him...talk to him, pat him. Nothing works. Usually him throwing up will stop him long enough to get him to take a binky.

I am paid 450 a month. Today is payday and no payments been made in direct deposit. Its due at 6pm today. Last time they paid me 100 then the rest a week later. That's when I made up a contract. I am secretly hoping they don't pay me and find someone else. Though the mon loves me because I hold him and wash his cloth diapers.

When we have a good day (less than 3 hours of crying) I think I can do this. When we have a bad day I want to give my weeks notice. Bad days are 3 out of 5 here.

I was really excited to get FCC certified. Then FCC told me I must have 6 kids in my tiny two bedroom duplex or else I'm not worth the investment. And the director is down right rude. So I guess my point is... I had all these hopes and dreams for a positive experience doing daycare. I wanted something small maybe 3 kids with play mates for my daughter, outings, arts and crafts and FUN like I have with my kiddo. I hoped to make an extra 800-1000$ a month save. But I pretty much was told expect to be walked all over by inspections, parents, screaming babies, bad kids for 308$ per kid. And if I do daycare in my home on post then I need 6 kids to max capacity or they will shut me down.

But now I dread waking up at 5 am. I dread my days. I feel like im on survival mode because this tiny person is so testy and his parents ard helicopter parents who bring co workers by my house to drop in and visit baby. I feel my house is no longer a safe haven for my family. I'm struggling because the extra income is nice. I don't know if I should term, get FCC certified then open a daycare with out infants? Or open then term? Or shelf all this, find a day job that pays decent (unlikely! I'm inexperienced and no degree) and pay 400$ for child care? My degree isn't done. To go back to school for nursing, I'd need part time care and no one wants part timers or flexible hours. I get the door essentially shut in my face! Im not comfortable leaving my daughter for a gas station job. I'd be ok leaving her for a nursing gig though because I could afford the daycare.

Blah I feel so stuck and out of options. I've sacrificed so much for my husbands army career to the point of being hardly employable. Any advice?

good advice from everyone so far- thought I would add my 3 cents-

weigh it out before you invest anymore. Get licensed. Do it right from the get go, have a contract,handbook/rulebook- policy book. Charge a fair price for your services. Set your hours. You are your own boss! I am guessing you were told you could have up to 6 kids and no more because of your space limits. They can't tell you that you must have 6 kids. You have come to the right place if this is the career move you want to make. My advice to you is do it and do it right. Check out contracts and come up with one that will work for you. Have parents sign it. Give the clients you have now a chance to conform to your rules or look for new clients. I suggest if your going to work those long hours that you hire somone to help you if you can. It is too long of a day and you will burn out in no time at all fast. No way would I be doing the laundry of cloth diapers- that is just gross. They should be sent out to a professional service that caters to them, or have the parents do them. Place them in a plastic bag for take home. If you start giving your parents "special" they will expect it all the time and more and more. you set the rules that work for you- you are offering the service- Daycare is a lot of work and hard work. Be ready for that. It is hard to shut off after hours. You need to be able to for your own sanity. You will be respected if you have clear concise rules. Absolutely no way would I have other people coming into my home while doing daycare that you don't know. It's not social time. Your working. Sorry no visitors. Crying most of the day. Nope- Not good for anyone. It does sound like the child is held all the time at home- babies are smart. Need to teach the child to self sooth. Crying it out may be what you have to do, starting out in short intervals of time. That is not fun at all. What the parents do at home doesn't have to be what will work for you at care. Again kiddo's are smart, they learn quick the rules are not the same at home as they are at daycare. You have a lot of work to do.......to get to a place where you will be happy your doing daycare. It is doable. You have come to the right place. Great bunch of peeps here-
Best-