Inappropriate Touching One Self

[sharlan]

I agree with all of that. I spent 2 years dealing with it in the boy I mentioned earlier. BUT this particular boy had it outside his pants, was making very "sexual" motions and was trying to get others to watch.
Would you allow that? I'm sorry, but it made me VERY uncomfortable and did NOT seem normal. Could you imagine if the you had a little girl and she came home and said something like "Johny has his pee pee out all the time and is showing everyone". I would freak if I had a girl that told me that. I would DIE if the mom came to me and said "Susie is telling me Johny is showing his penis to her." Its seems like a liablity to me. I draw the line when stuff comes out of pants, on pupose, in front of others. I totally agree, Blackcat, most of it is normal and natural and a child should not be scolded for just touching it.

This child was beyond the normal self exploration. You have to wonder if he saw something somewhere that he shouldn't have. I would definitely have termed the child before someone reported you.

[Blackcat31]

I agree with all of that. I spent 2 years dealing with it in the boy I mentioned earlier. BUT this particular boy had it outside his pants, was making very "sexual" motions and was trying to get others to watch.
Would you allow that? I'm sorry, but it made me VERY uncomfortable and did NOT seem normal. Could you imagine if the you had a little girl and she came home and said something like "Johny has his pee pee out all the time and is showing everyone". I would freak if I had a girl that told me that. I would DIE if the mom came to me and said "Susie is telling me Johny is showing his penis to her." Its seems like a liablity to me. I draw the line when stuff comes out of pants, on pupose, in front of others. I totally agree, Blackcat, most of it is normal and natural and a child should not be scolded for just touching it.

Yes, what Sharlan said. That was way outside of the normal spectrum of behavior! I also agree that all body parts stay inside the clothing it comes in. Here that means feet inside socks as well! ::

This child was beyond the normal self exploration. You have to wonder if he saw something somewhere that he shouldn't have. I would definitely have termed the child before someone reported you.

[Meyou]

I just deal with it as I would any other behavior I don't like/accept.

We don't put toys in our mouth.
We don't scream in the house.
We don't play with our body parts.
We don't run in the house.
We don't pick our noses.
etc
etc
etc

All of these rules are for MY house not anywhere else so I've never had a problem.

[Lucy]

First of all, I wouldn't freak out about this. Take the "power" away from it by making it a non-issue. He'll get over it eventually. The more attention you give it, the more curious (or defiant) he'll be about it. If other kids seem bothered by it, then maybe just look at the kid and give him "the look" -- squinting your eyes and shaking your head. He'll get the message. I wouldn't use words to point it out to him and to everyone else. There's really nothing wrong with HIM doing this, it's you feeling uncomfortable seeing it. No offense intended. That's just the way I see it.

[Hunni Bee]

Yeah, I agree with everyone else. It's just a boy thing. Over the summer when we would change them into their swim trunks for the pool, everybody would be "adjusting" because it felt different with no underwear on... I dont make an issue out of it, just like Meyou said its just like "no running" "no radio songs"..."no hands in pants". Stuff that might be acceptable at home or in other places, but not at daycare.

Just say something simple like "hands out" and make him wash his hands every time. He'll get sick of it.

[nannyde]

Tell him to stop it.

If I have one that is getting too handsy with themselves I tell them to stop it. I understand they are more interested in it when they are first in undies but after that they just need to be told they can or they can't. I do "can't"

Once I'm certain they don't have a rash or something going on there that is itchy then I tell them to stop it.

I don't get into the discussion that it's okay but it's private and you CAN do it here but you CAN'T do it here. I don't have them go wash hands or discuss clean or unclean. That adds WAY too much energy into it. I like the simple "no" and drop it.

If the kid persists then they go into a onesie so they don't have a direct shot at it. Blocking works really well in most untoward repetitive behavior of kids two to five.

I've never had a kid do it for more than a couple of weeks past getting into undies. When I see they are paying too much attention or it's becoming a nervous habit that they go to when they are stressed or bored I just block it. I require onesies until the kid is potty trained so putting them back into an "over" onesie just takes a couple of seconds and a little more assistance during potty times to make sure the onesie is unsnapped and the tails of the onesie up and tucked when they are sitting on the pot.

So the few extra minutes of work to block saves all discussions about it and takes the energy out of it. When they are home they can have at it as much as the parents feel comfortable. When they are in public (my house IS their public) they aren't allowed to have their hands in their pants.... boys or girls.

I've only had a couple of boys in the eighteen years that I had to go the extra measure and block. Just telling them to stop it is enough for nearly every kid. I don't offer the other options and the adult time to "teach" when it's appropriate. I just say no.

It's OKAY to just tell a child what you want and what you don't want. It's OKAY to not deal with teaching them EVERY developmental or normal stage they go through. It's OKAY to say that THIS normal stage can't be done in your environment. It's OKAY to have this entire stage be taught at home and have the kid "be normal" when they are with their parents.

My kids are used to simple "you can" or "you can't" "yes" or "no". I don't respond to them any differently when they do something else they can't do here. When they get the "no" for having they have their hands down their pants it's the same "no" they got when they are picking their nose. It doesn't come into their brains as anything other than the other "no's" they received along the way when they are being taught how to behave here.

Picking their nose is a "no".... hands down the pants is a "no". Both are very normal but both are "no's" HERE. If they want to do it at home and the parents are all for them getting their "normal" on or the parents want to discuss cleanliness or where they can or can't do it... then that's between all of them. When they are here and do it... it's just another no like every other no they get. Normal or not... I just don't want them doing that here.

[kendallina]

When I have boys (or girls) that do this, I simply tell them to stop. I also don't do the handwashing thing (unless their hands are in their pants, I'm not sure if that's what your boy is doing). Handwashing every time would be way too time consuming. As they get older, it makes sense to talk to them about touching happens in private, but when they're young, keep it simple.

[cheerfuldom]

I only have girls here but actually have had one 2 year old that was constantly....I guess you would call it rubbing on stuff? It got pretty bad. It was just a "no" across the board here but I believe they allowed this at home. She was getting pretty obsessed about and trying it during nap times. Anyway, mom eventually pulled her out for other reasons but I would just tell her no or stop. She really wasn't communicative enough to have the reasons, etc. explained, very limited vocab and focus so a conversation was not an option. A no was good enough here.

[Jewels]

My own son was not a toucher, but he was a floor humper when he turned 2 or so, And I always said, sweety, its okay to do that, but you need to do it in your bedroom, and he would, sometimes he would forget and I would re-remind him, and I know he would do it in his room, Because he would tell me, I think he's over it for now, It will obviously come back in the future....Boys and girls alike find that area, and realize it feels good to touch it, and telling them they can't do that, really confuses their brains, and they will always feel like they are doing something wrong when they do that, ..........I do tell them, that its okay to do that, but only in their own bedroom at home, not My house. And they have always stopped, it can take a few reminders, but the always stop it here. I did have one boy who would pull it out, and once asked someone to touch his pen@#, that was over the line for a two yr old, And that was not cool, I talked to the parents about that, but they just kind of laughed it off, hes not here anymore.
And washing their hands with a vegetable scrubber-WOW to who wrote that, thats crossing the line on my opinion, trying to make handwashing hurt them, how ridiculous, If my son told me that was done to him, Pretty sure I would pull him.

[themoorethemerrier]

I've got a 3yo that the second he gets just a little tired is laying on the floor hanging onto to himself for dear life!!! If it's not nap time, then I ask him to stand up and not to touch his private places in front of others. We redirect and he's on his back to playing with something more place-appropriate. At nap time, I have him lay on his tummy and tuck his hands under his pillow or else he's rockin' his cot even in his sleep!!! He's a darling little boy, and he is getting better about remembering, but yowza!!! ::