Another kid always sick

[Unregistered]

I'm hoping to get some advise on a daycare situation. First off...I really, really like my daycare provider! My husband and I went through pure hell with daycares with my daughter. When my son was born (6 months ago), I found an amazing home daycare. I really don't want to switch, but here's the issue I'm having.

There's this one baby..about the same age as my son..who is very high maintenance for one, bit is also always sick. He's always got a runny nose or a cough or something. My daycare lady does a good job of cleaning the toys, but it won't do a whole lot of good. My husband and I both have extremely busy jobs and just can't afford to be taking off all the time because our son is sick every other week. Now I totally understand that kids get sick, especially at this age. But his mom is a teacher...she's off in the summer! Why can't she keep him home?!

He's also very high maintenance! Like he hits notes Mariah Carrey can't reach when he cries! I take my lunch at my son's daycare so I can nurse him and put him down for his afternoon nap. I love seeing my son, but can't tolerate hearing this kid cry and fuss because he's not getting constant attention. I know this little boy gets more attention than my son, and that really bothers me.

I really feel the need to discuss this with our provider, but I'm not sure the best way to approach it. Should I address it with my provider or the other mom?

[cheerfuldom]

Do NOT address it with the other mom! I cant imagine that any good will come from that discussion.

You can address it with the provider but know that she is running a business as she sees fit. You very well may tick her off and get booted for complaining. Besides, what exactly are you wanting to come from this discussion? I am sure she is doing her best with this child. And she is not going to term this family just because you are complaining. Lastly, this teacher mom pays for daycare. Its none of your business why her child is at daycare instead of at home. A million things could be going on as a reason to why she is doing this.....but even if it is not a good reason in your estimation, it still is none of your business.

More than likely though, you will just have to decide if you want to continue with this daycare knowing that there is a high maintenance baby in care or look for other care. You cant control every child and every portion of a daycare. You cant interview other daycares and tell them they cant keep cryers and sickies otherwise you will pull your kid. I am not saying you would do that but what I am saying is that if you change daycares, whose to say the next group of kids wont be even louder and sicker than the current group? It is just a part of the deal when your child is in group care. You have to realize that you cant control the other parents and the other kids that are in that same group scenario. If you feel that your child is being tended to, is safe, and are overall happy with the scenario, I would just leave this situation alone. If the baby bothers you, stop going on your lunch break to the daycare and you won't have to hear it. Kids cry. Some kids cries are just downright grating but it is just part of the deal at a daycare. He may be pretty easy the rest of the day but you arent there to see it so to say that he receives more attention than your son is to me, an uninformed opinion. I would leave the whole thing alone and just be happy with the positives of the place.

[NightOwl]

If you trust your provider, then trust her to make the right decisions for all children in her care. If the high maintenance baby is overwhelming her, she may be considering terming this baby. You never know. I would hate for you to leave someone you love because of one child. Babies grow out of the crying sometimes, or a parent could lose their job and withdraw the child. I would stick it out.
But if you can't tolerate it any longer, talk to your provider, but don't necessarily expect her to do as you wish. As cheer said, this is her business and she runs it as she sees fit. But you'll never know what she's thinking unless you approach the subject with her.

[Unregistered]

So my son and his needs..along with the other kids..have to suffer because this one kid is just not doing well in childcare? That seems very one sided. I work full time so it means a lot to be able to spend that 1 extra hour a day with my son. When he's not there, daycare is wonderful! The kids get to do art projects, no one is getting sick, and they have a calm and pleasant day. But when he's there, the whole daycare gets held hostage.

If I talk to the other mom, I would simply express my disappointment and ask that she take the other kids and their families into consideration before bringing him if he's sick. I kept my son home an entire week...and I still paid for daycare...because he had a cough and some upper respiratory gunk. I did this because my son needed me for one, it wasn't fair to my daycare provider to deal with a fussy baby all day, and three, it prevented the others from getting what he had. I guess I would just appreciate the same consideration.

[NightOwl]

And you're right to expect that... From your provider. She should not be allowing contagious children in her care. It's actually a licensing violation. That is something I would definitely approach with her. But not the other mom. That's not your place, it's your provider's.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

So my son and his needs..along with the other kids..have to suffer because this one kid is just not doing well in childcare? That seems very one sided. I work full time so it means a lot to be able to spend that 1 extra hour a day with my son. When he's not there, daycare is wonderful! The kids get to do art projects, no one is getting sick, and they have a calm and pleasant day. But when he's there, the whole daycare gets held hostage.

If I talk to the other mom, I would simply express my disappointment and ask that she take the other kids and their families into consideration before bringing him if he's sick. I kept my son home an entire week...and I still paid for daycare...because he had a cough and some upper respiratory gunk. I did this because my son needed me for one, it wasn't fair to my daycare provider to deal with a fussy baby all day, and three, it prevented the others from getting what he had. I guess I would just appreciate the same consideration.

My guess is your daycare provider feels much of the same irritation as you do but she cannot professionally show you this. Maybe if you referred another family on over she could consider replacing this one if she is finding he adds a new level of difficulty to everyone's day... Just trying to see if from your side.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

And you're right to expect that... From your provider. She should not be allowing contagious children in her care. It's actually a licensing violation. That is something I would definitely approach with her. But not the other mom. That's not your place, it's your provider's.

Yes. Have you looked up your state's minimum standards to see what they are as far as illness exclusions?

[NightOwl]

Yes. Have you looked up your state's minimum standards to see what they are as far as illness exclusions?

You can find it online for free at your state's dept of human resources (or whatever the agency is called in your area) or you can also pick up a copy for free at their local office. As a parent, you have a right to know which standards your provider is being held to.

[AmyKidsCo]

The other thing to keep in mind is that your child will probably get sick as much as he is now anywhere he goes for child care, except maybe at home or Grandma's. And if you go that route then he'll get sick when he is around other children - whether that's preschool or Kindergarten, etc. Children's immune systems need to develop, and unfortunately, getting sick is how they develop.

[Laurel]

I'm hoping to get some advise on a daycare situation. First off...I really, really like my daycare provider! My husband and I went through pure hell with daycares with my daughter. When my son was born (6 months ago), I found an amazing home daycare. I really don't want to switch, but here's the issue I'm having.

There's this one baby..about the same age as my son..who is very high maintenance for one, bit is also always sick. He's always got a runny nose or a cough or something. My daycare lady does a good job of cleaning the toys, but it won't do a whole lot of good. My husband and I both have extremely busy jobs and just can't afford to be taking off all the time because our son is sick every other week. Now I totally understand that kids get sick, especially at this age. But his mom is a teacher...she's off in the summer! Why can't she keep him home?!

He's also very high maintenance! Like he hits notes Mariah Carrey can't reach when he cries! I take my lunch at my son's daycare so I can nurse him and put him down for his afternoon nap. I love seeing my son, but can't tolerate hearing this kid cry and fuss because he's not getting constant attention. I know this little boy gets more attention than my son, and that really bothers me.

I really feel the need to discuss this with our provider, but I'm not sure the best way to approach it. Should I address it with my provider or the other mom?

Personally, I would bring it up to the provider. She is probably having a hard time with the other baby as well and knowing your feelings might be the push she needs to term. I would gently tell her what you told us.

Group care won't be perfect but when there is constant sickness or a difficult screaming baby, I don't think it is good for any of the children. I am a retired provider but I would have wanted to know if a parent felt that way.

Just approach it with, "I can see you are in a difficult situation and are doing the best you can but it is hard to bring my baby under these circumstances..."

Laurel

[Blackcat31]

Personally, I would bring it up to the provider. She is probably having a hard time with the other baby as well and knowing your feelings might be the push she needs to term. I would gently tell her what you told us.

Group care won't be perfect but when there is constant sickness or a difficult screaming baby, I don't think it is good for any of the children. I am a retired provider but I would have wanted to know if a parent felt that way.

Just approach it with, "I can see you are in a difficult situation and are doing the best you can but it is hard to bring my baby under these circumstances..."

Laurel

I agree with this. Years ago, I had a extremely difficult daycare baby, similar to the one OP talks about.

I "toughed" it out because I thought that was my job. I figured, it was part of my responsibility to deal with him....despite the fact that he really did take up more than half my attention during the day.

It never dawned on me that the other parents (or even the other kids) were bothered by it. Had I known then, what I know now....I would NEVER have continued to try and tough it out. Had even one other parent came to me and expressed concern, I think it would have snapped me out of the chaos I was dealing with and helped me see a different perspective and realize it wasn't just MY issue.

Environment is everything in Early Childhood and if it isn't everything, it definitely plays a HUGE role in the day to day emotional and mental stability of EVERYONE and a high maintenance baby can do a provider in faster than anything.

OP~ I would schedule a private conference with your provider. I would talk with her about the issues you have posted here and I would approach it in a helpful, supportive manner verses a full on complaint about what things you are unhappy about...kwim? Maybe just share your concerns about the time and attention the other kids are missing out on due to the high needs of other children. I would also express concern for her own mental health and stress levels.

Most providers would appreciate a parent that is concerned about the WHOLE scenario and not just focus on YOUR personal concerns (although valid).

I would NOT however, recommend that you speak to the other parent. That is not something I see going over well. Approach your provider and have a private conference with her. Honesty is the best policy and open communication (when things are BOTH good and bad) is vital to a healthy working relationship.

[Angelsj]

I agree with this. Years ago, I had a extremely difficult daycare baby, similar to the one OP talks about.

I "toughed" it out because I thought that was my job. I figured, it was part of my responsibility to deal with him....despite the fact that he really did take up more than half my attention during the day.

It never dawned on me that the other parents (or even the other kids) were bothered by it. Had I known then, what I know now....I would NEVER have continued to try and tough it out. Had even one other parent came to me and expressed concern, I think it would have snapped me out of the chaos I was dealing with and helped me see a different perspective and realize it wasn't just MY issue.

Environment is everything in Early Childhood and if it isn't everything, it definitely plays a HUGE role in the day to day emotional and mental stability of EVERYONE and a high maintenance baby can do a provider in faster than anything.

OP~ I would schedule a private conference with your provider. I would talk with her about the issues you have posted here and I would approach it in a helpful, supportive manner verses a full on complaint about what things you are unhappy about...kwim? Maybe just share your concerns about the time and attention the other kids are missing out on due to the high needs of other children. I would also express concern for her own mental health and stress levels.

Most providers would appreciate a parent that is concerned about the WHOLE scenario and not just focus on YOUR personal concerns (although valid).

I would NOT however, recommend that you speak to the other parent. That is not something I see going over well. Approach your provider and have a private conference with her. Honesty is the best policy and open communication (when things are BOTH good and bad) is vital to a healthy working relationship.

Agreed.
You may also get a glimpse into how she is feeling about/dealing with this. She may be ready to term or have the child on a plan. Chance are good she is already aware there is a problem. And if not, maybe you will be the one to help her realize she doesn't have to "just deal."

[cheerfuldom]

So my son and his needs..along with the other kids..have to suffer because this one kid is just not doing well in childcare? That seems very one sided. I work full time so it means a lot to be able to spend that 1 extra hour a day with my son. When he's not there, daycare is wonderful! The kids get to do art projects, no one is getting sick, and they have a calm and pleasant day. But when he's there, the whole daycare gets held hostage.

If I talk to the other mom, I would simply express my disappointment and ask that she take the other kids and their families into consideration before bringing him if he's sick. I kept my son home an entire week...and I still paid for daycare...because he had a cough and some upper respiratory gunk. I did this because my son needed me for one, it wasn't fair to my daycare provider to deal with a fussy baby all day, and three, it prevented the others from getting what he had. I guess I would just appreciate the same consideration.

one of my points was that you cant know for sure that things are only calm and pleasant when this baby is gone.....you arent there all the time.

[Heidi]

I agree with this. Years ago, I had a extremely difficult daycare baby, similar to the one OP talks about.

I "toughed" it out because I thought that was my job. I figured, it was part of my responsibility to deal with him....despite the fact that he really did take up more than half my attention during the day.

It never dawned on me that the other parents (or even the other kids) were bothered by it. Had I known then, what I know now....I would NEVER have continued to try and tough it out. Had even one other parent came to me and expressed concern, I think it would have snapped me out of the chaos I was dealing with and helped me see a different perspective and realize it wasn't just MY issue.

Environment is everything in Early Childhood and if it isn't everything, it definitely plays a HUGE role in the day to day emotional and mental stability of EVERYONE and a high maintenance baby can do a provider in faster than anything.

OP~ I would schedule a private conference with your provider. I would talk with her about the issues you have posted here and I would approach it in a helpful, supportive manner verses a full on complaint about what things you are unhappy about...kwim? Maybe just share your concerns about the time and attention the other kids are missing out on due to the high needs of other children. I would also express concern for her own mental health and stress levels.

Most providers would appreciate a parent that is concerned about the WHOLE scenario and not just focus on YOUR personal concerns (although valid).

I would NOT however, recommend that you speak to the other parent. That is not something I see going over well. Approach your provider and have a private conference with her. Honesty is the best policy and open communication (when things are BOTH good and bad) is vital to a healthy working relationship.

If she doesn't have a good support group (the provider), you may be the one to give her "permission" to term; if you're careful about how you approach it. We tend not to want to disappoint anyone. But, if we sense that we could loose a happy child because of an "intense" one, it makes us braver.

[grateday]

I feel your pain

I have been there as a provider and a parent. I ended up terming that kind of kid. I did not like the risk or the held hostage sort of feeling:hug:

I cried because I liked the family. I did it asap though before the attachment and sense of responsibility to the parent kicked in. I felt so bad and the other mom cried but in retrospect it was for the best.

It was best for everyone not just me.