Toilet Trained to Move into the 3 Year Old Room?

[Cindy]

I have been told by my son’s preschool that he needs to be toilet trained to move into the 3 year old room. My son turned 3 in September ’09 and has been diagnosed as ADHD combined and is really having a difficult time staying in the 2 year old room due to several reasons.

1. All of his friends have moved into the 3 year old room
2. He is bored with the things that are being taught as he’s been through it once already
3. He is not challenged or stimulated
4. Most of the children in his room are very young 2 year old girls
5. The teachers are frustrated with him and just want him out of their room

His preschool will not allow him to move into the 3 year old room until he’s toilet trained. If this is a California licensing requirement for preschools, can I please be told where to locate this in writing? Are there no exceptions? His ADHD is a big factor in him not being toilet trained. He can do it on occasion; the problem is with his lack of attention and focus.

Thank you so much for any help and/or assistance you can give me.

My son really needs to be stimulated and challenged at preschool.

[Former Teacher]

I have been told by my son’s preschool that he needs to be toilet trained to move into the 3 year old room. My son turned 3 in September ’09 and has been diagnosed as ADHD combined and is really having a difficult time staying in the 2 year old room due to several reasons.

1. All of his friends have moved into the 3 year old room
2. He is bored with the things that are being taught as he’s been through it once already
3. He is not challenged or stimulated
4. Most of the children in his room are very young 2 year old girls
5. The teachers are frustrated with him and just want him out of their room

His preschool will not allow him to move into the 3 year old room until he’s toilet trained. If this is a California licensing requirement for preschools, can I please be told where to locate this in writing? Are there no exceptions? His ADHD is a big factor in him not being toilet trained. He can do it on occasion; the problem is with his lack of attention and focus.

Thank you so much for any help and/or assistance you can give me.

My son really needs to be stimulated and challenged at preschool.

While I do understand totally where you are coming from, I,who is a former preschool teacher/Assistant Director agree with your center.

I speak from personal experience that it is/was VERY difficult to have a child in my classroom who was not potty trained. I would have to stop what I am doing, whether it be teaching or doing a craft, just to change a child. It is/was not only distracting but unfair to me, my other children in care, but naturally the child them self.

I understand that your child has a medical condition. Although I am not a Dr. I have never heard of ADHD causing a child not to be potty trained. But what do I know

My former director/owner made it a policy that all children in the Pre-K room must be potty trained. No matter the age. I once had a 2 year old (almost 3) who was actually to smart to be in the 2 year old room and she was potty trained so she was moved up. We have also had calls from parents in situations where the child would be 4 years old or so with no medical reasoning (just pure laziness). Once I had a parent who called and was actually offended because I said the child who was 4, had to be in the younger room. I had to explain to her that I did not have the diaper changing facility etc. Of course she never enrolled.

I don't think my state (TX) has a law concerning this. It would be a reasoning for action if they denied you care at all. It seems like they are still willing to watch him just reluctantly.

If you are that unhappy, I suggest you find another provider. Maybe perhaps talked to your doctor as well.

Good luck!

[jen]

I agree...I doubt that there is a law prohibiting a non-potty trained child in the 3 year old room, however there are requirements that would make the situation diffiucult if not impossible. For instance, an appropriate changing station is required as part of licensing. I doubt that a room that is meant for children who can use the bathroom independently is set up for diaper changes.

Also, if a room full of kids who are potty trained, your son might be teased or called "baby" for still wearing diapers.

Lastly, there is the question of where to draw the line...say the center makes an exception for you and another parent, who also would prefer that thier child be in the 3 year-old room, notices? How do they explain why your child is able to move up while thier is not?

There are several options:

1. A home daycare with a great preschool curriculum.

2. Crazy as it sounds, Dr. Phil had a great plan for potty training on his website. My son had no desire to use the potty, however it was a requirement of his preschool as well. Out of desperation I tried Dr. Phil's method and he was done in a weekend. (If you can't find it on his website (and you are interested in giving it a shot) let me know and I will give you the information as best as I remember it.

3. Please forgive me if I am way off, but is your child being disruptive in school? You said that the teacher's were frustrated with him...is his behavior due to a combination of boredom and ADHD or is there more you could do as far as discipline goes to help the teachers have a better interaction?

[mac60]

In Ohio, before a child can move up to the different age groups/classes, they do have to be potty trained. It is the law here. Just like once out of the infant room, no bottles or no pacifier. I too have never heard of a child not being potty trained due to adhd. Not only that, but just turning 3, I truly do not believe that a child that young can be diagnosed with adhd. Sometimes centers are not the best choice for care.

[seashell]

If the classroom is not equipt with a diaper changing station, your child should not be in the classroom. The teacher must maintain classroom ratios and she can not do that if she needs to leave the room to change your child.

My advise is to work on potty training with the teachers in the two year old room.

[Carole's Daycare]

In a center it is absolutely necessary for a child to be potty trained to move up. The teacher child ratios are designed to be developmentally appropriate with sufficient supervision and interaction for that level. Not only may there not be appropriate facilities to change diapers, other children would be neglected to provide that extra time and care for your son. Additionally, other newly potty trained children would possibly regress if they see a child their age get extra time and attention for not being potty trained, or be ostracized by the group for that same reason. In the many years I have worked with children I have had many, many children whose parents believed the child had ADHD, as well as children with CP and other sources of developmental delay. ADHD alone, if it is ADHD at all, is not sufficient reason to be not potty trained. In fact, if his concentration is that poor, he probably hasnt mastered all of the skills being taught in the 2 yr old room that are needed to be successful moving up. If they are anxious for a break, behavioral issues such as OCD or discipline issues are more likely the culprit. Most school districts have a specialist on staff to do evaluations and provide support through early childhood programs through the school to help, but even those here require potty training except in cases of developmental delays that justify that sort of special care. I know its embarrassing to have him left behind, but it is not in his best interest, the providers, or the other children in care to just move him up regardless of his developmental readiness for that new environment. Ultimately he may need a smaller setting with more individual attention and intervention to catch up and have a chance at being successful when school comes.

[Veronica]

My daughter had to be trained before she could go to her class at a private school that where 3 yr old. They dont have the proper changing items in the room and the teacher cant take the whole class to get her diaper changed in the other room. Maybe you should ask them to let him go and see what the room is all about so then you can talk to him about training to help motivate the potty process I took my daughter a few time to her school and it helped motivate her she was trained in two weeks. she was 2 yrs 8 months when trained.They let her go in her class 2 months early.

[Crystal]

I'm in Ca. If your child is a state funded center, then he has to be accomodated in the three year old room, diapers and all. At least it's that way in my county....may be different in others.

If it is a private program, it's their call.

[Crystal]

gee thanks, now I look like the doofus who brought it back up! ! ::

[Former Teacher]

gee thanks, now I look like the doofus who brought it back up! ! ::

haha no you don't...it didn't belong...besides i am ALWAYS glad to delete posts esp. from people who aren't registered or one of us! ::

[MN Mom]

I, also, have never heard of ADD or ADHD causing issues with potty training. I am also astonished (and forgive me if this is controversial) at the amount of toddlers being diagnosed as ADHD. For Pete's sake, children at that age naturally have a lack of focus. It is the parents responsibility to TEACH them focus and self-discipline. The little blue pill isn't gonna do it for you folks.....

As for the OP:

I would just take a week or 2 and really really work with him hard at home. Try the Dr. Phil method, or one of the many other methods out there. Sometimes a combo-method works best...it depends on the child. If he's bored in the 2 year old room, that should be even more motivation to work with him at home. Tell him if he learns to use the potty, he gets to be in the big boys and girls room at school! There are many ways you can approach it =) Good Luck, potty training my boy was MUCH more difficult than my girls..but I assure you, it CAN be done!! =p

[Michael]

I, also, have never heard of ADD or ADHD causing issues with potty training. I am also astonished (and forgive me if this is controversial) at the amount of toddlers being diagnosed as ADHD. For Pete's sake, children at that age naturally have a lack of focus. It is the parents responsibility to TEACH them focus and self-discipline. The little blue pill isn't gonna do it for you folks.....=p

Not to mention the increase in processed sugars in their foods. Hard to keep a child in one place.

[Unregistered]

I have my own private day care center so this is from that perspective. I have, in the past, simply moved a non-trained child, that was otherwise ready to move up, to the next age group and had the teacher in the preschool group call the toddler group aid to come take the child to the toddler room for changing when he/she needed it. I also make it clear to the parent that toilet training has to have already begun at home and at school. In addition, I still charge the toddler tuition rate until that child is trained. Usually the extra fee is enough to motivate the unmotivated parent to begin the training process. I also have a very detailed package I hand out to parents when they mention the words 'toilet training' to me. It often prevents parents from beginning training too early for a child who really isn't ready and guides parents of children who are ready through the process and keeps us all on the same page. I find if all the staff and the parents are doing the training the same way it cuts back on so many issues. Hope this helps.

[Carole's Daycare]

I like the idea of charging the toddler fee until they are potty trained...

[Andrea/california]

Potty Training

My 4 year old pooped his pants last week at school and was removed from the school.... they told his father and I that we are bad parents and apparently don't know how to train our child. This is a licensed Potty Training school...that I paid extra for to train my child. I am filing a law suit against them this week!!!