Hello And Confused Daddy Question

[Disgruntled Daddy]

Hello everyone! As my username says, I am a disgruntled daddy. Today something happened at our daycare and I need to talk to someone, just not sure how to go about doing it. Looking at some of the posts, it seems this is more for the providers than the parents, but maybe someone can lend me their ear. I am bothered tremendously and as a dad, not sure where to turn, but maybe you all can lead me the right direction?

Thanks ahead of time, I will keep checking back to see if this is responded to.

Admins, please forgive me if I am out of line, I am just really confused on what steps to take.

My situation involves my child (4yrs/f) wandering around the neighborhood after being dropped off at daycare (provider failed to get her from the bus- at a scheduled time per our contract) and luckily a neighbor took her inside after seeing her wandering around without supervision. I can explain further

Thanks,
Disgruntled Daddy

[Disgruntled Daddy]

Once again, please forgive me if this is in the wrong spot or if I am misunderstood in posting here.

I just am not sure what to think. I was so worried/mad earlier I was shaking wondering all the 'what ifs' that could have happened. My provider has been great until this incident, but it's hard to decide what to do. I really do not want them in trouble yet I feel that my conscience should be my guide.

Should I pull my child from this provider? Should I alert someone (authorities) about what happened?

Luckily, by faith or just pure luck, nothing major happened. But I cannot stop thinking what if something did. Or if something like this could happen again.

Any advice/words/thoughts/concerns would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks again kind folks!

[Michael]

This doesn't sound right. A bus dropped a 4 year old off on a street? negligent bus operator and provider?

[Disgruntled Daddy]

Thanks for the response! I was beginning to wonder if I should just delete the post and try elsewhere! From what I have seen, I was really hoping to get some insight, it seems this site (and folks here) are extremely knowledgeable.

I know, I couldn't believe it either. Normally she has a friend that goes to the same daycare but she left pre-k early, so it was only mine that was dropped off. The bus drops off and picks up at the same location, in front of the daycare (which is conveniently directly across from her mother's house).

The bus driver is only responsible to 'drop the child off safely at the stated location', they are not liable, it is the 'parent or providers' responsibility'. That is well stated in the contract we signed at the school.

Our provider was supposed to be outside to get her off the bus (per our discussions) everyday. After I found out (hours later) from my daughters mother that daycare didn't get her, and that a neighbor called [daughters mom] at work (daycare didn't even notify us that our daughter wasn't there), but that a neighbor shoveling snow took her in so she wasn't walking around by herself alone unsupervised.

The daycare and my daughters mother are directly across the street from each other. The neighbor (that brought her inside- we are in the midwest, snow on the ground and 22degrees out today) has never met our 4yr old, just seen her around. We were lucky!

After speaking to the daycare, she told me 'the bus was late and it was a busy afternoon' and has told me sorry and sorry multiple times in conversations. I don't feel a 'sorry' will ever allow me to have trust again.

[daycarediva]

Sorry does NOT cut it. The bus was late (I would call bus garage for confirmation of this)), so she was waiting for it. Did she see it arrive? I would be pulling her out, immediately, (as in, not bringing her today). This is a GIANT oversight that is absolutely unacceptable and was very avoidable. It sounds to me like she just forgot about your child.

I have school age children get off the bus here. I leave the door open/unlocked for 15 minutes prior to the scheduled drop off time and stay right there with the other children until the bus arrives. If the bus hasn't arrived 15 minutes after the scheduled drop off time, I call the bus garage to find out where it (and my dcb) is/are.

[Blackcat31]

What type of school is your DD attending that she rides a bus to daycare?

Here we have Head Start busses and public transportation that transport kids to and from childcare and/or preschool

I am curious as to what type of program she is attending. Most do NOT allow a 4 yr old to be dropped off alone. EVER.

Here, the Head Start drivers require hand-to-hand tranfers ONLY. This requires and adult to physically hand off the child to another adult.

Older kids are allowed to do eye-to-eye transfers where the bus driver MUST make eye contact with the adult the child is being dropped off with.

These policies make it impossible for what happened to your DD to happen.

I would seriously start with the bus driver. Having your child care provider be responsible for something like this while she manages multiple other children is unfair in my honest opinion and is something I would NEVER personally agree to.

This is also something that needs to be reported to the authorities. BOTH the driver and the provider are at fault. YOU may also be at fault for not making sure that proper transfer methods are not in place so that these types of things do not happen. Depends on the details.

[Disgruntled Daddy]

Thanks for the response DayCareDiva!

I was told by the daycare the bus was '5 or 7 minutes late'. She said she saw it arrive, and didn't see Jenna get off the bus (her words). However, nothing was said or done by her (she said she was extremely busy and wasn't aware). Like I mentioned above, she didn't phone either parent, my daughters mother received a call from the neighbor that took our little one into the safety of her house. You would think the daycare would be flipping out wondering where our child was!

I think you are doing it right. Assuming the children will just get off the bus and walk up to the house alone isn't the right way to handle the safety and security of any child, especially when it is a business and we are paying hard earned money for the welfare of our kiddo! She was only going to be there for less than two hours before we picked her up and we still had to pay the whole day (which I understand, the 'block' had to be reserved).

After the final conversation yesterday, I told her that she needed to provide me with a game plan so this doesn't happen again. I have yet to hear from her (only been about 12 hours- overnight), but my final decision will really depend on how she handles this. I even gave an example for her (if she is busy, set an alarm for when the bus is scheduled to be there- and make a daily game for the kids to watch out the front window....when they see it, shout "BUS BUS BIGGITY BUS" or something funny out loud). I dunno, maybe that's over the top, but hopefully she will get a plan together.

I will be calling the school [bus] after this response about the situation. As stated above, they are only responsible 'till the student is discharged....once the child leaves the bus the parent/provider is responsible between the bus and the home/bus stop'. With written terms like that (we had to sign before she was allowed to ride the bus), it makes me think something like this has been a problem in the past.

I will post updates here as I get them. I was a bit more calm when I woke up (what little sleep I did get) and now I am back to reality. It was wrong. My child was left unattended. The safety and security I once had with my provider has been horribly disfigured. My child was neglected and put in harms way. Mmmm. Okay, I take that back. I am fuming once again.

I appreciate you folks allowing me to vent here! I am welcoming any responses or questions you might have. Thanks for helping me through this!

[Blackcat31]

When a child is as young as yours, I don't think the school/bus can legally waive their responsibility.

The laws are usually based off of common sense and simply dropping off a 4 yr old child basically ALONE without another adult present to take responsibility for her is wrong and careless. I still think the bus driver is liable.

I wouldn't care one bit about anything you signed stating this.....just because there is a piece of paper stating they aren't responsible when they drop the child off, does not mean they aren't.

The bus driver can still be legally liable.

[Disgruntled Daddy]

In response to Black Cat

What type of school is your DD attending that she rides a bus to daycare?

She is in Pre-Kindergarten

Here we have Head Start busses and public transportation that transport kids to and from childcare and/or preschool

This is a bus provided by the school district, I am not sure if it is through the 'Head Start' program or not.

I am curious as to what type of program she is attending. Most do NOT allow a 4 yr old to be dropped off alone. EVER.

Pre-K?

Here, the Head Start drivers require hand-to-hand tranfers ONLY. This requires and adult to physically hand off the child to another adult.

I will update this post after I speak to the bus driver today. You would think that would be the rules, but it seems pretty lax with following them. Normally, she has a 'bus buddy' and they hold hands walking across the street to the daycare, but her friend left school early and wasn't there yesterday. Still no excuse to the risky behaviour by the provider.

Older kids are allowed to do eye-to-eye transfers where the bus driver MUST make eye contact with the adult the child is being dropped off with.

These policies make it impossible for what happened to your DD to happen.

I would seriously start with the bus driver. Having your child care provider be responsible for something like this while she manages multiple other children is unfair in my honest opinion and is something I would NEVER personally agree to.

She has an agreement with us (parents) that she would get her from the bus (dropoff is in front of her house/day care) everyday.

This is also something that needs to be reported to the authorities. BOTH the driver and the provider are at fault. YOU may also be at fault for not making sure that proper transfer methods are not in place so that these types of things do not happen. Depends on the details.

I never thought about it that way. Well, my conscience did, but I didn't! I think you are exactly right, that I would almost be guilty of the same thing because I know it happened yet did nothing about it. UGH! No one said being a parent is easy, but no one said it would be this complicated!

Thanks again for your advice, I really appreciate it! I will update soon.

[Blackcat31]

Deep breathes daddy! This is tough and you are right, parenting isn't easy.

I am sure as parents we all have that "one time" when we had the breath sucked right out of us when something potentially dangerous "almost" happens.

Definitely makes you think twice.

Glad to hear your DD is okay and safe but now that this has happened, it would probably be a good idea to sit down and discuss this with BOTH the school and your provider so the precautions on EVERYONE'S part can be put in place so this doesn't happen again. ever.


I am curious though...is your provider licensed?

[craftymissbeth]

It's in my contract that once a parent walks through the front door their child is no longer my responsibility. That doesn't mean it's legally true. In fact, while a child is on my property they are still my responsibility.

Yes, I think your provider should be held accountable, but so should the school. They put terms like that in there so parents believe they don't have a right to be upset.

If I bussed children to and from their homes and put it in my contract like that there's no way I would get away with just letting a child get out and then drive away before making sure they're safe first!

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

One other question. If the bus lets her off and she must walk across the street, then she was let out in front of her mom's house? At 4 my little ones know exactly how to walk to my house. Why would your little one not walked over to the provider's home and knock on the door? I start of the year walking my little ones to school if they are in Kindergarten. After the first month or so they have it down. One of the first things I tell them is that if I am ever not there for pick up to walk to my house. I live across the street and down a block. I can see the corner of the school. I have had kids that have had mom pick up some days and me others. If mom is not there what are you going to do? Walk to my house! Even if it is not my day! I drill this from day one. Not saying that it is your 4 yr old's responsibility but just seems to me she would have know to walk over and knock on the door. Or to be sitting on her mom's steps that she was dropped of in front of.

The school buses here have to watch the kids cross in front of the bus before they move, if that is the case there she would have been in front of the provider's house. That is the part I don't get.

I understand that you are upset. I don't get when your provider said she didn't see her get off the bus, why didn't she make phone calls then to find out where she was?

Yes, you need to ask questions and figure out what happened but you need to also prep your 4 yr old. What happens if someone isn't right there? Is your provider bundling up all the kids and walking out to meet? Is she simply yelling "hi Suzy" and opening the door so Suzy knows she is there?

See I would say the bus driver had an obligation to honk his horn when he didn't see her waiting for your daughter. I do not get how a 4 yr old can just be dropped. What if an emergency had happened and provider wasn't there? Your daughter needs to be prepped and a plan made on your end for that senerio. What if another child was having a medical emergency and she was on the phone with 911? Teach your child to be safe and what to do.

Again not blaming 4 yr old but a little puzzled. My 4 yr olds might be a little teary but they would make it here and tell me exactly that I had "forgotten" them!

[snbauser]

I would definitely be following up with the school. There are too many variables for a child getting off the bus at a providers house. What if the provider was closed or had an emergency and had to leave? In an emergency I would call all of the parents of the kids present but honestly, I might not remember to call the school or parents of a kid who isn't there yet. What if she is in the bathroom helping another child and the bus is a few minutes early or late? I do think the provider is partially at fault because she did not follow the agreement, but there needs to be more safeguards in place.

And the schools line of "once the child leaves the bus the parent/provider is responsible between the bus and the home/bus stop" too mean would mean they weren't responsible if something happened on the way home. It does not mean they aren't responsible for making sure the appropriate hand off occurred. Here even our Kindergarteners are not allowed to walk home from the bus stop without a parent. When my ds was in Kindy I had to go and talk to the school AND the bussing department to get them to allow my child to get off at the bus stop and walk to our house as long as I was standing out front (we live 4 houses from the stop). It was naptime here and having to wake all the kids up to walk the 4 houses down to the bus stop to get him was a pain. They told me that if he had to cross a street (he didn't) or if I was not outside, they would not let him off the bus. Our pre-k kids are bussed door to door and again, are not let off the bus if an adult is not outside to meet them.

[TwinKristi]

I would file a report with licensing, the school district or whoever oversees the bussing and PreK and I agree that they "may have" waived their liability but I'm not sure they can. When I was a kid the school was responsible for you until you got home from the bus. If you took the bus and got off and got in some type of trouble then the child would be in trouble at school as well. This happened when kids would get in fights at the bus stop thinking it was outside of school so they wouldn't get in trouble. I can see that the bus driver doesn't want to have to wait for parents before leaving to their next stop, what if they just never show up? It needs to hold parents/providers responsible for their children. BUT a 4yr old just wandering the streets is crazy. And not that I blame your child, but I also am curious why she didn't go to the providers house like usual or even her mom's house?

[Hunni Bee]

What type of school is your DD attending that she rides a bus to daycare?

Here we have Head Start busses and public transportation that transport kids to and from childcare and/or preschool

I am curious as to what type of program she is attending. Most do NOT allow a 4 yr old to be dropped off alone. EVER.

Here, the Head Start drivers require hand-to-hand tranfers ONLY. This requires and adult to physically hand off the child to another adult.

Older kids are allowed to do eye-to-eye transfers where the bus driver MUST make eye contact with the adult the child is being dropped off with.

These policies make it impossible for what happened to your DD to happen.

I would seriously start with the bus driver. Having your child care provider be responsible for something like this while she manages multiple other children is unfair in my honest opinion and is something I would NEVER personally agree to.

This is also something that needs to be reported to the authorities. BOTH the driver and the provider are at fault. YOU may also be at fault for not making sure that proper transfer methods are not in place so that these types of things do not happen. Depends on the details.

Sounds strange to me too. At both of my jobs, we have had kids dropped of from Pre-K/K/Headstart by bus. Two different school districts. The child NEVER exited the bus without another adult being present. There were a few times at my old job where we so shortstaffed that we could not have someone waiting at the curb to take the child, and the bus was often very late or early. But they would never just leave the child off in the street.

Not okay.