At What Age Do You Expect....

[wdmmom]

[QUOTE=daycare;187327]able to sit at the table and eat with fork or spoon?________

able to put on own shoes_____________?2 1/2

Able to follow two commands?___________ex: sit down and put on your shoes?2 1/2

able recognize letters in their name or at least the first letter?_________about 2 1/2

stop taking a nap?? 5

[BigMama]

able to sit at the table and eat with fork or spoon?________ They sit at the table with us when they start eating solid foods. I expect them to make an attempt with utensils at age 1 and to be fairly capable of plate-to-mouth by 18 mos.

able to put on own shoes_____________? If they have sensible shoes without a million buckles, clasps, ties, zippers, snaps, strings, closures, and other doodads, I expect them to TRY to put their shoes on by age 2 with success getting them on their feet by 2 1/2.

Able to follow two commands?___________ex: sit down and put on your shoes? By age 2.

able recognize letters in their name or at least the first letter?_________ Depending on how long they have been in child care, by age 3.

stop taking a nap?? 4-41/2


Of course I know we cannot compare one child to the next, I am just wondering if my expectations are too high. I have been teaching preschool for almost 4 years and for some reason it feels like kids these days are regressing more and more. Or should I say that what my 2&3 year olds could do then, my 3-5 year olds cant now......Hope that makes sense...

I think the biggest difference with children now is that so many of them aren't taught self-help skills! They don't even TRY to put on their shoes or coat. They just stand there and wait because they are dressed like a doll at home. I know parents are in a hurry and need to get out the door, but these are life skills these children need to know. I have AWESOME DCP's but most of them don't teach self-help skills at all. Many of my parents are surprised that I expect their child to pull their pants up after a diaper change or trip to the potty. Many were surprised that I taught the 2's and 3's jacket flips. I am very big on the kids at least trying to do things for themselves. I don't expect them to get their shoes on the right feet or be able to tie them, but if we are getting ready to go outside, I expect them to try to put their shoes on.

[daycare]

I think the biggest difference with children now is that so many of them aren't taught self-help skills! They don't even TRY to put on their shoes or coat. They just stand there and wait because they are dressed like a doll at home. I know parents are in a hurry and need to get out the door, but these are life skills these children need to know. I have AWESOME DCP's but most of them don't teach self-help skills at all. Many of my parents are surprised that I expect their child to pull their pants up after a diaper change or trip to the potty. Many were surprised that I taught the 2's and 3's jacket flips. I am very big on the kids at least trying to do things for themselves. I don't expect them to get their shoes on the right feet or be able to tie them, but if we are getting ready to go outside, I expect them to try to put their shoes on.

OMG you described it to a T

yes parents treat them as though they are dolls. I have had this discussion with parents and I tell them that I understand during the work week that it is hard to teach them these skills, but that at night before the tub or bed, or even on weekends they need to start teaching them to dress and undress.

I have a 3.5 year old that cant even push her sleeves up to wash her hands???? WTH

[Ariana]

Interesting article. I'm not sure I agree 100%, but I will try to be more mindful of mindlessly saying "good job" constantly.

I say I don't totally agree, because to me, part of the message when you say "good job" is that you should "please your elders", and I don't know that this is entirely wrong. It's one thing not to give your child negative messages about who they are, but is there really anything wrong with giving them positive messages, AND the message that they should try to please you on occasion? Should they live to please others, no. Should they care what their parents or caregivers or teachers think, you bet! Eventually, they will internalize those messages, but a 2 year old hasn't. They are not going to do something out of the goodness of their heart.

The word "Respect" is thrown around alot in early childhood ed. Respectful interactions with children, etc. There should almost be two words for respect. The kind of respect you have for another human being; that is what children should recieve. I actually think it's disrespectful to lie to a child. Make them THINK they have a choice, for instance, when they don't. "Could you please pass the salt" is a choice. "Could you please sit down on that chair (vs. standing)" is not a choice. It's more honest to say "I want you to sit down" or the old "chairs are for sitting on", or even "sit down".

Then there is the kind of respect one EARNS, by being a parent, a grandparent, a police officer, the boss, etc. A child has not earned that sort of respect, and sometimes I think that's where people get sidetracked?

Gosh...who asked for a speech from me? no one...sorry!

It's not about respect it's about intrinsic motivation. Doing something because it feels good for you to do it inside, being proud of yourself, instead of just doing it to get a pat on the head. Studies have shown that children who are intrinsically motivated are kinder. They are kind because being kind makes you feel good. Most people are only kind to get external recognition. Does that make sense? Children who are told "good job" or praised incessantly for no real reason suffer from low self esteem and studies have also shown that they drop out of school and don't finish college etc (I've read Alfie's book!). You can still say "good job" just describe what's good about it. Like saying "good job at trying to put on your coat by yourself" so the child really knows you're paying attention AND you're praising that he's being independant rather than following your rules. This increases self esteem.

Anyway I could go on and on but the book explains everything beautifully and I agree with it 100%!!

[WImom]

I think the biggest difference with children now is that so many of them aren't taught self-help skills! They don't even TRY to put on their shoes or coat. They just stand there and wait because they are dressed like a doll at home. I know parents are in a hurry and need to get out the door, but these are life skills these children need to know. I have AWESOME DCP's but most of them don't teach self-help skills at all. Many of my parents are surprised that I expect their child to pull their pants up after a diaper change or trip to the potty. Many were surprised that I taught the 2's and 3's jacket flips. I am very big on the kids at least trying to do things for themselves. I don't expect them to get their shoes on the right feet or be able to tie them, but if we are getting ready to go outside, I expect them to try to put their shoes on.

SOOO TRUE!! Yes, all my parents here are so impressed when a child can do something here ie: jacket flips, get on shoes, etc. I spend alot of time with self help skills here because I have to. Now I do have a 2 dc girls (ones 2y and one is 3y) that can zip jackets, put them on without flipping them, get socks on, bascially not one thing they can't do. I can tell those parent's taught them which makes me happy!

[Heidi]

It's not about respect it's about intrinsic motivation. Doing something because it feels good for you to do it inside, being proud of yourself, instead of just doing it to get a pat on the head. Studies have shown that children who are intrinsically motivated are kinder. They are kind because being kind makes you feel good. Most people are only kind to get external recognition. Does that make sense? Children who are told "good job" or praised incessantly for no real reason suffer from low self esteem and studies have also shown that they drop out of school and don't finish college etc (I've read Alfie's book!). You can still say "good job" just describe what's good about it. Like saying "good job at trying to put on your coat by yourself" so the child really knows you're paying attention AND you're praising that he's being independant rather than following your rules. This increases self esteem.

Anyway I could go on and on but the book explains everything beautifully and I agree with it 100%!!

Thanks Ariana-

I am not disagreeing completely, believe me! I guess my philosophy is about balance. For some reason, we seem to be extremists in this country about things. Phonics vs. sight words, punitive vs. permissive, democrat vs. repulican...

I am not a fan of stickers or other external rewards, but have used those systems on occasion to get a specific result. I also talk alot about making good choices and doing the right thing. But I WANT them to follow my rules, and I LIKE my rules, because this is my house, and we've worked hard everything we have. I honestly dont care if THEY (the adorable children that I love) feel bad because they have to follow MY rules.

So sometimes, when I say something, and I just want it done, because I am the parent/caregiver, and I've earned the right to be the "boss" around here. No arguments, no "but how about how I feel?", no negotiation. Some things are negotiable (do you want your red coat or your blue coat), some things are not (get one of them on and get your rear in the car, we are leaving). I just feel like we often get the message from the experts that we are not supposed to ever "lay down the law" for fear we might hurt sa child's self esteem. I also worry that we have a whole generation comming up with TONS of self-esteem, and no respect for authority. Yes, the praise is a form of manipulation, but we need to use whatever tools we have in our toolbox. It's still a long way from sending out to the yard for a switch.....

Please don't think I'm arguing or being snarky! I actually agree with the article, for the most part, I am just trying to stick in the "grain of salt" IE: balance...

[Ariana]

I don't think you're being snarky at all!! Everyone has a different viewpoint on things. I do strongly recommend the book though. It has a lot of great viewpoints that I had never considered and it's helped me a lot. I also don't follow it 100% because I agree that it is about balance. I just think that parenting styles have to change because kids these days are so entitled and just plain mean. I don't want to raise a kid like that!!

[Blackcat31]

Thanks Ariana-

I am not disagreeing completely, believe me! I guess my philosophy is about balance. For some reason, we seem to be extremists in this country about things. Phonics vs. sight words, punitive vs. permissive, democrat vs. repulican...

I am not a fan of stickers or other external rewards, but have used those systems on occasion to get a specific result. I also talk alot about making good choices and doing the right thing. But I WANT them to follow my rules, and I LIKE my rules, because this is my house, and we've worked hard everything we have. I honestly dont care if THEY (the adorable children that I love) feel bad because they have to follow MY rules.

So sometimes, when I say something, and I just want it done, because I am the parent/caregiver, and I've earned the right to be the "boss" around here. No arguments, no "but how about how I feel?", no negotiation. Some things are negotiable (do you want your red coat or your blue coat), some things are not (get one of them on and get your rear in the car, we are leaving). I just feel like we often get the message from the experts that we are not supposed to ever "lay down the law" for fear we might hurt sa child's self esteem. I also worry that we have a whole generation comming up with TONS of self-esteem, and no respect for authority. Yes, the praise is a form of manipulation, but we need to use whatever tools we have in our toolbox. It's still a long way from sending out to the yard for a switch.....

Please don't think I'm arguing or being snarky! I actually agree with the article, for the most part, I am just trying to stick in the "grain of salt" IE: balance...

There is a BIG difference between self-esteem from entitlement vs self-esteem from overcoming failure,mistakes and hardships.

Your statement above made me think of a good article I read in last months Reader's Digest about the different types of self-esteem and how the kids of this generation feel entitled to it versus earning it as generations before.

[Heidi]

I don't think you're being snarky at all!! Everyone has a different viewpoint on things. I do strongly recommend the book though. It has a lot of great viewpoints that I had never considered and it's helped me a lot. I also don't follow it 100% because I agree that it is about balance. I just think that parenting styles have to change because kids these days are so entitled and just plain mean. I don't want to raise a kid like that!!

I will see if my R&R has it. I love reading! :-)