Inappropriate Touching One Self

[melissa ann]

I have a 2 1/2 yr old dcb. He is potty trained. He is constantly grabbing himself. I take his hand away and tell him we dont' do that. It's been going on now for several weeks. I mentioned it to mom, she just said, yeah, I wish he would stop doing that.
At first I thought maybe he had a rash or something, but I didn't see anything. So, I'm not sure what's going on, Any tips on getting him to stop?

[sharlan]

Although this is uncomfortable for us, it's a normal situation. He's discovered that it's there and it feels good to touch it.

All you can really do is to redirect his attention.

I had one that couldn't walk unless he had at least one hand down his pants.
He was in kindy.

[melissa ann]

This is the first boy that I've know to do this. My son didn't and the other boys in my care didn't either.
Thanks.

[laundrymom]

I'd be honest with him. Johnathon. I know it's cool to feel your parts through your pants but you can do that in the bathroom only. K? Not in the playroom. It's bad manners.

For the record it's not inappropriate Touching of ones self. It's inappropriate place of touching ones self.

There's nothing wrong with kids exploring their body but there is something wrong about sitting in the kitchen scratching his stuff. Adjusting his stuff or just making sure it's still there.

I'm sure that's what you meant but this week it's a touchy subject for me. I had a grandma pick up and complain that 4 yr old was adjusting. Said she didn't want him growing up thinking masterdadadada ing was ok. That it turned men into molesters and pedifiles. OH BOY did I give her an earful. Lol. And. Mom thanked me for being bold where she felt she couldn't it's her husbands mother after all.

Anyhoo just tell him WHERE and leave it at that. His body is his and that includes very stinky inch. Lol. I do know how frustrating it is though.

If he is INSIDE his britches the conversation here would be the same but also, you need to wash your hands too. We always wash our hands before we leave the bathroom.

[KDC]

Common

My son did this, every time, we made him wash his hands. He did it SEVERAL times a day, and he got really sick of washing his hands and stopped =) Good Luck!

[erinalexmom]

My son used to do that alot and I always tried to say things that let him know it wasnt the "touching" it was the "touching ourselves around others" I had a whole host of issues with sex due to my parents and the things they said when I was growing up. Plus being in the nursing profession showed me the human body is a wonderful thing, we just have to be responsible for socially and ethically acceptable behavior

[wdmmom]

My son did it infrequently but when he did it was because he was in between sizes of underwear and they'd bunch up in the creases of his legs. He also did it when he'd sweat alot because the underwear would stick to him.

It really may be nothing at all. Just ask him to go into the bathroom, do his business in there and wash his hands when he's finished.

[Christian Mother]

I have all boys in my daycare...and I have a 8 yr old boy. Trust me...it's something they'll grow out of. Because he's potty training things feel a bit differently wearing undies. A little freer. He'll stop after a couple of weeks. Just take him back to wash hands ever time he sticks him hand down his pants and remind him hands do not belong in his pants.

[melissa ann]

Thank you. I do tell him, it's not to be done where other people can see it.
We walk to the bus stop and there he is, just standing there holding it. I ususally end up picking him up and holding him so then he can't reach it.

[MarinaVanessa]

Take him to the bathroom and have him wash his hands each time you catch him. "Uh Oh. Germs on your hands. Need to wash them". Make sure it's a full hand washing. Don't skimp or shorten it. Once he's done let him go on his way. The first day or so take him EVERY time, even if it's just over his clothing. After the first couple of days if, if you catch him, just ask him "Do we need to wash your hands?" all he'll really get is "..wash hands .." but it should be enough for him to make the connection and remind him that if he puts his hands there he has to stop playing and wash them. He should then remove his hands on his own. If he doesn't then just take him to wash his hands.

If you have one of those that enjoy washing their hands (i.e. playing with water) use a veggie scrubber or something that has a semi-abbrassive texture. Don't scrape the skin off of him of course (had to throw in a disclaimer) but it should be something that he won't like feeling. Keep at it and you should see improvements over a couple of weeks. Every once in a while you may still need to remind him again.

I did this for my own DD that put her fingers in her mouth. A 1yo DCB also did this (he's now just turned 2) and this helped alot. He occasionally puts his finger or something in his mouth and I just ask him if he needs to wash his hands and he immediately removes it from his mouth. Couldn't hurt to try if it works for you.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I had a similar issue. Boy was 2 when he started here and was obsessed with touching it. It was not a huge issue, mostly @ nap time. BUT it slowly escalated. When he turned 4 it got really bad and started to become a big problem because he started taking it out of his pants and actively masturbating. The parents were totally allowing it at home. This was NOT exploring, he had been "exploring" it for 2 years. One day at nap, I thought everyone was sound asleep, so I started reading a book. I look up because I heard this boy whisper "Hey "Susie", psst, hey wake up!" Luckily, "Susie" was sound asleep. He had it all the way out, it was at "full staff" and he was stroking it and panting! Horrifying! I told him "no!", made him roll over and keep his hands where I could see them. I told the parents this was the last straw! They tried to show me literature from the internet about how its normal, (which I already knew of course) BUT it was geared towards toddlers and those under 3. This boy was approaching 5. What he was doing is NOT going to be allowed. I told him and the parents if I saw his penis outside of his pants (besides potty breaks) he could no longer attend. The very next day he had it out and was going at it in the playhouse outside, trying to get other kids to look at it. "See, I can make it big when I do this!" DONE. Bye bye. A 2yo exploring is one thing, a 4.5 yo actively masturbating and seeking an audience is another

[Solandia]

At 2.5yo they don't really get the privacy talk, so I don't go there. I just say "that is not okay, now we need to wash our hands like we do after we go potty". The older ones that I have caught in the past I will say "That's not okay at my house, we keep our hands out of our pants here". And wash the hands.

I do not do the "you can do that it private" discussion. There is no private place at my house, so no reason to even bring it up as an option. It is the parents' job to discuss appropriate places to fondle oneself. NOT mine, I do not get into private parts discussions, ever, it always gets diverted to the parent if the child brings it up. I do not want my name or my house to come up in any offhand penis or vagina conversation.

If it continues to be a problem after a couple weeks, at any age...they go back to being in onesies. Or I create onesies for them. I cannot be taking a child to the bathroom to wash the hands every 15min for weeks/months on end.

[Blackcat31]

Thank you. I do tell him, it's not to be done where other people can see it.
We walk to the bus stop and there he is, just standing there holding it. I ususally end up picking him up and holding him so then he can't reach it.

This is completely developmentally appropriate behavior. It occurs naturally in children from ages 2-5. NOT everyone does this and some more than others. I would distract him by having him hold or carry something else so that his hands weren't free to hold "his stuff".

Telling him it is not okay is not okay in my book. I would use other words to communicate to him that he needs to touch himself somewhere other than in daycare or in public. I would simply say, "We touch ourselves there when no one else can see." Telling him that it is not okay gives him the impression that he is behaving badly.

Feeling, touching and learning about our bodies is not bad behavior. This is also not sexual behavior. It is no different than a toddler who tastes or mouths everything to learn about the world around him. View it as if he is picking his nose and handle it the same way.

[sharlan]

This is completely developmentally appropriate behavior. It occurs naturally in children from ages 2-5. NOT everyone does this and some more than others. I would distract him by having him hold or carry something else so that his hands weren't free to hold "his stuff".

Telling him it is not okay is not okay in my book. I would use other words to communicate to him that he needs to touch himself somewhere other than in daycare or in public. I would simply say, "We touch ourselves there when no one else can see." Telling him that it is not okay gives him the impression that he is behaving badly.

Feeling, touching and learning about our bodies is not bad behavior. This is also not sexual behavior. It is no different than a toddler who tastes or mouths everything to learn about the world around him. View it as if he is picking his nose and handle it the same way.

I agree with you.

I wouldn't turn it into a major issue.

[Sugar Magnolia]

This is completely developmentally appropriate behavior. It occurs naturally in children from ages 2-5. NOT everyone does this and some more than others. I would distract him by having him hold or carry something else so that his hands weren't free to hold "his stuff".

Telling him it is not okay is not okay in my book. I would use other words to communicate to him that he needs to touch himself somewhere other than in daycare or in public. I would simply say, "We touch ourselves there when no one else can see." Telling him that it is not okay gives him the impression that he is behaving badly.

Feeling, touching and learning about our bodies is not bad behavior. This is also not sexual behavior. It is no different than a toddler who tastes or mouths everything to learn about the world around him. View it as if he is picking his nose and handle it the same way.

I agree with all of that. I spent 2 years dealing with it in the boy I mentioned earlier. BUT this particular boy had it outside his pants, was making very "sexual" motions and was trying to get others to watch.
Would you allow that? I'm sorry, but it made me VERY uncomfortable and did NOT seem normal. Could you imagine if the you had a little girl and she came home and said something like "Johny has his pee pee out all the time and is showing everyone". I would freak if I had a girl that told me that. I would DIE if the mom came to me and said "Susie is telling me Johny is showing his penis to her." Its seems like a liablity to me. I draw the line when stuff comes out of pants, on pupose, in front of others. I totally agree, Blackcat, most of it is normal and natural and a child should not be scolded for just touching it.