A Question - Most of You Feel Parents Are a Pain in the Backside

[Unregistered]

Hello,

Disclaimer right off the bat: I mean not offense to anyone in particular. I'm just puzzled and confused in general.
Reading on these message boards, the main thing I derive from the threads is that most of you feel parents are a pain in the backside; kids are difficult, snotty, snooty, spoiled, or annoying; things would be so much better if parents just gave up their own silly ideas and followed your rules and guidelines; and generally, running a home daycare is just one small step short of the seventh circle of hell.

Is it really that bad? I'm not a troll; I am actually a fairly long-time member studying to get my ECE diploma right now, and this is truly not an attempt to cause trouble. I'm just really not prepared to deal with the anger and the resentment that will undoubtedly follow, and I am really, genuinely puzzled. I got into the ECE field because I absolutely adore children (and before you bring on the "Oh, you must be so young; we'll talk to you in a year," card, I'm in my 40s and I have three young children of my own, 9, newly 7, and 3). I realized when I started doing field placements that all parents - well, most parents do their utmost for their children with the often limited knowledge and - resources they have at their disposal. I figured, since I'm not all that special, that most ECEs/ECE students/professional childcare providers feel the same way.

But then on this forum, all I ever see is complaining. Snarky comments about daycare parents. Derogatory statements about daycare parents' parenting ideas. Long, elaborate descriptions of terribly behaved young children. It's all so, so, so negative that it saddens me. Come on. It can't be all bad. If this whole deal stinks so bad, why are you here? Why are you still doing this? Why are you not a greeter at Walmart, an employee at Subway, an up-and-coming actress?
Unless it's a misery-loves-company thing.

So talk to me. Help me understand, because I don't want to end up jaded and cynical and impatient with tiny humans who need our assistance while they are attempting to make sense of this world.

[Leigh]

Hello,

Disclaimer right off the bat: I mean not offense to anyone in particular. I'm just puzzled and confused in general.
Reading on these message boards, the main thing I derive from the threads is that most of you feel parents are a pain in the backside; kids are difficult, snotty, snooty, spoiled, or annoying; things would be so much better if parents just gave up their own silly ideas and followed your rules and guidelines; and generally, running a home daycare is just one small step short of the seventh circle of hell.

Is it really that bad? I'm not a troll; I am actually a fairly long-time member studying to get my ECE diploma right now, and this is truly not an attempt to cause trouble. I'm just really not prepared to deal with the anger and the resentment that will undoubtedly follow, and I am really, genuinely puzzled. I got into the ECE field because I absolutely adore children (and before you bring on the "Oh, you must be so young; we'll talk to you in a year," card, I'm in my 40s and I have three young children of my own, 9, newly 7, and 3). I realized when I started doing field placements that all parents - well, most parents do their utmost for their children with the often limited knowledge and - resources they have at their disposal. I figured, since I'm not all that special, that most ECEs/ECE students/professional childcare providers feel the same way.

But then on this forum, all I ever see is complaining. Snarky comments about daycare parents. Derogatory statements about daycare parents' parenting ideas. Long, elaborate descriptions of terribly behaved young children. It's all so, so, so negative that it saddens me. Come on. It can't be all bad. If this whole deal stinks so bad, why are you here? Why are you still doing this? Why are you not a greeter at Walmart, an employee at Subway, an up-and-coming actress?
Unless it's a misery-loves-company thing.

So talk to me. Help me understand, because I don't want to end up jaded and cynical and impatient with tiny humans who need our assistance while they are attempting to make sense of this world.

Why would we come here to talk about the ones that we DON'T have problems with? You're reading here about the worst of the worst. The ones that we come here to vent about to avoid exploding. I have some GREAT kids and GREAT parents-I don't feel the urge to come on a forum to talk about the kid who listened when I asked him not to jump on the furniture or to complain about the parent that always picks up 15 minutes early.

I, along with most everyone here (I believe), love my job. I love the kids I care for, and I genuinely like the parents. It's when they tick me off or I chose the wrong family to enroll that you'll see me here complaining.

[Unregistered]

Here's the thing though. It doesn't sound like it's exceptions. It comes across as every parent, every child, every day. And if it comes across like that to me, odds are that it does to childcare parents, or prospective childcare parents, as well. Nobody ever starts a thread with, "I love this job, I'm so glad I chose it; however, there is this one family/child/situation I have an issue with." It's always, "parents do this;children do that; nobody ever listens when I say this, that, or the other."
You may not see it because you have been in this business for so long. We tend to overlook things that are either not useful, or downright painful for us to face. But trust me when I say that this whole forum comes across as incredibly unkind and uncharitable to both daycare parents and daycare children alike.

[Febby]

I don't think it comes across as unkind necessarily. I think it's more of "a lot of parents will do _________ if you let them which is why I have a policy that says ______________" And it seems like there is always that one family (hopefully it's only one!) that for some reason just doesn't seem to get it.

I used to work in the horse industry and there were a lot the same problems there. A lot of people didn't read contracts, tried to pay late, didn't provide the items they were supposed to, etc.

[Laurel]

It's because this is mostly where people vent or need help solving problems so that is the part you mostly see. People tend to not write about the good things because good things don't upset them.

Then there are a few providers from time to time who aren't in this profession for the long haul or have just chosen the wrong career. It happens so you see their angst here.

Then there is the fact that you have not actually done it yourself yet on your own (no matter what your age). I think you'll 'get' this forum after you do.

I am retired now after 20 years of doing this and I feel it was the most rewarding profession I could have picked. I did something truly important. It's weird because I feel this way and don't see this forum as being negative. Stick around for at least a year after you start doing childcare on your own and I bet your perception will be different.

Like someone else said, it happens in other jobs as well. I'd say all jobs. People just complain about the parts that they don't like but don't mention the parts they do. It is human nature. No mystery there.

Laurel

[Josiegirl]

The challenging dcps and dcks are the ones that rile us and the ones we need help with. Yes, we're going to come here and complain, vent, rant, and beg for help. A lot of us work alone, some don't have significant others to talk to, some do but they don't want to complain to them or they won't listen. DCproviders NEED some place to open up to others who can offer advice, a 'been there done that and this is what worked' outlet. Isn't it better to let off steam somewhere than to keep it all inside and make ourselves sick?
I think daycare is an under-respected profession, thankless, used and abused by many dcfs and some of us are reaching out for appreciation and validation.
It may very well come off as a bunch of dcproviders who hate their job, especially on any certain given day. But if you keep reading, there are also those who love their kids, take special care, go above and beyond, do special things, love their dcfs, etc., etc.
I have said on the forums, more than once, that I wish everyone had parents like mine. And as for the kids, I love all my kids, even the 1 I have so many issues with. She'll be leaving in the fall for all day prek and I've had her since she was 3 months old. As crazy insane as she makes me some days, I'm going to miss her so much.
Fact is, childcare is a very stressful job and as I said, if we didn't have somewhere to vent, we'd all be sick or in therapy.

[Sugar Magnolia]

There's a whole sticky thread "The Positive Thread ", that has hundreds of inspiring, uplifting and positive comments. Please visit it.

This is largely a problem solving forum for providers. It does contain some venting, most of tbe vents are completely appropriate. I have long advocated for using appropriate wording.......and I do NOT approve of providers who use terms like spoiled brats, special snowflake, etc to describe kids. This is a public forum, visited by parents, that represents our industry to the world. Same goes for parent issues. No parent deserves to be called names. While some may feel this job would be great if not for the parents, I don't agree. Parents pay my bills and I am grateful for the opportunity to serve families.

I do love kids, my job, my cute historic center. But we all have issues we need help with, and this forum is a great resource. To categorize many of us as mean spirited or jaded is not fair. I also dislike sweeping generalization about providers.

[Thriftylady]

I agree with the others. Many of us use this forum as a place to get advice from others about situations we are having. Therefore, you will hear a lot of negative because we are asking for help here. There are positive posts, and I think all of us as providers love and care for the children in our care. That is part of the reason you see so many posts asking for help to avoid terminating families. And we are human, there are going to be kids from time to time we don't connect well with. It happens to everyone, even teachers. You will find providers venting about that. Then there are some kids and parents who are just a pain in the backside. Usually when it is the child, the behavior can be linked right back to the parent.

At the end of the day, the venting you see has very little to do with if we like (even love in many cases) the children, and more to do with the day to day stresses of the job, those come with any job no matter how much you like it.

[Unregistered]

I love this forum and have learned so much from it. The venting is relatable, so it can be fun to read and realize other people are having the same issues as you are and a lot of those issues are pretty common in the industry. I love my job, but I can't sit and vent to my kiddos, so coming on here for advice, support, to vent, is a really great outlet!

[daycare]

I love this forum and have learned so much from it. The venting is relatable, so it can be fun to read and realize other people are having the same issues as you are and a lot of those issues are pretty common in the industry. I love my job, but I can't sit and vent to my kiddos, so coming on here for advice, support, to vent, is a really great outlet!

this is so true.....we don't have other people to bounce ideas off of or to relate to what we are going through...this is it...

Until you have done this yourself you don't understand it. This profession can be very lonely and take you down if you don't find solutions to your problems.

Just like every other field, issues come up. Daycare.com is our support system that we come to and talk over the water cooler.

[NightOwl]

It's all about perception. You perceive this forum as negative and snarky, which can be true, but for good reason. It's far better for us to get out our negative/snarky comments here than to do it in front of dcps, don't you think? This is, for the vast majority of us, the only place where we can vent and complain without worrying about losing a client or losing their respect. Most of us work alone, so there's no coworkers to gripe to.

Don't get discouraged. At the end of the day, I'm very happy with the decisions I've made that brought me to this profession. Sure it has its challenges, but wouldn't it be boring if it didn't?

[Blackcat31]

Hello,

Disclaimer right off the bat: I mean not offense to anyone in particular. I'm just puzzled and confused in general.
Reading on these message boards, the main thing I derive from the threads is that most of you feel parents are a pain in the backside; kids are difficult, snotty, snooty, spoiled, or annoying; things would be so much better if parents just gave up their own silly ideas and followed your rules and guidelines; and generally, running a home daycare is just one small step short of the seventh circle of hell.

Is it really that bad? I'm not a troll; I am actually a fairly long-time member studying to get my ECE diploma right now, and this is truly not an attempt to cause trouble. I'm just really not prepared to deal with the anger and the resentment that will undoubtedly follow, and I am really, genuinely puzzled. I got into the ECE field because I absolutely adore children (and before you bring on the "Oh, you must be so young; we'll talk to you in a year," card, I'm in my 40s and I have three young children of my own, 9, newly 7, and 3). I realized when I started doing field placements that all parents - well, most parents do their utmost for their children with the often limited knowledge and - resources they have at their disposal. I figured, since I'm not all that special, that most ECEs/ECE students/professional childcare providers feel the same way.

But then on this forum, all I ever see is complaining. Snarky comments about daycare parents. Derogatory statements about daycare parents' parenting ideas. Long, elaborate descriptions of terribly behaved young children. It's all so, so, so negative that it saddens me. Come on. It can't be all bad. If this whole deal stinks so bad, why are you here? Why are you still doing this? Why are you not a greeter at Walmart, an employee at Subway, an up-and-coming actress?
Unless it's a misery-loves-company thing.

So talk to me. Help me understand, because I don't want to end up jaded and cynical and impatient with tiny humans who need our assistance while they are attempting to make sense of this world.

Not sure what forum threads you are reading but I read every day about providers asking for tips, tricks, suggestions and support in finding ways to:

make their environments better for the kids, set up sensory bins, organize paperwork, fit in training courses, adjust sleep schedules, help a toddler learn not to hit/bite, word their policies better, get a newbie adjusted, stop a child from throwing tantrums, meal and snack ideas, stay within ratios, become licensed, certified, accredited, earn their ECE degree, find info about CDA, proper diaper changing routines, cloth diapering, saving money, get new clients, keep current clients, term a client nicely, toilet train a child, find craft ideas, plan parties, prepare advertising materials, gift giving options, find grant options, how work state assistance programs, how to participate with QRIS in their state, how to be more Reggio, Montessori, organic etc within their programs, set up their homes so that families feel welcome, contact CPS or DHS or licensing, how to maintain a sense of business owner, parent, caregiver and friend all at the same time.......etc

Every single day I read posts from providers asking/advising others how to be better at those things. In the midst of all that, I do read negatives now and then but the negative posts are pretty few and between. At least from my perspective.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I just re-read the original post.

The line "why don't you be walmart greeters or work at a subway....." is SUPER insulting, and honestly, the most negative comment I've seen in a long time.

[daycare]

I will say this....anyone who does not complain about their lives or jobs is lying. No one has a perfect anything.....

I guess I should not say complain, but maybe vent, open up, look for ideas, try to find solutions.

Until you work in this field first hand, you won't be able to understand what we go through.

[AmyKidsCo]

And IMO most posts are requests for help with something. People generally don't ask for help with things they don't need help with, so the vast majority of "positive" things aren't ever mentioned. I'll bet for every "Help me with this terrible ________" post there are 3-4 "I'm great at ____________" posts that are never created.

Like someone else said, it's human nature to focus on what needs to be fixed, rather than what's working well.