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**David** · 05-07-2009, 10:50 AM

Don't Allow the Children to Stay in tis Situation

Wow, I feel for you and the kids. I only wish my parents had pulled me out of the church school my brother and I went to. I am not saying that all church-based schools are bad. It is just they get away will so much because of the power of the church. They expect us to be understanding and forgiving of them but they abused us. It scarred us in ways that lasted a lifetime. Our parents told us later in our teens that if they had known what was going on they would have pulled us out of there sooner.

You are in a tough place because this woman has the support of the very person that is in charge of the wellbeing of the children. Most likely this church is state exempt and does not need a license but that does not mean they can do as they please. I would contact your states licensing agency and make them aware of the intolerable situation at your school. Take it from me, it is hell on the children. This is a time when they should be enjoying their childhood and not fearing the learning process. You can find you state's contact nunbers here. https://www.daycare.com/states.html

**Former Teacher** · 05-07-2009, 01:13 PM

I have said it over and over again......

When a situation comes up and you feel the need to report to your licensing as you clearly MUST do in this situation, you just need to be careful. Report it anonymously. Do not give any personal information that will identify you to the licensing rep because, trust me, your center WILL find out it is you that reported.
Don't get me wrong. You must report this. You are those children's voices right now. Just be careful how you do it!

**Unregistered** · 05-11-2009, 07:42 AM

good grief

I'm sorry, but I would not be worried about my own job or welfare in this situation. Had I witnessed the incident with the kid that peed his pants, I would have spoken up right then and there and followed up by reporting to someone and if that didn't work, I would go to the media.

Sorry, but if you don't do something immediately, you are every bit as guilty as she is. Imagine if that happened to your kid.

What exactly are you afraid of? Surely you don't want to keep working there.

**seashell** · 05-13-2009, 05:27 AM

I would bring your concerns to the pastor of the church. Explain your position and tell him / her that you don't want to cause the church grief by reporting this to licensing / dcf, but you will if the situation can not be addressed. At the very least, the pastor will investigate and the director will tone down her behavior. At best? The director is fired. You still have a job and you have done a good thing.

I wouldn't worry about keeping my job there. Honestly, she will get caught at some point and do you really want to be apart of that? If you see this and don't report it, you are just as responsible. In Ct, child care providers are mandatory reporters. If you don't report abuse / neglect, you can be prosicuted as well.

**lilbiddapopcorn** · 05-19-2009, 10:53 PM

I'm sorry you're in this situation...

How horrible for these children! But if the director is the wife of the pastor, you're probably right in your assumption that nothing will be investigated by going to him. And if you speak up to him or her, what's probably going to happen is you're gonna get fired, and then if you report it after that, what are they gonna say when state gets there? "She's only saying these things because we let her go." So make the call, report the abuse, do it anonymously if you want to, and make sure to keep following up until something is done. Your oblilgation is to these children. Until something happens, I would stay like you are and act as a shield for them. If the parents don't know and the pastor and director are acting together, the children have no one looking out for them but the staff that stays with them. And after you report it I would talk to the parents as well, so they know in case nothing comes of reporting it right away. What I wouldn't do is talk to the parents before you report it because then they're going to go straight to the director and say "well so and so said...and I want to know if it's true" and then they're going to get a heads up that you're reporting them. If the other staff know this too, you should all be making reports. Yesterday. Until these kids are safe.

**mac60** · 05-20-2009, 04:00 PM

What if you wrote a letter.....appearing to be one of the parents, and say that you were there on different ccassions and witnessed this type of behavior from the woman. Send it to the church in care of the pastor.

Or, send it directly to the administrator, and let her know as a parent you have witnessed these kinds of things, and you are giving her the opportunity to change, and if she doesn't, she will be reported. Just sign it "A parent". She doesn't need to know who sent it, she just needs to know that she has been caught in these behaviors and she better change or else. Yes, you may be telling a little white lie letting her believe it is a parent writing, but saves you from having to confront her and saves your job should she get mad for someone saying something. Sometimes doing things discreetly is the best way, being nonconfrontational.

**Unregistered** · 03-23-2011, 11:03 AM

Church? Really?

Wow. Seems like many of the horror stories come from church day cares. NO facility should be exempt from inspections/licensing. Church day cares are a RACKET to make money. And they call themselves christians? They should be banned. Oh and if you're tempted to enroll in one because they are cheaper than 'secular' facilities, well, you get what you pay for. Mean people (especially those posing as god-fearing christians) suck.

**missnikki** · 03-23-2011, 01:53 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Wow. Seems like many of the horror stories come from church day cares. NO facility should be exempt from inspections/licensing. Church day cares are a RACKET to make money. And they call themselves christians? They should be banned. Oh and if you're tempted to enroll in one because they are cheaper than 'secular' facilities, well, you get what you pay for. Mean people (especially those posing as god-fearing christians) suck.

You are very insightful and wise. I, on the other hand, am very sarcastic and honest.

Did you forget to renew your prescription?

**Unregistered** · 03-23-2011, 02:04 PM

report, record, react

Model good care in front of her, correct her in front of the children if you must, use your cell to record her dialog ( in your pocket) and talk to every parent about what happened at the end of the day. Join a local group and also talk to your training staff about how to handle the situation. Look for another job, and keep your cool.

You may lose this job.

She may keep hers.

The children deserve better and so do you, but she may not know how to handle situations another way, may have been treated that way herself, and may have a pretty loyal group of families who will have a difficult time moving.

Make her presence unnecessary by handling situations well without her ( I've got it, don't worry, blah, blah, blah)

Is the church daycare unregulated?

You need some advocates and a plan to improve things. The pastor knows his wife pretty well.

**Unregistered** · 03-23-2011, 02:23 PM

Love it! There's a similar facility in the town that I live. DHS has frequented them on numerous occasions and have gone as far as shutting them down until they bring everything up to par. It's sad the conditions these church's are allowed to run in. And the bible thumping Christians behind it aren't anything more than money hungry. Not to discredit religion but it seriously makes me wonder why anyone would "follow" when the "leaders" are usually the most dishonest people of the bunch.

I'd be making an anonymous phone call to DHS, DCPS and report your concerns. They are legit concerns and deserve to be looked into. No child should be verbally abused or harassed. Especially when it comes to potty training! SAD!

**Unregistered** · 03-23-2011, 03:56 PM

Its sad that some people choose to attack the messenger than address the issue at hand. Why would anyone defend a crappy day care by being "sarcastic and honest"? I guess they can't stand hearing the opinion that 'christians' frequently portray themselves as holier-than-thou and conduct their business accordingly. That "forget your prescription?" comment is a good example. I bet the poster is a good christian.

I'm not saying ALL church day cares are bad, but THIS crappy one is a glaring example if hypocrisy. "Religious exemption" from oversight is just plain wrong. Period. The original poster pointed out the facility was run by a church, she was wise enough to see through their charade.
REPORT the facility! Don't trust them to do the right thing just because they claim to be 'christian'. Truth hurts.

**missnikki** · 03-23-2011, 04:31 PM

Why would anyone defend a crappy day care by being "sarcastic and honest"? I guess they can't stand hearing the opinion that 'christians' frequently portray themselves as holier-than-thou and conduct their business accordingly.
Why would anyone make such generalizations about how an entire group of people that may/may not believe identically to them wouldn't possibly operate a daycare properly? Before you start throwing stones, consider the Holier than Thou complaint you just had... And I never defended anyone. Re-read.

That "forget your prescription?" comment is a good example. I bet the poster is a good christian.
Again, tell me- What does one have to do with the other? To me you sound like either an entitled teenager who has never been told "no", or a judgemental ignoramus with no idea how to streamline a thought to present an argument. Not going to guess which.

I'm not saying ALL church day cares are bad, but THIS crappy one is a glaring example if hypocrisy.
I cannot tell which comments are yours since you haven't bothered to identify yourself, but I will humbly assume that this gem was yours: "Church day cares are a RACKET to make money. And they call themselves christians? They should be banned. Oh and if you're tempted to enroll in one because they are cheaper than 'secular' facilities, well, you get what you pay for. Mean people (especially those posing as god-fearing christians) suck. "
That's comedy gold, right there. It would be very sad if it were true. I equate that comment to something like "Ugly people are annoying to look at. And they call themselves humans? They should be banned. Oh and if you're tempted to speak to one because they are friendlier than 'beautiful' people, well, you get what you deserve. Ugly people (especially those posing as good-looking humans) suck. "

"Religious exemption" from oversight is just plain wrong. Period. The original poster pointed out the facility was run by a church, she was wise enough to see through their charade.
Again, running a daycare poorly does not make you a Christian. It makes you a horrible facility. Being a Christian does not make you a horrible Daycare provider. It makes you, well, that's another conversation.

REPORT the facility! Don't trust them to do the right thing just because they claim to be 'christian'. Truth hurts.
I agree with this entirely. I think you made a little breakthrough here: you figured out one has nothing to do with the other! Good on you.

**mickey2** · 03-23-2011, 04:54 PM

This is child abuse!!!! The other employees are allowing her as well as you are, to let her go on doing this!!!!! By not saying anything at all she will continue to hurt innocent children! My God what would you do if this was YOUR child????? I swear I would rip her a new one ! If I EVER saw ANYONE abuse a child in any way so God help them and I do not care about what would happen to me! These are innocent children. Gifts from God!

A child should never be afraid of someone who is supposed to be nurturing and caring for them! My heart hurts thinking of this!

You were informed that the pastor would side with her so that means that you were talking with someone else?? So you and this person are allowing this to go on!

Maybe you should talk to the RIGHT people about this.

You are not looking to get fired? You feel that you need to be protecting these kids? If you are looking to protect these children then speak up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you should send a note to her!

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. Matthew 18:5

**missnikki** · 03-23-2011, 05:14 PM

Originally posted by Children First View Post

This is child abuse!!!! The other employees are allowing her as well as you are, to let her go on doing this!!!!! By not saying anything at all she will continue to hurt innocent children!

My God what would you do if this was YOUR child????? I swear I would rip her a new one ! If I EVER saw ANYONE abuse a child in any way so God help them and I do not care about what would happen to me! These are innocent children. Gifts from God!

A child should never be afraid of someone who is supposed to be nurturing and caring for them! My heart hurts thinking of this!

You were informed that the pastor would side with her so that means that you were talking with someone else?? So you and this person are allowing this to go on!

Maybe you should talk to the RIGHT people about this.

You are not looking to get fired? You feel that you need to be protecting these kids? If you are looking to protect these children then speak up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you should send a note to her!

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. Matthew 18:5

Precisely this. Well put. I lost myself in the muddied waters above.

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