Another Boy Touching My Son In Preschool

[Unregistered]

My son came home from preschool yesterday and told my wife that another boy is putting his hand in my son's pants and touching him during nap time. I asked my son, doesn't the teacher see this, but he says it happens when the teacher turns her head.

So I told my son how proud I was for him telling us about this.
This is a catholic school , so first thing this morning I went to see the principal. I also mentioned this to my son's teacher.

The principal told me she would handle this. She called me a few hours later to tell me she spoke with both boys and the other's boys parents. My son told her exactly what he had told us. She asked the other boy if anyone does this to him and he said no.

I have a friend who is an attorney that suggests I file a report with child protective services. He suspects sexual abuse occurring with the other boy. The principal told me she understand if I do this, but doesn't think it is necessary due to the age ( 4 ) of the boy.

I'm having trouble believing this is normal behavior for a 4 yr old but I'm not sure. I don't want to cause more stress for my son if he has to be interviewed again.

I have been assured by the principal that they will keep the boys apart.

Any help would be appreciated . I am leaning towards letting it go and just telling my son to tell me if it happens again.

thanks for any advice.

[Blackcat31]

My son came home from preschool yesterday and told my wife that another boy is putting his hand in my son's pants and touching him during nap time. I asked my son, doesn't the teacher see this, but he says it happens when the teacher turns her head.

So I told my son how proud I was for him telling us about this.
This is a catholic school , so first thing this morning I went to see the principal. I also mentioned this to my son's teacher.

The principal told me she would handle this. She called me a few hours later to tell me she spoke with both boys and the other's boys parents. My son told her exactly what he had told us. She asked the other boy if anyone does this to him and he said no.

I have a friend who is an attorney that suggests I file a report with child protective services. He suspects sexual abuse occurring with the other boy. The principal told me she understand if I do this, but doesn't think it is necessary due to the age ( 4 ) of the boy.

I'm having trouble believing this is normal behavior for a 4 yr old but I'm not sure. I don't want to cause more stress for my son if he has to be interviewed again.

I have been assured by the principal that they will keep the boys apart.

Any help would be appreciated . I am leaning towards letting it go and just telling my son to tell me if it happens again.

thanks for any advice.

First, I want to say that your son did EXACTLY the right thing! He told a trusted adult! Good for him and good for you for teachingyour son the right thing to do.

I do wonder though how the attorney made the immediate assumption that the other boy is being sexually abused from that little bit of info.

Now, I know that children who are sexually abused will express or exhibit some sexual behaviors towards others but I really thing the attorney is jumping the gun here.

I would have a discussion with the principle and see if she feels the boy has done other things that would lead her or anyone who has the opportunity to regularly see this child behavior if they think that as well.

I know people should err on the side of caution but imagine what a mess this could cause if the child was merely being a 4 year old boy and not at all trying to be sexual. If you do feel like there is more to the story then by all means, report it. I guess only you can answer that.

[Willow]

I have a friend who is an attorney that suggests I file a report with child protective services. He suspects sexual abuse occurring with the other boy. The principal told me she understand if I do this, but doesn't think it is necessary due to the age ( 4 ) of the boy.

This part is confusing, can you clarify?

The principal doesn't think the boy is being sexually abused - due to his age?

Or the principal thinks this is normal - because of his age?


While it's normal for kids to become curious about the way things feel, it's unusual to see one attempting to initiate that sort of exploration with another child that young. Add to that it sounds like the other child is really attempting to remain discrete which leads me to believe he either knows what he's doing isn't ok, or he's perpetuating a sequence of events he's been a part of in the past, potentially as victim, potentially as leader. He could be doing this very thing to others who have just never spoken up, or it could be something that's been done to him.

Of course no one will no for sure, which is where going with your gut really comes into play.

[itlw8]

heck yes you need to call CPS. The question is why is the school not calling They are mandated reporters. If they do not report ithy can get in trouble. Makes you wonder who they think they are protecting.

In all the classes I have taken that is a classic sign of sexual abuse.It needs to be investigated.

[MommieNana4]

I would definitely report it to CPS. I would definitely get that lawyer on it.

[crazydaycarelady]

Kids are curious and this is not abnormal behavior for 4yos. I would tell your son you are proud of him, he handled it perfectly, and to tell you if anything like this ever happens again. I really do not think lawyers need to get involved.

[Willow]

I'm not sure why there is concern over the lawyer bit. There is nothing a lawyer could do with any of this.

At 4 years old the other child wouldn't be charged with any crimes and there is nothing to sue over. The lawyer can offer their opinion as a friend, but they're not even someone who could report the incident (or if they did they wouldn't be taken seriously).

The only ones who could file a valid report on this would be the parents themselves and/or the principal.


It is most definitely *NOT* common for children to engage others in sexual behaviors at the age of 4. Here is a link I was provided in a handout I got from a training I took as a foster parent:

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/124/3/992.full

This link in particular focuses on normal to abnormal sexual behaviors for children ages 2-6.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/124/3/992/T1.expansion.html

Specifically listed under "Uncommon Behaviors in Normal Children" is "Asking peer/adult to engage in specific sexual act(s)"




I cannot stress enough that OP really needs to go with his gut here. How did your son feel? Confused, or threatened? Did it only happen once, a few times, or many times? What did the boy say when he was doing it? What is the age gap between the two? If that doesn't yield any clear direction then it needs to be reported and let people who are qualified make a determination if this warrants further investigation.

[SunshineMama]

I have a 4 year old boy in my care and I cannot see him putting his hands down another boy's pants.

I have another set of 3.5 year old siblings (boy and girl), and once the girl reached out to grab her brother in that area and laughed.

It's hard to tell if there is something suspicious going on or not. If you feel like you need to make a call to CPS then do it, better to err on the side of caution.

I am glad that your son came to you and told you what was going on!

[crazydaycarelady]

I have two 4yos that I recently found kissing like they were "making out." I did not call CPS or any lawyers. I am sure they saw it on TV, the movies, the mall, or who knows where. I told them not to hug unless they were standing up and never had another problem. Normal children ARE curious, they see a lot of things, and they will experiment.

I do agree however that you need to use your own judegmen based on the details and other info you have about this.

[seadog8]

thanks for all of the replies to my original post. I have now registered on the site.

A few details to clarify some of the questions.

I had told the principal that I believe the boy is being sexually abused by someone because this is not normal behavior and because he was hiding it from the teacher , so he knows it is not right.
She said that if the child was older , she would probably agree with me, but being 4 years old , I guess she thinks it is not abnormal behavior.
I disagree with her on this, mostly because it happened multiple times.

I am hesitating to call CPS at this point. The principal has told me she would meet with the school counselor and also with the parents about this.

At some point I will have to decide whether to take my son out of the school or not.

I asked my son about the situation and he didn't feel threatened or frightened about it. He seems like he has put it behind him. Although I'm not talking to him about it every day, we did practice this weekend on how to handle anyone that tries to touch him in private place. Even though they discourage pushing at his school, I told him to tell the boy to stop, push him away and immediately go to the teacher.

[familyschoolcare]

OP

I understand you hesitation in callin CPS. However, you need to that is there job they will detrimine if the other boy has or is being treated inapporaitly in

anyway. CPS is trained to get corect information from children even ones that are afraid to talk or tell the truth. This behavior of stick his hands down

another boys pants is a sign of sexual abuse. Children that young that have been abused sexually will re-inact the situation. Amongst "experts" it is a well

know sign and that is most liekly why your lawyer freind knows of it my gues is that at some point in your frinds life he was involved in a case where a

molested child re-inacted the act it is normal behavior to re-inact the behavior. It is not normal behavior for a child that is 4 to think of this on

there own. Could that be what is happening yes the 4 year old could have thought of it himself however it is more likely that the 4 year old is re0inacting a situation he was in or saw.

[LK5kids]

I'm not sure why there is concern over the lawyer bit. There is nothing a lawyer could do with any of this.

At 4 years old the other child wouldn't be charged with any crimes and there is nothing to sue over. The lawyer can offer their opinion as a friend, but they're not even someone who could report the incident (or if they did they wouldn't be taken seriously).

The only ones who could file a valid report on this would be the parents themselves and/or the principal.


It is most definitely *NOT* common for children to engage others in sexual behaviors at the age of 4. Here is a link I was provided in a handout I got from a training I took as a foster parent:

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/124/3/992.full

This link in particular focuses on normal to abnormal sexual behaviors for children ages 2-6.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/124/3/992/T1.expansion.html

Specifically listed under "Uncommon Behaviors in Normal Children" is "Asking peer/adult to engage in specific sexual act(s)"




I cannot stress enough that OP really needs to go with his gut here. How did your son feel? Confused, or threatened? Did it only happen once, a few times, or many times? What did the boy say when he was doing it? What is the age gap between the two? If that doesn't yield any clear direction then it needs to be reported and let people who are qualified make a determination if this warrants further investigation.

It seems like both these articles are saying it may be uncommon but within the norm for kids the same age.

[seadog8]

Thanks for all the replies to my original post.

I did read the article of common and uncommon behaviors and like the last post, it seems that the behavior is normal but uncommon.

My wife and I decided not to get any authorities involved with this situation.
It seems the school is doing a good job in keeping this boy away from our son.
They have been separated at nap time and are being watched at other times.

I did ask my son if the boy had been bothering him , and my son says
"how can be bother me, his arm isn't that long".
So I guess my son still remembers it but doesn't seem to worked up about it.

I'm trying not to make a big deal about it with my son, just will ask him every couple of weeks if the boy is bothering him.

This was definitely a wake up call on how you really have to watch what is going on at school and we all have to have good dialogue with our kids.

thanks again for all the advice .

[Edmund]

Your son did right decision to tell all the story to you. Parents are the best source to resolve the children's problems. You take the right action and principle also take the right action. Next time it will not happen. God Bless all children.

[Unregistered]

Your son did right decision to tell all the story to you. Parents are the best source to resolve the children's problems. You take the right action and principle also take the right action. Next time it will not happen. God Bless all children.

Any comments?