Providers, what are some of your reasons for terminating a child?
For multiple reasons, I have chosen to remain home, rather than return to the corporate workforce. I have nannied for multiple families, and now have a special-needs child of my own. Living in the expensive area that we do, I have considered doing childcare to assist my husband in paying the bills.
I wish to be home so that I can be closer to my son, should anything arise. He's had bouts with allergies, surgery last year, and he gets randomly sick from things that other kids bring into the classroom. Last school year it was this insane all over body rash that the teacher swore HE brought in. But we are meticulous in the care of our son, he bathes every night, we don't let him get into poison ivy and the like...and we watch his allergies. Once I kept him home for the summer, all that ceased.
In the past, employers have not been all that understanding about my son's health issues. I'm tired of fighting with them, my son comes first. My husband has a schedule where he can be home, if our son needs to be, thus helping me if I have children in my care.
Right now I have two, and I have asked their mother to find other care, because it is just not working. The mom is a new friend of mine, and while she says that our friendship has not been changed by my decision, I wonder.
She is a single mother who works long hours. Her sons are 3.5 and 5 years old. My son is the same age as the youngest one. However, due to his autism, he does not speak and is not potty trained.
My two charges have not listened to me one day in the entire time they have been here. The younger one purposefully (and I do mean purposefully, as I will ask him to go potty and he will refuse, only to do this minutes later) urinates on himself. He's done that every day this past week. I ask him why he will not go when I direct him to, and why he wets himself here, but not at home. He says he's angry, and his mom's at work. I'm kind of pulling my hair out here.
I had such high hopes for this situation. But it seems that the boys cannot tolerate being away from their mom for 12+ hours. I also feel that they need to be in situations where they play with others and not just each other, because they ostracize my son, and will only play with each other. I'm sorry. This is his house. You cannot yell at him for playing with his toys, or push him away for wanting to play with you. I see this as a social skills issue, they have moved around a lot, and mainly play with each other. The older one starts kindergarten this year, so perhaps that will help. Still, it hurts my feelings to see my child treated in such a way. Sometimes it borders on bullying, and when I put a stop to it, the two children look at me like I'm crazy.
My friend told me that her younger child's behavior issues are "just the way he is" (he does not smile, frowns all the time, is disrespectful and disobedient). She claimed that he was "mean" to her cousin who watched the kids before she moved up here, and that his last teacher "didn't like him". The whole "born this way" argument kind of disturbs me. I have never met a three-year-old that is literally as hateful as this one is. And I'm serious! Kids throw tantrums, they pout, they act out, it's par for the course! My son acts like the Tazmanian Devil sometimes. So what? But this young man only smiles for his mother. Seriously. And he plays her like a fiddle. If you put him in the corner, he says, "fine, I want to go". If she does it, he goes and cries in her lap after standing there for 30 seconds. I have witnessed this.
I have certain things that I have been asked to do with the children each day (work on their numbers, letters, etc.), and I cannot get the younger child to cooperate with me at all. If I ask him to count from one to ten, he will say "one to ten", until I ask multiple times, then he will finally count. He LOVES being in the corner. He once said to me, "that's why my mom's not going to do anything" (about his behavior...and he has been right so far).
There is nothing I can do to encourage these children to behave. So I have asked my friend to find other options for them, as I feel that perhaps I'm just not cut out. I don't know what is different from all of the other families that I've worked with, but something is off here. Oh, they also tell me that there is no consequence for their behavior at home, despite what she has repeatedly told me in the evening when she comes to get them. Not only does mom not really listen to what I tell her in the afternoons about her sons' behavior (if they're not trying to get to her first to shout over me about all the "wonderful" things they did today), but when she goes home, she doesn't really talk to them about it (they tell me as much, and I live next door), and they just run wild until late at night...then I have to dress and bathe them on top of everything else when they get here each day. Her idea of discipline is reading them an adult book on the law of attraction. What?
I began to think that this would not be wise for any ideas of expansion. I am not supposed to be bathing kids in a daycare. And if you cannot play nicely with anyone but your brother (and rarely then, at that), and the reason you give is because you're always angry....is this not an issue?
I feel like I have learned from this experience, I refuse to take only negativity away from it. But I cannot continue to care for them. And I will limit my son's interaction with them until at least the older one has more social skills ingrained in him through school. When I was five, the concept of sharing was a given. But then again, I had a family full of cousins, and our toy was "outside".
I am going to ask, because I believe in learning and growing as a person, and I do not want to be unreasonable towards my friend. Am I doing this wrong?
For multiple reasons, I have chosen to remain home, rather than return to the corporate workforce. I have nannied for multiple families, and now have a special-needs child of my own. Living in the expensive area that we do, I have considered doing childcare to assist my husband in paying the bills.
I wish to be home so that I can be closer to my son, should anything arise. He's had bouts with allergies, surgery last year, and he gets randomly sick from things that other kids bring into the classroom. Last school year it was this insane all over body rash that the teacher swore HE brought in. But we are meticulous in the care of our son, he bathes every night, we don't let him get into poison ivy and the like...and we watch his allergies. Once I kept him home for the summer, all that ceased.
In the past, employers have not been all that understanding about my son's health issues. I'm tired of fighting with them, my son comes first. My husband has a schedule where he can be home, if our son needs to be, thus helping me if I have children in my care.
Right now I have two, and I have asked their mother to find other care, because it is just not working. The mom is a new friend of mine, and while she says that our friendship has not been changed by my decision, I wonder.
She is a single mother who works long hours. Her sons are 3.5 and 5 years old. My son is the same age as the youngest one. However, due to his autism, he does not speak and is not potty trained.
My two charges have not listened to me one day in the entire time they have been here. The younger one purposefully (and I do mean purposefully, as I will ask him to go potty and he will refuse, only to do this minutes later) urinates on himself. He's done that every day this past week. I ask him why he will not go when I direct him to, and why he wets himself here, but not at home. He says he's angry, and his mom's at work. I'm kind of pulling my hair out here.
I had such high hopes for this situation. But it seems that the boys cannot tolerate being away from their mom for 12+ hours. I also feel that they need to be in situations where they play with others and not just each other, because they ostracize my son, and will only play with each other. I'm sorry. This is his house. You cannot yell at him for playing with his toys, or push him away for wanting to play with you. I see this as a social skills issue, they have moved around a lot, and mainly play with each other. The older one starts kindergarten this year, so perhaps that will help. Still, it hurts my feelings to see my child treated in such a way. Sometimes it borders on bullying, and when I put a stop to it, the two children look at me like I'm crazy.
My friend told me that her younger child's behavior issues are "just the way he is" (he does not smile, frowns all the time, is disrespectful and disobedient). She claimed that he was "mean" to her cousin who watched the kids before she moved up here, and that his last teacher "didn't like him". The whole "born this way" argument kind of disturbs me. I have never met a three-year-old that is literally as hateful as this one is. And I'm serious! Kids throw tantrums, they pout, they act out, it's par for the course! My son acts like the Tazmanian Devil sometimes. So what? But this young man only smiles for his mother. Seriously. And he plays her like a fiddle. If you put him in the corner, he says, "fine, I want to go". If she does it, he goes and cries in her lap after standing there for 30 seconds. I have witnessed this.
I have certain things that I have been asked to do with the children each day (work on their numbers, letters, etc.), and I cannot get the younger child to cooperate with me at all. If I ask him to count from one to ten, he will say "one to ten", until I ask multiple times, then he will finally count. He LOVES being in the corner. He once said to me, "that's why my mom's not going to do anything" (about his behavior...and he has been right so far).
There is nothing I can do to encourage these children to behave. So I have asked my friend to find other options for them, as I feel that perhaps I'm just not cut out. I don't know what is different from all of the other families that I've worked with, but something is off here. Oh, they also tell me that there is no consequence for their behavior at home, despite what she has repeatedly told me in the evening when she comes to get them. Not only does mom not really listen to what I tell her in the afternoons about her sons' behavior (if they're not trying to get to her first to shout over me about all the "wonderful" things they did today), but when she goes home, she doesn't really talk to them about it (they tell me as much, and I live next door), and they just run wild until late at night...then I have to dress and bathe them on top of everything else when they get here each day. Her idea of discipline is reading them an adult book on the law of attraction. What?
I began to think that this would not be wise for any ideas of expansion. I am not supposed to be bathing kids in a daycare. And if you cannot play nicely with anyone but your brother (and rarely then, at that), and the reason you give is because you're always angry....is this not an issue?
I feel like I have learned from this experience, I refuse to take only negativity away from it. But I cannot continue to care for them. And I will limit my son's interaction with them until at least the older one has more social skills ingrained in him through school. When I was five, the concept of sharing was a given. But then again, I had a family full of cousins, and our toy was "outside".
I am going to ask, because I believe in learning and growing as a person, and I do not want to be unreasonable towards my friend. Am I doing this wrong?
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