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So I got "confronted" by a grandparent this morning. I have been dealing with this grandparent for over a year, and we have always gotten along. They have gone thru a lot lately, her son died (father to the dck's) and the mom was deployed for over a year and just came home. Lots going on in that house. The 2 yo dcb is the one I have posted about breaking things in my house. I had to react to it, but always used kind words and was gentle about it. Talked to the mom and grandparents, they followed thru at home. All was good. Or so I thought. This morning grandma says, "Not sure what is going on over here, but it is a struggle to get X to get in the car to come here." I just look at her shocked, and say, "Nothing has changed HERE. Same routine. He has gotten into trouble more here and has had more time outs, but that is it. Could it be that M-O-M is home and he is reacting to his D-A-D?" She goes on to say that he cries and says he doesn't want to come here. I say, "Well, we have the same issue in the afternoon when I take them home, they want to stay with me, a hundred kisses and hugs and asking if they can please come home with me. So I am guessing it is a bit of a power thing." She says, "Well, he is going to start counseling tomorrow, so we should figure out what is going on. I just wanted to make sure things are as they should be here." WHAT?!?!?! I freaking feel like I just can't do ANYTHING right. No one has ANY idea how much work I put into this job! How much I care about these kids! Days like today I just feel like throwing in the towel!!!
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Originally posted by sahm2three View Post
RUDE!
I'm so sorry. I know this is already a very trying, albeit, rewarding career - we work very hard and do our best to please child and parent alike... just to be taken for granted sometimes. It's hard NOT to take personally when someone makes comments like these. I would be hurt as well...
All I can say is some people will appreciate all our hard work, some won't... and will even go as far as expecting/demanding more, when they themselves aren't doing a very good at home... sadly, it's part of the territory. Personally, I would write a letter saying that I didn't appreciate the tone or accusitory manner which she brought up the subject - it would basically be a written warning regarding respect - because that's vital in my home!
You're doing a good job - the kids love you... and really, at the end of the day, that's what matters, hun! -
Wow that would tick me off too. At pick up I would tell grandma, "I was quite offended by your comments this morning and do not feel I deserve them."
I wonder if she is taking her stress out on you. Let her know you dont like the way she is talking to you and you work hard caring for the children.
I wouldnt put up with that behavior for very long!!Comment
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Dont take it personal, I know that this is hard to do. I have kids that will do this from time to time and the parents come at me the same way. Most of the kids that do this are the ones that either they are here for 10+ hour days or they have recently gotten into trouble here.Originally posted by sahm2three View Post
I will often ask the child in front of the parents something like, why don't you want to stay with me here, did something happen? Often they will say I just want mommy or something to that tune....
I think that they just want to find someone to blame other than themselves, so we are going to have the finger pointed at us.
You know you are doing a great job and the only thing you can do is keep on doing it. No matter what you tell them you arent going to change their minds.....Either they trust you or they dont.....
this is just my two cents on it.....
sorry you are faced with this and best of luck to you...Last edited by daycare; 09-20-2011, 09:03 AM.Comment
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That would really upset me! I had a family last year where the father was killed in a car accident. The little girl in my care was 2.5 years old. The dcd's parents (dcg's grandparents) got really involved in the daycare part of things at that time and it was horrible! They did not want her to come to my house at all. I was to call them if she was crying (AT ALL). And mom wanted 'special' everything. Special privileges, special rates, special if I don't show up to drop my daughter off I don't want to pay, that kind of special. I ALLOWED if for over two months and it was not easy. At that time my husband was still in school so my income was our only income, we had literally no 'special' anything at all for the two months. At the end of the two months dcm was able to buy a house due to a fund that was set up for her and dcg when the father passed away. She moved to a different location and changed daycares. Although I was relieved that I didn't have to give her the letter I had printed up that the 'special' would be stopping, I felt taken advantage of and was resentful towards the whole situation.
The grandmother is likely still morning her son's death and will more than likely be uptight and protective about her grand kid's (over worrying) for quite some time.Comment
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It is possible she may be in the anger stage of grief over losing her child.
I am sure there is also a power struggle going on at home between the two women. In a way Gma is also "losing" control over another child, kwim?
As long as it did not continue, I'd take it in stride and be grateful I am not living in their household.
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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I don't take anything personal. What's going on here is my issue, what's going on at home is theirs. It's when it starts at home and begins here is when I bring my concerns to the family. Or if there are signs of aggression or bullying, etc, I bring it up immediately.Comment
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I agree, I think I may say, you know Joyce, I felt kind of attacked this morning. I'm sure you are frustrated and worried but your comment this morning made me feel like you don't trust me, or that I'm not being completely honest with you. I've been second guessing myself all day today and that's unfair to me. I do my best to be everything the children need every day. I thought we had built a trusting relationship and that you and I were on the same page about Dylans behavior. He has been going to time out more lately but he is also growing and becoming more independent. It's part of growing up. He is learning boundaries. Also, of course he is going to want to stay home, MOM. Is his world. And she's not here. Who can blame him? I won't keep you any longer but wanted you to know how I felt. I put my heart into caring for these kids and this morning, you hurt my feelings.Comment
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i love this!! very good letter....or conversation...Originally posted by laundrymom View PostComment
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I've had confrontations just like this. All of a sudden a child wants to have a power struggle with their at home caregiver and I'm the one that has done something. I feel like daycare is always the one to blame. A kid says "stupid" and he must have learned it at daycare. A kid pushes or fights with parents. Must have learned it at daycare. I feel your pain!Originally posted by sahm2three View PostComment
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How long has mom been back?
It is often harder on the military child when the parent comes back than when than parent leaves.Comment
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What an awful almost-accusation!
First off, he's 2--he's probably having trouble with transitions in general (and what you said about him not wanting to go home either just seals it, for me--those are BIG transitions and 2's often have issues with them) vs. just not wanting to come to your house.
Don't take the counseling thing too hard--I'm willing to bet that it's not JUST because of not wanting to come to your house or anything gma thinks might be happening at your house. I'm willing to bet it might even be family counseling to deal with everything they've been going through lately. Even if it is just for dcb, it probably has more to do with everything that's been happening in his life. If they suspected something "bad" THAT much, they wouldn't keep bringing him to you.
What a mess for that family, yuck. I hope things work out for them.Hee hee! Look, I have a signature!Comment
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This.Originally posted by Catherder View PostIt is possible she may be in the anger stage of grief over losing her child.
I am sure there is also a power struggle going on at home between the two women. In a way Gma is also "losing" control over another child, kwim?
As long as it did not continue, I'd take it in stride and be grateful I am not living in their household.
I wouldn't take it personally at all. They are dealing with SO much right now. You say you have gotten along well for the past year, so Gma is not usually rude to you-it's not her "normal" way of dealing with things. I would cut her some slack here. Hopefully things will look better for everyone soon.
Hang in there!
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I understand that this family is going through a lot right now, but these are adults we are talking about - excusing rude behaviour or saying "don't take it personally" isn't going to benefit anyone. I have lived a pretty hard life, and I don't go around talking to people like this because of it. People need to own and control their emotions and behaviours, not pass the buck... sometimes people need to be put back in their place, KWIM? I don't think it's fair to the OP to not take this personally - that's much easier said than done. It's a big slap in the face when parents/guardians mistreat the people who spend the majority of their day CARING for and LOVING their children... we DESERVE respect and maturity from our clients... and just because this family is going through a hard time it does not mean that the OP should not demand it!Comment
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I dropped the kids off and felt a bit questioned by mom as well. She said that Sunday he "out of the blue" said he didn't want to come to my house. I guess as a parent, I understand them asking if anything has changed, but the grandma knows me. Has for years. Has seen me become a mother, knows my parents, knows ME. So to question me so harshly, breaks my heart. Really and truly. I am so sad, I know I shouldn't take it personally. But I do. It hurts. I love these kids so much. I have kept them over night for the grandparents so they could have a break on the weekend. I drop them off in the afternoons while picking kids up from school so they don't have to go out again. I have gone above and beyond. And now this. Really makes me want to just quit. If I can do all of this and do it to the caliber that I believe I do, and be treated this way, what is the point?!?!?!
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